Attitude
Cheerful people resist disease better than glum ones. In other words, the surly bird catches the germ.
Hope Health Letter (4/96)
Authenticity
In Becoming a Contagious Christian, Bill Hybels and Mark Mittelberg tell this story:
A newly promoted colonel had moved into a makeshift office during the Gulf War. He was just getting unpacked when out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a private with a toolbox coming his way.
Wanting to seem important, he grabbed the phone: “Yes, General Schwarzkopf. Of course, I think that’s an excellent plan.” He continued: “You’ve got my support on it. Thanks for checking with me. Let’s touch base again soon, Norm. Goodbye.”
“And what can I do for you?” he asked the private.
“Uhhh, I’m just here to hook up your phone.”
Ron Willoughby Augusta, Georgia
Christmas
It’s time to recycle those leftover holiday fruitcakes. That’s right. You can have your cake and use it, too.* Just consider the possibilities:
Pot-hole filler
Shot put
Speed bump
Boat anchor
Flower press
Bed warmer (heat to 350 degrees)
Ice pack (chilled for 12 hours)
Chopping block
Scratching post for your cat.
*(User assumes all liability for busted toes, hernias, and other medical ailments resulting therefrom.)
Suzanne James America West magazine (1/96)
Marriage
A young bride complained to her friend, “My husband and I are getting along together fairly well, but he simply can’t bear children.”
“Oh well,” a friend consoled her. “You can’t expect men to do everything.” In 1492, Columbus set out for the Orient and ended up in the Caribbean, thus setting a pattern that has continued for more than 500 years: Men still won’t stop and ask for directions.
Patience
“Great message on patience, Pastor. I loved the way you illustrated by telling those kids to sit down and shut up.”
Priorities
A woman bought a parrot to keep her company but returned it the next day. “This bird doesn’t talk,” she told the owner.
“Does he have a mirror in his cage?” he asked. “Parrots love mirrors. They see their reflection and start a conversation.” The woman bought a mirror and left.
The next day she returned; the bird still wasn’t talking. “How about a ladder? Parrots love ladders. A happy parrot is a talkative parrot.” The woman bought a ladder and left.
But the next day, she was back. “Does your parrot have a swing? No? Well, that’s the problem. Once he starts swinging, he’ll talk up a storm.” The woman reluctantly bought a swing and left.
When she walked into the store the next day, her countenance had changed. “The parrot died,” she said. The pet store owner was shocked.
“I’m so sorry. Tell me, did he ever say a word?” he asked.
“Yes, right before he died,” the woman replied. “In a weak voice, he asked me, ‘Don’t they sell any food at that pet store?’ “
Sometimes people forget the main thing.
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1996 by Christianity Today/LEADERSHIP, journal.
Last Updated: October 8, 1996
