Ministry Staff - Christianity Today

Working well on a pastoral team

When I interviewed for my present position, I was told I would work with three senior pastors in three years. The pastor in place had already announced his retirement. I would have eight months with him, then up to two years with the interim before the new senior pastor arrived.

As I considered stepping into this historic but rapidly shrinking center-city congregation, advisers told me repeatedly that the most significant factor for any associate is the rapport with the senior pastor. Now, five years later, the fact that I’m still at that church, still have all my limbs and a vibrant sense of call is due to one thing—God’s amazing grace.

Grace for me has come in discovering how I can shape my relationship with my head of staff. I have found that senior pastors also long for good relationships with associates they can trust. Here’s what I’ve learned.

Take the initiative

I did not do much serious dating before meeting my wife, Karen (okay, none actually), but I have been struck by parallels in the development of my relationship with her and how my working relationships have evolved.

At first there was uncertainty about the nature of our acquaintance. In long conversations over countless cups of coffee, the subtext was more important than the topic. We each were thinking, Where is this relationship going? Then, Can I trust this person? My favorite pre-marital counseling guide on communication would have been helpful in getting to know my heads of staff as well.

My biggest surprise has been in how much meaningful conversation I have been able to initiate. Breakfast and lunch invitations have resulted in significant discussions. As in the talks with the woman who would become my wife, I shared with the pastor dreams and goals, this time about ministry rather than marriage. And I listened to his hopes for our church. The important thing is that at first we simply spent time seeking to understand.

I suggested a few months back that the senior pastor and I take a day-long trip to Portland. Stop number one when we hit town would be a great used book store. Our only ground rule was that we could take no work along.

Offer private prayer

Another place where initiative has paid off is in requesting that we pray together. It is a real gift to pray with my head of staff when our prayers are not for public consumption. Our relationship is deepened when I am allowed to hear his heart cry. The trust issue is settled when I know he trusts me enough to bare his soul to God in front of me.

One of my three senior pastors told me that when he was hospitalized for surgery, a half-dozen pastors visited him, but none offered to pray for him. They had joked around a bit and left, assuming the pastor didn’t need or want their ministry as pastor. I was humbled.

Relationship Builders

Get to know your senior pastor: take some cues from courting.

Minister to your minister: provide prayer and pastoral care.

Confrontation can be positive: but do it behind closed doors.

Be the associate you’d like to have: one day you may have a staffer just like you.

In the emergency room with this same pastor after he suffered a broken collarbone, all I had done was crack jokes. The senior pastor rarely has all of his or her pastoral care needs covered, I learned. No one is above needing ministry.

Pastoral care for Pastor

Paying attention to what is going on in the pastor’s life makes me feel more connected. Brief notes prompted by my awareness that something important or difficult was happening let him know I care. My efforts have been met with gratitude.

Several months back I was late to a board meeting. I had stopped at the supermarket. The pastor likes Cheetos and I knew he was tired and dreading some of the business on the docket. I scribbled “tough meeting food” on a Post-It note, stuck it to the bag, and slipped the chips to him under the table. The brief grin he gave me was all the response I needed.

While I minister to members of the congregation, I have also found it possible to put my training into action with my senior pastor. Attentiveness, a risky question or two, and willingness to listen can be an incredible gift.

As an associate, I am more aware than most of the hits the senior pastor takes. In one instance I had witnessed a painful confrontation in a leadership meeting. I assumed the pastor had processed and moved past it. Over breakfast seven months later, he made several comments that revealed how deeply he was hurt. This only came out after we had covered the “business” we had to discuss. My ministry to him was simply listening—listening to things he probably wouldn’t say to anyone else.

My position as a staff member makes me aware of situations that the congregation (for reasons of confidentiality) will never hear about. That makes me uniquely placed to pray for the pastor.

It’s okay to disagree, privately

One of my best moments as an associate was when my first pastor thanked me for disagreeing with him. In the middle of a relaxed and meandering discussion about what needed to be done to enter the interim period, he said he had always wanted an associate he trusted who was also willing to stand up to him.

Even before this conversation, I had been amazed at his response in several disagreements. When I pushed through my fear to question something, he rose to my challenges, not as threats but as opportunities for real dialogue about things we both cared about passionately.

Thankfully, I had done my disagreeing with him in private. But I must also confess that I have slipped on occasion and challenged the head of staff in public—with much less positive results.

Comedienne Rita Rudner developed 50 rules for relating to and understanding men. One fits here: “Don’t try to teach men how to do anything in public. They can learn in private; in public they have to know.” It applies to senior pastors, male and female.

The times I have broken rank in public—even when I was right—have come at a cost. I have seen the flash of pain and the look of betrayal in eyes of a friend I have been intentionally seeking to love.

So I have learned to address disagreements privately—and carefully balance the negative discussions with the positive ones. We all take challenges best from people who are also free with affirmation.

My three pastors have generously complimented me. If I risk disagreeing with them, I should also offer authentic and heart-felt compliments.

Such welcome debate was not just a fluke of one relationship. With all my pastors in this congregation, some of our best conversations have begun with a point of honest disagreement. We have not always come to agreement, but these candid confrontations have not damaged our relationships but deepened them.

I expect that I will someday head up a staff myself. When I do, I will pray for staff ministers who will want to put as much into our relationship as I do. Strong staff relationships provide one of our best oppor- tunities to model Christian community for the congregation.

But I don’t have to wait. As an associate I can have amazing impact by intentionally investing in my senior pastor.

—Kevin Finch is associate pastor of First Presbyterian Church 1013 8th Ave. Seattle WA 98104 kfinch@firstpres.org