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The invitation was unlike any I'd seen: "Christian Bachelor Party—tasteful gifts only."

I'd been to enough non-Christian bachelor parties to know of tasteless gifts and raunchy celebrations. But what does a "Christian" bachelor party look like?

I arrive to find men wandering aimlessly around some tasteless, Christian punch. I notice the groom sitting by himself, uncertain and pale.

He reminds me of the grooms I've seen in my office anxiously awaiting the ceremony, young men in stiff-collared tuxedos, sweating. The groomsmen would gather about, like nervous allies, trying to mask their fear while the groom gazes out the window. Not really knowing what to say, but wanting to help their beleaguered comrade, they're at a loss before the overpowering mystery of marriage.

As the fateful bells begin to chime, the best man slaps the trembling groom on the back. "You scared?" Usually the awkward question receives no answer.

"I hope you are scared," the seasoned pastor and married man in me says. "If you're not, there's something wrong."

A sip of Hawaiian Punch laced with ginger ale sputters me back to the present. This party needs help.

"What gave you the idea to throw this party?" I ask the host.

"His fiancee, Jane, is with the women of the church having a bridal shower. I thought the men should do something for Joe. Not a 'shower' or anything, but, you know, something for men."

This makes me think. Brides receive the blessing and grace of other women who have walked the path ahead of them, but men often venture into this frightening territory alone. So I make a suggestion: "This party is a great idea. In fact, it's such a pioneering thing that none of us knows how to do it. What if we gather around our brother here and let the married men talk to him? Talk about things you wish someone had told you beforehand—things you've learned, surprises, and mistakes you've made that you'd like our brother to avoid."

A deadly silence falls upon the room. Father, come on! I pray. Don't let the men abandon our brother. Kick some married guy in the butt and make him step out!

At last Bill stands up. "I was a little unsure when I got married," he says. "But now that Sue and I are going on two years together, I can say that getting married was the best thing I ever did." He sits down, finished.

"I wonder, Bill," I prod, "if you could be a little more specific. What's so good about being married?"

"Well—a wife can accept you and still love you even after you mess up, better than you can accept and forgive yourself. It's great to feel free to talk about things together and know it's all right, no matter what comes up."

Bill breaks the dam. He demonstrates that proclaiming before other men the blessing of the Father is uplifting for both the speaker and the listener. Joe begins to relax and listen with appreciation. Soon all the men are anticipating their turn. When all have told their stories, we close the "Christian bachelor party" in prayer.

After the wedding, Joe tells me how much he appreciates what the brothers have given him. In fact, he says, it is a gift to his wife—the gift of a man centered in the community of godly men, secure in his masculinity, and excited about his future with her.

Gordon Dalbey, Santa Barbara, California, www.abbafather.com

Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International/Leadership Journal.
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