Divorce: Stanley Dilemma Underscores Troubled Clergy Marriages

Members of First Baptist Church (FBC) in Atlanta voted October I to retain Charles Stanley as pastor, despite a threatened divorce and recent resignations by several staff members, including his son, Andy. The 157-year-old congregation has historically refused to allow divorced men to be pastors or deacons.

In a members-only meeting behind locked doors, the elder Stanley told more than 3,000 people that it is not God’s will for him to leave. “If God tells me I’m finished at First Baptist, I’ll move,” Stanley said. “I’m not going to step down in disobedience to God.”

Stanley, 62, has risen to national prominence during his 23 years at FBC through his In Touch media ministry, best-selling books, and 1984–85 presidency of the Southern Baptist Convention.

Criticism of Stanley has grown recently as efforts to reconcile his 40-year marriage have failed. Stanley has publicly taught that a divorced man is disqualified from serving as pastor. He told the congregation at a specially called meeting August 13 that he will step down as pastor if his divorce is finalized. However, he has made no statement about abandoning his preaching role on the $35-million-a-year In Touch radio and television ministry.

Stanley and his wife, Anna, have lived separately since 1992. Anna Stanley filed for divorce in 1993, agreed to a reconciliation attempt, and then refiled for divorce in March. “I have been dismayed at my husband’s refusal to accept the critical state of our marriage,” she said in an August 14 statement. “Instead he has made repeated announcements from the pulpit that progress was being made toward reconciliation, when in fact, the very opposite is true.” A jury trial is scheduled to start November 27.

Andy Stanley resigned in August as pastor of FBC’s suburban satellite church, established in 1988, saying, “I felt my father should step down as the leader of FBC.” Attendance at the suburban congregation averages 4,000, slightly higher than the downtown church.

The recommendation to keep Stanley as pastor, approved earlier by deacons 35 to 3, passed easily on a hand vote. During the August meeting, Stanley agreed to a deacon-approved plan to relinquish his administrative duties for an unspecified time. He made it clear to the congregation October 1 that he is still in charge. “Somebody has to give direction,” he said.

TROUBLING TREND: The rising problem of clergy divorce mirrors the rise of all divorces in America. From 1970 to 1990, there was a 65 percent increase in divorces nationwide, according to federal statistics.

Today, one-quarter of female and one-fifth of male, clergy have been divorced, according to a multidenominational survey conducted by Hartford (Conn.) Seminary. The findings, released in July, indicate that the highest percentage of divorced clergy are Unitarian-Universalists (47 percent of women and 44 percent of men) and Episcopalians (30 percent and 25 percent respectively).

The nation’s largest Protestant denomination, the Southern Baptists, had a divorce rate of 17 percent for female and 4 percent for male pastors. In all these denominations, many, particularly the women, were divorced before entering seminary or full-time ministry. Other studies by Focus on the Family and LEADERSHIP journal consistently document a troubling level of marital dissatisfaction within the typical parsonage.

“The church itself is part of the problem,” says syndicated religion columnist Mike McManus, author of Marriage Savers. “Too many congregations have a track record of not helping couples bond together through premarital counseling, not helping marriages at midterm to be strengthened, and not saving marriages at the end of the line.”

DENOMINATIONAL DILEMMA: Faltering clergy marriages have caused many church leaders to re-evaluate their standards on clergy divorce and remarriage.

Conservative bodies, such as the Assemblies of God, Christian and Missionary Alliance, and Presbyterian Church in America, generally have upheld a no-divorced-pastors policy, but not without vigorous debate.

Many larger mainline denominations have significantly adjusted their standards or been unable to articulate what their standards are. For example, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) announced in August the denomination could reach no consensus on divorce and suspended efforts to issue a policy statement.

Regardless of whether the shift of standards has been small or great, almost every Bible college, seminary, denomination, and ministry to pastors is seeking ways to strengthen clergy marriages.

One recent development is the use of diagnostic tools by firms such as Minneapolis-based Prepare/Enrich, Inc., which can accurately predict if a couple’s marriage is headed for divorce.

David Ferguson, an SBC pastor with a doctorate in psychology, has formed the Center for Marriage and Family Intimacy, based in Austin, Texas, exclusively for pastoral couples. More than 3,000 couples, representing 17 denominations, have gone through its two-day seminar since 1993.

In September, the South Carolina Baptist Convention brought in several national leaders for a three-day “Shepherding the Shepherd” conference for pastors and spouses. The state convention is also in partnership with the Baptist Medical Center in ten different locations so that any SBC pastor and family can receive counseling from a certified specialist on a subsidized basis.

Clergy-divorce statistics show no clear-cut sign of turning around. The brightest hope comes from history. “One would prefer that clergy set an example rather than follow society’s lead,” says Dennis Borg, a licensed family counselor and professor at Alliance Theological Seminary in Nyack, New York. “Yet present reality, barring revival, is that if society remains steady or again affirms the value of intact marriages, so also might America’s clergy.”

By Warren Bird.

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