Baby Dedication

Actress Sarah Drew, who has appeared on Grey's Anatomy and in the film Mom's Night Out, had this to say about her new role as a mother:

The stay-at-home mom [or any mom] has the terrifying, holy charge of raising up little eternal beings into people who will encounter the world either through kindness and grace, or with malice and indifference. I cannot think of a more important job. And yet, our culture rolls our eyes at these women. Our culture says they've "given up" on doing anything [important] with their lives.

The greatest thing motherhood is teaching me is how to be present … It's very easy for me to get buried in my phone. To check emails and texts and my Twitter feed … When I am not present in my life, I miss out on the beauty that is surrounding me. I forget to be grateful, and instead whine and complain about how things aren't going according to plan. Meanwhile, my son, who is fully present, is busy laughing with glee at the leaves he's chasing and at the game he has invented.

A survey from the U.K. involving 1,000 mothers found that moms may be the most quizzed people on the planet. On average, from breakfast to afternoon tea time (remember this was in the U.K.) the average stay-at-home mom faces one question every two minutes and 36 seconds. That adds up to about 105,120 questions per year.

The questions spike during meal times. Girls aged four are the most curious, asking an incredible 390 questions per day. On the other end of the spectrum, boys aged nine ask the least amount of questions. According to the survey, the moms claimed that these were the top five toughest questions (in order):

Why is water wet? Where does the sky end? What are shadows made of? Why is the sky blue? How do fish breathe under water?

In her book Maxxed Out: American Moms on the Brink, Katrina Alcorn asks mothers, "Do you ever feel as if being a parent has turned you into an expert multitasker? It probably has." Alcorn continues:

Studies show that in mammals, caring for their young is associated with improved learning ability and fearlessness. For example, experiments show that mother rats outsmart their childless counterparts at navigating mazes and capturing prey. That's because in pregnant and nursing mice, dendrites, the special cell structures that are necessary for communication between neurons, are doubled. And glial cells, which are important communication conductors, are also doubled. This is what allows mother mice to learn mazes more quickly than others. (Sorry, dads, I have not read anything indicating that fathers experience a similar boost in brainpower.)

Of course, even with our extra dendrites and glial cells, we mothers still have our limits. Studies show that the amount of multitasking working parents do has doubled since the mid-'70s. Research also shows that too much multitasking [temporarily lowers our IQs]. It makes us do stupid things. And yet, life with young children often requires an absurd, stuntman level of multitasking—something we do more than half our waking time.

In 2009, an article in the U.K.'s Telegraph reported that of all women in the U.K. who find out through prenatal testing that their baby will have Down syndrome, about 90 percent choose to have an abortion. ABC News reports a near-identical rate among women in the U.S.: 92 percent of those who find out their child will have the chromosomal defect decide to abort. One geneticist at Children's Hospital Boston found that without prenatal testing, the number of Down syndrome births would have increased by 34 percent between 1989 and 2005. Instead, the number of Down syndrome births has dropped by 15 percent over that time. Such troubling statistics make the story of Ellen and Al Hsu (pronounced "shee") that much sweeter.

Ellen and Al were thrilled to learn they were expecting a child—a boy, in fact. But their excitement turned to concern when Ellen's OB/GYN noticed choroid plexus cysts on the baby's brain during a standard 20-week ultrasound. Having seen the same images, a second specialist uttered the words no expecting parent wants to hear: "Something is very wrong with this baby."

The doctor suspected chromosomal problems that were generally "incompatible with life." Ellen and Al were told that if their baby was born alive, he would likely die within a day. At best, he might survive for 6 to 12 months.

Ellen writes of their fears in an article posted on Christianity Today's Her.meneutics blog:

Frightened and uncertain of our baby's future, we agreed to an amniocentesis. We would not, we thought, consider aborting our child, but we wanted to know what to expect. And this situation wasn't really covered in What to Expect When You're Expecting. Al held my hand while the doctor extracted amniotic fluid from my womb using a long needle. The doctor explained that it would take around two weeks to receive the results, and mentioned when we would need to make a decision regarding termination ….

Later that evening, after we'd both had some time to process the news, Al and I talked. I felt lost. This scenario didn't fit any of my plans. We talked about funerals, and, if the baby survived, what life would be like for us and for him.

"What should we do?" I asked. "I never thought I would even think this, but do you think it would be more compassionate to terminate the pregnancy?" I felt horrible even thinking about abortion, but given what the doctor told us, I honestly wondered which was the more loving thing to do: save him from the pain he would likely experience if he survived, or allow him to live.

After a moment of silence, Al responded, "I think we should do no harm." Relieved, I quietly agreed. From that moment on we began to prepare ourselves to welcome our son into this world, no matter what that looked like.

