Advice

A New York Times interview with Yale “happiness professor” Lauri Santos, exemplifies the ways in which the happiness studies movement lets us down. Santos’s research focuses on cognition and cognitive development in dogs and monkeys. But she has been teaching a popular course on human happiness since 2018, and producing podcasts about happiness with millions of downloads.

At the end of the interview, the Times asks, “So what’s the answer? What’s the purpose of life?” Santos answers: “It’s smelling your coffee in the morning. [Laughs.] Loving your kids. Having sex and daisies and springtime. It’s all the good things in life. That’s what it is.” In other words, she doesn’t know.

Here's an additional comment from the article: “Santos says some good and important things. But when she reaches her positive prescriptions, we find we can gain equally useful insights from greeting cards and embroidered samplers—in fact, better. At least the platitude “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade” responds to the problem of suffering. “Have all the good things” doesn’t. What is the secret to enjoying the good things? What shall we say to the people who have them all, but find they aren’t enough? Between 1999 and 2019, suicide rates increased by 33 percent—and that was before the pandemic. I suspect that a lot of the people comprehended by that statistic smelled coffee, liked sex and daisies and springtime, and at least tried to love their kids.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

It turns out the true happiness is not found in circumstances but in our relationship with our Creator. Only He promises “fullness of joy” (Ps. 16:11; Isa. 55:11).

Living in Hollywood is a challenge. Growing up as a child actor almost guarantees a life of dysfunction. Without a strong father, Ron Howard could have taken the path of least resistance. But his father was there from the beginning, protecting, loving, guiding.

There was a time when Dennis the Menace was a hit as a troublemaking, mop-headed boy. “Leave It to Beaver” featured boys who rubbed adults the wrong way. The wisecracking, annoying trope was all the rage. It’s also how the character of Opie was originally written.

After the first reading, Rance Howard, Ron’s father, sat down with Andy Griffith and gently encouraged him to make Opie’s relationship with his TV dad a little more tender and innocent, a little more real, like his relationship with his own boys. Andy listened and took the suggestion to heart. When shooting started, Opie emerged as a new kind of television boy, a kid who had a special relationship with his father, who helped his son through life’s challenges.

Seeing a boy own up to his mistakes and a father own up to his — traits influenced by Rance and Ron — created an honest relationship that families still look to today. Ron Howard says of his father, “He stood for something that people could recognize as integrity. And we benefited from that.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Looking up to your father is a powerful force. We need wise fathers as role models in life. Fathers who love us and help us learn from our mishaps.

In a curious tale of technology meeting theology, a Catholic advocacy group introduced an AI chatbot posing as a priest, offering to hear confessions and dispense advice on matters of faith.

The organization created an AI chatbot named “Father Justin” to answer the multitude of questions they receive about the Catholic faith. Father Justin used an avatar that looked like a middle-aged man wearing a clerical collar sitting in front of an Italian nature scene. But the clerical bot got a little too ambitious when it claimed to live in Assisi, Italy and to be a real member of the clergy, even offering to take confession.

While most of the answers provided by Father Justin were in line with traditional Catholic teaching, the chat bot began to offer unconventional responses. These included suggesting that babies could be baptized with Gatorade and endorsing a marriage between siblings.

After a number of complaints, the organization decided to rethink Father Justin. They are relaunching the chatbot as just Justin, wearing a regular layman’s outfit. The website says they have plans to continue the chatbot but without the ministerial garb.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Society may advance technologically in many areas, but we will never be able to advance beyond our need to be in community with actual people in order to have true spiritual guidance and accountability as God intended.

At one point, U.S. Men’s Soccer Team star Christian Pulisic was dropped from the starting lineup by head coach Gregg Berhalter. Pulisic said, “There were moments when he benched me and I wanted to kill the guy — I hated him, I was so angry. But then the next game comes along, and then I find myself in a better place. The way he handled a lot of situations, I have to give him a lot of credit.”

Pulisic said that he developed an understanding for Berhalter’s coaching methods during his first camp under the coach. In that camp, Pulisc suffered a slight injury. After getting a scan on the injury, Berhalter summoned Pulisic for a meeting. The coach suggested that the injuries may have happened because Pulisic wasn’t training with the intensity at which he played in games. Pulisic was taken aback at first, but eventually he took in the advice. He said:

It changed the way I look at training, even today. ... Listen, it wasn’t easy, and it took me a little while, but I said “Let me take this onboard,” and since then I’ve been in a much better place. It’s things like that. The way that he deals with players, you can tell he is passionate, and he cares about his players. He’s not going to tell you it easy, or what you want to hear, he is going to tell you what he feels is going to improve you.

