Lifestyle Evangelism: Winning through Winsomeness

Let the beauty of Christ attract unbelieving friends and neighbors through you.

Just what is evangelism? Some think it is only what Billy Graham does, and the pastor doesn’t do. Others believe it is a mugging mission out into foreign territory. Others see it as fishing in a stained-glass aquarium where the big fisherman casts his lure over the pulpit to catch the unsaved fish.

God’s evangelistic strategy is beauty. Evangelism starts with the beauty of God, and it also involves a beautiful bride, the church. God desires that through our lives the world will see his beauty.

But confusion reigns over how to define beauty. For example, some prefer blondes, some brunettes; we disagree on the subjective definition of beauty. But for an objective definition, the Bible has some striking ideas. Isaiah said, “You will see the king in his beauty” (33:17). Elsewhere Scripture speaks about the “beauty of holiness.” Anything that is truly beautiful ultimately reflects the beauty of God himself; he is the standard.

In Ezekiel 16 we read that God poured out his beauty on his bride, Israel, to make her beautiful: “Your fame spread among the nations on account of your beauty, because of the splendor I had given you” (v. 14, NIV). So beauty is the possession and expression of the very nature of God. Anything beautiful expresses something of the integrity, symmetry, order, and orderliness of God himself.

What God did for Israel as his bride he is doing for you and me as members of the bride of Christ, the church. A passage like Ezekiel 16 provides a fine description of the building process by which God instills the qualities of his own character into our lives.

Israel is described here as a baby thrown out on the rubbish heap (v. 4), despised on the day she was born. That is what redemption is all about: God takes us from the rubbish and makes us royalty. That miracle of redemption begins a process that, for the church, will continue until the day of Jesus Christ as we become his workmanship. Beauty can be perceived in the midst of our incompleteness and brokenness as the Spirit of God begins to weave in us a tapestry formed from the strands of his character. His very presence becomes seen in us with increasing clarity.

Of Israel God says, “I made you grow like a plant of the field. You grew up and developed and became the most beautiful of jewels.… I dressed you in fine linen and covered you with costly garments. I adorned you with jewelry. You advanced to royalty. And your fame spread to all the nations on account of your beauty.”

Critical Clue

There is God’s evangelistic strategy in a nutshell: He desires to build into you and me the beauty of his own character, and then put us on display. God wants us to recognize that his chief means of communication is a man or woman whose life is open to the non-Christian community.

Unfortunately, the average Christian has no non-Christian friends, and tragically, the non-Christian has no Christian friends. But when men and women have an opportunity to get close enough to you and me to observe something of the beauty of Christ being formed in us, then, in the midst of our imperfections, they can see hope, beauty, the fruit of the Spirit, and they become interested.

Beauty was to mark the life of Israel as a people: the way they loved one another and supported one another. It involved their institutions, the way they did business, and their relationships within family units and tribes, and also with surrounding nations.

So it is with us. When an individual, a family, or a corporate body of believers is moving together toward wholeness (holiness), a credible lifestyle emerges, and the potential for effective witness increases dramatically. Because this is true, evangelism is a way of living beautifully, and of opening one’s web of relationships to the nonbeliever.

We can compare this beauty to music. Many evangelistic training programs concentrate on the words, the tools—the bridge, or the “four spiritual laws.” Few teach us how to play the music: that beauty of character God wants to suffuse through our lives. People need to hear this music; then they will respond to the words. And they need to hear it before they hear the words.

Basically, evangelism is less something we do—a project—than something we are. I don’t want to be anyone’s project; neither does your neighbor. It is worth your time to build a relationship with that neighbor—even if he never trusts the Lord. After all, he is made in the image of God. At least let him hear the music of the gospel.

Who Can Communicate?

Aristotle pointed out three features of a good communicator that help us see what is involved in this beauty, this music. They are ethos, pathos, and logia: an ethical nature, a caring nature, and a message. If we possess the beauty of integrity (a good reputation), and if we feel for people so that we are learning to care about their hurts, we are playing the music of the gospel. As you and I make ourselves slaves to others, they will hear the music. This involves practical actions—like noticing your neighbor teetering on a ladder, and going to help him fix his eaves. It means unplugging his toilet, taking meals to his sick wife, and picking up the mail when he is away.

If we are playing the Lord’s music, in serving our neighbors we will not be looking down, but up. They will know the difference. Paul was among the Thessalonians in this way because they “had become dear to us.” I suspect this attitude explains why 80 percent of new converts I have heard of have had a Christian friend.

When others see we are people of integrity who care, they may be interested in what we have to say. Sometimes we look down on them because we dislike the way they live. In doing this we effectively cut them off. But Paul notes in 2 Corinthians 4:4, “The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers.” So should we not regard them less as enemies than victims? We all have to do battle with the invisible world. We must not be put off by the effect of these forces on our neighbors.

Church Strategy

It is helpful to ask three questions as we consider the strategy of evangelism: (1) What kind of people does the church want to deploy into the world? (2) What kind of church produces that kind of people? (3) What kind of leadership team makes that kind of church possible?

