Dr. Kathy Koch, the Founder and President of Celebrate Kids, Inc., has influenced thousands of parents, teachers, and children in about 25 countries through keynote messages, workshops, seminars, assemblies, and other events. We interviewed her about her latest book, Screens and Teens: Connecting with Our Kids in a Wireless World and the advice she has for parents dealing with technology.
1. Studies are showing that kids are introduced to pornographic images at younger and younger ages. Are parents and church leaders aware of the potential dangers of all their devices?
Many adults are aware of the dangers of things like pornography, but they may not be aware of the variety of devices that can introduce kids to these images. We need to remember that many handheld devices can now be connected to the Internet and television shows can be streamed on many devices that start with “i”. Kids may innocently search YouTube for a relevant video for a school assignment and have X-rated videos appear without warning. All of this can occur in our homes and when our kids are with friends. That’s why protecting our kids by accessing parental control services available from cell phone providers, Internet providers, and software we purchase is wise, but not 100% effective. Pastors and parents are not aware of technology’s deeper dangers that should concern us. For instance, because almost all technology and platforms are driven by drop-down menus, children's brains are being wired to expect choice. The belief that they must have choices can cause children to argue and complain more frequently when adults don't offer them choices. Additionally, technology may teach them to make choices based on what makes or keeps them happy, and in some cases that could involve pornography. We need to be aware of this dynamic as we teach them to how to make good choices.
2. I think a lot of Christian parents are wrestling with the tension of using technology for good and also protecting their kids from potentially harmful content. How can they navigate this tension?
We certainly need to parent by faith and not by our ability to protect our kids. Relying on Godly wisdom, parents can begin equipping their children from the time they’re young to make wise choices, so they get to practice making good (and poor) choices while the stakes are low. Children with good decision-making skills can help protect themselves by choosing to avoid certain games, websites, movies, and the like. Being able to discern good from evil also prepares them to quickly turn away from and delete harmful content they do come across. I want to remind parents that it's equally important that they personally model healthy uses of technology—in terms of what devices they use, why, when, and how often. You can introduce your kids to the learning potential of specific sites and devices as well as the fun we can have individually and together. Modeling healthy technology use is one part of the equation. The other side is accessing parental control services to protect children from stumbling on to harmful material.
We certainly need to parent by faith and not by our ability to protect our kids.
3. A generation ago, teens might endure social pressure or bullying during their school hours, but be able to go home and leave it behind. But today it seems social media platforms and smart phones have created an environment where they can't escape this. How do you advise parents and church leaders on helping teens navigate this new world?
I advise parents and leaders to make sure they are available. Be fully present when children come to them with concerns about bullying and peer pressure. We must hear their hearts and not just their words. They need us to feel their pain, anger, and anything else before we try to fix the situation. This empathy makes us safe and approachable. Then once we've really heard their concerns, we can ask them what they would like us to do, if anything. Don’t assume what the next best step will be or that they’re ready for our input. We can talk about choosing friends, knowing when to compromise and when not to, and how to end relationships that are unhealthy. We can model healthy relationships. We can remind the hurting teen what is true about him or her (i.e. you are loved, you are valuable). If we consistently reinforce these truths, they’ll recognize the lies and some lies won't be able to penetrate as deeply.
4. What surprises you about your work among teens and technology?
I’ve been pleased by how many teens thank me for pointing out that some of their beliefs and behaviors are sin and rooted in their use of technology. For example, they don’t realize, until I share, that increased self-centeredness can be due to posting in social media and paying attention to “the like factor.” They realize they’re impatient, but don’t believe they can change. When I share its connection to things like the speed of the Internet, search engines, and getting instant scores on their games, they have an “ah-ha” reaction. I share that God will not rewrite the Bible for their generation and patience will always be a fruit of the Spirit. Most laugh, nod, and when I ask if they want to follow Christ or Twitter, they choose Christ.
When I share the connection to things like the speed of the Internet, search engines, and getting instant scores on their games, they have an “ah-ha” reaction.
5. What is one myth about teens and technology that some might believe?
There are those who don’t see anything good about technology and its connections to the big questions about life. But, this is one of the greatest things tech offers our young people. For example, many teens want to improve the world and it’s partly because technology allows them to see what’s wrong where they live and around the world. Through websites, videos, and materials that show up on their social media sites, they’re exposed to raw, unedited, real-time footage of sadness, injustice, war, and other tragedies. Unless they’re surrounded by pessimism, they usually consider how they can effect change to improve the world or their corner of the world. Many are doing more than thinking about it. They’re already doing something.
Daniel Darling is vice-president of communications for the Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission. He is the author of several books, including his latest, Activist Faith.
