Pastors

To Quip

Appreciation

The Daily Vidette, student paper of Illinois State University, ran the following correction: “It was incor-rectly reported that today is T-Shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is Teacher Appreciation Day.

It’s often said that teachers don’t get enough appreciation. Now we know why

Parade (12/31/95)

Committees

Rules for committee membership: Never arrive on time; this stamps you as a beginner. Don’t say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise. Be as vague as possible; this avoids irritating others. When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular.

Vern McLellan, Speaker’s Digest (7/96)

Criticism

The Arizona Republic reported, “As Terry Mikel was speeding toward Tucson, he passed a car, an unmarked Arizona Highway Patrol car. The officer pulled Terry over. When Terry explained that he was late for a class he was teaching at the University of Arizona, the officer took pity on him and let him off with a warning. Before he went back to the car he said, “Slow down and drive safe.

Terry felt obligated to correct him. “Excuse me, Sir, but it should be ‘Slow down and drive safely. You said ‘Drive safe.

The officer walked back to his car and wrote him a $72 speeding ticket

Rik Danielsen Show Low, AZ

Evangelism

After listening to Chuck Swindoll on the radio, 8-year-old Debbie asked 6-year-old brother David, “Do you know about Jesus?

Expecting a new slant on the old gospel story, David replied, “No.

Big sister continued: “Sit still, ’cause this is real scary.” After explaining the gospel as only an 8-year-old could, she popped the question: “Now David, when you die, do you want to go to heaven to be with Jesus, God, your mommy and daddy and big sister, or do you want to go to the lake of fire to be with the Devil and bank robbers?

David thought a moment, then replied, “I want to stay right here.

Jim Abrahamson Chapel Hill, North Carolina

Giving

For years we lived in a small town with one bank and three churches. Early one Monday morning, the bank called all three churches with the same request: “Could you bring in Sunday’s collection right away? We’re out of one-dollar bills.

Clara Null Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

God’s Love

For a brief time in the 1980s, Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs enjoyed popularity as exotic pets. Unfortunately, the pigs did not live up to their reputation as ideal pets, often becoming aggressive and weighing up to 150 pounds. What do you do with an unwanted pig? Pork roasts are not the answer; the meat is tough and stringy

Fortunately, Dale Riffle came to the rescue. Someone gave Dale one of the pigs, and he fell in love with it. The pig, Rufus, refused to use its litter box and developed a craving for carpet, wallpaper, and drywall. So Riffle sold his suburban home and bought a five-acre farm in West Virginia. Before long, the guy was living, literally, in hog heaven

Rufus has been joined by 180 other pigs who, according to U. S. News & World Report, snooze on beds of pine shavings, soak in plastic swimming pools, and listen to piped-in classical music. They socialize in age-graded affinity groups. They never need fear they will one day become bacon or pork chops

Dale Riffle told the reporter, “I think we’re all put on earth for some reason, and I guess pigs are my lot in life.

It’s amazing that anybody could fall so in love with pigs. Even more amazing is that an infinite, perfectly holy, majestic, awesome God is passionately in love with insignificant, sinful, sometimes openly rebellious, frequently indifferent people like you and me

Jim Nicodem on Preaching Today

1997 by Christianity Today/Leadership Journal.

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