A while back, one of our members showed me a form letter she had received from a television evangelist seeking a donation. The letter was impressive: it exuded sincerity, and the woman’s name was inserted in all the right places. It was the most personal computer-generated letter I’ve ever seen.
In spite of its flaws, the evangelist’s letter communicated far more concern than I routinely expressed in my mailings to our congregation. That letter made me realize I’d been neglecting an effective means of pastoral care.
Since then, I’ve been practicing pastoral care through letter writing. It has many advantages.
-It is tangible proof of pastoral concern. Members prize a personal letter. A few scribbled lines can speak volumes, and a letter remains after a conversation would have ended.
An elderly lady once showed me a letter she had received almost sixty years before when her mother died. The pastor had written in a shaky hand, the writing was faint, and the letter was but a few lines. But the words had been treasured for years.
-It offers care to inaccessible people. Visiting today is more difficult than ever. If not by a child’s ballet lesson or ball game, then I’m preempted by a tee time or aerobics class. Phone calls reach as many answering machines as people.
But I reach people by mail. What person, no matter how busy, doesn’t eagerly open a personally addressed envelope?
Last year one of our women was ill and went to stay with her daughter. It was too far for me to visit, so I mailed a card and included a prayer I wrote for her. When she returned home two months later, I went to see her. She warmly greeted me and almost immediately grabbed her Bible off the table, opened it, and held out the card with the prayer.
-Sometimes one-way communication is best. Visits are intended as two-way communication; letters are one-way. In a visit, important things often go unsaid. Uncomfortable subjects can be avoided. In a letter, no interruptions, no excuses, and no feelings impair the writer’s train of thought. Letters, while not a substitute for visiting, provide a way of communicating needed concepts.
A young man in my first pastorate had become angry after a heated business meeting. I wanted to see him reconciled with a man who’d also attended that meeting. However, because of the young man’s hot temper, I didn’t feel a conversation would be productive. He might monopolize the conversation.
So I wrote a letter, explaining that the other man spoke as he did because of problems at home. The business meeting merely became a means of releasing pent-up anger. I reminded the young man that bearing one another’s burdens is a Christian responsibility. Several weeks later, both men were in church again and on good terms. My hot-tempered friend confided to me that my letter helped him put the events into perspective.
Getting organized
Certainly, letter writing takes time. To be effective, it also takes practice.
Cards are much easier to send. I’d suggest you start with them. I keep a supply of postcards with picture of the church on one side and space on the other for the address and a message. I use them to jot quick notes. I also have cards printed for birthdays and anniversaries. Even when cards bear nothing more than a signature, people appreciate receiving them.
Pastoral mailing is not without expense. Yet, compared to the time and expense of a visit, the postage and stationery pale in cost. Like travel expenses, postage and printing are tax-deductible business expenses. And such expenses are easier to document than travel.
The most difficult letter I have written was to a lady who, within three months, had lost her husband and suffered a heart attack. Physically she was progressing, but mentally and spiritually she was at a standstill. Her grief and anger held her in a state of deep depression. After several visits, I wrote a letter expressing not only concern and understanding but also a desire that she take up her life and live according to the faith she professed. She read and reread the few words of that letter until one day she appeared at my door with a small arrangement of flowers to thank me for caring.
That’s why I think writing is worth the time and effort. Pastoral letters make a difference.
-Perry Comer
Lilesville (North Carolina) Baptist Church
Copyright © 1991 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
