Ginger and Scott Kolbaba Photo: Emily Mohnkern

It was a phone call Ginger had put off making. Before telling her parents about the wonderful man God had sent her, she'd wanted to be sure the slow, cautious relationship she'd formed with Scott Kolbaba was going to last. Finally, she made the call. And it went well—until she got to what she knew would be the hardest part.

"There's just this one issue … " she said.

Long pause.

"He's divorced, right?" her father said perceptively.

Though Dad gave his blessing and God sent Ginger peace about dating, and later marrying, Scott, there was no way she could have prepared herself for the unexpected heartaches—and joys—that one issue would cause.

	They will always live with the consequences of Scott's divorce, says Ginger. But they've also seen God bring joy from the pain.

"I'd known people who'd been divorced," she recalls, "but I'd never experienced the destruction and lingering consequences of a bad previous marriage until I started dating Scott." Sobered by the fallout, she committed herself to building a strong marriage.

Filling a Void
Ginger's first few years as a second wife and stepmother weren't easy. "I didn't know what to do or how to do it, and nobody was helping me," she says. When Scott's ex-wife interfered with the wedding planning, or there were struggles sharing their tiny house with Scott's daughter, Ginger needed guidance. But she couldn't find it in books written by experts who seemed to have perfect marriages.

Although she knew other couples were searching for help as well, she didn't realize how many until she became editor of Marriage Partnership magazine (a sister publication of Today's Christian). There she began to receive hundreds of letters from struggling couples. If only there were some way to bring these people encouragement and hope, Ginger thought.

In her dedication to finding a way, she's become an important voice for building and maintaining strong marriages. The author of numerous articles on relationships, she's collaborated with Gary and Barbara Rosberg on the book The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women, to be released in October. She also coauthored a soon-to-be-released novel about pastors' wives. Ginger has spoken at marriage conferences along with experts such as Gary Smalley and Steve and Valerie Bell, and she recently appeared on CNN Headline News. Both her professional research and personal experience place Ginger in a unique position to see God work in marriages as she shares her own, and others', stories.

It's her hope that those stories will bring encouragement to struggling couples. "I think if we're honest and vulnerable about the challenges of remarriage, God can use them in amazing ways," she says. Remembering how discouraged she was to read books by experts whose marriages seemed perfect, she boldly decided to share her frustrations and mistakes as a bride in her light-hearted book of wedding advice, Dazzled to Frazzled and Back Again: The Bride's Survival Guide. And in her recent book Surprised by Remarriage: A Guide to the Happily-Even-After she openly confesses her imperfections and missteps as a second wife. "I'm a person who gets it right sometimes and gets it wrong a lot of times," she admits.

Perhaps that's why one of the things she loves most about the Bible is its dysfunctional characters—like David who messed up multiple times, yet still earned the title "favored" by God. "So many of the people in the Bible have major issues that would have kept therapists in business for years," she laughs. "Their stories are inspiring, because I figure if they could mess up yet still cling to God and find His grace and mercy, there's hope for me."

Laughter and Healing
It would be easy for Ginger to lose hope after all the times she's messed up. She isn't happy with how she's sometimes reacted to her stepdaughter. She's not sure she's always faced one of her marriage's biggest challenges—Scott's ex-wife—with a godly attitude. And she certainly isn't proud of the Sunday afternoon her husband walked home 15 miles—in cowboy boots—from a restaurant where they'd had an argument. But she shares that story to inspire others to work through tough times. "We joke about that now," she says.

Their jokes and frequent laughter are a beautiful sign of the healing and trust Ginger has brought to Scott. When she met him, he still felt wounded and betrayed by the events that led to the breakup of his first marriage. It had left him guarded. "I never realized what a sense of humor Scott had until we got married," Ginger recalls. "Then he began to feel much more comfortable and safe. People who don't feel safe don't laugh, because laughter is really vulnerable." The Kolbabas believe couples should make a commitment to pursue joy, whether it's watching comedies together or deciding to try new things—such as when they added a Doberman Pincher puppy named Bella to their family.

But in the midst of the laughter, Ginger and Scott also face times of mourning. Ginger regrets that the painful history Scott and his first wife shared can never be undone. Still, she tries not to let the "firsts" Scott experienced with his previous wife—or the times he's accidentally called Ginger by his first wife's name—make her insecure. Instead, she cherishes any opportunity for her and Scott to create their own "firsts"—whether cultivating trust, motorcycling across the country, or exploring Chicago together.

Those good memories help Ginger through the toughest moments in her marriage. "I recall past struggles, and I think, We're going to get through this, because we have before." The thought of divorce has never crossed her mind. In fact, she and Scott have promised themselves something she thinks every couple should vow: "Not us. We're going to do whatever we can not to repeat the mistakes of the past." And even though she knows they'll deal with the consequences of Scott's divorce for the rest of their lives, she's already been awed by God's ability to bring beauty, love, and laughter out of that painful past.

Ginger encourages all who've undertaken the adventure of remarriage to trust in God's ability to heal and redeem. "He has a plan for you," she says, "and you didn't mess that up through divorce. He's going to use your past and your remarriage for amazing things if you let Him."

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