The landscape surrounding homosexuality is shifting. To respond well, churches must understand several important trends.
Widespread awareness
The spread of AIDS is forcing the subject of homosexuality out of the closet in churches around the country. An increasing number of Christians at all levels of the church–including district leaders and denominational officials–are admitting their secret struggles with homosexuality due to HIV.
Gays have “come out,” and many churches have embraced them, including their homosexual activities.
“We’re seeing people ‘coming out,'” says Bill Consiglio, director of Hope Ministries in Hamden, Connecticut, “but wanting help in resolving this from a biblical perspective.”
Less middle ground
In the past there were a few vocal people with conservative or liberal views on homosexuality, and a huge middle ground of people who didn’t know what to think. “Now I’m seeing more people on one side or the other,” says Bud Searcy, director of New Creation Ministries, an outreach to gays in Fresno, California.
Attitudes on both sides of the debate are becoming more defined.
Christians espousing a traditional view on homosexual behavior are not limited to conservative churches. Many mainline members believe homosexual behavior is wrong, even though official pronouncements from their denominational leaders may say otherwise.
But the reverse is also true. “It’s no longer unusual for an evangelical to think [homosexuality] is genetic and therefore okay,” says Searcy. “More and more conservatives are arguing with the [traditional] biblical position.”
“The view that homosexuality is God-given is promoted much more openly,” confirms Jeff Winter, pastor of Corona Presbyterian Church in downtown Denver.” Those with this view are more confrontive, aggressive and political in pushing their agenda. They are doing very well in convincing those in the middle that homosexuality is of God.”
Openness among youth
Homosexuality is becoming more common and accepted among teens. Bud Searcy says church youth groups have a different composition today. More kids are agonizing over homosexual feelings, and more openly gay youth attend. “Everything we’ve dealt with in the past among adults,” he says, “is now coming down to the youth.”
Over the past year, New Creation Ministries has had a surge of requests for help from youth leaders, campus ministry directors, and teachers–both in Christian and secular schools. In two recent months almost half the agency’s speaking engagements related to adolescents.
Intensifying legal battles
Such diverse and deeply felt differences on homosexuality will inevitably bring more conflict. Former gay activist Joe Dallas, director of Genesis Counseling Services in California, predicts a major battle ahead. “We are more polarized than ever,” he says. “When you have conflict that isn’t being resolved, emotions run high, and people get destructive. Pretty soon you’re acting out of hatred, and you don’t even know it.”
Leaders of ex-gay ministries predict legal challenges across the country over same-sex marriage, spousal benefits (insurance, visitation rights), custody and adoption.
More programs in churches
On the other hand, Robert Kuyper sees the pendulum swinging back toward traditional moral values. Kuyper is pastor of Trinity United Methodist in Visalia, California, and national director of Transforming Congregations, a recovery program for gays and lesbians that has been officially adopted by 36 Methodist churches nationwide. “From the liberal wing of the church,” he says, “I am finding more willingness to accept that, at least for some people, change might be possible.”
“We’re going to see more mainstreaming in the churches of men and women overcoming homosexuality,” predicts Bill Consiglio, who along with directing Hope Ministries serves as assistant pastor at Hamden’s Christ Evangelical Lutheran Church. In the past, he explains, churches have incorporated former alcoholics and the divorced. An increasing number of churches will now help homosexuals seeking change.
DIFFERENCE MAKERS
Many churches are responding to these trends. Here are several principles to keep in mind when trying to minister to those in a homosexual lifestyle.
Stress biblical authority
Ultimately, how we deal with this issue reflects our view of the Bible, says Jeff Winter. “Pastors need to teach the authority of Scripture, so they can approach this issue in a more biblical manner.” Leaders of ex-gay ministries urge pastors to teach a biblical worldview on sexuality in general, and based on that, the Bible’s stance on homosexuality.
“The final obstacle to the gay agenda,” says Joe Dallas, “is always the church. Every other institution can be compromised, infiltrated, and politicized, but not the body in its true sense.”
Emphasize compassion
Churches will get nowhere unless they wrap their messages in a blanket of compassion. This is true when dealing with both the gay person and family members.
Bill Consiglio’s church is currently nurturing a couple who is hurting over their son’s recent declaration of his homosexuality. The church has responded with care for these parents, even though the parents support their son’s gay lifestyle. Says Consiglio, “There is unity in our church around caregiving and pastoral concern, and that’s the way it should be.”
Be welcoming
Bud Searcy says “gay-sensitive” churches–those that take an open and welcoming position–will grow: “We must welcome strugglers, but help them find healing.”
Sy Rogers agrees. Rogers is a former trans-sexual who now leads Choices, a ministry of sexual redemption in Singapore. “In the ’90s there will be only two kinds of churches: relevant and irrelevant,” says Rogers. “Relevant churches recognize the need in society and say, ‘We’re going to do something to meet this need.’ Irrelevant churches ignore the need because it’s too uncomfortable.”