Financial consultant and popular radio host Dave Ramsey is being sued by a group of former listeners over his role in promoting a company alleged to have defrauded customers of millions of dollars.

The class-action lawsuit claims that Ramsey’s Lampo Group, earned about $30 million from 2015 to 2021 endorsing Timeshare Exit Team. This Kirkland, Washington company received over $200 million in revenue by promising to relieve clients of their costly financial obligations from time share agreements.

In 2021, Timeshare Exit Team paid $2.61 million as part of a settlement with the attorney general of the state of Washington over what it claims were deceptive business practices. This included advising clients to stop paying timeshare fees and issuing fake property deeds in an attempt to convince clients they were free of their obligations. The complaint reads, “When customers finally discovered the schemes and demanded their refunds, [Timeshare Exit Team founder] Reed Hein fabricated excuses not to honor the promises or stopped returning their calls.”

The lawsuit seeks $150 million in damages, claiming that the actions of Ramsey Solutions, Timeshare Exit Team, and Happy Hour Media Group, conspired to commit “negligent malrepresentation” and “unjust enrichment” in violation of the Washington Consumer Protection Act.

Ramsey has repeatedly denied wrongdoing, but plaintiffs in the suit claim that Ramsey should have known better. The lawsuit reads:

Reed Hein made many claims that any competent financial advisor with Dave Ramsey’s knowledge and skill would know to be false, and it engaged in many activities Dave Ramsey would have known to be illegal. Ramsey never returned any of the tens of millions of dollars Reed Hein and Happy Hour Media Group paid him from his own listeners’ hard-earned money. Instead, Ramsey has chosen to profit from his listeners’ money.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Anyone who preaches financial accountability must be willing to submit their own behavior to that same standard. We lose credibility in the community of faith when we have standards for others that we do not adopt for ourselves.

A Glamour magazinevideo asked a number of girls and women on advice they would want from an older person in their life. Here are some of the questions these young women asked:

How do you become who you are today?

What should I not stress about at 14-years-old?

What is the best way to make a decision?

Looking back on your life what did you find most valuable?

What do you do when you realize that your dreams are not actually going to happen?

How do you manage having kids, being married, and having a career?

What is the secret to living a happy life?

Is having children really worth it?

(What are the) secrets to a long and happy marriage?

You can watch the entire 2:30 minute video here.

Possible Preaching Angle:

It is important for mature women to be accessible to answer questions and serve as role models to the young women in our churches. “Older women, likewise, are to be …. teachers of good. In this way they can train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and submissive to their own husbands …” (Titus 2:3-5).

In the early days of World War II, the stress of the war began to take its toll on Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of England. His wife Clementine grew alarmed. A member of Churchill’s inner circle told her that Churchill’s sarcastic and over-bearing manner was starting to discourage his inner circle of leaders. Clementine decided to speak the truth in love.

“My darling Winston,” she began in a letter, “I must confess that I have noticed a deterioration in your manner; and you are not so kind as you used to be.” She cautioned that in possessing the power to give orders and to sack anyone and everyone, “he was obliged to maintain a high standard of behavior—to combine kindness and if possible Olympic calm.” She reminded him that in the past he had been fond of quoting a French maximum, meaning, essentially, “one leads by calm.”

She continued: “I cannot bear that those who serve the country and yourself should not love you as well as admire and respect you.” But she warned, “You won’t get the best results by irascibility and rudeness. It will breed either dislike or a slave mentality.” She closed the letter with these words: “Please forgive your loving, devoted and watchful Clementine.”

Apparently, the letter got through to Winston. The next day people reported that he seemed remarkably at ease. He lay in bed, propped up by his bed rest as he gazed adoringly at his cat, Nelson, sprawled out peacefully at the foot of the bed.

When children have questions about their heavenly Father, their first instinct is to ask their mothers. Christian women tend to be more devout than men, and they’re often tasked with the bulk of parenting duties. But findings from Barna Research detail the gap between moms and dads when it comes to many aspects of faith formation:

Practicing Christians were asked, “Whose faith influenced you?”

