Excitedly one Christmas I ripped off a present’s wrapping paper. I hoped to see one of those video games you could get at Blockbuster in the ’90s, like Excitebike or Double Dragon—their very names promised adventure. Instead, the Nintendo game I opened was called Bible Adventures. The letdown was something awful. While I’m sure the historical Noah was pretty cool, playing him on Nintendo decidedly was not. I remember feeling so bad that I felt guilty for not wanting the game. But I decided to try it. It still wasn’t exactly fun, but I played. Although I never came to love it, I grew grateful that my parents tried to buy a game that would please my siblings and me.
We like to think of gratitude as an overflowing feeling directed at others—an outpouring of love and warmth. But sometimes warmth doesn’t come. Even still, another’s kindness deservesour gratitude. What are we to do when we don’t feelgrateful but know we ought to be? Is gratitude duty or an emotional response?
We must often practice and embody gratitude before we feel and experience it in our hearts. The key is choosing to practicegratitude as a habit, not an emotional state. Gratitude may come spontaneously, but more often, it is a habit, choice, and action in response to what we know to be true.
The Bible speaks about the importance of thanksgiving, emphasizing the actionof giving thanks rather than the emotionof gratitude. For example, 1 Thessalonians 5:16–18 reads, “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Notice it doesn’t say, “Feel thankful in all circumstances.” The command is “Give thanks in all circumstances,” even when your parents give you the wrong video game.
Similarly, Paul writes to the Philippians, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (4:6–7). Prayer must include thanksgiving alongside requests. The implication is that in seeking the peace of God, we must first acknowledge God’s blessing. This, again, is action, not necessarily feeling.
Because of the influence of expressive individualism, we tend to believe that what is real and authentic is what we deeply feel, what comes from inside us intuitively. Expressive individualism is the belief that we establish our identity only when we look deep inside ourselves, discover something, and express it authentically to the world. This modern ideology inclines us to trust our inward senses over external sources. In this model, what is most real is what comes from deep inside us, what we discover about ourselves. So if we discover that we are grateful, then we are grateful.
But if we do not feel grateful, then the best we can do is try to persuade ourselves to feel that way and hope it works. As Christians, we can recognize that what’s objectively real and authentic is that we owe God and others gratitude, whether or not we feel it. It’s only a question of how we will act on that gratitude.
Once you begin thinking about gratitude as an action and then secondarily as an emotion, a whole world of thankfulness opens up. If you sit and wait to be thankful for the blessings God has given you, you may never feel grateful. Like nine-year-old me, you may even feel guilty for not feeling thankful. Or you may grow bitter over the blessings you have received. It is only when you accept that you have been blessed and choose to act on that objective reality in response to a generous God that you are freed from bondage to your emotions.
Our emotions are the currency of our social media feeds, as companies target ads that play upon our vulnerabilities. Algorithms remind us of our inadequacy, comparing our lives to others. Billboards invite us to indulge ourselves. The world affirms our passions and confirms our discontentment. The world whispers in our ear that whatever we have, we have earned ourselves, and we deserve more, infinitely more. It tells us that whatever good blessings God has given us are insufficient, paltry things that cannot sustain us. It is our birthright to have our desires fulfilled.
For each of us, some of God’s gifts will feel like the Bible Adventures video game that Christmas morning: out of place, disappointing, and hard to accept. It may be our jobs, our homes, our marriages, our friends or lack of friends, our bodies, our minds, our finances, or our very lives.
But whatever the situation, our obligation is to be grateful. There are three steps we can take to form a habit of gratitude instead of waiting for the feeling. First, we can pray, “Lord, you have blessed me with more than I can imagine. Help me to recognize those gifts, even when I don’t feel thankful. Teach me to love them as you meant for me to love them.”
Second, we can humbly look for blessings. Humility is key, because if we are not humble, we may overlook the good gifts God has given us and assume they are our own works. When we start looking for blessings, we rightly recognize our dependence upon God, and thankfulness can become a more natural outcome.
Third, we can speakand perform gestures of gratitude to God and others. Once we have identified a blessing, an act of kindness, or a gift from God or a neighbor, our natural response should be to speak words of gratitude, write the person a note, smile, or give a hug. Maybe our feelings will be there; maybe they won’t. It is no matter. The goodness of giving and sharing the love of God in thanksgiving remains whether or not we feel it.
Our God, who honors the humble, will give us the ability to be grateful if we practice these habits. You may not feel gratitude all at once. You may never feel it as much as you’d like. But you can choose to act out gratitude with your life. I never came to love Bible Adventures. It’s not a good game. But I acted out gratitude to my mother and father by loving them. And whether or not I feel it, it is good.
O. Alan Noble is associate professor of English at Oklahoma Baptist University and author of three books: On Getting Out of Bed: The Burden and Gift of Living, You Are Not Your Own: Belonging to God in an Inhuman World, and Disruptive Witness: Speaking Truth in a Distracted Age.
