I‘ve been here before and I don’t like it. Rejection hurts. Recently, I spent three months interviewing for a position—three months of answering philosophical questions, submitting videos and recordings, meeting on conference calls, and finally making an on-site visit. When things didn’t work out, I felt like the groom in a Julia Roberts movie. Left at the altar.
I needed a recovery plan.
My first reaction was to rant. Twenty years ago my wife would have told me to go into computers, but now even that option doesn’t look so good. She held her tongue and listened. God bless her.
Next I went to a quiet place. I’m a worship pastor, so I turned to worship.
Worship is the first step in positively dealing with pain. Job did it right when he lost everything. “Job tore his robe and shaved his head.” (Is that an ancient form of pity-rant?) “Then he fell to the ground in worship” (Job 1:20). Of course, Job voiced his complaint to God later in the story. But that’s part of worship, too. Worship is more than just praise, thanksgiving, and adoration. Worship is engaging God with an honest heart.
The Psalms are full of lament and complaint. “How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?” (Ps. 13).
Worship with the Word and an honest heart brings perspective. It reminds us who we are and affirms His lordship over our life. The psalms of lament end with statements of praise and trust in God. Worship births hope for the future.
For me, a vision for life without my “dream ministry” began to emerge. With some perspective and some hope, here are some intentional steps I took.
1. Ask what went wrong. It’s humbling and may hurt a bit, but I needed to know why the church did not choose me. I learned I did not present myself well. In hindsight, I was too laid-back and overconfident.
Find out where you were perceived to be weak and make a plan to fix it. It is information that you will need if you plan to seek another position in the future. The person who dialogued with you the most in the interview process will have a good read on what went awry.
2. Confer with people who know you well. After you’ve been wounded, you need affirmation. Look for people who will be honest with you and who also understand your deepest yearnings. I’m a musician and the source of my frustration comes from my aesthetic needs and desires. Fortunately I have a few mature friends who understand that. They heard me, encouraged me in my dreams, and reminded me that eternal values transcend personal longings for achievement.
3. Re-evaluate your current situation. I realized I’m dealing with only one major frustration. It’s a great church and I have wonderful people that I answer to. I’m blessed in my current position. I’m formulating a plan to help me deal with the frustration.
I’m also beginning to understand God’s grace in keeping me in my current position. Moving would have been a hardship on my family. In addition, I have just started a doctoral program. Stepping into a larger ministry would have made it more difficult to devote myself to studies.
On the other hand, I’ve been in settings where I knew I had to leave. In one situation, I searched more than a year and came up short in the final stages two times. After the second rejection, I was emotionally drained. I resigned to become a public school teacher. God gave me two of the worst classes that I ever heard of, and reconfirmed my call to ministry!
I still have my moments of discouragement, but I know God will lead me where He wants me in His time.
Bob MyersSioux City, Iowa
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