Apology

More than a century ago, 110 Black soldiers were convicted of murder, mutiny, and other crimes at three military trials held at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio. Nineteen were hanged, including 13 on a single day, December 11, 1917, in the largest mass execution of American soldiers by the Army.

The soldiers’ families spent decades fighting to show that the men had been betrayed by the military. In November of 2023, they won a measure of justice when the Army secretary, Christine E. Wormuth, overturned the convictions and acknowledged that the soldiers “were wrongly treated because of their race and were not given fair trials.”

In January 2024, several descendants of the soldiers gathered at Fort Sam Houston National Cemetery as the Department of Veterans Affairs dedicated new headstones for 17 of the executed servicemen.

The new headstones acknowledge each soldier’s rank, unit, and home state—a simple honor accorded to every other veteran buried in the cemetery. They replaced the previous headstones that noted only their name and date of death.

Jason Holt, whose uncle, Pfc. Thomas C. Hawkins, was among the first 13 soldiers hanged in 1917, said at the ceremony, “Can you balance the scales by what we’re doing? I don’t know. But it’s an attempt. It’s an attempt to make things right.”

Possible Preaching Angles:

We all long for justice, for the day when things will finally be made right. In this life, justice happens slowly, haphazardly, and sometimes not at all. But when Jesus returns, all things will be made right.

A popular pizza chain known for its snarky ad campaigns has been forced to apologize after a sustained public outcry over its latest special. In early October, D.C.-based &Pizza (pronounced “And Pizza”) announced the addition of “Marion Berry Knots” to its dessert menu, referencing the late former mayor of the District of Columbia Marion Barry. The ads for the new product made extensive references to Barry’s drug use and public drug arrests (“so good, it’s almost a felony”).

Marion Barry was arrested in a drug sting in 1990 and was eventually convicted of a misdemeanor drug charge. After six months in prison, Barry was elected to the city council in 1992, and re-elected mayor in 1994. Despite his death in 2014, the memory of Barry, the district’s first African American mayor, still looms large over residents of Washington, a city with a sizable African American population.

The local chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP), called the ad campaign “inflammatory, and culturally-insensitive,” calling for its removal. The organization also challenged &Pizza to donate to organizations doing substance abuse prevention as a way to rectify the wrong.

“Candidly, we made a mistake," said &pizza CEO Mike Burns in a statement. “And for that, we sincerely apologize.”

Legal representatives for Barry’s widow Cora Masters Barry and the Barry estate called the apology insufficient, issuing a cease-and-desist notice request that &Pizza refrain from profiting from Barry’s name, image, or likeness.

D.C. restaurant owner Peyton Sherwood said:

Barry’s life was about opportunity, dignity, and equality for everyone in Washington, D.C. To reduce that legacy to a crass ad about his darkest moments is not only offensive it’s cruel. It disregards the immense good Barry did for this city and the battles he fought on behalf of all its people.

Possible Preaching Angle:

A person is more than their failures. Every person is a mixture of good and bad, failures, and successes. We should always look to remove anything in our own eye before we try to remove the speck in other’s eyes (Matt. 7:1-5), even if done in jest.

Author Pete Greig shares the following story in How to Pray: A Simple Guide for Normal People:

I was walking the darkened streets near our house one night, reviewing the day before bed, remembering how I'd driven Sammy [my wife] and the boys to the cinema and how someone had cut us off. I'd yelled at him. Sammy had yelled at me. I'd yelled at Sammy. Hadn’t she seen how dangerously the other guy was driving? Had she forgotten that we had vulnerable children in the car? Didn't she know there was such a thing as righteous anger? She'd gone silent.

We arrived at the cinema. The film had been great. Life had moved on. No big deal. But now in the stillness of these darkened streets, as I returned to that moment, it seemed that God was siding with my wife. I sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. I admit it: I lost my temper. I shouldn't have yelled at that driver. Lord, help me to be more patient tomorrow."

There was a pause before I sensed him telling me to apologize to our sons. This thought annoyed me, and I found myself protesting. "That's ridiculous. You're making this bigger than it is. My kids don't need me to apologize. They won't even remember such a trivial incident. Do you have any idea what the traffic is like around here?"

Ten minutes later, I was sitting on Hudson's bed. "Son, I just want to say sorry to you for something. Do you remember me yelling at that man on the way to the cinema?" Immediately, he nodded. "I shouldn't have done that. Mum was right. Christians are supposed to be patient and kind. I set you a bad example. That's not how I want you to grow up and treat people. I'm sorry." Right away, he put his arms around my neck and squeezed me tight. "That's okay, Dad.”