Mother – 68%

Father – 46%

Practicing Christian teens were asked, “Which parent offers spiritual guidance?”

Prayer together: Mother 63%, Father 53%

Discussing God: Mother 70%, Father 56%

Discussing the Bible: Mother 71%, Father 50%

Responding to faith questions: Mother 72%, Father 56%

Encouraging church attendance: Mother 79%, Father 64%

New York Times columnist Kashana Cauley knows a little something about regrets. She wrote, “My friends and I got tattoos so we could feel dangerous. Not very dangerous, because very dangerous people went to jail, but slightly dangerous, like a thrilling drop of botulism in a jar of jelly.”

She explains in the piece that when it came time to select her first tattoo, she picked a design of Chinese characters that she was told meant “fame and fortune.” But then she had chat with an older Chinese-speaking woman in a university locker room when they were changing clothes.

“She asked me what I thought the Chinese characters on my shoulder meant, and I told her. Then she asked me what I was at school to study, and I said law. She frowned and told me the tattoo was better suited for someone in the arts — that I should hurry up and get into the arts. We both laughed.”

But Cauley thought it would be different when she got a tattoo of her own name. As an African American descended from slavery, her knowledge of family history doesn’t extend very far. But a friend told her once that her name meant something beautiful and significant in Arabic. As a result, she looked up an online Arabic translation of her name, and got that design as another tattoo.

And she was satisfied with her choice … until she wasn’t. “For a few years I walked around confident that I had finally restored some meaning to my name, until an Arabic-speaking friend spotted my tattoo at lunch. ‘What do you think it means?’ she asked.”

Her friend’s response surprised her. “Instead of complimenting me on the beautiful, permanent version of my name needled onto my arm, my Arabic-speaking friend paused. Apparently, tattoo No. 2 was actually one of those 404 error messages, when an online search comes up blank. So my arm said, more or less: ‘Result not found.’”

“As a reluctant pioneer in the field of bad tattooing, I spent years afterward stubbornly telling people it meant ‘the eternal search.’ It sounded more elegant than ‘I didn’t find a correct translation of my name on the internet.’”

Possible Preaching Angle:

We can avoid embarrassing mishaps by asking for the counsel of others to help guide us through the major decisions we make.

Moms and dads understandably experience a great deal of worry and uncertainty when choosing a parenting style. A recent article by Good Housekeeping's Editor and Chief, Jane Francisco, offered this advice:

When my son was a toddler, I struggled with the concept of discipline, how to know what was too much … or not enough. So, I called up my dad, a teacher for decades, and asked him what parenting style he thought yielded the most well-adjusted kids. His answer was pretty simple: You can’t really go wrong as long as a) your child clearly understands that they are loved unconditionally and b) your approach to discipline is consistent, regardless of how strict (or not!) you are.

The takeaway? I probably won’t mess up my kid too badly as long as I deliver love and consistency (and don’t accidentally put him out with the recycling!). My dad’s “recipe” certainly calms me when the idea of parenting becomes overwhelming, and I hope it has the same effect on you ... there is no single “right” way — and being a parent can be an adventure as original as you are.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Raising God's children is a weighty task. If you're not concerned about how you do it, you're likely doing it wrong. But parenting is simpler than we make it. Love them unconditionally, show them consistency, and don't put them out with the recycling.

In a recent issue of GQ, The Weeknd (real name Abel Tesfaye), recently sat down to discuss his music and of course his recent snub by the Grammys. The superstar, with downloads numbering in the billions, was not nominated in a single category for 2021.

A lot of artists claim they do not read reviews of their work. They want to avoid negative critique of their art and performance. But when asked how he handles reviews, The Weeknd had this to say:

I read every single review. I read every comment. Everything. And I like reviews, man. I like critics. Even the biased ones that are against me, I like reading it. I think it's interesting.

Why would he feel this way?

I think it's humbling, which is always great. I can now understand, when you're reading stuff . . . I can see through the lines now. Between the lines . . . Heartbreak isn't a good experience, but it still inspires great music.

Possible Preaching Angle:

1) Examination; Scripture; Word of God - Scripture is a review of our life. It gives an honest and thorough assessment of our thoughts and actions. Its review of our performance will result in humbling and heartbreak. It doesn't feel good, but it still inspires great worship. 2) Criticism; Growth – Listening to and accepting helpful criticism brings about maturity and personal growth.

