Not Singled Out

Singles ministry has been a vital part of our church for 20 years: singles classes, singles socials, singles retreats, singles small groups, singles service projects. All beneficial. But the range of needs for our never-married and newly-single adults has become broader and more urgent, which has led us to a different approach.

I was struck me three years ago while teaching a class on “Ministering to Aging Parents” when I suddenly noted that half of those attending were single! I realized that many of the hardships singles face are common to everyone.

Since then, our church has sought to offer both single-specific learning opportunities, and to eliminate some of the long-standing ministry silos, encouraging married and single adults to learn and serve together.

Three words characterize our approach with single adults. A starting point is helping the newly single stabilize, through divorce groups and grief groups, single parenting help, and practical care. Next, we help singles learn as they do honest personal assessment, Bible study, and connect with a small group. Then, while continuing to learn, singles serve in their areas of healing and expertise.

Even as we address single-specific needs, we emphasize repeatedly that they are part of a compassionate body. I can’t imagine helping single parents without the support of our children’s ministry, youth pastors, and other adult ministries. More and more small groups are formed with both married and single members.

As Carol, of one of our empty nest singles, put it: “I very much relate to couples because I was married for 25 years. I find it so helpful to ask their opinion when I need to make decisions. But I’m also able to minister to them, reminding them to never take each other for granted but to treasure their time together.

“As I reflect back, I wish that I’d taken more time to establish and maintain friendships with single women while I was married. Those friendships would have provided a better balance to my life then, and would have made the transition to being single less painful.”

Just as significantly, our worship teams, facility crews, women’s ministry, children’s ministry, and many others are dependent on the capable leadership of singles. Their gifting and unique stories make us a healthier church!

We’ve also been intentional in designing “marital-neutral” classes and support groups, such as budgeting and stewardship, parenting infants through young adults, joyful employment, conquering addictions, and helping aging parents. Crucial to the integration strategy is having singles lead and share their insight in those groups.

We’ve learned when developing an integrated environment to de-emphasize social events as the primary connecting point. Ministry teams and classes seem to be better settings. Those who have been wounded are understandably careful about new relationships. We have left in place some of the familiar singles fellowships, but those are not endpoints.

The task of integrating singles into the whole church is much easier because our church’s mission is to “present every person mature in Christ,” which gives us a constant mandate to move from where we feel safest, and to pursue the mystery of godliness with a variety Christian friends.

Mark Heilman Lincoln Berean Church Lincoln, Nebraska