A minute later, I was in the room next door, making the same speech to Danny, and the same thing happened. He immediately knew exactly what I was talking about. He hadn't forgotten either. He listened to my apology and didn't think it was crazy. He hugged me and told me it was okay. It's a silly, mundane story, and that's the whole point. We are changed--conformed into the likeness of Christ--through a thousand small choices like these.

It’s ironic that Grace Community Church, pastored by John MacArthur, is located in Sun Valley, California, because its leadership seems committed to keeping certain details hidden from light.

Christianity Today published a story in February about the struggles Hohn Cho had with getting people in his church to admit fault and correct an injustice. Cho is an attorney, and had been an elder at GCC. A year ago, he and several other elders were tasked with investigating claims of spousal abuse from a woman in the church’s care. What he discovered was that she’d been rebuked by elders for failing to reconcile with her husband, but later the husband was imprisoned for child molestation and abuse, vindicating her claims.

Cho says he repeatedly asked church officials to privately apologize and make things right, but they refused. He says Pastor John MacArthur himself told him to “forget it,” and Cho was eventually pressured into resigning from the board. Even after his resignation, Cho was contacted by numerous other women from GCC who’d been given similar counsel to endure abuse from their husbands. Ultimately, he concluded that he just could not forget it.

Cho wrote in a report to the elder board, “I genuinely believe it would be wrong to do nothing. At the end of the day, I know what I know. I cannot ‘un-know’ it, and I am in fact accountable before God for this knowledge.”

Cho told reporters at CT:

They sided with a child abuser, who turned out to be a child molester, over a mother desperately trying to protect her three innocent young children. And that was and is flatly wrong, and needs to be made right. Numerous elders have admitted in various private conversations that “mistakes were made” and that they would make a different decision today knowing what they know now. But those admissions mean you need to make it right with the person you wronged; that is utterly basic Christianity.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Abuse; Church Discipline; Failure, Spiritual - We can't claim to stand for the truth if we won't tell the truth when it's inconvenient to do so.

When Dominican catcher Yermín Mercedes made his Major League Baseball debut for the Chicago White Sox, he impressed fans and team officials alike with his offensive production. He got at least one base hit in an MLB-record eight consecutive games. Unfortunately, his bat eventually cooled off. Mercedes then experienced an extended batting slump that resulted in a demotion to the minor league Charlotte Knights.

Mercedes took his fans by surprise when he abruptly announced his retirement from baseball after a Knights game on July 21st. That night, his Instagram post included the words “I’m stepping aside from baseball indefinitely…God bless you, it’s over.”

At the time, White Sox manager Tony La Russa affirmed Mercedes’ baseball ability, saying that “it could be he’s just feeling frustrated. ... I’ll try to explain to him he’s got a big-league future.”

It’s unclear if the call that made a difference was from La Russo, from Charlotte manager Wes Helms, or from someone else. But the next day, Mercedes showed up for work, posting the following apology:

My dream is to be an established player in the major leagues. I asked God to give me that opportunity and I got it 3 months ago. I owe myself to my family, my organization and my fans [to continue]. I asked again for forgiveness if I have failed them. Baseball is in my blood…and I thank God for guiding me to the right path and to make the correct decision. To those going to a similar situation, forget the criticisms and bad comments. They will always exist to trample on your personality.

Since the apology, Mercedes has continued to play well. On August 16th, he even went 5-for-5 from the plate, homering twice.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Reconsidering a decision and acting in humility have the potential to redeem and even turn around even the worst of circumstances. God's grace and power gives us access to strength outside of ourselves when we need it the most

Veteran ESPN on-air talent Rachel Nichols was planning to work as a sideline reporter during the 2021 NBA Finals. Instead, she was replaced by another reporter, Malika Andrews. Nichols was sidelined by ESPN because of some comments she made during 2020’s NBA Finals. She was on a phone call but was accidentally recorded by a camera in her hotel room which was later uploaded to ESPN’s servers without her knowledge. In the footage, she is heard speaking disparagingly about another coworker, Maria Taylor (who is now with NBC Sports), implying that Taylor was chosen to cover the NBA Finals because she is Black.

Nichols, who is white, was heard saying the following:

I wish Maria Taylor all the success in the world — she covers football, she covers basketball … If you need to give her more things to do because you are feeling pressure about your crappy longtime record on diversity ... which, by the way, I know personally from the female side of it — like, go for it. Just find it somewhere else. You are not going to find it from me or taking my thing away.

