Although it had happened many times before, this time it jolted me. As I was praying, my mind began to wander. As soon as I discovered what was happening, I reprimanded myself. I forced myself to return to the prayer list so I could maximize my time.
That’s when it hit me: In what should be an intimate meeting between the heavenly Father and one of his children, I’m operating from a businesslike agenda. I wouldn’t permit myself to veer off the subject into random conversation. I simply left no time to be “inefficient.”
The more I pondered this irony, the more I recognized how I had adopted an efficient, albeit sterile, prayer life.
My prayer list had become my agenda. I had reached a point where I felt guilty whenever I got hung up on one item and didn’t cover the rest. Worse yet (or so I thought), some days other subjects interrupted my thoughts and I never made it to the list.
It dawned on me, however, that I don’t organize time with my wife like that: “I’m sorry, honey. We have spent enough time talking about today’s activities. It’s time to move on and express our love to each other.”
No, our conversation flows with the moment. In fact, sometimes we exchange no conversation-we simply enjoy being together. Come to think of it, some of our best times involve sitting in our favorite espresso shop and quietly listening to the music.
Could it be the same with God?
The beauty of spontaneity
Perhaps pastors struggle with this more than others. We’re expected to be organized. I certainly like to begin and end on time, and my daily calendar is an integral part of my life. I get discouraged when I catch myself wasting time. In this age of computerized efficiency, perhaps we have looked to God as simply a heavenly resource who dispenses answers to prayer, instead of a loving, heavenly parent with whom we can visit.
To enjoy the beauty of inefficient prayer takes time. I suppose scheduled prayer is better than no prayer at all, but I think we need moments when time doesn’t matter, when we can simply be with God and ignore the pressures of the clock.
Biblical models substantiate that. David could write of the splendor and majesty of God when he took time to “consider the heavens.” Isaiah could hear the unexpected call of God when he took time to see God “high and lifted up.” Jesus, even with all his resources, found it important to get away for nights of prayer.
“But I can’t find that sort of time!” we cry out. Ministry demands are unceasing. I know the feeling.
But if I’m willing to be spontaneous, I can find more time than I realize. I think of last week when I took an extended lunch to meet a ministry colleague simply to sit and talk. I remember following an impulse when my daughter was still in college and getting in the car to drive to her campus and wish her a happy birthday. My son’s baseball games made it into my busy schedule when he was in high school. If you offer me tickets to the University of Michigan football game I’ll make the time. I schedule many appointments out of duty, but I make time for people or events I love because I simply want to.
Where does God fit into that equation?
Even brief moments can have the beauty of spontaneity. My wife and I work in locations about five minutes from each other. More than once I’ve called her at the last minute to suggest a quick lunch. Over a bowl of soup, we enjoy being together. We have no particular agenda.
I wonder how many five or ten minute breaks I could have with God if I would look for them.
Praying at the Lord’s pace
I distinctly remember the first time I spent a day in prayer. Up to that time, I thought such a project was impossible. How do you come up with a prayer list long enough to take a whole day?
A group from the church I was serving went to a beautiful convent where it was quiet, and we were surrounded by nature’s reminders of God.
I confess I went because I thought I had to. After all, I was the pastor! But my attitude soon changed. In an unhurried way, we spent time with God. Periodically the participants would gather for fifteen minutes to share reactions to their time with God. Then we returned to prayer.
I worshiped. I talked to God about planning I needed to do. I allowed him to point out areas where I needed improvement. I prayed for others, and I prayed for my own concerns. All of the typical elements of prayer were included, but at his pace, not mine. Agenda items were covered as he prompted. For once I felt I could take the time to experience his presence, whether walking the grounds or sitting in the chapel.
At the end of the day all the participants concluded that if we held another retreat of this kind we would need even more time. Can you imagine that-people wanting to spend more than an entire day in prayer!
I know now that what I used to call “random thoughts” in prayer often turned out to be God’s thoughts-solutions to problems or insights or special moments of togetherness I could never have planned with my prayer agenda.
If inefficiency is what it takes to enjoy a meaningful prayer relationship, then I am determined to forsake efficiency. Prayer time is too rich and too meaningful to ruin with efficiency.
-Donald Gerig
Huron Hills Baptist Church
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Copyright © 1993 by the author or Christianity Today/Leadership Journal. Click here for reprint information on Leadership Journal.
