When Meanings Collide

It would be difficult to underestimate the importance of communication in pastoral work. Beyond preaching, there are the tasks of leadership and care. But being human as we are, communication is often clumsy. The challenges of conversation are compounded by hidden biases and unrealistic assumptions. Every conversation is a meeting of meanings. That is, when we enter dialogue, we bring with us a worldview—a certain means of understanding the world. This informs our meanings that define reality—our perceptions of God, circumstances, people, and ourselves.

The potential for misunderstanding is great. In pastoral communication the single most significant tool is listening. We listen to enter into the other person's meanings, to discover where they come from, where they are, and where they need to go. Good listening does not come naturally. It has to be intentional. Good listening also trusts that every conversation is an opportunity to engage the truth of God that can shape our worldview. But before we can seek true meanings, we first need to seek the truth of one another.

The conversations of Jesus in the Gospel of John provide several models for effective communication. In every encounter, Jesus exhibits several constants that shape his dialogues with others. One, Jesus is authentic in self-revelation. There is no pretense or cover-up. He is what we see and hear. Two, Jesus always seeks the truth of God in all social encounters. Three, in every dialogue Jesus has an intention. He is fabulous with sarcasm, irony, and humor, but he always returns to his original intent. Four, Jesus is a good listener. He listens to God and he studies people. What he perceives from God and others shapes his responses.

Redirect the conversation

In John 1:43-51, after his encounter with Jesus, Philip intuitively reaches out to Nathanael to meet the person whom he is convinced is the Christ. Nathanael tips his bias when he says that "nothing good can come from Nazareth." As a student of the Torah, Nathanael is well versed in Genesis. Knowing this, Jesus redirects his prejudices towards a redemptive end. He engages what Nathanael knows by using the Genesis patriarchs as his starting point. Jesus' "with whom there is no guile" is an allusion to Genesis 27:35. Jesus playfully flips the text's description of the duplicitous Jacob to describe Nathanael.

Jesus' intention is to reveal himself in language that Nathanael can embrace. He seeks an intellectual understanding that leads to an emotional acceptance of his identity, not as a man from Nazareth, but as the Christ from God. When Nathanael prematurely exclaims that Jesus must be the Son of God, Jesus reassures him that he "will see heaven opened, and the angels of God ascending and descending on the Son of Man." Again, Jesus uses a patriarchal image (of Jacob's dream) as his context for self-revelation.

Seek a teachable moment

During Jesus' Passover with his disciples, in John 14:15-24, Philip asks, "Lord, show us the Father, and it is enough for us." After a gentle reproof, Jesus recognizes that this question provides a powerful teaching moment. Knowing that his death is imminent, Jesus needs to prepare them for his departure. He has talked about the Holy Spirit before, but this night Jesus gives a fuller doctrine of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit's presence will become Jesus' own presence with them. "I will not leave you as orphans," Jesus promises.

The disciples are genuinely inquisitive. Even in their ignorance and oblivion, their hunger for truth provides a teachable opportunity. Accepting the reality that they are not yet capable of grasping all that is said, Jesus patiently opens his disciples to the truth of the Holy Spirit. A teachable moment does not guarantee immediate understanding. The disciples will have to wait for the coming of the Holy Spirit to gain a better awareness of the Spirit's work. This teaching encounter at the Last Supper affirms that those who seek truth learn best in conversations with the teacher.

Adam and Austin

Now consider how these principles Jesus exemplifies might work out in a contemporary context.

First, consider the story of Adam. Adam is two years out of seminary and is in a storefront church in New York City. His first years of pastoring a small congregation fill him with uncertainties and doubts. After struggling alone, he reaches out to his former pastoral studies professor. Not surprisingly, Professor Lewis remembers him. To warm their initial awkwardness, they talk about the Yankees. Then Lewis asks, "How's your church doing?" Adam is transparent in sharing his angst, "I preach, I teach Sunday school, I lead prayer meeting. But I don't know what else to do to build my church."

As Lewis listens, he realizes that Adam has an uninformed pastoral model. He also perceives his interest in baseball. Finding this common context, Lewis redirects Adam to baseball as analogous for pastoral work. He says, "I find it fascinating that baseball is the only sport where the manager wears a uniform with a number. He is both a leader and a team member. I think a pastor is very much like a baseball manager. A pastor is both a leader and a team player. To do church work, he works with a team to lead, train, practice, coach, and manage them."

The analogy makes sense to Adam but he still finds it hard to grasp its implications. At the end, he asks if Lewis would meet with him on a regular basis to talk about his baseball model for pastoral work. Lewis agrees.

Now consider the story of Austin. Austin and Pastor Kelly have known each other since Austin's seminary years. Austin, now a youth pastor, meets with Kelly once a month. In fact, Kelly looks forward to their time together because Austin is teachable. He meets up with seminary students and pastors regularly. Many want to know God better but not many want to change for the better. Austin is an exception.

At every encounter, it is Austin's concerns that dictate what they talk about. In their last meet-up, Austin struggles with not knowing what to do when he disagrees with his senior pastor. "As the youth pastor," he concedes, "I'm not sure it's my place to oppose him. But I disagree with him strongly about the direction of the church. If I don't say anything, I feel bad because I'm not true to myself." So they spend the next hour talking about conflicts and how to manage them. They also talk about the pros and cons of being a young pastor. Kelly affirms, "Even if you're sitting in the second chair, you can still have influence. It all depends on the level of loyalty and trust in your relationship with the senior pastor."

Unbeknown to Austin, Pastor Kelly has his own rules when entering dialogues: one, he listens for understanding, not for opportunities to express his opinions; two, when Austin is talking, he will never interrupt, regardless of how urgent are his comments; three, he will not give counsel unless asked, and even when asked, he waits for Austin to ask several times; four, he can also gain from their encounters, thus he should seek it; five, people trust their own voices more than outside voices, so whenever possible, he will get out of the way to let Austin hear his own voice.

Meeting of meanings

A pastor's effective communication is a ministry of presence—where our presence becomes the presence of Jesus. It is a ministry of proclamation—where our presence participates in the truth of God. It is a ministry of dialogues—where our presence enters into conversations with others that go beyond chit-chat. The moment we enter communal life, immediately there is that meeting of meanings. How well we engage these meanings depends on how we enter dialogues.

The people we encounter may be strong or weak, knowledgeable or ignorant, devout or secular, troubled or well adjusted, difficult or easygoing. Whatever they bring into our conversation, it is up to us to make that meeting of meanings meaningful. In pastoral work, too often our instinct is to say something to contribute to conversation. Meaningful dialogues are built on intentional listening. It assumes that before we can better contribute to communal life, we first need to know better those in communion with us.

John L. Ng has retreated from pastoral ministry and seminary teaching and lives in New York.