We would agree, would we not, that we want to deploy people who have the fruit of the Spirit? They must be learning to receive love, joy, and peace from the Lord.

How do we answer the question of what kind of church produces such people? The question arises because the evangelistic potential of a person is directly related to the health of the community with which he associates. In Acts 2:47, for example, we see that the Lord was adding daily to the church such as were being saved. We learn from the preceding verses what kind of church God was working through to achieve such a remarkably effective evangelistic mission.

First, the church emphasized instruction: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching.” Doctrine and Bible study were treasured among them. Second, the church believed in fellowship: rather than isolating themselves, the people came together to use their gifts. Third, the church engaged in worship: education and fellowship were rooted in personal touch with God. The people declared his worth (the meaning of “worship”). Fourth, the church specialized in serving others. People supported one another and reached out in love to their neighbors. And last, they played the music; they found opportunity to say the words.

What kind of leadership team made that kind of church possible? The answer is a team that is a mini-body, a proper behavioral model for the church. If the team members have no desire to learn and worship, or if they lack unity and hope, the church is not likely to have these qualities either. God does not put healthy babies in defective incubators.

According to the New Testament, to lead means to model. Effective church leaders are to lead “intentionally”—they are to consciously follow the guidelines God gives them. As Paul says, “Set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity” (1 Tim. 4:12).

If we merge the qualities we find in the three New Testament passages about the leadership team (the elders or governing board), we discover 20 traits. These include being above reproach, temperate, able to teach, not lovers of money, hospitable (1 Tim. 3:1–7; Titus 1:5–10; 1 Pet. 5:2). What would it would be like to live next door to someone like this?

Hospitality

Note especially the word “hospitable.” The Greek term literally means “a lover of strangers.” Now, we often invite fellow Christians over to eat or talk, but are they the strangers of this passage? Is it not more realistic to understand the term as characterizing church leaders who invite their non-Christian neighbors over so they can get acquainted?

My wife and I met a variety of people in an apartment house where we lived while I was attending seminary. There were students, homosexuals, prostitutes, mechanics, divorcees, and singles. We determined to befriend and influence them for Christ. On various occasions I had to break up fights; beer bottles were thrown through our bedroom window at night; our lives were threatened. In spite of this, we spent many hours with these people. They often ate with us, bringing their beer cans and ashtrays. We tried to take one couple out to dinner each week. Our home circle was an open circle and they came, they laughed, they cried, they listened, they watched, they talked, and some believed. They heard the music and asked about the words. Authenticity is the key. When we come to grips with this, evangelism becomes not a project but a lifestyle of beauty.

I estimate that 95 percent of those in the pastorate today have no non-Christian friends. What model of evangelism do they provide their people? Jesus said that “everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher” (Luke 6:40). We must pray for our pastors. The demand on them is severe. They need God’s help to be models of, for instance, hospitality.

To Witness Or To Separate?

But there is another basic question: Can we mix it up with the non-Christian community and still avoid the appearance of evil?

I believe the greatest barriers to effective evangelism are cultural, not theological. Few non-Christians have a theological axe to grind. Paul’s famous statement about being “all things to all men that by all means I might win some” (1 Cor. 9:22) means at least this: “If I’m going to take seriously the responsibility of reaching other people, I need to understand where they are coming from, and enter into their mindset. I need to become a naturalized citizen of their world.”

There will, of course, be a tension between penetrating the community and restricting an activity because of the weaker Christian brother. (Here we must first distinguish the needs of the genuine weaker brother from the demands of the “professional weaker brother” who uses the argument for separation to achieve isolation.) I believe one of the church’s failures is that we have disengaged too much. At any rate, Scripture suggests that the diversity of conduct of equally zealous believers will be striking (1 Cor. 9:22 and Rom. 14).

If we are to be in contact, we will clearly be involved in issues of separation. We must distinguish between the world system we are weeding out of our lives, and the non-Christian who lives in that world as a victim of the Enemy.

It is helpful to think of a culture as our acquired way of coping. I see four possible responses to culture. First, rejection. Here we retire into our fortress, raise the drawbridge, and leave the world to its own devices. But we are called to penetrate, not to withdraw. An ambassador penetrates, using relationships as the means through which his message flows. We must, however, maintain a radical difference from the world and be a holy people. We must separate ourselves from influences we cannot cope with at our present stage of maturity.

The second response is the opposite: immersion. Christians immersed in the culture emphasize radical identification, but they fail to maintain radical difference. They become indistinguishable from the world, and ineffective in evangelism.

“Split adaptation” describes a third reaction to culture, and is a blend of the first two. Here a Christian goes to church on Sunday, adopting separation as a pattern. But during the week he follows non-Christian policies in such matters as business ethics.

