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Until a few years ago, I shopped for men like I shop for Kleenex, Saran Wrap, or jelly beans—with a list. A girl knows what she's getting when she makes a list. She can size up her date and compare him with criteria to make sure he's "worthy."
Everywhere single women look, someone encourages us to find the perfect guy. Friends say, "Don't settle." Hollywood airs numerous shows that keep Prince-Charming dreams alive. The Internet promises romance at the click of a mouse. Even Christian books encourage us to use a list through titles such as Your Mr. Perfect and God Will Make Your Match in Heaven.
My list was longer than Santa's. Some of my criteria were valid—he must love God and me. Others may have been a tad lofty. For example, at one point, my goal was to marry a man who looked like Mel Gibson, and who was as sensitive as my closest girlfriend and as wise as Jesus. He also had to be funny, financially stable, athletic, charismatic, good with children, patient, a good communicator, gentle, and assertive. He had to share my life's vision, always balance his checkbook, and not have hair on his back, sport a spare tire, or live in a trailer.
But I couldn't find a man to meet these criteria anywhere! So when I turned 33, I was shopped out. When a friend gave me a journal for my birthday with Colossians 3:14 (NKJV) on the cover—"Love is the bond of perfection"—I felt God stirring my heart. I asked God what he wanted me to learn from this verse, and I sensed him gently whisper, Shana, love is the bond of perfection; perfection isn't the bond of perfection. Suddenly I realized the error of my thinking. I thought if I found the perfect mate, I'd have the perfect love. But God clued me in that perfection doesn't create a perfect bond; God-honoring love, even in the midst of imperfections, does.
Shortly thereafter I was shocked to hear that "Lisa," a single woman in my church, was getting married. It wasn't the fact she was getting married that shocked me, it was to whom she was getting married: Tim. I had a vivid memory of how "grossed out" Lisa had been years earlier when Tim had tried to kiss her one night.
After listening intently to her story back then, I understood why she wasn't interested: Her list consisted of tall, dark, handsome, and outgoing. Tim was of medium height, blond, "OK" looking, and one of the shyest people I'd ever met. Yes, Tim was one of the nicest guys at our church. Yes, he was witty, had a great job, and loved God, but these didn't make up for what he didn't have on Lisa's list.
So what happened to change her "eww" to "I do"? Ironically, it was an argument one night after they'd attended a wedding together as friends. As Lisa sped away from Tim's house, she felt God speak to her, Are you overlooking Tim just because he's not every little thing on your list? In that moment, she focused on what Tim did offer instead of what he didn't. Lisa realized that for the past eight years Tim had listened to her cry, laugh, and tell lively stories as only she can do. Together Lisa and Tim had ridden bikes, attended singles functions, and become best friends. Instantly her heart melted and she threw away her list. "I was ready to get married the next month," she said. It seems that while Lisa knew what she wanted in a spouse, God knew what she needed.
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