IDEAS THAT WORK - Christianity Today

Planning the Funeral

Usually two problems arise in planning funerals. First, bereaved families know little or nothing about the desires of the deceased concerning the funeral. Second, the minister seldom has sufficient information about the deceased to write an inclusive life summary and eulogy.

Robert Watkins, pastor of First Cumberland Presbyterian Church, Oak Ridge, Tennessee, has developed two different forms for gathering this kind of information. One form is distributed to the congregation and allows them the opportunity to plan their own funeral. The other questionnaire collects information for a relevant funeral sermon.

Although some people refuse to think about their finite nature or preplanning their own funeral, Watkins believes it essential for the church to provide that opportunity. He does this in two ways.

A preplanning form, with an explanatory article, is included periodically in the church newsletter. Sometimes he mails a pastoral concern letter that includes a questionnaire for funeral planning. In either case, individuals are urged to complete a preplanning form, share a copy with several family members, and leave a copy on file in the church office.

The planning form asks people to state their preferences on such matters as

-Name of funeral home.

-Person or persons to be notified upon death.

-Where the body should lie in state.

-Whether the casket should be open or closed.

-The location of the funeral service (church, funeral home, or other).

-Name of preferred clergyman.

-Suggested Scripture and hymns.

-Suggested musicians.

-Designation of memorial gifts.

Immediately upon hearing of a death, Watkins checks church files for a completed funeral planning form. If it is on file, he sends a copy to the next of kin. Most families try to comply with the wishes of the deceased, but he does not intervene in their decision.

Periodically the plans need to be revised. Recently, a woman wrote a note saying she had spoken with a soloist and secured his commitment to sing two of her favorite hymns. Prior to that she had requested that those two hymns be played from recordings by Tennessee Ernie Ford and Elvis Presley. Watkins felt thankful for the revision.

Watkin’s funeral sermons try do four things: express thanksgiving for the life of the deceased, console the grieving family, personalize the service with anecdotes from the life of the deceased, and read appropriate Scripture with the family in mind.

Before writing the funeral sermon, Watkins recalls what he knows about the deceased and then phones key people and visits family members to augment his memory. He asks such questions as

-What was the age of the person and the cause of death?

-Are there relatives or friends of the deceased to whom I should minister?

-Are any young children among the grievers?

-Did the deceased have favorite Scriptures or hymns?

-What words or characteristics describe the deceased?

-Are there any special requests from the family in regard to the content of the funeral?

-Are there other significant circumstances I should know about?

“Families don’t seem threatened by my questions. Most people appreciate the opportunity to help prepare the funeral,” he says. “From the data, one specific word, Scripture, or memory usually surfaces as a theme for the sermon.”

In one case, every conversation mentioned the man’s intense love of gardening. Gardening became the theme for the sermon. A woman who had been affectionately called “Queenie” inspired the sermonic phrase, “Take courage! The queen is in her mansion.” The funeral sermon text for a man who had administered seven large coffee farms seemed obvious-the parable of the good steward.

Discussion of the life of the deceased allows grievers to face the reality of death and to savor the memories of a loved one.

“While I dread the pain and grief ofevery funeral,” says Watkins, “I cher ish the privilege of providing a meaningful worship experience for those who grieve.”

Celebrating Life

As a parish pastor, I have long thought that what people do best is funerals. There is wisdom, protocol, and caring there. Even the liturgy has a dignity that Sunday mornings find hard to achieve on a regular basis. Imagine my surprise when my community added an improvement to the standard arrangement.

A woman in my congregation had fought breast cancer for five years, and now the doctors had withdrawn the hope they had previously offered. A socially innovative friend had the idea of giving a reception while the honoree was still well enough to receive guests.

Time was of the essence. Three women initiated a phone web to issue invitations, and a restaurant arranged a buffet with only a two-day notice.

