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Home > 2013 > November Online Only > Honest Questions about Same Sex Attraction

In the latest issue of Leadership Journal, we featured an article by Wheaton College provost Stanton Jones, entitled, "Help, I'm Gay." It was a conversation between Jones and "Todd," a composite of people Jones has counseled over the years on the topic. The piece had a polarizing effect: some lauded Jones for his wise counsel while others felt Jones's approach was wrong, even dangerous. One reader wrote Jones directly about the article and both men have granted permission for us to run their exchange. We hope their correspondence will clarify Jones's intentions with the original piece and foster productive dialogue about this crucial issue.

Dr. Jones,
I read your article in Leadership Journal. Thanks for tackling a difficult subject. I wanted to share a few thoughts as someone who deals with the issue personally. I'm married (20+ years now) but still struggle with homosexuality. I've been down the Exodus road of "I'm gonna change," but have not. I cope; I guess that's the best I can hope for. Your article admitted that change doesn't happen as much as some (including me) would wish for.

There are two things, however, that I feel compelled to mention. First, Todd asks directly: "Does he (God) hate me? That's what Romans 1 seems to imply."

The traditional position that God hates homosexuals is still so pervasive that most who struggle with this issue have a hard time accepting that God can even begin to love them.

For someone who struggles with homosexuality, this is a very big issue. Your response — "I am not sure I have a great answer for that" — was a HUGE MISS. This is a serious question. The traditional position that God hates homosexuals is still so pervasive that most who struggle with this issue have a hard time accepting that God can even begin to love them. The pastor of my church growing up told us that homosexuals were already condemned to hell; nothing could save them. Too many in the church today still believe this. Your response showed a lack of conviction about God loving or hating Todd.

Second, I challenge your encouragement of sharing and transparency. My experience, and many others, indicates that if you are honest and transparent about your struggles, you'd better be ready to pay the price. Leadership in your local church? Forget it. Helpful sharing with brothers and sisters in Christ? Only if you want to lose them as friends. The vast majority of Christians are completely unequipped to handle someone who is same-gender attracted.

I no longer have any friends from the last church I attended. My wife and I were close friends with the pastor, his wife, several leaders, and many congregational members. After cautious revelation to selected people, as discretely as possible, now not one person, including the pastor, connects with me at all, let alone is a friend. When I see any of them in town, they shun me.

Yes! Unequivocally, God loves you. You are his beloved son.

I wish I could say my case is unique, but it's not. It's amazing really. One can be a drug dealer, alcoholic, thief, even a murderer, and once cleaned up, can find a home in the church. Homosexually-oriented folks simply need not apply. If I were advising Todd, I would tell him to find helpful believing friends as far away from his normal church circles as he can. Hide, hide, hide! Nothing good comes out of being open. Nothing.

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Related Topics:HomosexualitySex
Posted: November 25, 2013

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Displaying 1–5 of 8 comments

kerry slattery

December 18, 2013  2:51pm

WWJD? As a missionary, I cast out "LGBT" type demon spirits and minister inner-healing and discipleship to those who are seeking freedom from sexual confusion and perversion. Results are immediate and dramatic -disparate mannerisms etc. leave. Anyone suffering sexual torment and confusion can be set free and be healed. 1Cor.6:9-11! Deliverance from demons is the children's bread Matt.15:22. Do not be confused -you can be born with these demons due to sins of parents or thru abuse, rejection, wounding, sin. See: Bondage Breaker, Neil Anderson; Pigs in the Parlor, Frank Hammond; Theophostic Prayer Ministry www.theophostic.com; www.greatbiblestudy.com; www.tbm.org; www.ellelministries.org The church is asleep and deceived about this ministry largely and has no answer for those trapped and tormented in sexual addictions and perversions- tragic! Acts 2:38:Repent, be born-again, be baptized (Rom.6), receive the Holy Spirit, cast out demons Mark 16:15-19! Receive inner-healing prayer.

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Mae

December 18, 2013  11:08am

My grandson is 19-grew up in the church-made the decision at 16 not to attend anymore. He was born as male/female. The doctors decided to do surgery and made him as girl. A psychiatrist/surgeon at John Hopkins Hospital verified at 7 that he has a boy brain. He has had other problems such as dwarfism but growth hormones helped that somewhat. Bones in arms grew to the extent his arm would not take the growth so surgery was performed on both his arms to correct that-took several times to do that. Also, my daughter attempted to get his insurance to help pay for surgeries to correct mistake hospital made. He has male friends that he pals with and they have girlfriends so I don't know if he has sexual desires for them; however, he shows no desire for females. I keep asking him to go to church so he can get in the habit of attending but he just does not seem to want to or see the need to. My question is: if he does turn out to be homosexual is it his fault? I trust a forgiving God.

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Rod Hewitt

November 29, 2013  4:04am

Yes God Loves the sinner,he Hates the Sin.Are we to say Gods Love and Justice for us are wrong?Who are we to dare question Gods Love for us?He does Not delight in the Death of Sinners he calls all to Repentance through his Son Jesus. Can one be a Gay or Lesbian Christian?Answer to that is,for some on first entering the New Life in Christ,it happens Immediately that we can follow in Christs footsteps,others it may take sometime to realise what is going on in their New Life,we Must,through the Power of the Holy Spirit allow him to work in our lives to cleanse us from within,turn from sin and not go back,hence the word Repentance,turn away from sin the wilful sin,what is intended,we are forgiven our past sins and strive to live more each day for God.It is an Abomination to God to be gay, He created One Man,one Woman not same sex,.Remember allow His spirit to work in you he will set you free,I still pray for my cleansing as an ordinary person to live more like Jesus.God really LOVES You

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richard brooks

November 26, 2013  5:20pm

our King is looking for men and women who will love sacrificially, and who are willing to fight in the trenches, not just the pews! We are at war and the american church has retreated, to get fat, lazy, and as the church in laodicea we have become lukewarm. Jesus stated in order, we are to heal the sick, CAST OUT DEMONS, and preach the good news. But i think most americans think demons only exist in africa or the gospels. most homosexual attraction is based in, abuse and the demonic. this is why they still struggle after coming to the cross. These poor souls need deliverance and healing! MGod is looking for men who are willing to cast them out! I know from experience. he has cast out of me 31 demons to date, and delivered me powerfully from this bondage! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCyp1TpBBAE&sns=em

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Justin Davis

November 26, 2013  4:00pm

I found the both the original article and this exchange to be disappointing. I'll show my cards by sharing that I am a Christian, Baptist, who is also gay. I am currently in divinity school seeking ordination. The issue with both the original article and this exchange is that they present only one perspective on same-sex attracted (gay or lesbian) Christians. Not everyone who is Christian and same sex attracted struggles in darkness. Nor do most or any gay or lesbian people I know, let alone Christians, place their identity in their sexual orientation. I believe that is a trope used to dehumanize gay and lesbian persons to people largely unaware of the issues that we face. I encourage anyone to seek out resources that go beyond their own perspectives. I highly recommend Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.Christians Debate by Justin Lee. It is humble, honest, and shares a graceful approach to people on all sides of the issues surrounding LGBT Christians.

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