Harv's Etiquette for Meetings - Christianity Today

Every leader spends a great deal of time in meetings. Phyllis Ten Elshof, former editor of Your Church magazine, and current editor of CTI Resources, offers essential but often overlooked fundamentals to make meetings successful. You may find this a helpful column to share with ministry leaders that you’re training.

My first board meeting was a disaster.

Having been an eager participant in discussion, I thought the session had gone well. So when my supervisor later reprimanded me for improper conduct, I was shocked. His curt explanation “You talked too much” didn’t clarify matters. What was I supposed to do—be a silent observer?

Meetings that followed only confused the issue. Finally I turned to an old mentor for help. Harv gave me advice that helped chart my course through meetings that followed—both at work and at church. Here are a few fundamentals for effective meetings:

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Panicked paper shuffling, tardiness, and/or missing necessities (pen, note paper, etc.) are a giveaway that you haven’t prepared for a meeting. Anything you contribute from that point will be interpreted as “winging it.” By contrast, thoughtful reading through agendas and pre-meeting notes will boost your confidence and credibility.

CHOOSE THE RIGHT SEAT

The end chairs around an oval or rectangular table are usually reserved for leaders. However, some conveners may choose a center chair to help facilitate discussion. Tip: wait till others take their places before taking yours.

OBSERVE FIRST — TALK LATER

Every meeting is different, depending on its leadership and participants. Some leaders welcome discussion; others expect only respectful attention to speeches from a select few. Keep your mouth closed till it becomes clear what’s expected of you.

PARK EXTREME RESPONSES AT THE DOOR

Anger, impatience, or rambling put people on edge and divert attention from what you’re saying. “Too much passion will lose your case every time,” Harv said, “especially if you’re a woman in a roomful of men.” Win your way with well-researched, concise presentations.

DITTO FOR ELECTRONIC INTRUDERS

Anything that beeps, chimes or otherwise draws attention should be silenced before a meeting. If you take notes on a laptop, do so as quietly and unobtrusively as possible.

DON’T CHALLENGE — ASK QUESTIONS

Some meetings are inherently confrontational. Arguing in such a setting, however, violates the spirit of a meeting, which is to help one another understand opposing views. The hotter the meeting, the more necessary it becomes to stay cool, rational, and respectful.

STAY TUNED

In a group seated around a table, everyone is in full view. That means every yawn, sigh, grimace, twitch, or doodle you make could be interpreted as signs of boredom.

DON’T LEAVE TILL IT’S OVER

Leaving early could give the impression that your agenda is more important than that of other participants in a meeting. If you must be excused, inform the leader prior to the meeting.

I can’t say I’ll ever love meetings, especially ones that drag past their appointed time. But I don’t fear them anymore, thanks to Harv, whose advice goes with me every time I enter a conference room.

Phyllis Ten Elshof is editor of CTI Resources for Christianity Today International. To reply, write Newsletter@LeadershipJournal.net.