Once the footage was discovered by another ESPN employee, it had been distributed internally for months until it was leaked to The New York Times for a report in early July. On ESPN’s “The Jump,” she made a special effort to address the controversy:

[I didn’t] want to let this moment pass without saying how much I respect, how much I value our colleagues here at ESPN. (And) how deeply, deeply sorry I am for disappointing those I hurt, particularly Maria Taylor, and how grateful I am to be part of this outstanding team.

Kendrick Perkins, a Black former-NBA-player costars on “The Jump,” seemed to accept her apology, and thanked her for “accepting responsibility” for her error in judgment.

Possible Preaching Angle:

If we speak haphazardly about others in our community, we risk sowing confusion and dissension. Words spoken in private still have tremendous power, and more so when they are revealed in public.

In her attempts to end the legal conservatorship that prevents her from controlling her own legal or fiscal affairs, former pop star and embattled single mom Britney Spears has been gaining support from plenty of notable celebrities. But for one entertainment journalist, his support was not received among Spears’ fanbase with open arms.

One Twitter user responded, “If you’re really sorry, put your money where your mouth is. Donate all of the *considerable* wealth you got through misogynistic bullying.”

That tweet was aimed at veteran entertainment blogger Mario Lavandeira, who uses the nom de plume Perez Hilton. Britney Spears supporters have been taking Hilton to task for his decade-long history of disrespectful behavior toward the pop star. His behavior helped to generate income on his gossip blog and establish his career as a go-to purveyor of celebrity sleaze.

Because of this considerable blowback, Hilton has been on an apology tour, trying to atone for his history of media misbehavior. Hilton appeared on British TV show Sky News and said, “I know I did not express myself as well as I could have. I didn’t lead with empathy and compassion, which thankfully seems like most people now are understanding the severity of Britney’s situation. I absolutely apologize and carry deep shame and regret.”

In response to the Twitter exchange, Hilton decided not to contribute to Spears’ legal fight, citing his need to support his children and mother, all of whom are under his care. Still, it seems like the best apology in this case would be changed behavior. Time will tell whether or not Perez Hilton is truly capable of that kind of apology.

Possible Preaching Angle:

When we do wrong, it's our Christian duty not only to recognize the wrongdoing and make restitution for it. If our sin was committed publicly, then a public confession can serve as an example to others.

What happened when a High School student used the N-word? It usually leads to expulsion. But it doesn’t have to. High school senior Rainier Harris tells of his experience as a Black student at Regis, an academically rigorous Catholic high school on Manhattan’s Upper East Side.

Harris said:

I felt immense pride entering Regis, but also great pressure. ... I am no stranger to racist behavior. In middle school, I was targeted with it, as well as enduring classmates casually using the N-word. Any hope that this would be avoided at Regis was quickly proved wrong. Within the first two weeks there, a photo of me was shared around school by a white classmate; the caption referred to me as a monkey. At the end of my sophomore year, the school expelled a white student who … used the N-word with other white friends.

But when one of Rainier’s friends used the N-word in front of him on several occasions, the school took a different approach: restorative justice. This involves a collaboration between victim and offender. The process is uncomfortable and tedious for everyone involved, but it leads to a transformative result.

He concluded:

Administrators facilitated real dialogue between me and my main offender … We talked at length over his thought process, and he even sent me a message apologizing and telling me exactly what it was he did wrong and that my frustrations were valid. My former friend said, “I’m sorry, Rainier, I didn’t realize why what I said was wrong. I didn’t know it was racist.” It felt like progress, as if I actually made a difference in his life.

Leilani Schweitzer is in charge of communication and resolution at Stanford Hospital in California. On a segment for NPR Ted Talks, she explains that she is the one tasked to apologize and make amends when a tragic incident happens during a patient’s hospital treatment.

Years ago, Schweitzer’s 20-month-old son Gabriel died in the same hospital due to a nurse’s error and the lack of a failsafe in the equipment used. Schweitzer speaks about how the hospital’s honesty and transparency were critical in her family’s healing:

It would have been easy for the university hospital administrators to blame the nurse, fire her and assume the problem had been solved because the bad apple was gone. It would have been typical deny-and-defend behavior for them to ignore my questions, to go silent and hope I couldn't gather my thoughts enough to file a lawsuit. But they didn't do that. Instead, they investigated. They explained, took responsibility, and apologized. It made all of the difference.

