WHAT PARENTS OF A HANDICAPPED BABY NEED MOST

As a pastor, I know that the most enjoyable call is a visit to the maternity ward to congratulate new parents. But what happens when news comes that the child has serious handicaps? As a parent of a child with spina bifida, I’ve learned what kinds of ministries are most deeply appreciated. Here’s what a pastor can do—in the first twenty-four hours—to help the hurting family.

1. Be there. Your very presence at the hospital is an important statement of love and concern. The new parents, bombarded with an onrush of doctors, nurses, specialists, and social workers, will appreciate a familiar face. Often immediate surgery will be needed. The pastor’s “ministry of presence” can be powerful.

2. Be ready for varied emotions. The young couple will probably be feeling dozens of emotions at once: joy, sadness, anxiety, guilt, apprehension, confusion, anger. Be ready to absorb those emotions without judgment or analysis. This is a time when listening is a very special gift.

3. Attend to needed celebrations. A child, a beautiful gift from God, has entered the world. Help the couple, and the church, to celebrate that miracle. Make sure all of the “regular” festivities are planned and carried out: the rosebud on the pulpit, flowers to the hospital, showers (if possible). At an appropriate time, speak with the parents about any desire to have the child baptized or dedicated. Don’t avoid the needed celebrations.

4. Don’t forget the grandparents. The birth of a child, especially a handicapped child, affects not just the two parents but the entire family. The pastor aware of the grandparents can help them express the joy and grief they might be feeling.

5. Consider practical needs. The church family, if mobilized, is an excellent resource to help meet practical needs facing the new parents, who are often in an emotional fog. They often need help with food, transportation, or details. The day following Matthew’s birth, my senior pastor arranged to have my car inspection sticker renewed, a practical matter I’d clearly forgotten.

6. Recommend community support groups. It helps to be aware of local groups that might be able to give special empathy to the new parents. The local hospital or March of Dimes can provide addresses and information.

7. Suggest relevant resources. The alert pastor can become aware of available resources that will minister to the young family in their need. One excellent example: Hope for the Families: New Directions for Parents of Persons with Retardation or Other Disabilities by Robert Perske (Abingdon, 1973).

8. Be a catalyst for prayer. Pastors can offer excellent prayer support, not just through their own intercession but by alerting others to pray. My friend John, pastoring at a camp, mobilized 250 junior campers to pray for Matthew. He later drove three hundred miles to tell us about it and to pray with us.

9. Be a continuing friend. Even on that first day, pastors can realize the situation that will call for extended concern, love, and prayer. Making plans for regular follow-up and visitation will assure the family that they will be supported, which goes a long way toward easing the loneliness they feel.

Being aware of the unique needs associated with the birth of a handicapped child can have a strategic and effective ministry to the parents and family— even in the first twenty-four hours. It takes prayer, some preparation—and the courage to face a situation we wish had never happened.

— Steve Harris

Sharon, Massachusetts