A young farmer warned me my first year in Pardeeville: “Might not be too many men in church next week, but don’t take it personal. We’ll all be out looking for our buck.” He was right. Five years later, I still steel myself for minimal male attendance the Sunday before Thanksgiving.
Here in rural Wisconsin, one of the year’s high and holy days is the opening day of deer season. Preparations begin long before. In September hunting gear appears on the shelves of the local True Value: rifles, shells, scent, and jumpsuits in brilliant hunter’s orange. It’s all pointing to the big day: the Saturday before Thanksgiving.
The absence of men that weekend is tolerable because it’s only once a year, but there is a chronic absence of men from many of our churches, which is intolerable. The United Methodist General Board of Discipleship reports that in the 1950s their membership had a ratio of 53 percent women to 47 percent men. Today the male percentage has fallen to 39 percent. A constant lack of men is a serious problem facing many pastoral leaders today.
Both Scripture and the social sciences teach us that the absence of a father is debilitating to the human family. The family of God also needs fathers, sons, grandfathers, and brothers to be healthy.
But we in ministry tend to give most of our time and attention to women. Father Tom Forrest warned the participants at the 1987 Synod on the Laity that many pastors are shy and insecure in their contacts with men: “Because it is so much easier to win fruitful response from women, a priest can allow his ministry to become comfortably centered on an exclusive circle of women. It is tragic whenever this happens.”
I’ve seen this same tendency in Protestant churches. We pastors see women who are faithful workers, and quite naturally, we focus our attention on them. Men require a different kind of attention, often long-term. But if we want to restore men to an active role in congregational life we must make them a priority in pastoral care.
In most cases we needn’t worry that such an emphasis will cause the women to fall away. Think of how many women attend church without their husbands, but how very few men attend church without their wives. The side that needs attention is clear.
Strategies to reach men
Here are some specific strategies I’ve used to help keep men in our fellowships.
1. Male pastors can take advantage of being men. The first initiative is personal: male pastors can appeal to men by emphasizing their own masculinity. (Other strategies, discussed beneath, are appropriate for female pastors as well.) We don’t become macho, but we can find ordinary occasions to make it clear which gender we belong to.
To the average guy, pastors often seem sissified: we are verbal; we work at a desk with books and paper; we have soft hands. Our image problem isn’t new. In the nineteenth century, Sidney Smith observed, “As the French say, there are three sexes-men, women, and clergymen.”
Soon after arriving in Pardeeville, I had some brake problems with my car, and I discussed it with a young man in the congregation. Later, word came back to me that he’d been impressed that I knew something about cars. He’d thought all pastors were ignoramuses when it came to anything mechanical.
It seems strange that such an insignificant thing should open doors for ministry, but often the little things build credibility more than major ministry efforts. The normal man has to worry about worn-out brake shoes; he’s reassured to know his pastor does, too.
Pastors can use many ways to encourage people to think of them as real men-ways that suit their gifts and personality. Some pastors will share hobbies such as fishing, softball, or home improvements with men in their congregation. Others will have a commanding physical presence or a firm handshake that leaves few doubts about their gender.
Another acquaintance of mine hunts avidly. One Sunday, during the children’s sermon, he illustrated obedience by having his hunting dog go through its paces in front of the congregation. The picture of that man and his dog won’t quickly leave the minds of the men and boys who were there.
2. Aim some church activities specifically at men. Men like to be away from the opposite sex at times. It’s good to have certain places where the pressures of relating socially to the opposite sex are absent. Deer hunting provides this; the church can, too. Men have deep spiritual needs that rarely will be shared as long as there are women around.
I attended a male-only conference a few years ago. The speaker had been involved in fighting pornography, and he challenged us to be pure. A number of men publicly confessed to failure in this area, repented, and were prayed for. Although such confession might have happened in a mixed conference, I have my doubts.
Two programs men have received well here are our weekly Bible study and prayer meetings for men and our annual (with occasional lapses) canoe trips to the Boundary Waters Canoe Area for men and boys. These programs have developed friendships and led to spiritual growth.
3. Recognize that men like to get physical. Studies show that mothers tend toward fantasy play with their children, but fathers roughhouse on the living room floor. What does this mean for churches? We’d do well to provide an outlet for men and boys to get physical and spiritual at the same time.
When I was in high school I had a youth pastor who never hesitated to wrestle, waterski, run, or throw people into the water. At times some eyeglasses were broken, and occasionally feelings were hurt, but the message got through: the family of God is open to men being men and boys being boys, and no one’s going to yell at you for burning off your energy within appropriate limits. Spirituality was not equated with prissiness.
This same youth leader arranged trips to the poorer counties of eastern Kentucky, and physical work-painting, building, cleaning-were the day’s activities. In the evening, however, we led revival services, and each service had a sermon preached by a guy in the group.
My youth leader presented us with a model of a Christian husband, father, and man. Consequently, the number and quality of boys involved in the youth group was exceptional.
During the past five years, our two churches have had a number of opportunities for men and boys to get physical. When a tornado hit a couple of farms a quarter mile from the rural church, we spent a couple of days cleaning up broken trees, tearing down buildings that had been blown apart, and collecting tin and sheet metal deposited by the twister in the surrounding fields. Two farm fires have given us other days to grunt, sweat, and pull together.
On numerous occasions I’ve heard farmers lament the passing of the days when the rural agricultural community worked together haying, threshing, raising a barn, clearing tree stumps, or picking stones. They remember the wonderful sense of community and ask whether such neighborliness is gone for good. By providing a time for physical work within our churches, we show the community the church is still the center of that. Meanwhile, the men of the church have a niche the pastor can share with them.
When our women went on strike
Recently our church leaders were discussing the need for positive role models for so many of the Sunday school children who come from bad home situations. We talked about the need to provide these children time with solid Christian men who would be loving, sensitive, and firm.
One woman at the meeting suggested all the women who have been teaching Sunday school go on strike!
What started as a joke quickly became a serious discussion and, eventually, was implemented. The next year our Sunday school teachers were, with one exception, men. Only a couple of teachers initially had negative reactions, and after they had the venture explained, they were glad to go along. And what did we gain?
For starters, ten men studying their Bibles every week in preparation for their classes. Then, also, ten classes of students with a weekly model of Christian masculinity. Ten classes of students who could see that Jesus, the Bible, and the house of God aren’t just for girls. After all, Chuck Dykstra-the preschool teacher-is one of the best trap shooters in the area. And Lee Barden has the dairy farm right across the street. Joel Staveness is a barrel-chested steamfitter and a strict union man. And every one of them has a life that is a clear testimony to their love for our Lord Jesus Christ.
It was worth the short-lived controversy.
-Tim Bayly
Rosedale Presbyterian Church and
First Presbyterian Church
Pardeeville, Wisconsin
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