When polled, a majority of men in America check the pro-life box. But when two blue lines appear on a pregnancy test, many remain reluctant to voice those views.
“It’s like they don’t want to say the wrong thing and they don’t take a hard stance out loud,” said Amy Ford, cofounder and president of Embrace Grace, a nonprofit that equips churches to minister to expectant mothers.
Fifty four percent of men identified as pro-life, compared to just 32 percent of women, in a recent Gallup poll. In practice, those who work in the pro-life movement say many men are reluctant to express those views in public—or in private when faced with unplanned pregnancies.
Care Net president and CEO Roland Warren believes a big reason they don’t say anything is because they have bought into the pervasive cultural narrative that a man has no right to care about an unborn child until the mother decides not to have an abortion.
“Unfortunately, because of what’s happened in the culture, men have been trained that the right thing to say is ‘I support whatever decision you make,’” Warren said.
Warren and other pro-life advocates want to see that cultural norm change. They wish the pro-life sentiment that shows up in polls would get voiced aloud when it matters most. Pro-life advocates believe men can and should voice their views on life, especially in their personal relationships.
“We’re talking about the intentional killing of innocent human lives,” said Sean Corcoran, CEO of Men for Life. “That is not a women’s issue. That is not a men’s issue. That is a societal issue.”
When a woman tells a man she is pregnant, she is in a vulnerable position and is often looking for reassurance, Corcoran said. The father of the child has an opportunity at that point to address those fears.
“They need to speak to the woman’s concern—the concern that she’s going to be alone, that she’s not going to be able to afford this, that this is going to negatively impact her life,” Corcoran said.
Corcoran believes it’s important for a man to show that he’ll be there in some fashion, even if the relationship hasn’t been figured out and the status of that relationship needs to be a separate conversation. He encourages each man to show that he’ll be there through the pregnancy, help raise the child, and provide financially.
Warren knows a bit about how rewarding it can be when a man steps into the role of father.
He and his girlfriend, Yvette Lopez, were halfway through their degrees at Princeton University when they found out she was pregnant.
A professional at Princeton University’s student health services encouraged her to abort. Yvette was studying to be a doctor, and a baby would be an obstacle in that path.
Warren was scared. He had grown up in a single-mother home with four kids. He knew nothing of fatherhood.
Against the advice around them, they chose life, got married, and proved the naysayers wrong as they finished their education and pursued their careers while raising their child.
That experience and a growing understanding of Scripture helped Warren create a philosophy of pro-life ministry that includes men.
When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, Warren believes, Christians should consider an important question.
“If you can change everything except the fact that she’s pregnant,” he posited, “what should Christians want to have happen?”
He believes the story of Mary’s unexpected pregnancy with Jesus is a great precedent that highlights God’s call of Joseph to step into the role of father and husband.
Ultimately, Warren said, Christian pro-lifers want the woman to be supported and the child to be raised in the fear and admonition of the Lord. But you can’t get any of that if you don’t engage the guy.
That’s why Warren has put an emphasis on ministering to men during his 11 years as president of National Fatherhood Initiative before joining Care Net in 2012 as president and CEO. For many years, he said, crisis pregnancy resource centers have made the mistake of ignoring a man’s role.
“When I started at Care Net, less than 10 percent of Care Net-affiliated pregnancy centers had anything for men. Now we’re close to 65 to 70 percent,” he said.
One of the best ways he’s found to connect with a man is to have his partner invite him along when she contacts a crisis pregnancy center.
After a couple makes contact, the staff can begin to show the father how involved he needs to be, countering the cultural message that pregnancy is none of his business. Showing a man the life of his child—connecting with his abstract, quiet pro-life beliefs—can be really powerful too.
“When he goes to the ultrasound and he sees that life in her womb, something happens in his head. It becomes real for him,” Warren said.
Once fathers see their role, Care Net tries to teach them the skills to be good fathers and husbands.
This programming helps grow the man’s confidence that he can be a father. It also reassures a woman that her partner will be able to support her.
Embrace Grace also has a group focused on men called Embrace Legacy. It’s a chance for soon-to-be fathers to learn from older men.
“If these young men could have mentors that would disciple them and take them under their wing and help them dream, I think it would change everything,” Ford said.
When fathers don’t step up, Ford believes other Christian men can play a valuable role by using their gifts to help support single women.
Embrace Grace holds a special event for women called Princess Day, where they focus on their identity and worth in the eyes of God. One Embrace Grace support group decided to take it a step further and have men of all ages line the path the women walk into the event, holding signs with words of identity: chosen, loved, brave.
“These girls, they walk into this room, and they have to go through this tunnel, and they are bawling. Like they’ve never had men speak life over them,” Ford said.
Brian Walker, program director at Pro-Life Action Ministries and cofounder of Rich in Mercy, said a lot of men haven’t had anyone speak goodness into their lives either. He said having godly men show up for young men facing the reality of fatherhood can be transformative.
Sometimes, he said, when he stands near abortion facilities and tries to engage in peaceful conversations with people considering abortion, protesters will yell things at him like “no uterus, no opinion.” But he remembers 40 years ago: When he and his girlfriend decided to abort their child, he wishes someone had talked him, telling him his child was a real human being and he had a right to want to see his baby born.
Maybe if he’d spoken up, they wouldn’t have had an abortion. Outside clinics, he sometimes gets the opportunity to engage in deep conversations with men. They’re often surprised, he said.
He recalled one conversation ended with a young man saying, “Thank you, I’ve never talked with a man [about this] before.”
It showed him an important truth. Men’s voices are needed.
There’s a fatherhood crisis in America, Walker thinks. That’s part of the cultural problem that led to abortion being legalized. And it’s part of the problem that keeps men silent even when they have thoughts and feelings about the lives of their children.
But there’s a solution, according to Walker: “Men in the pro-life movement can exhibit being a father,” he said, “and exhibit our Father who art in heaven.”
