EDITOR’S NOTE
We received an unusually large volume of letters, mostly via e-mail, in response to Susan Wise Bauer’s “No One Knows Best” [Nov./ Dec. 1998]. Many of the letter writers had apparently been directed to the article on the Web and were under the misapprehension that Bauer’s review appeared in Christianity Today. The letter by Dena Bernhard below is representative of many such responses.
Baby Talk I am sorely disappointed in Susan Wise Bauer’s comparison of Gary Ezzo and his publications, such as the Babywise series, to actual, proven, recognized experts in the field of child development such as T. Berry Brazelton. It seems to me Bauer has a most definite bias in writing this article—she herself must use the parenting techniques touted in the Babywise books. Do you realize that the over 15,000-member American Academy of Pediatrics has issued a warning about the Babywise series? CHRISTIANITY TODAY reported on the problems related to Babywise and other books authored by Mr. Ezzo on February 9, 1998. Why, now, do you publish an article that equates Gary Ezzo, who is by no means an “expert” in child development (nor would he provide any names of the experts he claimed to be in contact with, as CT acknowledges in the above article), with world-renowned experts such as Brazelton?
Also, only Gary Ezzo equates demand feeding (albeit his own distorted, unrecognized by the medical community, definition of demand feeding) with “child-centered parenting.” Yet Bauer’s article puts the two (child-centered parenting and demand feeding) together as though they are equal and always have been. The AAP recognizes the baby-led schedule is the optimum feeding schedule for babies.
One of the basics that Bauer’s article completely misses is that many critics object to Babywise and other Ezzo material because Ezzo attempts to make a moral issue out of well-known child development issues. Exploring food with hands is a basic and necessary milestone in a child’s development and has no basis in a child’s morality. And believe me, not every parent who allows their children to explore food with their hands also allows the child to give his/ her food to the dog, or smear the walls with food. It’s absurd and insulting to suggest that parents who don’t follow Ezzo’s suggestions for high-chair manners are allowing their children to do such . …
Dena Bernhard dbernhar@harris.com
I give a hearty huzzah for Susan Wise Bauer’s review “No One Knows Best.” She gives sound insight for parents trying to make sense of the bewildering world of parenting punditry. My wife and I had our first child in April and, like Bauer, have also been following a modified version of Gary Ezzo’s Babywise method. Our modified approach to Babywise developed out of an “interpretive community” similar to Bauer’s suggestion. A group of families composed of friends and family scattered over several states who were all attempting the Ezzo approach formed an ad hoc support group that allowed for shared experience and situation-specific advice. We found that people whom you know and who know you are much more able to guide than a distant guru.
Interpretive communities like these do not operate in a vacuum. Certain shared principles concerning child-rearing must serve as the basis of the community. Although our approach deviated from Ezzo’s Babywise ideal in many ways, I could not help but assent to the basic principles of parental direction, schedule, and discipline—that is, expecting of your child at least what you would expect of a puppy.
Here is the real irony in many of the more “liberal” or “enlightened” approaches to parenting: while professing to be more “humane,” these approaches actually treat the child as a sort of subhuman who cannot really be expected to exercise self-control. The approaches to parenting that profess to be child centered often end up being very parent centered.
One need not be an advocate of authoritarian patriarchy to see the problem with much of contemporary parenting instruction. I am staying home with our son while my wife works; it seemed to work out best this way given our current situation. But regardless of whatever future arrangement is made, we are committed to the idea that our child needs our presence, our love, our discipline, our consistency, and to the idea that sacrifice is often required. A child is not a Chia pet.
Our approach is neither child centered nor parent centered; it is centered on the notion that the best life is only achieved through sacrifice and discipline by both parent and child within a context of abundant love. Much of the permissive literature is motivated by an unwillingness to put limitations on the desires of either parent or child. The permissive mantra seems to be “Do whatever you want, let the child do whatever he or she wants, and everything will turn out all right.” And, if it doesn’t, there is always Ritalin.
Mark A. Childers Grand Rapids, Mich.
Susan Bauer replies:
Dena Bernhard repeatedly accuses me of “bias.” I am not sure why Brazelton, whose advice is purely secular and often just plain nonsensical, should be recognized by Christian parents as an “actual, proven, recognized expert in the field of child development.” Nor do I understand why the American Academy of Pediatrics, an organization that my own pediatrician describes as in serious conflict with his Christian beliefs, should be accepted as the final word in child training. If I had recommended Brazelton and criticized Ezzo, would the writer then recognize me as being free from bias? In any case, “No One Knows Best” was not about the Ezzos, nor about any particular parenting method. Rather, it endorsed Julia Grant’s conclusion: Parents should use the advice of “experts” only in the context of a community that can help interpret and apply this advice. Clearly, the writer has done this with Brazelton’s feeding recommendations, since she approves of food experimentation, but not of Brazelton’s suggestions that children should be able to smear their dinners wherever they please. Thousands of couples have followed the same path by successfully adapting the Ezzo suggestions to fit their own families—as Mark Childers’s letter testifies.
B&C
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