Looking back on this critical moment, Ellen offers this powerful word: "The most important day in my life is the day we decided to let our son live." Soon after their decision to keep the baby, she writes that they began to refer to him as Elijah instead of "the baby." They decided that "even if he didn't survive the pregnancy, he was alive now and [they] would enjoy him as long as [they] could."

Ellen writes about what happened next:

A couple of weeks later, the doctor called with the results of the amniocentesis. Elijah was diagnosed with Trisomy 21, more commonly known as Down syndrome, a condition caused by an extra 21st chromosome. We had done some research. We knew that a diagnosis of Down syndrome meant that Elijah would have difficulty learning. We knew that he would experience developmental delays, such as walking and talking later than typical children. We also knew that he was more likely to have a congenital heart defect and other medical problems.

The doctor asked if we had made a decision regarding termination. I was surprised. "Why would we terminate? It's only Down syndrome!" I was actually relieved. Elijah would most likely survive. I had no idea at the time that close to 90 percent of people who receive a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome decide to terminate their pregnancy.

Although we were glad Elijah would most likely live, we still grieved our lost hopes for a "perfect baby." I vacillated between mourning, "This is not what I planned for my life!" and making new plans. I spent many evenings crying (pregnancy hormones were bad enough, but a difficult diagnosis made things even worse). We read whatever books we could find about Down syndrome. We contacted the National Association for Down Syndrome and were paired with a support family. I was put on partial bed rest and spent a lot of time at the maternal health specialist's office for appointments and non-stress tests.

On April 8, 37 weeks into the pregnancy, Ellen gave birth to Elijah Timothy Hsu, and after several difficult weeks, Elijah was released from the hospital. Ellen concludes her article with these words:

Other than having Down syndrome, most of the other "abnormalities" the doctor listed were not present. Today Elijah is a happy and healthy four-year-old. He loves preschool and is learning to read. He communicates using a combination of sign language and spoken words. He enjoys giving hugs, dancing, and babbling in front of a mirror. His smile lights up a room, and his laugh is contagious. He and his seven-year-old brother, Josiah, play and fight together like any siblings. He often throws his food off the table when he's finished eating, and once he colored on our white furniture with a purple marker.

Elijah has developmental delays and sometimes takes longer to learn new skills, but for the most part he's a normal kid doing normal kid stuff. Elijah's first year was sometimes difficult and overwhelming, but life with Elijah has settled into its own routine. Taking care of him is not all that different from taking care of our typical child. And loving Elijah comes just as naturally to me as loving Josiah.

I can't imagine life without Elijah anymore. He brings us so much joy. I'm so glad he's alive and that he's a part of our family. And I look forward to the day when Elijah can tell me about the most important day of his life.

If only adults showed as much sound judgment as an infant! Through a series of tests, Yale University's Infant Cognition Center has found that babies as young as six to ten months old know what's right and wrong. Researchers sat babies down in front of a roller coaster-like track to watch a cartoon-eyed wooden toy try to climb its way to the top of one of the hills. As the toy climbed, other toys were designed to come along to either help it over the hump or push it backwards like a bully. When babies were then given the opportunity to play with any of the toys on the track, nearly every infant chose the toys that helped out. When researchers introduced neutral toys that weren't involved in the experiment at all, the babies still turned their backs on the bullies.

What's especially fascinating is that researchers believe the human qualities of the toy that was trying its best to climb the hill—the googly, cartoonish eyes—were what stirred a sense of loyalty from the babies. When researchers removed the eyes to make it less human, the children did not exercise the same level of judgment.

"It's incredibly impressive that babies can do this," said study lead author Kiley Hamlin. "It shows that we have these essential social skills occurring without much explicit teaching."

God comforts in many ways, and James and Jill Kilibarda of Minnesota have discovered one of those ways.

Looking forward to the birth of their first child, the couple learned during the pregnancy that this baby had a genetic problem and would probably only live a few hours after her birth.

They turned to a unique prenatal hospice program to help guide them through this crisis and received needed guidance and help. The Children's Hospitals and Clinics of Minnesota in Minneapolis provided them direction and stood by them through this difficult time.

Hospital nurse Raquel Beucher set up special classes on childbirth education. She checked on the parents during the birth of baby Alaina, visited in the waiting room with their families, and arranged for them to meet with a neonatologist.

Peter Lund, hospice chaplain, built a bridge of communication with the parents. He called on them in their home. He "made them think a great deal about God's role" in the situation.

Alaina lived through her first night and became among the 10 percent of these babies who live beyond two months of age. She will probably die before reaching preschool age.

The Kilibardas have returned to a normal life; both are back to work and take turns caring for Alaina. Hospice workers encouraged the Kilibardas to make memories with Alaina. These parents have carried their daughter to the homes of their friends, large family get-togethers, and even to the coffee shop they frequent.

