It's tough being a pastor's kid. I should know. I married a pastor's kid, and we now have four pastor's kids of our own. Nearly everyone assumes pastor's kids are either rule-following goody two-shoes or rebels, ready to run counter to their parents' beliefs. It's not just members of our church who look to them as pastor's kids—their "PK" identity extends to everyone they interact with, from their math teachers to baseball coaches.
Living under the shadow of these pressures and preconceptions can be incredibly discouraging, but there's a flip side to being a ministry kid that more than makes up for the tough stuff. Pastor's kids have an incredible opportunity; they get a front row seat to see God at work… if we let them.
Too often, though, we don't let them. One of the biggest mistakes my husband Kerry and I made when our oldest sons Ryan and Josh were growing up was our reluctance to share our struggles with them. A lot of parents know this feeling. We've seen the statistics, and the outlook for Christian kids doesn't seem good. Barna Research found that more than half of churchgoing teenagers will leave the church as young adults—some temporarily, some permanently.
I can remember Kerry and I being overwhelmed at times with situations at church when the kids were younger but somehow managing to pull it together and hide our frustration. It wasn't that we wanted Josh and Ryan to think we were perfect. We just assumed that the boys would interpret our struggles as a by-product of being in the ministry rather than a by-product of being human. We gave them far too little credit.
By keeping silent about our struggles we inadvertently taught Ryan and Josh to mask their own hurts and insecurities. They were outwardly doing the whole "good Christian kid" thing, but they were dying on the inside. Instead of experiencing life in all its fullness as they'd been promised, by their late teenage years our boys felt empty. In college they looked in the usual places for ways to fill their emptiness, but nothing worked. Bravely admitting to God, and then to us, that they felt they were living a secondhand faith, they decided that if you don't believe in God because of your own convictions there is no point in pretending that you believe at all.
Now 23 and 24 years old, Ryan and Josh have written Firsthand: Ditching Secondhand Religion for a Faith of Your Own to share their story. It's a brutally honest account of their faith journey. Ryan and Josh realized that the first step in owning their faith was to be set free from religion and embrace their personal relationship with Christ. They write, "One of the most liberating and powerful statements of all time comes from the lips of Jesus: 'You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free' (John 8:32). The only way we've been able to experience freedom is by making the choice to get completely gut-level honest with God and others." Through honest conversations with Kerry and I, their friends, and most of all God, they ultimately came to embrace a faith that was their very own.
This is not a story of a picture-perfect pastor's family; we are not that family. Looking back I can see that my husband and I each tried too hard to shield our children from our particular religious baggage. And when I say tried too hard, I mean we were less than honest about our own doubts and feelings of inadequacy. Ryan and Josh challenged us to share our struggles with them, explaining that hearing about our pain and mistakes made them feel less alone in their own.
As parents, we have to acknowledge that our periods of doubts, our questions about Christianity, and our frustration with the church at times aren't the things that drive our kids away from the faith they grew up with. Actually, it's the opposite. These moments can deepen their beliefs by showing them how difficulties point us to prayer and dependence on God. A healthy Christian faith doesn't avoid struggle—it sustains it and grows from it. Kerry and I are still learning how to demonstrate this for our children and create an environment where they know they don't have to be perfect and where we can comfortably bring forth our struggles with each other and with our loving, gracious God.
In their quest for an authentic faith, my children have become my teacher. One of the first songs I sang to the boys when I snuggled them close as babies was "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Now that they're men, Ryan and Josh have shown me that that first simple truth is the most profound.
Chris Shook is the director of International Missions at Woodlands Church near Houston, Texas, a church founded with her husband Kerry Shook. Chris is the co-author with husband Kerry of the New York Times bestseller One Month To Live and One Month to Love. She has been married for 29 years and has four children.
At the 15th annual Biola Media Conference over the weekend in Studio City, Calif., Hollywood veterans told attendees how difficult it is to make movies in a brutal recession, much less even think about launching a production studio.
The closing session featured a candid conversation between Ralph Winter, Terry Botwick and co-host Phil Cooke, titled “Nightmare on Media Street: The Ugly Truth About Launching a Production Company in 2010.” Botwick, executive producer, former SVP of programming for CBS and Pres. and COO of Big Idea Productions, and Winter, producer of the X-Men Trilogy, Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes, the Fantastic Four movies, and Wolverine, discussed one of their recent ventures, a production company, which subsequently hasn’t done well despite their resumes. The candid talk was a dose of reality for students and attendees as they learned how the economy has hit the film industry and the challenges those in the industry are currently facing.
Nearly 600 attendees — hopeful students, film industry moguls and media — attended the conference. Disney veterans Dick Cook and Mark Zoradi were among the featured guests. Zoradi, former president of Disney Motion Pictures Group, was presented with the 2010 Briner Impact Award, given semi-annually to recognize those who have made significant contributions in the world of media. Cook, former chairman of The Walt Disney Studios, discussed with co-host Phil Cooke (see picture at top right) his beginnings at Disney as a steam train operator to his success with the Pirates of the Caribbean films. He emphasized the idea that “content is king” — films must be driven by content that relates to the viewer and, simply put, is good.
Workshops throughout the day entertained and informed guests on topics such as the significance of social media, secrets of box office success, introduced the latest technology in the media industry, and even discussed the horror genre. Speakers included media moguls such as Stan Williams, script consultant on six of Will Smith’s latest films, Perry Lanaro, VP of Finance for Paramount Pictures, and Brian Godawa, screenwriter for To End All Wars, Cruel Logic and author of Hollywood Worldviews: Watching Films with Wisdom and Discernment.
Also, Walden Media president Micheal Flaherty talked about the founding of Walden and then showed footage from the upcoming Narnia film, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
