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Home > Issues > 2013 > Fall > Leaving My Lesbian Past

It was a Sunday morning, the beginning of football season. I was wearing my Dallas Cowboys jersey, ready to root for them. I was visiting my parents who lived in Las Vegas. I looked forward to spending more time with them after the game. They were heading off to church, and I was heading to the casino to watch the game.

That is, until Mom and Dad asked me to go with them to church that morning. They wanted me to meet some of their new friends and to meet the pastor and his wife.

I had nothing against going to church, mind you. It was just that the game would be starting at 10:00, and, well, I preferred watching football to attending church. In the back of my mind was also the fact that their church is one that believes homosexuality is a sin. My thinking was that it would be easier on everyone if their lesbian daughter just took herself to the casino to watch some football.

But I ended up going to church that day. Even though I was almost 35 years old, I was still my parents' daughter, I was visiting their home, and I knew they had their hearts set on my going with them. Little did I know how significant visiting their church was going to be for me.

Mom and Dad introduced me to each of their friends at church that morning. I was impressed with how friendly everyone was. Toward me and toward each other as well. As the service started, the church had a "welcoming time," and folks were out of their seats and literally walking clear across the church to say hello to someone they did not know or had not seen in awhile.

Many came my way, sporting huge smiles and bright eyes. They spoke words of welcome. Some gave me huge hugs. A couple of them told me they were not Cowboy fans, so not to tell anyone they hugged me!

Never had I felt so welcomed, so accepted. I felt as though this was where I belonged. It was as if they were family I had never met.

The last time I had gone to church was, well, I couldn't remember. Maybe a Christmas Eve Mass years ago? I wasn't sure. My parents did not bring me up in the church.

When Mom and Dad moved to Las Vegas, Dad was invited to attend a men's Bible study at College Park Baptist Church. Shortly after that, Dad, at age 60, was born again. A bit later, at age 65, my mom also was born again. My parents were both excited to share their newfound experience with me.

I enjoyed the rest of the church service. The music was great. A full choir, their faces aglow, led the worship. It seemed everyone was full of smiles that day.

Throughout most of the sermon, Pastor Bob's face held a smile. Sometimes he would catch my eye, and it felt like he was speaking straight to me. He spoke that morning on the armor of God. He had my attention through the whole sermon.

As the service ended, several members of the choir, still in their robes, flocked toward me. I looked around to see where they might be going. They were all coming to greet my parents and me. Little did I know that Dad often sang in the choir, and they all wanted to meet me, his daughter. I thought they looked like a group of heavenly angels as their arms opened to hug me.

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Related Topics:BrokennessConfessionCounselingLustPastoral CareSex
From Issue:Sexual Tensions, Fall 2013 | Posted: October 14, 2013

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Displaying 1–5 of 20 comments

Brianna G

June 22, 2014  3:22pm

Jesse, who are you to demand that she give attention to men? She has no obligation to give anyone a chance. There's nothing wrong with celibacy if that's what a person chooses. It's not for you to say that that's "sad." Your whole post just reeks of male entitlement. Also, heterophobia? Really?

Charlene E Hios

February 23, 2014  1:25pm

Jesse, I appreciate your taking the time to comment your concerns. Yes, it was hard at first to step away from my same gender attractions. Yet, as with anything that separates us from God, as I walked closer in my relationship with God the same gender attractions dissipated. Now my attractions are only towards the opposite gender. Second, oh I do indeed pay attention to men now. I am attracted to men. Yet this must too be under control as it is just as wrong to lust after men as it is to lust after women. There are several men that I am currently friends with and would be interesting in dating. I leave that all in God's hands as I pray to Him asking that if indeed there is Mr. Right out there that He give me the discernment as to whom it might be. Jesse, again, I no longer am attracted sexually to women. Let me know if I answered your questions. I will be glad to discuss this further if need be. Your sister in Christ Charlene

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Jesse Alan Long

February 12, 2014  5:57pm

Charlene, did you ever consider the idea that you chose to become celibate as proof of homosexuality, or, more accurately, heterophobia, still having a part in your life? Think about it for a moment. When you were in the way that you were in the past, you gave all of your attention to women and you gave none of your attention to men. However, as for now, you are giving no attention to not only women (as you should be doing), but that you are also giving no attention to men, which is clearly not only borderline asexuality, but that it is also in violation of the conduct that was given to humans in the Book of Genesis about men and women being fruitful and multiplying upon this planet. You are doing well to avoiding the women that were in your past, and I admire you for that (not to mention that it is also VERY hard for you to do so), but the problem is that you STILL do not give men a chance in your life when you really should be doing so in your own life, miss, and that is sad.

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Stephen Reynolds

November 29, 2013  3:20pm

Thank you, Charlene, for your post and your ministry. I have no doubt that God has used and is using your story to change lives and cause healthy discussion. God bless!

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Charlene E Hios

November 07, 2013  12:29pm

In response to David Larmour; Once I came to Christ I practiced celibacy. Though I still identified as a lesbian I did not act out on the same gender attractions. God and I had some long discussions to be sure. I constantly asked God why He made me gay if it was against His created design. Then that wonderful Sunday night when Pastor Bob preached on the 7 Scriptures that discuss homosexuality, my eyes were opened to the sin of homosexuality. I hope that relieves your concern? Have a blessed day!

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