Gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer, whose book 30 Lessons for Loving is drawn from 700 interviews, discovered that older adults "place intimacy as a high priority" in their marriages. He cites the example of Jennie B., now an 82-year-old widow who married her first and only husband when they were in their mid-20s, and were sexually active through their 47 married years before his death in 2003. Jennie explained,
There's an intimacy that comes later that is staggeringly wonderful. You can hold hands with this person you love and adore, and somehow it's just as passionate as having sex at an earlier age. There is such a sense of connection and intimacy that grows out of a long relationship, that touch carries with it the weight of so many memories. And many are sexual.
Indeed what she misses most as a widow, she says, is holding hands. "Sex was certainly an important and joyful and healing part, but I'm not sure that the connection through holding hands, which elicited such peace, was not a deeper intimacy," she wondered.
