Jump directly to the Content

Calling Killers

How I discovered three dangerous illusions about my ministry and identity.

I was an angry man. But I didn't know I was an angry man. I didn't think I was perfect, and, yes, I knew I needed others in my life, but I lived as though I didn't. When my wife, Luella, would approach me with yet another instance of this anger, I would always do the same thing: wrap a robe of righteousness around me, activate my inner lawyer, and remind her once again of what a great husband she had. I would go through my well-rehearsed and rather long list of all the things I did for her, all the ways I made her life easier. On one occasion, I got on a roll and actually said, "Ninety-five percent of the women in our church would love to be married to a man like me!" Luella quickly informed me that she was in the five percent.

I was a man headed for disaster. The gracious and patient pastor our congregation saw in public ministry was a very different guy from the irritable and impatient man at home. I was increasingly comfortable with things that should have haunted and convicted me. I ...

Subscriber access only You have reached the end of this Article Preview

To continue reading, subscribe to Christianity Today magazine. Subscribers have full digital access to CT Pastors articles.

Homepage Subscription Panel

Read These Next

Related
Ur Video: Dallas Willard on the Gospel
Ur Video: Dallas Willard on the Gospel
It's about getting into heaven before you die, not after.
From the Magazine
I Wasn’t ‘Tough’ Enough for My Street-Fighting Family. God Showed Me I Didn’t Have to Be.
I Wasn’t ‘Tough’ Enough for My Street-Fighting Family. God Showed Me I Didn’t Have to Be.
How a quiet, bookish kid came to faith while living among rageaholics.
Editor's Pick
Hard-Copy Bibles Aren’t Just Nostalgic
Hard-Copy Bibles Aren’t Just Nostalgic
As a seminary professor, I’m requiring the physical book in class. Church should do the same.
close