I believe the proper biblical response to culture is the fourth approach, critical participation. We are dual citizens of heaven and earth. God has involved us in a redemptive mission that has cultural implications. We maintain a radical difference, but are not socially segregated. We are to strike a balance between radical difference and radical participation.

Our radical difference is supposed to be holiness, not legalism; only holiness makes radical participation with non-Christians a legitimate option. God expects us to communicate, but without contamination.

Neighbors

We are called to love our neighbor—but what does that mean? According to the parable of the Good Samaritan, a neighbor is someone we can help. In fact, “neighbor” means “to be nearby.” So the Christian neighbor must develop the capacity to draw near.

This is more likely to happen if we see that evangelism is a process, not a project. It begins with cultivation—an approach to the heart; then there is seed planting—an appeal to the mind; finally there is harvesting—an appeal to the will.

Different people may be used at different points in the eight stages that lead to salvation. But suppose in your life you influence 100 people to take the first step of moving from a negative to a positive attitude toward the gospel. That gives you a significant part in God’s enterprise of evangelism. Yet I am sure that if your neighbors hear the music, some of them will ask you about the words, and now and then one will become a Christian.

To be radically different is to be like Christ. If we become like Christ and then move out to identify with the world, we have discovered the key to evangelism.

I have heard of a realty firm that divided their city into “farms” of 500 families each. A realtor was responsible to make contact with each home in his farm once a month by phone, letter, or personal visit. It took at least six contacts for a homeowner to remember the realtor, but if the agent maintained that pattern for 18 months, he would receive 80 percent of the listings for that area. If a realtor can show interest from merely a financial motive, surely we, in the same way, can show interest in our neighbors out of eternal motives.

In fact, I suggest that each of us choose a “five-family farm” and seek to become well acquainted with the people in it.

Here are some concrete steps to take:

1. Visualize the Spirit of God hovering over your neighborhood. As he prepares hearts, may he not lead you to them? As you jog or drive through your neighborhood, don’t just see houses and lawns, but people. Think people, and pray, “Lord, you know who is ready to respond. Lead me to that person.”

2. Extend social relationships. Open your home and family to families in your neighborhood. Some will click with you.

3. Build friendships. Be hospitable by using your home. Have people over to try your recipe for homemade ice cream, or your special barbeque sauce on hamburgers. (A formal dinner is probably not a good idea.)

4. Use common interests like tennis, stamp collecting, birdwatching, sewing, or reading followed by discussion of the books.

5. Capitalize on special events and holidays. One fall I borrowed my dad’s cider press, and neighbors brought over apples. We had a fine time making cider in the garage—and came to know people in the process. Another time we joined two other families to sponsor a Christmas party for our neighborhood. At some point we gathered in the living room and all shared an account of our most memorable Christmas. This bound us together.

Be sensitive to people’s needs. If you hope to be involved in the lives of people, you’ll be there when they want to talk about their pressures. Often it is costly—being with a wife whose husband has just left her, night after night, caring, crying. Often you won’t say anything; you will just be there. There seems to be a correlation between the people we serve and those we win for Christ (1 Cor. 9:22).

Finally, be alert for appropriate harvest vehicles—home Bible studies, concerts, businessmen’s breakfasts, Christian athletes giving their testimonies. (Ask yourself what would interest your neighbor.)

In all of this, be a seed planter. There will be opportunities in your friendships to communicate bits and pieces of the gospel, and some of your personal testimony. Remember, you are a living epistle. A neighbor once asked my wife, “What’s it like to live with a holy man?” My wife set her straight on that—but it was clear that people were listening, watching, thinking.

But avoid the mistake of backing up the evangelical dump truck and dropping the whole load on a neighbor who shows the slightest glimmer of interest. An effective seed planter drops a seed—and then listens well to see if he is given permission to go further. If he isn’t, he should stop.

Words As Well As Music

After a neighbor has seen that you are a person of integrity, and that you care about him, a time will come when, having heard the music, he will be ready to ask about the reason for the hope that is in you. Then you must be prepared to share the words.

First determine how ready he is: what do you know of his pilgrimage? What has been his response to germinal ideas? Has he drawn close to you, trusting you? Ask some questions, such as, “Bill, where are you in your spiritual pilgrimage?” If he seems prepared, you might then say, “Sometime I’d like to share with you some principles for getting to know God.” Then you shut up and listen. If you get a negative response, stop your questioning and cultivate the relationship further. But if he says, “I’d like to talk them over with you sometime,” you can ask, “When would be a good time?”

If he backs off, you should back off, for you have gone further than his comfort zone will allow at that point. Listen for clues. When he is ready, get together to share the gospel. If he responds well, ask if there is any reason why he couldn’t receive Christ right then.

So we see that we must first cultivate (by establishing relationships), then plant seeds, then harvest. Or, to change the figure of speech, neighbors must first hear the music by becoming aware of the beauty of God forming in our lives. In time some will want to hear the words to that music.

If we keep in mind that evangelism is a process guided by the Holy Spirit, we are likely to find that God will use us to help our friends meet the Author of both the words and the music.

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