When a bank teller accidentally deposited $120,000 in the wrong account, the account’s owners went on a shopping spree. State police said a Montoursville, Pa., couple purchased an SUV, a race car, two four-wheelers, and a camper, as well as paying bills and giving $15,000 to friends.

Do they get to keep the money? Robert and Tiffany Williams’ bank contacted them after realizing the error and told them they had to return the money. But the Williamses didn’t have the money anymore, and the bank took them to court. Now they face felony theft charges. As they arrived at court on Monday, Robert Williams told a TV reporter, “All I’m going to say is we took some bad legal advice from some people, and it probably wasn’t the best thing in the end.”

Possible Preaching Angles: 1) Advice; Counsel; Guidance – Only following wise advice from godly friends will protect us from many costly mistakes; 2) Honesty; Integrity - While most of us will not be tempted by a large financial mistake by a bank, most of us must decide about the extra change we receive at the store or the mistaken refund by the IRS.

When it comes to bedtime, homework, or managing meltdowns, a growing number of families aren’t relying on their peers or parents: They’re turning to parenting coaches for one-on-one instruction. The coaches charge from about $125 to $350 a session. They meet with parents (in person, over the phone, or via Skype) to set goals and develop a plan to reach them.

Megan and Michael Flynn used to dread bedtime. Every night, the couple spent two stressful hours putting their preschooler and toddler to bed. With help, they cut that time in half. They did it by hiring a parent coach, who concluded they needed structure. Instead of caving into requests for book after book, they set a routine—and stuck to it. “Nighttime routines are such a struggle for so many people,” said Megan Flynn, “and it was just nice to have somebody give us strategies for it.”

The profession, virtually nonexistent 20 years ago, is one of the latest entries in the $1.08 billion personal coaching industry in the United States. It’s part of the broader American trend of hiring expert advisers to improve nearly every facet of life. You can hire a sleep coach, a financial coach, or a life coach. But the profession isn’t regulated, which leaves some parenting experts concerned about the advice offered. Others wonder why parents would shell out hundreds of dollars for suggestions they might easily get elsewhere.

Parenting coach Tina Feigal talked about her role, “Who is there for these parents?” she asked. “Parenting is the hardest job in the world, but there’s no training for it in advance.”

The group of retired friends who meet every Saturday morning at a Salt Lake City deli were growing tired of the same conversation each week. Sure, they were solving the world’s problems, but they wanted to share their wisdom beyond their friend group of seven. As a lark, they set up a card table at the nearby Salt Lake City’s farmers market and told people they were dispensing free advice. They even made a large banner: “Old Coots Giving Advice—It’s Probably Bad Advice, But It’s Free.”

To their surprise, people started showing up and sharing their problems. A lot of them. “Where can I find someone to love?” “Have I put in enough time at my new job to take a one-week vacation?” They also field questions about how to keep romance alive. "I always tell people that the first thing you do is put down your phone and start talking,” retiree Richard Klein said.

Each Saturday the “Old Coots” have taken on the issues of about 30 to 40 people who come by seeking their advice. “It’s a way for a person to get an outside opinion from somebody who has nothing to gain,” said member Tony Caputo. “Somebody told us the other day that we're the most popular attraction at the market. We always listen carefully and don't give gratuitous advice.”

“To be truthful, I’m not sure that any of us can claim to have much wisdom,” said 69-year-old John Lesnan “but it sure has been a lot of fun. Maybe all of us coots really do have more to offer than we thought.”

Possible Preaching Angle: Counsel; Elderly; Wisdom - The life experiences and wisdom of the elderly in our churches can be a valuable resource. Job said, “Is not wisdom found among the aged?” (Job 12:12). Churches can be well served by seniors who have spiritual maturity, humility, and a servant’s heart. The young would do well to ask their advice.

NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers is one of the best pro football players of all-time, but he still listens to his coaches. "I love being coached," Rodgers said. "I love talking football with smart coaches. I love the input, the dialogue, the conversation." His team's head coach, Mike McCarthy, added, "Aaron is a really good student. He wants to be coached, and he likes to be coached hard."

Steph Curry, one of the best basketball players in the NBA, has the same attitude. One of his coaches said, "He's the most educable player I've ever known—both in terms of his willingness to listen and in his ability to absorb and execute."

Possible Preaching Angles: (1) Wisdom; Teachability—The essence of wisdom is the ability to listen and learn from others; (2) Father's Day—These two men provide a good example for all people, especially men, about the need to listen and learn from others.