James Kilibarda shared why he looked to the hospice program. "I want to go through this with my eyes open. I want to feel every ounce of pain, of happiness, because if I avoid it now, it will come back to bite me. I want to experience grace. What does that mean, because it's such a vague term?" His voice cracked. "I'm still trying to figure it out. I think I'll experience it when this event comes complete, when she passes."

Added Jill, "When we were expecting Alaina, people would say, 'You're in our prayers.' But people were praying…to make it all better for us." And then this mother opened her heart, "We weren't asking, 'Make it all better.' God doesn't come down and touch you to heal you. He sends people to be with you."

Already on the operating room table and moments from an abortion, Anna Chernocke made a life-changing decision—she backed out.

The U.K.'s Daily Mail carries the story:

Minutes away from having the abortion she thought she wanted, each second felt like a second closer to murder rather than the blessed relief she had imagined. Overwhelmed with guilt and fighting back tears, she was led by two nurses into the operating theater. The doctor, a fatherly-looking man in his 50s, was sitting, waiting for her. He was kind, reassuring.

"Anna," he said. "Are you ready? If so, we will give you a little injection in the back of your hand and transfer you to the table. Is there anything you would like to say?"

"Yes," replied Anna. "I'm really sorry, but I've changed my mind."

But instead of being annoyed with her for wasting their time, the medical team seemed to be overcome with a sudden, unexpected euphoria. The doctor broke out into a huge smile, grabbed her shoulder, and laughed, "Congratulations! Well done; you won't regret it."

The article goes on to share the story of the child's birth. In July 2004, Chernocke gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. In her words:

"The day David was born was overwhelming. It was a very difficult labor, but the moment I saw him I felt instant love.

"Even though I was exhausted and connected to drips, the minute he cried, I would get out of bed and go to him.

"He really is the best thing that ever happened to me, and I still feel guilty that he could have so easily not been here."

Today, Anna's son, David, is a lively toddler with blond hair and blue eyes who eagerly awaits the birth of his younger brother. And just as the doctor promised, Anna has never regretted her decision.

While an old proverb claims that ignorance is bliss, Amanda Brisendine would be the first to tell you that ignorance can have unexpected consequences.

Although Brisendine had gained 30 pounds in the past year, she attributed her weight gain to rich foods and the fact that she had quit smoking. But after several days of abdominal pain so intense that she even called in sick from work, the 26-year-old Renton, Washington, woman went to the hospital. What she didn't expect was to return home later with a newborn son—Alexander.

Already a mother to a 14-month-old daughter, Brisendine was shocked and nauseous when told she was nine months pregnant. After all, she had not experienced the typical signs of a pregnancy. "Everything was normal as far as I knew," Brisendine said.

"I don't know how I didn't know," she added. "I just didn't know."

For Brisendine, her ignorance produced only an unexpected addition to her family. But it could have had much more serious consequences. Her doctors noted that ultrasounds showed low amniotic fluid in the placenta and that baby Alexander was not moving properly. He was not doing well. Fortunately, an emergency C-section successfully delivered him.

What we don't know can hurt us. The best antidote for spiritual ignorance is a faithful study of God's Word so that we never have to echo Brisendine's admission: "I don't know how I didn't know. I just didn't know."

In his book Unexpected Blessings, Cameron Lee includes a story related to him by a friend, involving the death of the friend's baby sister.

During the third month of my sister's life, she became very ill with pneumonia…. My parents took her to the hospital and had her placed inside an incubator. The doctor who was in charge monitored my sister for several hours and then sent her home with a prescription…. The next morning my father was suddenly awakened by the uncomfortable realization that he had slept through the entire night without any interruptions from my sister. He jumped out of the bed and ran to check on the baby. The only thing he could remember of that horrific morning was lifting the tiny, limp body and shaking it in order to feel it move. But it laid in his arms, motionless and dead….

The medication prescribed to my sister was too strong for her, which caused her to lose all control of her muscles…. Several of our relatives suggested that my parents sue the doctor. However, after much consideration, prayer, and advice from my grandparents, they decided not to take legal action. Rather, they received the conviction from God that they needed to forgive the doctor and express that to her in letter form. According to my mother, this was the most difficult thing for her to do, yet after obeying the Lord she felt an overwhelming sense of freedom and peace within her heart.

Four months following the death of my sister, I became incredibly ill with pneumonia.… The doctor who had been in charge of my sister…asked my father if he would allow her to take on my case. Everyone was completely flabbergasted. He said he needed some time to think it over. As my parents went to the Lord in prayer, they were convicted that this was an ultimate test of their forgiveness. They felt an overwhelming sense of peace that God was in control and that this would eventually become a powerful testimony. They agreed to let the doctor take on my case.

