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When You’re Asked to Bury a Stranger

What to say about someone you’ve never met

As I drove to the funeral home all I knew about this man was that he was a farm hand. I wondered, “What can I say about someone I’ve never even met?”

Since that day, I have been called upon to bury several more strangers, and I’ve learned to:

1. Acknowledge the truth: “I didn’t know Mrs. Burris.” 2. Help unlock the memories of those gathered: “But you did know her.” Then lead a series of prayerful statements to draw out people’s memories:

1. Do you remember the sound of her voice on the telephone?
2. Do you remember how she looked in her wedding pictures?
3. Do you remember how she sat in her favorite chair?
4. Do you remember the way she blushed when she was embarrassed?
5. Do you remember the way she spoke your name?
6. Do you remember her standing at the kitchen sink?
7. Do you remember the feel of her hand in yours?

And so on. Try to evoke memories most common to human experience and not those that may be painful (e.g., “Do you remember how she looked when she was angry?”)

Those people who cannot remember will not be offended. Those who can may be wonderfully blessed. There is a kind of resurrection that takes place in remembering. As one Presbyterian minister said about his grandmother, “It was like she was right there, in front of me, alive and well.”

—Jim Somerville Wingate, North Carolina

6 SPIRITUAL NEEDS OF AMERICANS

What people want that churches can give

George Gallup, Jr., after decades of research, has listed the top spiritual needs of people today:

1. To believe that life is meaningful and has a purpose.
2. To have a sense of community and deeper relationships.
3. To be appreciated and respected.
4. To be listened to.
5. To feel they are growing in faith.
6. To get practical help in developing a mature faith.

—Adapted from Emerging Trends

Church Members Giving Less

A trend worth watching

Church members continue to give an ever-smaller portion of their income to their churches.

In 1995, the most recent year for which statistics are available, members gave 2.46 percent of their income to their churches. That was far below the 3.11 percent given in 1968. In fact, it was the lowest percentage in nearly three decades of such research, according to empty tomb, inc.

The silver lining, if there is one, in this cloud: Because Americans’ income has grown rapidly, total dollars given to churches is actually up, despite the lower-percentage effort.

Takeaway:

1. How closely does your church budget follow this trend?
2. What would you like members to give, and how can the congregation encourage that?

Garden-Variety Evangelism

A fresh way to reach the community

Chapel Ridge Free Methodist Church, located on eleven acres, used some of those acres to reach people in their community. Last spring the church offered eight garden plots to the community. (Some plots were reserved for church members, to encourage interaction between the members and community guests.) The church plowed the land and offered free water. A nominal fee of $20 per plot was charged to ensure commitment. With some advertising, all the plots were taken in a few days.

Four plots were taken by people in the community, and from those people, one family has started attending the church.

—Grant D’Eall Trulls Road Free Methodist Church, Courtice, Ontario

Shorter, Better Meetings

5 ways to get things done when you get together

Fellowship is a legitimate function of church meetings, so it’s important to allow time for catching up with one another. But if you’re frustrated by time being wasted in meetings:

1. Stick to three essentials. You need (a) an agenda, (b) an agreed-upon time to stop, and a clearly designated leader. If any one is absent, the meeting will probably run longer than it should.
2. Schedule shorter meetings. After an hour, every issue seems more complicated. Three one-hour meetings often accomplish far more than one three-hour meeting.
3. Consider the environment. Soft chairs and doughnuts will lengthen any meeting. If time is a concern, don’t bring food.
4. Invite only the have-to-be-theres. If you’ll need to discuss this subject one-on-one with someone, invite the person to the meeting. If people would benefit just as much from reading the notes of the meeting, spare them the ordeal.
5. Give yourself an exit. Schedule another appointment right after the meeting’s stated ending time. Explain up front you have to be someplace else at 8 P.M., and you’ll be amazed how many others say, “Me, too.”

Top 10 Church Oxymorons

Words not to use together.

You know phrases like “jumbo shrimp” and “freezer burn” are oxymorons, or contradictions in terms. But did you know these oxymorons at church:

1. Brief meeting
2. Pastor’s day off
3. Blended service
4. Denominational support
5. Early sign up
6. Clear calendar
7. Volunteer waiting list
8. Realistic budget
9. Concluding remarks
10. Confidential prayer request

Candid (Missionary) Camera

Promoting global concern in a personal way

To engage our congregation in missions work, we targeted Bolivia and asked if anyone in the congregation sensed God’s call to go. We prayerfully chose a young doctor and sent him to work with street kids in La Paz for six months.

The doctor took a digital camera and a video-telephone. Each week during the service, we secured a live link to speak to him and to see pictures of his work. Then he would lead the congregation in prayer.

This direct, weekly call allows everyone in the church to know our missionary, and members pray more fervently for his work than they would otherwise. The ensuing excitement inspired us to sponsor a Bolivian pastor for a semester’s worth of theological education and to raise money to send a team to Bolivia to build his church.

—Danny Harrell, Park Street Church, Boston, Massachusetts

Church Health

What to Do with Church-HoppersPractical guidelines when members of one church switch to another nearby

The Evangelical Ministers’ Fellowship of Southern Rhode Island has successfully used the following guidelines for ten years:

When a member from another church in the area begins to attend our church, I will:

1. Alert the other church.
2. Give that pastor the opportunity to speak first with the member.
3. Inquire about the person’s church relationship:
   1. Under what circumstances did you leave your previous church?
   2. Have you been regularly attending elsewhere?
   3. What are your reasons for attending here?
   4. Have you discussed with your pastor why you are visiting another church?
   5. May I contact your pastor?
4. If unbiblical motives are evident, explain:
   1. our respect for their church
   2. our obligation to exhort them to be responsible to their membership commitment and to seek resolution over conflicts.
5. Encourage the other church to begin discipline, if warranted, with the departed member. Valid reasons for receiving a member of another church:
   1. to unify a family (person is married to a member in this church)
   2. I have communicated with the home church, and no biblical issue warrants church discipline
   3. the person is member of a church farther away and wants to be involved in the local community
   4. the person and the former church have a difference in doctrinal convictions.

When someone from our church attends another church, I will:

1. Initiate conversation with the person.
2. Get accurate information.
3. Contact the other pastor (if he hasn’t contacted us).

if a church contacts us and we have disciplined that member, simply say, “We cannot give a good recommendation because he or she did not leave as a member in good standing.” If asked for more information, give only essential details.

Other guidelines:

1. We will not receive into membership someone who is being formally disciplined by another church.
2. A person who wants to attend a different church, without changing membership, may do so as long as a permanent resolution is addressed.
3. If someone is disciplined and removed from church membership but later is repentant, and wants to become a member of another church, that church should insist the person take care of “unfinished business” first.

—Lyle Mook Christ Church, East Greenwich, Rhode Island

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1998 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or contact us.