Ah, November. With your noticeably shorter days and colder temperatures, you still manage to brighten our spirits with the warmth of pumpkin spice lattes and the start of another holiday season.
In the next eight weeks, we have two hallmark opportunities for Christ-followers to spend weeks rejoicing. First, we offer heartfelt gratitude to God for the abundance of his provision. And second, we commemorate the incarnation of our Savior.
We do what?
Translation: Soon we will celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. Yes, words possess the ability to simultaneously communicate and confuse, a paradox that poses a common challenge for us adults. Especially Christians.
Listen closely as we speak about spiritual life, and you’ll hear a language all its own. It requires years to learn, and that’s a problem. Christianity has the greatest message in the world, but it won’t have any impact when delivered with descriptions that sound like code to those outside the circle. This disconnect is even more obvious when it involves children.
In The Gentle Art of Communicating with Kids, Dr. Suzette Elgin clarifies this issue when she says, “The only meaning a sequence of language has is the meaning the listener understands it to have.” Consider the implications of her statement. It doesn’t matter what you say; what matters is how a child interprets what you say. Basketball Hall of Fame coach Red Auerbach concurred when he offered a tip to coaches: “It’s not what you tell your players that counts; it’s what they hear.”
So here’s the point: Children understand concrete terms and language better than they understand abstract terms and language. Simple to understand, for sure. But screaming with importance for anyone who works with kids.
Said another way, children are likely to be much more literal with language than adults. The adult application of this dynamic is easy—avoid symbolism or “religious” words. A few examples of what to steer clear of may help.
“Ask Jesus into your heart,” is a common confusion-causer. Sure, some kids understand this statement, but many don’t. Although a child might not say so, he or she is likely to feel confused as to how Jesus can physically fit into such a small space. A place inside his or her kid-sized body, no less. What the adult who says, “Ask Jesus into your heart,” really means is “Start today to begin a relationship with Christ.”
“Pay the price for your sins,” is another phrase to reconsider. A young boy in our children’s ministry program once told me he would try to save up his allowance to cover the payment himself!
Our challenge, then, is to avoid the use of analogy, symbolism, or any abstract wording that requires familiarity with a concept to understand. Likewise, we must take care to maintain the same meaning when selecting non-abstract terms.
A tempting shortcut to eliminate abstract language is to over-simplify the issue by merely avoiding difficult words. That, however, isn’t always the solution. Commonsense says we should not use long, complicated terms. “Substitutionary atoning sacrifice” contains three weighty words that most people wouldn’t dream of saying to a six-year-old. (And probably not even to one another!) But the simpler phrase “perfect lamb who carried my sins” can just as easily lead to confusion. Why would a tiny baby sheep carry sins? And why would anyone kill such a cute, innocent animal? Even relatively simple words can combine to form complex phrases or analogies that encrypt the meaning from children, who naturally assign literal meaning to words.
Jesus’ disciples provide an excellent example of how assigning literal meaning can lead to confusion. In Matthew 16:6, Jesus warns them, “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees and Sadducees.” Even though the disciples heard him speak in parables on other occasions, they jumped to a literal translation of Jesus’ imagery. They assumed that he was referring to their failure to pack bread for their journey. With a touch of exasperation, he explains his meaning, and “then they understood that he was not telling them to guard against the yeast used in bread, but against the teaching of the Pharisees and Sadducees” (verse 12).
Today’s children should not be expected to understand more than Christ’s disciples! The answer to the dilemma of abstract wording is to use concrete, literal terms. Clarity requires that we use the words kids need to hear, which likely differ from the words an adult typically speaks. Although there’s nothing technically wrong with “laying my sins at the foot of the cross,” the words “telling God I’m sorry for the wrong things I’ve done” conveys the same message in a more easily understood manner.
Sensitivity to the issue of abstract language can obviously decrease as children’s ages increase, but so does their likelihood of becoming Christ followers. Pollster George Barna’s research shows that children are most likely to become Christians before age thirteen. As a person who beat the odds and gave my life to Christ as an adult, I know that at any age, people outside the family of God will benefit from concrete language in discussions about faith. In 1 Corinthians 2:1, Paul provides an excellent model to follow: “When I came to you, brothers and sisters, I did not come proclaiming the mystery of God to you in lofty words or wisdom.” [NRSV]
Yes, “offer heartfelt gratitude to God for the abundance of His provision” might sound okay to you, “Thank you, God, for…” works much better with children. In less spectacular fashion, you might end up surprised if you review your lessons for abstract language. Better yet, ask kids for feedback. They’ll tell you what makes sense and what doesn’t. Literally.
Adapted from the chapter “Communicating with Kids” found in Leading Kids to Jesus (Zondervan, 2006).
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David Staal, senior editor of Today’s Children’s Ministry, serves as the president of Kids Hope USA, a national non-profit organization that partners local churches with elementary schools to provide mentors for at-risk students. Prior to this assignment, David led Promiseland, the children’s ministry at Willow Creek Community Church in Barrington, Illinois. David is the author of Words Kids Need to Hear (2008) and lives in Grand Haven, MI, with his wife Becky, son Scott, and daughter Erin. Interested in David speaking at your event? Click here
©2009, David Staal