Schweitzer realizes how difficult it is for any person or institution to admit to having seriously injured or killed someone. There’s shame, guilt, and fear. Most hospitals don’t apologize and let the legal department handle the issue. Now in her position in the same hospital where her son died, she explains:

I've been in many meetings where we explain to patients and families what has happened. And those are difficult things to be part of. I've seen an explanation move the guilt off of a mother's face. I mean, that is the power. I have seen parents walk into a meeting with a physician where no one can lift their heads to look at each other. And by the end of that meeting, they are embracing. And it is remarkable what understanding can do for people.

When Nicole Carroll authorized a story on blackface photos and other racist imagery in yearbooks, she probably assumed it would have an illuminating impact on her newspaper’s readership. She probably didn’t realize that she herself would end up in the spotlight. But that’s exactly what happened.

Carroll is the editor in chief of USA TODAY. As part of its coverage of the scandal involving pictures of Virginia governor Ralph Northam in blackface, several journalists did an extensive review of more than 900 yearbooks from the same time period as Northam’s. One of the many pictures with similar racist imagery was the 1988-89 yearbook from Arizona State University, Carroll’s alma mater, which she also edited.

The news daily was forced to run a letter of apology from Carroll, which included this excerpt:

The 1988-89 yearbook I edited at Arizona State University included a photo of two people at a Halloween party dressed as Mike Tyson and Robin Givens. It is horrible, and of course the photo should not have been published. Clearly the 21-year-old me who oversaw the book and that page didn’t understand how offensive the photo was. I wish I had. Today’s 51-year-old me of course understands and is crushed by this mistake.

In a companion story explaining the methodology of the expose, journalists at USA Today summarized their work saying:

We found questionable photos virtually everywhere we looked – what amounted to a montage of everyday, casual bigotry memorialized among pages that captured daily life on campuses.

We understand that, for many people, these images will be painful reminders of the racism and mockery they have experienced. We decided, however, that publishing them was necessary, to show their pervasiveness, to avoid diluting their impact and to be as transparent as possible about what we found.

A local NBA beat reporter was surprised to find the local team's winning streak coincided with a confession, an apology, and subsequent forgiveness. Portland Trail Blazers starting forward Maurice "Moe" Harkless admitted to The Oregonian's Joe Freeman that a string of strong March games, which helped to propel the team to a thirteen-game win streak, could be traced back to an interaction two months prior.

"Sometimes you have to look yourself in the mirror," Harkless said. "And this was one of those times."

Following a January road trip, the Blazers had been struggling, and Harkless had lost his spot in the playing rotation. Subsequently, when the team rebounded with a win against an inferior opponent, Harkless' box score line bore the dreaded "DNP-CD" designation ("did not play, coach's decision.") When Moe looked at the video footage of himself from that night, he didn't like what he saw—a listless demeanor amidst teammates who were cheering and applauding from the bench.

After getting the coach's permission, he interrupted the next day's practice session to apologize to his teammates for his behavior. "No matter what's going on, I can't be a bad teammate. Those are still my guys."

That expression of vulnerability was met with almost instant forgiveness and respect. The bond of the team was strengthened, and Harkless experienced a resurgence in his play that earned his starting spot again. Eventually, that team chemistry resulted in a thirteen-game win streak.

Potential Preaching Angles: Restoration doesn't require waiting for someone to reach out. God took the initiative to bridge the gap that sin created.

If you're thinking of writing an apology letter to a former significant other, you'll probably consider a lot of factors: the amount of time that's passed since the break-up, whether an email or a handwritten note would be better, etc. But perhaps you should also consider whether your ex will send your letter back to you—graded.

That's just what happened to the ex-girlfriend of Nick Lutz, a student at the University of Central Florida. Lutz had "received a hand-written, four-page letter from his ex, who apologized for the mistakes she made in their relationship."

His response? "He marked up her apology letter, gave it a D-, and said he sent it back to her."

Lutz was critical of several aspects of his ex's letter: "He first noted an indention error and criticized the long introduction. Then he scrutinized the body and statements made throughout the letter."

At the letter's conclusion, Lutz wrote his closing thoughts. He "pointed out that his ex had a 'strong hypothesis but nothing to back it up,'" commenting that she must "stop contradicting [her] own story and pick a side."

His tweet about the letter, in which he shared photos of his edits, has received more than 330,000 likes so far.

