Mitch and Brenda were newlyweds, without a church home, when they visited our church. Within a few weeks, they volunteered to assist in children’s church, which at the time, my wife was directing. Susan was grateful for their help.
Mitch, a state trooper, made an immediate hit with the kids by modeling his bullet-proof vest to illustrate Susan’s lesson on “the full armor of God.” Brenda helped prepare the crafts and lead songs.
But beyond their involvement with children’s church, Mitch and Brenda didn’t seem to find a niche. At our house over dinner one night, they confessed, “We don’t like the young marrieds class; the conversations center mostly on their kids, which we can’t relate to. And we haven’t found many other people or activities that quite fit us.”
When Susan’s stint in children’s church was over, we tried to keep in touch with Mitch and Brenda, but we didn’t see them very often. When we asked how they were doing, Brenda would say, “With Mitch’s schedule and my work and everything, we don’t make it to church much these days.” They gradually drifted off.
What had happened? Or more precisely, what had not happened during that year Mitch and Brenda were attending the church?
They hadn’t been assimilated.
On the other hand, Doug and Jeri began attending as singles, were married in the church, and plugged into the young marrieds class. They consider their church friends an important part of their lives. What had happened?
They had been assimilated.
Various church leaders define assimilation in different ways: regular attendance at church services, formal membership, becoming active in the church program, assuming some ministry responsibility, or some other indication that a person is truly a part of the church community.
In this issue of LEADERSHIP, we’re using the term primarily to describe a person’s sense of belonging.
I read recently of a study done in one denomination that found over 75 percent of church attenders who became inactive did so because they didn’t feel a sense of belonging. They did not feel needed, wanted, cared for, or loved.
Many factors can become obstacles to assimilation.
In some congregations, the liturgy may be a hurdle for newcomers. In others, the unspoken behavioral expectations may be a barrier. Such things as demographics, location (especially in urban settings where “turf” means more than simply sod), or doctrinal emphases will also define who feels included and who doesn’t.
The challenge for pastoral leaders is to decide which of these barriers are necessary for the church’s purpose and identity and which are unnecessary impediments to attracting and including people into the faith and into the church.
The word assimilation is a relative newcomer to the glossary of church jargon. But the concept is as old as the early church, where John praised Gaius for serving fellow Christians, “even though they are strangers to you” (3 John 5).
A few years ago, I read Elton Trueblood’s statement that “the most powerful idea that has entered my mind in a long life is that I can, if I will, choose my companions.” It was a liberating concept. We are not bound by external forces; we choose the people who will influence us.
“You are not limited to the banal expressions which dominate the advertisements bombarding you daily,” writes Trueblood, who goes on to describe individuals like Blaise Pascal, Socrates, John Milton, and Abraham Lincoln, whose great minds, through writing, shaped his own.
I’m grateful that you have chosen this issue of LEADERSHIP as a companion. Our editors and contributors may not rank with Trueblood’s pantheon, but our goal is to provide good company: companionship and stimulation.
Just yesterday, a letter from a pastor in rural New York said of LEADERSHIP, “It’s great to hear others expressing ideas, hopes, and frustrations that ring true to my experience. Just as at family gatherings, I argue, I embrace, and I listen. I’m engaged in a thoughtful conversation. But best of all, I know I’m not alone.”
Our readers make sure this journal isn’t just a one-way conversation. We regularly receive article ideas, referrals, and manuscripts describing real-life ministry experiences. We’re glad to get them. It helps keep the conversation lively.
In this issue of LEADERSHIP, my prayer is that you’ll not only find practical ways to help people feel they belong in your congregation, but I trust you’ll also feel you belong in the conversation.
Join us.
Marshall Shelley is editor of LEADERSHIP.
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