WORRY
Rick Majerus, men’s basketball coach at the University of Utah, recently captured a common concern: “Everyone’s worried about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation, and altogether, I’m in depression.”
HONESTY
Two brothers had terrorized a small town for decades. They were unfaithful to their wives, abusive to their children, and dishonest in business. The younger brother died unexpectedly.
The surviving brother went to the pastor of the local church. “I’d like you to conduct my brother’s funeral,” he said, “but it’s important to me that during the service, you tell everyone my brother was a saint.”
“But he was far from that,” the minister countered.
The wealthy brother pulled out his checkbook. “Reverend, I’m prepared to give $100,000 to your church. All I’m asking is that you publicly state that my brother was a saint.”
On the day of the funeral, the pastor began his eulogy this way. “Everyone here knows that the deceased was a wicked man, a womanizer, and a drunk. He terrorized his employees and cheated on his taxes.” Then he paused.
“But as evil and sinful as this man was, compared to his older brother, he was a saint!”
–Greg Asimakoupoulos
Naperville, Illinois
Leonard Sweet, in his Soul Cafe newsletter, included this list of “Top 10 Liars’ Lies”:
10. We’ll stay only five minutes.
9. This will be a short meeting.
8. I’ll respect you in the morning.
7. The check is in the mail.
6. I’m from the government, and I’m here to help you.
5. This hurts me more than it hurts you.
4. Your money will be cheerfully refunded.
3. We service what we sell.
2. Your table will be ready in just a minute.
1. I’ll start exercising (dieting, forgiving, … ) tomorrow.
IMPATIENCE
A young woman’s car stalled at a stoplight. She tried to get it started, but nothing. The light turned green and there she sat, angry and embarrassed, holding up traffic. The car behind could have gone around, but instead the driver added to her anger by laying on his horn.
After another desperate attempt to get the car started, she got out and walked back to the honker. The man rolled down his window in surprise.
“Tell you what,” she said. You go start my car, and I’ll sit back here and honk the horn for you.”
GREED
At a birthday party, it came time to serve the cake. A little boy named Brian blurted out, “I want the biggest piece!”
His mother quickly scolded him. “Brian, it’s not polite to ask for the biggest piece.”
The little guy looked at her in confusion, and asked, “Well then, how do you get it?”
–Olive Freeman
The Christian Reader
MARRIAGE
“Does this mean you won’t be cooking dinner tonight?”
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