Eleven years ago, when I became a senior pastor, I puzzled over how to encourage people to share their faith. I believed in lifestyle evangelism and wanted to be an example to the congregation.
I just didn’t do it. I didn’t know any non-Christians. My whole world was the church. I worked with Christians, socialized with Christians, and worshiped with Christians. All of my evangelism was “official”—preaching, funerals, walk-in counseling. I wondered what sort of evangelist I would be without all the official opportunities. If I were not a pastor, would I be any good at doing what I told my flock to do?
I asked God to teach me to be a “fisher of men.” Since then God has given me some wonderful and painful pointers.
What unchurched friends?
I’d always assumed that unchurched people would not want to be friends with a pastor. My role would make people feel awkward. They would cuss when they hit a bad golf shot, turn, blush, and apologize to me. Or, at a birthday party make comments about having fun after I left.
To my surprise I found non-religious people remarkably open, even hungry, for friendship. Some were curious about who God is and welcomed my presence. Others were lonely; they had no community. My first step in telling people about Jesus was to look for people who liked me.
I made friends through common interests. We met parents of our kids’ school friends. I coached sports teams. These were the same opportunities my church people had.
When we purchased our home, I got to know the real estate agent. He had books all over his office and said he loved to read. He also told funny jokes, though most were a little off-color.
We had a lot of fun in the process of closing the deal, and I decided this friendly contact could go beyond a business relationship. Even though he made it clear religion was not his thing, I pursued the friendship. We had some lunches together. We played golf. I found a man who appreciated other people, including me. He would say I was his “token pagan friend.”
Sometimes he pushed the boundaries. One night he told a hilarious story, though slightly off color. I laughed. His wife said, “I didn’t think you’d laugh at that. He wanted to test you.” I told them I did not tell dirty jokes but still thought some were funny. It led to an interesting conversation.
When they moved, they found all their other friends dropped them because they were no longer convenient. I decided to keep our friendship going, and they noticed our loyalty.
Take time to enjoy it
I’ve heard stories of skilled evangelists leading people to instant conversions as they talked on an elevator! Perhaps that happens, but not to me.
I find becoming friends takes a lot more energy and commitment than short-term involvement. It takes time to know people, time for them to trust me and think about what I say. This means doing things socially, usually more than once.
I gave one couple a book to read (Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis) and invited the husband to lunch to talk about it. We had a great discussion, but he said he wasn’t religious. He also said he’d like our wives to meet.
For the next eight years, we spent time with them. We talked about the Bible, laughed, argued about politics. We especially enjoyed going out for desserts together. One time they watched with amusement as my wife and I argued about what she ordered for dessert and how much it cost. On another occasion, he suggested we each order a different dessert and then pass them around the table. He will always tease me for my hesitation. He wondered if I was worried about catching aids through this.
I shared in the birth of their two children and the death of her father. We even attended the movie, The Last Temptation of Christ, together and talked about Jesus the rest of the evening. They questioned us about our belief in hell, about Jesus being the only way to God, and about our values.
One evening we invited them to a religious discussion with a friend from the local college. He presented a statement about what made Christianity unique, but it was academic and hard to understand. When we opened it up for discussion, the fur flew! Another time she said she thought she was a Christian but not the way we defined it. Another discussion followed.
Eight years after we began, they said yes to joining our community Bible study. At first they sat quietly, but gradually they were drawn in. As we read and discussed Scripture, we watched God do his work in them. One night she said, “Trusting in Christ for salvation is what makes me a Christian, isn’t it?” Today even though we have moved, they listen to my sermon tapes weekly.
It’s about love
We hired a young woman to help my wife with housework. Her family was broken, and she was lonely. She had a terribly dysfunctional family. Half the time this woman was said to be cleaning our house was spent talking to my wife.
We discovered she was studying different religions to see what she would believe. We jumped at the opportunity. She attended a Bible study with my wife for a year. I had some long discussions with her about the gospel. She seemed so open, but at the end of that time she became a Mormon!
I find non-religious people remarkably open, even hungry, for friendship.
We were distraught. One Saturday we brought in a cult specialist to talk with her. There at our kitchen table, he grilled her, but she remained in her newfound faith. Heartbroken, we discovered her reason for choosing Mormonism was their sense of family. She didn’t understand most of their theology, but she knew they loved her. Our approach of assaulting her with truth was wrong. We should have taken her into our home to get her out of a bad family.
My sinner friends
I had studied the life of Jesus; he was accused of being a friend of sinners. Somehow he conveyed to them holiness and love at the same time. I wondered how to do this. I did not want to come across with a moral agenda, but they did need their sins forgiven.
This was a stretch for me. One night when we took a couple out for a birthday, it meant paying for the drink he ordered.
A while ago, we met a foreign couple who were students at the university. They lived in a rental home near the school on the other side of town. Our first initiative was to take them out for ice cream. We tried to get to know them, despite their broken English. It’s hard to talk for an hour when you do not speak the same language!
We discovered they were unmarried but living together. We invited them to our home for a meal. I had some reservations about exposing my children to their lifestyle, but God made it clear to me the issue was the gospel, not their immorality. If they believed in Jesus, he would clean them up. We even talked to our children about this.
We had a wonderful time together. We invited them to other family meals and holiday dinners, and they brought some of their country’s food. They included us in an “Easter party.” That warm spring afternoon, we met their friends. We even talked with one doctoral candidate at the university about the significance of truth in a modern world.
In the coming months, I had many religious discussions with them. He was into UFOs. She was curious about Jesus. Others joined us in befriending them. God even provided someone who spoke their language fluently.
Never once did we talk about their immorality. We loved them as they were and told them about Jesus. There was not much response. Then they told us they were moving to Florida. Just before they left, they called. “Can you help us find a church like yours in the town where we’re going?” I was surprised. We suggested a church. After they moved, we prayed for them and received occasional letters.
A year later, I looked out on Sunday and saw them sitting there. We had lunch together after church and learned they had come back to finish school. They seemed different. I asked about the church they had been part of, and they lit up. I can still hear their words: “We went to that church you told us about. It was a small church. The pastor met with us in a Bible study. Now we have believed in Jesus.”
A few weeks later, they asked about being baptized. We had them over for an evening to make sure they understood what they were doing. She was clear in her understanding of the gospel, but I found I had to help him or he simply parroted her words. We were concerned but felt we should go ahead.
She grew quickly in her faith and decided it was sin to live with a man who was not her husband. One day in my office, she told him, “I believe it is sin for us to live together.” We found her a place to stay with some folks from the church and even helped out with finances.
She moved out until they could be married. We began premarital counseling, and when we discussed what it means to follow Christ, he took offense. He told her he would not have anything to do with Jesus. That afternoon was the last time he ever spoke to me. He cut us out of his life and pressured her to come back.
This was a real battle of faith. Would she choose Jesus or her boyfriend? My wife and I took her into our home during one particularly stressful weekend. There were lots of tears, but she chose Jesus. Today she is married to a fine Christian man.
I look back on the last decade with joy. I have seen God use my life to help others come to know Christ, and it had nothing to do with being a pastor. It was simple human contact, pursued over time, built with love and acceptance, always inviting others to look at Jesus.
Mark Lauterbach is pastor of First Baptist Church in Los Altos, California.
1998 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. For reprint information call 630-260-6200 or contact us.
