1 of 5
Sometimes Twila Paris feels like a failure.
This is hard to believe for a woman who recently released her nineteenth album (He Is Exalted: Live Worship), and has millions of album sales, 3 books, 32 number-one hits, and 10 Dove Awards to her credit. What is it that makes the 46-year-old singer/songwriter of worship classics such as "We Will Glorify," "My Lips Will Praise You," and "God Is in Control" feel inadequate? His name's J.P., and he's a four-year-old dynamo.
"I hardly ever felt like a failure until I became a mom," Twila confesses while sipping coffee in the living room of her rural Arkansas home. "Don't get me wrong; I enjoy motherhood immensely and I often sense God showering me with his grace and wisdom. Even so, there are days when I feel as though I'm getting it all wrong."
Twila became a first-time mom four years ago at the age of 42. Because her husband of 20 years, Jack, had suffered health complications from hepatitis C from day one of their marriage—spending much of his time on bedrest—parenthood was a risky proposition. But when his health improved, they finally became parents.
The timing might not be what they'd expected, but when you look at the ages of J.P.'s cousins—who are one, two, three, and five—and realize they now all live within a three-mile radius of each other, a bigger plan becomes evident. "God's timing certainly isn't ours," Twila says. "But it's always best."
TCW recently caught up with Twila, who was enjoying a rare moment when her house was quiet and all the plastic dinosaurs and Rescue Heroes were in their proper baskets (J.P. was at her sister's house playing with his cousins). Listen in as she talks about her failures and successes as mom to a strong-willed boy, the battles she's waged against cookies, and the lessons she's learned about God's surprise timing.
How do you cope on those "motherhood failure" days?
As soon as J.P. was conceived, I prayed daily that God wouldn't let anything or anyone—especially me—interfere with his plans for this child. I continue that prayer to this day. And I constantly ask God to fill in the gaps of the mistakes Jack and I make as parents.
It always comes back to prayer. Often those failure feelings hit when I've let busyness interfere with my prayer time. Those days remind me to get on my knees and be serious about the responsibility of intercession for my family.
What's it like to be a 40something mother of a toddler?
I was fortunate to breeze through pregnancy. But when J.P. was a couple weeks old, I remember thinking, Oh, this is why you're supposed to have kids when you're young! It's not the pregnancy that's so tough, it's the energy kids require after they're here.
 E-mail this page   Print this article  Post a comment |