Potential Preaching Angles: Even if we've been absent from our relationship with God for a long time, we shouldn't fear rejection upon our return—after all, "[i]f we forgive our sins, he is faithful and just" (1 John 1:9).

If you've never heard of an "accidental car theft," then perhaps a rather strange news story from Portland, Oregon, hasn't reached you just yet.

In late October, Erin Hatzi reported to police that her red Subaru Impreza had been stolen out of her driveway—according to her surveillance footage, "a woman [had] calmly enter[ed] her car and [drove] away" with it. Calmly, indeed: In fact, the woman had sat in the car for a couple minutes. "We were really confused because it didn't seem like the normal actions of a car thief," said Hatzi.

The next day, "[p]olice stopped a woman attempting to return the car outside of Hatzi's home." The driver offered up this explanation: The night before, "she had been sent to the neighborhood to pick up her friend's car and accidentally took Hatzi's vehicle instead." The friend did not see the car until that morning, and upon realizing the mix-up, left a note and gas money inside the car and sent it back to its rightful owner.

So what had happened? According to police, "older Subaru keys are interchangeable and can occasionally be used to open different cars."

Potential Preaching Angles: May this bizarre happily-ever-after news story remind us that while we might jump to immediate conclusions about our situation, God has a bigger picture in mind—a picture in which the car might be returned at the end.

In 1947, when Jackie Robinson, the first African American player in pro baseball, stepped to the plate against Philadelphia Phillies they heaped abuse on him. Ben Chapman, the Phillies manager, repeatedly taunted Robinson with racial slurs. They told Robinson to go back to the cotton fields. Robinson later said that it was the closest he came to cracking and retaliating.

Then 69 years later, the City Council of Philadelphia has offered an official apology. As The New York Times article notes, "The apology comes as Major League Baseball celebrated the 69th anniversary of Robinson's first game with the Dodgers with its Jackie Robinson Day, initiated in 2004. Every major league player wears Robinson's No. 42, an annual sight in baseball. What is different this year is the apology from the City of Philadelphia for the manner in which the Phillies treated Robinson when he began his career."

In 1975, suspected criminal Wendell Beard slipped out of his police handcuffs, jumped out of a police station window, and landed on the sidewalk 14 feet below. Officer Mike May followed Beard out the window, but shattered his right ankle and broke his left heel. After medical leave, May returned to work but the leg wasn't the same. He took a disability pension, went to law school, and he gave Beard no further thought.

But after 43 years May decided to track down the man who had changed his livelihood. After locating Beard at a prison near Cumberland, Maryland he wrote him a letter. "I suggested that, at his age, perhaps he might be able to exert a positive influence on the younger inmates," May says. "I spoke to him by phone shortly after that. He asked me if I knew about the Unger case."

That's a reference to a 2012 Court of Appeals ruling that found a serious flaw in the instructions that judges had been giving to Maryland juries for decades. The ruling opened the way for Beard and dozens of other inmates to ask for new trials. In August 2015 a judge in Baltimore resentenced Wendell Beard to time served. Mike May was there to support his release. While May could be said to have been a victim, having sustained a career-ending injury in that jump 40 years ago, he doesn't see it that way.

"After all," he says, "Wendell was trying to get away from me, not hurt me. I decided to jump out of the window. My leg still bothers me, but at least some of that has to do with my age." Wendell is forever grateful to Mike for letting him be a free man for the first time in 40 years.

Attorney A.M. "Marty" Stroud III, of Shreveport, Louisiana was the lead prosecutor in the December 1984 first-degree murder trial of Glenn Ford, who was sentenced to death for the death of a Shreveport jeweler. Ford was released from prison March 11, 2014, after the state admitted new evidence proving Ford was not the killer. A year later (March 2015), Stroud wrote a brutally honest apology for The Shreveport Times.

In 1984, I was 33 years old. I was arrogant, judgmental, narcissistic and very full of myself. I was not as interested in justice as I was in winning. To borrow a phrase from Al Pacino in the movie "And Justice for All," "Winning became everything." … [As a result], Mr. Ford spent 30 years of his life in a small, dingy cell …. Lighting was poor, heating and cooling were almost non-existent, food bordered on the uneatable

After the death verdict [was handed down], I went out with others and celebrated with a few rounds of drinks. That's sick. I had been entrusted with the duty to seek the death of a fellow human being, a very solemn task that certainly did not warrant any "celebration."