One example of a gay-sensitive church is Church of the Open door in San Rafael, twenty miles north of San Francisco. Since 1973 hundreds of gay men and women have flocked to the church to take part in their ex-gay outreach, Love In Action. After several years of prayer and planning, last December the ministry relocated to Memphis, Tennessee, where 7,000-member Central Church welcomed its members.
Open discussion is a key characteristic of churches that make a difference for homosexuals. Church leaders must allow people to be open about their struggles involving any sin, including homosexual behavior.
Jeff Winter of Denver’s Corona Presbyterian has seen an increasing openness in his church since they became involved with Where Grace Abounds (WGA), a ten-year-old ministry to those overcoming homosexuality and related issues. WGA holds weekly support group meetings at Corona Presbyterian, and several of WGA’S staff are members of the church.
“Because WGA folks are so open,” says Winter, “others in our church are becoming more honest and open about their own issues.” In the beginning some church members expressed fears about AIDS. But after five years, people are used to the idea of former homosexuals meeting in their church building each week.
Educate the church
Robert Kuyper stresses the importance of educating a congregation on the realities of the gay lifestyle. “[Many] are not aware of the pain that exists in the homosexual lifestyle,” he says. Haunting loneliness, the anguish of relational breakups, jealousy, anger and hatred are common among both lesbians and gay men.
Studies indicate that between 25 and 33 percent of homosexual men and women are alcoholics, compared to 7 percent for the general population. Homosexual men are six times more likely to attempt suicide than are heterosexual males. Often these statistics are blamed on straight society’s attitudes, but those exiting homosexuality tell a different story: the problem is internal, often aggravated by a childhood conversion and an innate awareness that their actions conflict with God’s will. Such information will help to allay fears and engender compassion.
Give realistic hope
Although change is extremely difficult, thousands of men and women have overcome homosexuality. Ex-gay ministry leaders point to former practicing homosexuals who have been living heterosexually so long they now are not only parents, but also grandparents.
Bill Consiglio, who has counseled men and women seeking healing for 17 years, says, “Despite all the propaganda, especially in the media, a solid 40 percent of those seeking change move into full heterosexuality, with many entering marriage and parenthood.”
Another 40 percent of his clients achieve consistent celibacy, but still face major obstacles in achieving further freedom from their past. The remainder drop out of the recovery process and eventually return to active homosexuality.
AVAILABLE LISTENER
After 22 years at First Orthodox Presbyterian Church in San Francisco, Pastor Chuck McIlhenny knows the challenges of addressing homosexual issues in a redemptive way. He doesn’t have glowing conversion stories or people flocking to his church for deliverance. In fact, after firing a homosexual organist, he received death threats, and his parsonage was fire-bombed. But he has Jeff’s story.
For years Chuck prayed that one of the protesters who has attacked him and the church would come to Christ. Not long ago, Jeff called. Jeff was a Marxist who had for years threatened him.
“I want to talk with you,” he said simply and came over to McIlhenny’s office. For the next five hours he poured out the painful details of his life to a man he had denounced for so long. Jeff told of his family background, his childhood conversion under Billy Graham, his entry into homosexuality and his involvement in Act-Up and Queer Nation. He explained how he’d made hundreds of phone calls to curse Christian leaders, from Beverly LaHaye to Jerry Falwell to Pat Robertson, and how he had tried to commit suicide nine times.
That afternoon McIlhenny gently explained the gospel. “This guy knew all the Christian lingo,” McIlhenny says. “He didn’t balk at anything I said about repentance and faith in Christ. He didn’t argue. He just listened silently.”
Finally McIlhenny told him, “I love you. I can say that because of what Christ has done for me and what he has said concerning you.”
The man looked away, and his eyes filled with tears. Then he told McIlhenny about the pastors he’d known as a teenager who had befriended him and loved him. Never once did he criticize them. Finally Jeff left, but he telephoned later to thank McIlhenny and tell him how much he appreciated the conversation. He did not recommit his life to Christ, though, and McIlhenny continues to pray that he will.
“That’s why I’m here,” McIlhenny says, “for the one fellow who is just sick to death of the whole thing. God has his perfect timing. I’m waiting and available.”
********************* Bob Davies is executive director of Exodus International in San Rafael, California.
Would you like to talk more about ministry during a rising tide of homosexuality? Bob Davies will be leading a live, online discussion on Monday, August 14, at 8:00 p.m. (CDT). In America Online, type the key words “Christian Connection.” To enroll in Christianity Online, call 1-800-413-9747, ext. 174021.
Copyright (c) 1995 Christianity Today, Inc./LEADERSHIP Journal
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