The summer after college, I accepted a full-time staff position at a large Christian camp. I loved my co-workers and was quickly welcomed into the tight-knit “family” of staff and spouses.
One day, I made a trip to the grocery store in town with one of my male colleagues to shop for an upcoming banquet at camp. Because he and his wife were like brother and sister to me, and because we were working closely together on this event, we thought nothing of running this errand together. A few days later, however, I learned that the man had been confronted by another staff wife for spending time alone in a car with a woman. Shortly thereafter, I too was sternly reprimanded for such inappropriate behavior.
As a female leader in the predominately male world of ministry, that incident has stuck with me. Did my colleague and I commit a sin? Did we exercise poor judgment? Or was our action really a non-issue, blown out of proportion by others?
The foundational premise in Mixed Ministry is that men and women should view each other as brothers and sisters in a spiritual family, and that this mindset will transform how the genders interact with each other in ministry settings. Just as siblings can experience feelings of endearment without sexual entanglement, so ministry colleagues can work together in a spirit of brotherly and sisterly love, mutual respect, and protection.
Yet the authors correctly point out that many church leaders are afraid of mixed ministry. Unsure of how to relate to the opposite sex, and because of some bad experiences, they often run from it completely. But doing so, the authors explain, actually increases the chance for sin.
“Leaders don’t admit they struggle,” they write, “and what stays in the dark has a secret place to grow.” One of the best things about the book is how it challenges leaders to engage in conversation about this weighty issue.
The brother/sister metaphor is both theologically accurate and non-threatening. The authors give several examples of “sisters” in the New Testament (including Mary, Phoebe, Priscilla, and others) lauded for their effective ministry. They then apply the sibling framework to contemporary culture and ministry. Of course, while the sibling metaphor is helpful, it is important to remember that all men and women are tainted by sin and that even family relationships can be flawed. For example, King David’s son Amnon rapes his sister (2 Sam. 13).
Perhaps the most helpful discussion in the book was Henry Rogers’s chapter on “Wise Boundaries and Fences.” Rogers describes eight of his own boundaries for his relationships with women; however, his point is not to provide a strict set of rules, but to encourage all leaders to prayerfully develop their own boundaries to protect themselves, their marriage, and their ministry. This is a good place to mention that I’ve thought and prayed long and hard about this, and I believe my shopping excursion during my camp days was acceptable.
Another key point mentioned several times in the book but perhaps not emphasized enough, is that leaders are responsible for their own emotional and spiritual health. Contrary to the opinion of some, men can control their sexual urges. Women can learn to meet their emotional needs outside of the workplace. Again, the point is not legalistic safeguards, but emotionally healthy relationships.
One aspect of the book I found troubling is that it is primarily written by two women (Edwards and Matthews) and sometimes takes a plaintive tone, as if trying to convince readers why women should be included in church leadership. At the same time, they seem to assume a limited view of women’s roles in ministry—that is, that women should be relegated only to leading women’s ministry. The result, in my opinion, is an unintended perpetuation of the very mindset they are purporting to challenge.
For these reasons, I’m not sure whether the book’s overall tone and structure will reach the people who need to hear it the most. Nevertheless, Mixed Ministry delivers a great message, provides helpful discussion questions, and offers a much-needed challenge to re-think and engage in deep and profitable dialogue about a serious and perennial issue.
Angie Ward is a Leadership contributing editor and founder of Forward Leadership.
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