In my rebuttal argument during the penalty phase of the trial, I mocked Mr. Ford, stating that this man wanted to stay alive so he could be given the opportunity to prove his innocence. … How totally wrong I was. … I apologize to Glenn Ford for all the misery I have caused him and his family. I apologize to the [victim's family] for giving them the false hope of some closure. I apologize to the members of the jury for not having all of the story that should have been disclosed to them. I apologize to the court in not having been more diligent in my duty …

Possible Preaching Angles: This is a great example of confession, confessing sin, repentance, and so forth. Stroud's admission of wrongdoing is so clear and honest. He makes no excuses for his behavior and fully understands the consequences of his sin.

Pastor Steve Brown writes:

Early in my ministry I counseled a woman who, some twenty years before, had been unfaithful to her husband. For years that sin had haunted her. I was the first person she had ever told about it. After we talked and prayed for a long time, I recommended she tell her husband. (That, by the way, isn't always the advice I give. In this case, I knew the woman's husband and knew that her revelation, after the initial shock, would probably strengthen their marriage.) It wasn't easy for her, but she promised she would tell him. "Pastor," she said, "I trust you enough to do what you ask, but if my marriage falls apart as a result, I want you to know I'm going to blame you." She didn't smile when she said that, either.

That's when I commenced to pray with a high degree of seriousness. (I pray best when I'm scared.) "Father," I prayed, "if I gave her dumb advice, forgive me and clean up my mess." I saw her the next day, and she looked fifteen years younger. "What happened?" I asked. "When I told him," she exclaimed, "he replied that he had known about the incident for twenty years and was just waiting for me to tell him so he could tell me how much he loved me!" And then she started to laugh. "He forgave me twenty years ago, and I've been needlessly carrying all this guilt for all these years!" Perhaps you are like this woman: you've already been forgiven years ago, but you don't know God's forgiveness. Instead, you've been haunted by a load of guilt for years.

One night before Christmas, Clay and Velma Lykins of Jefferson County, Kentucky, stepped onto their porch to turn off the Christmas lights and saw a large object wrapped in plastic, sitting at the end of their driveway. Under the plastic was the wicker chair that had been stolen from their front porch 18 years earlier, along with a note:

To whom it may concern: Approximately 13 to 17 years ago my husband stole this wicker rocking chair from the porch of this house. I am ashamed of his behavior and am returning this stolen item. I have since been divorced from my husband and have since been "born again." My life has completely changed and I want to undo any wrongdoing to the best of my ability. I know this chair is not in the same condition as when it was stolen and I apologize. I now live in another state, Tennessee, and am rarely in this vicinity. I realize the cowardly fashion in which I am returning this, but the reason is obvious. I will not bother you again. Please forgive us. Sincerely.

The rocker was placed in the bedroom along with the letter where it became a treasured keepsake.

Patricia Raybon honestly shares the regret and grief she carried after aborting two children. She writes, "I had told myself that an abortion would end my problems, not complicate them by bringing an innocent life into my own upheaval. I swallowed Satan's lie, that is, then spit it out again, saying it with my own mouth."

Then she shares the following letter she wrote to her two aborted children:

Dear Babies:

This is Mama. You will know my voice, I think, even though we were together for such a short time. I did a bad thing. I didn't trust God. I didn't understand that God would have made everything okay. I was like Peter, [who] … looked at the waves, not at Jesus. And when he looked at the waves, he started to sink—down, down, down.

That's how I felt, like I was sinking down. When the doctors said you were growing inside of me, that's how I felt, so I didn't … know how to love you. I was afraid. Oh babies, I had made so many, many mistakes. And I was afraid. So I let fear convince me that more babies would just make things worse.

Instead, look what I did. I robbed us. First, I robbed you—taking your own lives … I didn't think I was strong enough. So I robbed myself of all the joy you would've brought me too. Brought all of us, your sisters, your family, and for each of you, your daddy. I thought we'd have more problems. That we didn't have enough money. That we didn't have enough time. That we didn't have enough love. But I just didn't know then that God is bigger. And God would make everything all right. I didn't know …

I know you are in heaven, waiting for us—waiting for me. I know you've been waiting, looking every day, wondering when I would get there. Oh, babies, I'm trying to get there … to learn what God wants me to learn, so I can make it to you.

In the wake of numerous public confessions by fallen politicians, sports figures, and business executives, in her book The Art of the Public Grovel, Susan Wise Bauer offers a helpful distinction: "An apology is an expression of regret: I am sorry. A confession is an admission of fault: I am sorry because I did wrong. I sinned."

Apology addresses an audience. Confession implies an inner change … that will be manifested in outward action.