When the day arrived, several hundred people arrived at the restaurant at 5:00 P.M. each giving a donation to cover costs. They formed a receiving line to greet the honoree, who sat in a wheelchair with her head wrapped in a turban and oxygen lines trailing discreetly behind. There were no testimonials, and weepers were ushered quietly away. At the end of an hour and a half, all guests were invited to leave.

Some people expressed discomfort with the idea of such a party, but many others gratefully welcomed the opportunity to attend.

As I circulated, I noted some clear advantages. Normally the isolation is severe at this stage of a terminal illness. This woman was able to greet her friends who saw her looking her relative best. The party brought a note of thanksgiving and celebration along with the sorrow for the imminent loss of a woman who had given a great deal to her church and community.

Her party showed all of us another way to celebrate life even as we drew strength to face the inevitable, which came a month later.

-Donna Schaper Riverhead, New York

Serving the Spiritually Single

Many adult Christians in my congregation are ‘spiritually single’-married to unbelievers,” says Ronald Hotrum, pastor of Sodaville Evangelical Church in Lebanon, Oregon. “Our ministry to the believing spouses began with a men’s prayer group whose focus was unbelieving husbands. Since then we’ve added another dimension.”

That other dimension is linking each spiritually fractured family with a believing couple. Each person with an unbelieving spouse has a specific couple to turn to for prayer and endure agement, as well as prayer for the conversion of the spouse.

Hotrum prayerfully selects spiritually mature couples from the congregation to match with the spiritual singles. He contacts a couple and suggests they begin a ministry of encouragement to the spiritually fractured family.

Hotrum calls these families “The 6:2 Crew,” after the verse in Galatians: “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

He communicates with The 6:2 Crew in a monthly letter. The program is never mentioned from the pulpit or in any church publications. Only members of The 6:2 Crew know who is serving in this way.

Twenty families are now served by The 6:2 Crew, and with positive results. Spouses are more frequently present for worship and special events, and they seem more comfortable in the congregation. One husband, in his seventies, recently professed faith in Christ. Another began attending church when he brought his newborn for the first time.

The 6:2 Crew families report that new friendships have been formed and that their family prayer times are enlivened by intercession for their new friends.

Media for Missions

Using a television talk-show format, the Crossroads Church in Concord, California, produces a fast-paced mission banquet that attracts people to hear about missions.

An elevated platform at one end of the fellowship hall is furnished with a couch, some plants, a movie screen, a video camera on a tripod, and a television set on either side. Tables are arranged so that the assembled congregation can view the platform while seated.

Following the meal, one of the church “comedians” begins the program by welcoming everyone and telling a couple of missionary jokes. Then he introduces the pastor, Greg Asimakoupoulos, who sits behind the desk and introduces the missionary, who sits on the couch. The pastor then conducts an interview, asking the missionaries to describe their backgrounds, current assignments, and recent anecdotes of God’s grace in their lives.

Each missionary is invited to show a few slides on the movie screen or show a video clip, which is transmitted to the two monitors.

A soloist or ensemble will then present a musical interlude, and then the youth group will present a “commercial,” featuring the project for which money is to be raised. Following the commercial, the pastor goes into the audience with a microphone and allows people to ask questions of the missionary. If more than one missionary is to be featured, this format can simply be repeated.

The video camera operator tapes the program and broadcasts it on the monitors, creating a studio-type atmosphere and aiding those who cannot see and hear all that is happening on the platform.

At the close of the program, the audience can be invited to give brief on-camera greetings to missionaries. A video tape of the entire program can be duplicated for sending to missionaries.

There’s new excitement about the mission banquet since Crossroads Church took a hint from the media.

What’s Worked for You?

Can you tell us about a program or activity that worked well in your church ?

LEADERSHIP pays $35 to $50 (depending upon length) for each published account of fresh and effective ministry.

Send your description of a helpful ministry, method, or approach to

Ideas That Work

LEADERSHIP

465 Gundersen Drive

Carol Stream, IL 60188