In an interview for Rolling Stone, actor Jeff Bridges was asked what advice he wished he would have received at age 20. Bridges said:

I got the advice—I just didn't take it! My dad would say, "It's all about habit, Jeff. You gotta get into good habits." And I said, "No, Dad, you gotta live each moment. Live it as the first one and be fresh." And he says, "That's a wonderful thought, but that's not what we are. We are habitual creatures. It's about developing these grooves." As I age, I can see his point. What you practice, that's what you become.

Tim Keller writes:

Some years ago, I had a relative who never would wear a seat belt. Every time I talked to him, he would get in the car, but wouldn't wear his seat belt. We all nagged him to no avail. Then one day he got in the car and put his seat belt on right away. We said, "What happened to you?" He said, "A couple weeks ago, I went to see a friend of mine in the hospital. He was in a car crash, and he went through the windshield. He had like 200 stitches in his face. For some strange reason, ever since then, I've been having no problem buckling up."

I asked him, "Well, did you get new information? What changed you? Did you not know that people go through the windshield?" Of course I knew the answer to those questions: What happened was that an abstract proposition became connected to an actual sensory experience that is something he saw. As Jonathan Edwards used to basically say over and over again, it's only when you attach to some truth—that's when real life change occurs. Something has to become real to your heart. Then you will be changed.

In June of 1938, J.R.R. Tolkien (The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings author) wrote a letter to his editor Stanley Unwin explaining why he was behind schedule finishing the final draft for The Hobbit. Tolkien told Unwin that instead of drafting more material, he decided to start over and rewrite the first three chapters. What motivated Tolkien to go back and start the whole thing over again? He had received "excellent criticism" from his readers. C. S. Lewis was one of those readers. Apparently Lewis read chapters, liked the story, and encouraged Tolkien, but he also took the time to critique it and make specific suggestions for its improvement.

For instance, Lewis told Tolkien that there was too much dialogue, too much chatter, too much silly "hobbit talk." According to Lewis, all this dialogue was dragging down the story line. Tolkien grumbled in response to Lewis, "The trouble is that 'hobbit talk' amuses me … more than adventures; but I must curb this severely." But he still accepted the advice anyway.

Also, in the first draft, the story centers on a hobbit named Bingo, who sets out with two companions (Odo Took and Frodo Took). As Tolkien revises, Bingo becomes Frodo, and he is joined by his friends Sam and Pippin. (I wonder—would The Lord of the Rings have been nearly so popular if the main character had been called Bingo all along?)

But more than just names have been transformed. Tolkien's revised version is shorter and much clearer, too. When Tolkien rewrote this material, he cut nearly half of the dialogue. Page after page, he cuts out long conversations, and he picks up the action. Even though he personally prefers a story with much more "hobbit talk," he bows to his critics and creates a tale with much less. He also makes small but elegant refinements throughout the pages.

Young or old, there are times when all of us need a mother. Like when you get sick for the first time living on your own. Or when you're going through a horrible break up. Or when you're faced with the task of moving and packing up years' worth of stuff.

But sometimes, mom is 500 miles away or prefers a "tough love" approach—which you just can't deal with. Enter "Rent A Mom." For around $40 an hour, you can have your very own mother figure help you make a tough decision, provide emotional support, or make you a homemade pumpkin pie when you're spending the holidays alone. No judgement included.

Nina Keneally, 63, of Brooklyn, is the mother for hire. She came up with the idea for the service when she realized she was dishing out free advice to youngsters in her yoga class. "I've noticed that a lot of young people in the neighborhood wanted to talk to me about what was going on in their lives," Keneally said.

As a mother of two adults, and one who is familiar with the New York City area, she says she can help Millennials navigate the harsh waters of life as a young person in the big city. As she puts it on her website, you can call her "When you need a mom, just not your mom."

Editor’s Note: This service continues in operation as of 2024. You can access the website here

Mike Krzyewski, the men's basketball coach for Duke University since 1980, is basketball's all-time winningest coach. Most people know him as just "Coach K." But he's not just a coach; he's also a genius at creating teamwork. Here's one of his keys to success:

In our program, the truth is the basis of all that we do. There is nothing more important than the truth because there's nothing more powerful than the truth. Consequently, on our team, we always tell one another the truth. We must be honest with one another. There is no other way.