“Good day, Reverend. Do you have a few moments to.… Good. Here’s my card. Why don’t we sit down and I’ll explain our service. What is it? Well, idyll spelled IDL—oh, you’re not familiar with us? Interior Decorating for the Lord is a subsidiary of Evangelical Amusements, which has just been bought by Yatsumitso. Yes, that’s right, the company that made your sanctuary piano. The chairman of the board has read all the marketing reports about the evangelical boom—we are a very successful company, let me assure you—and since Yatsumitso was already in the churches, in a manner of speaking, the chairman decided to test the waters even further.
“Now, I can see by looking around your office—this is where you do all your counseling, right? Yes, I thought so. Had many successes? Many troubled souls found peace and security lately? Sorry to hear that. Are you sure you aren’t rationalizing? Oh, I grant you that prayer is a part of it and that God’s time is not always our time. But he did give us minds to figure out better techniques to make his message more, shall we say, accessible to our generation. And that, not to put too fine a point on it, is why I am here.
“What can I do? Didn’t you have courses in counseling in seminary? Right. That’s no longer enough. In fact IDL is putting together a seminary course based on our proven techniques of office decoration. Perhaps your successor will have his counseling degree with an emphasis on color scheme or furniture placement.
“Yes. That’s what I’ve been talking about all along. Look at the color of this office. White may be fine for hospitals, but not for a pastor’s ...1
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