The next few days were incredibly tense and filled with many moments of uncertainty. However, by the fifth day, I had come out of intensive care and was on my way to a full recovery. On the day of my discharge, the doctor pulled my father and mother aside, and with tears running down her face, she expressed sincere gratitude for the forgiveness and grace they had extended to her.

If your name was Superman would you expect to get picked on? Swedish tax authorities thought so and declined a request by Sara Leisten to name her newborn son after the superhero. The officials were following legislation giving them veto power over names. They nixed Staalman (Superman) citing its potential to attract ridicule later in life.

The decision prompted complaints of inconsistency in applying the law. Previously, names such as Batman, Tarzan, and Bebben (after a soccer star) have been permitted. Other names refused were Bajen (a soccer team) and Asterix.

The boy's parents wanted this name for their son because he was born with one arm pointing skyward, posed in the way Superman flies. Leisten plans to re-apply, this time with the name Staalmannen (The Superman). If it is approved, one thing is clear, little Superman would have a name he can never live up to.

"The Lives" column in New York Times Magazine carried a first-person account of Amy Richards and her decision to abort two of three fetuses she carried.

Richards stopped taking birth control pills because it affected her mood. Though unmarried, she and her boyfriend determined to keep a baby should there be a pregnancy. After pregnancy occurred, Richards was shocked to learn she was carrying triplets. She chronicled her reaction to the news:

My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?

I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.

Richards chose a procedure that administered a shot of potassium chloride into the hearts of two of the fetuses. She later delivered a healthy boy.

Ms. Richards is an abortion rights advocate, associated with Planned Parenthood, and a co-founder of a feminist organization that finances abortions, the Third Wave Foundation.

In 1997, a rapidly moving blaze destroyed the Philadelphia home of Luz Cuevas. It was concluded that, tragically, the fire had killed and completely consumed her 10-day old infant daughter, Delimar. Amid the charred rubble of the family home, the small body was never found. The family grieved and slowly moved on with life.

Six years later, Luz Cuevas was invited to a child's birthday party. There, a small dimple on the face of a six-year-old girl triggered an overwhelming instinct in Luz. She quietly told her sister, "Look. She's my daughter." The sister thought Luz was losing her mind, but the mother could not be convinced she was mistaken. Telling the little girl she had gum in her hair, Luz managed to take a few strands of hair from the child in hopes a DNA test would prove her instincts right.

Subsequently, the Philadelphia police confirmed that the child was Delimar, Luz's lost daughter. Delimar had been kidnapped and raised by Carolyn Correa, who started the fire to cover the crime. After six years of "death," she returned home to be with her real family, very much alive.

Just as this mother knows her daughter, so God knows us to an infinite degree.

In The Joy Luck Club, author Amy Tan describes her pro-choice friend's reflections on abortion:

I almost aborted my daughter. When I found out I was pregnant, I was furious. I secretly referred to my pregnancy as my growing resentment, and I dragged Marvin down to the clinic so he would have to suffer through this too. It turned out we went to the wrong kind of clinic. They made us watch a film, a terrible bit of puritanical brainwash. I saw those little things, babies they called them at seven weeks, and they had tiny, tiny fingers. And the film said that the baby's translucent fingers could move, that we should imagine them clinging for life, grasping for a chance, this miracle of life. If they had shown anything else except tiny fingers—so thank God they did. Because Shoshana really was a miracle. She was perfect. I found every detail about her to be remarkable, especially the way she flexed and curled her fingers.

When my brother and sister-in-law were expecting a baby, I asked my four-year-old niece, Justina, "What do you want, a baby brother or a baby sister?"

"Aunt Donna," she chided, "sometimes you just gots to take what God gives ya."

For the first decade of our marriage, my wife, Doris, and I hoped passionately for a child. I think we wanted a child more than we wanted anything else in the world. So we hoped and prayed for ten long years. And then finally, after ten years, Doris became pregnant. We thanked God and drank a toast to hope.

One night, about six months into the pregnancy, something went wrong, and I called the doctor. He told me Doris was going into labor and to get her into the car and take her to the emergency room right away.

"I'll meet you there," he said. "Oh, yes; I have one more thing to tell you; I should have told you before. Your baby is going to be seriously malformed."

"Malformed? Seriously? How serious?"

"Very serious. It's up to you now to tell Doris on the way to the hospital."

Well, I told her. But we decided that we were not going to give up hope. No matter what the doctor said, we were not going to give up hope. So we kept on hoping all through the night.

At six o'clock in the morning, the doctor came to me with a somewhat embarrassed grin from ear to ear. He said, "Congratulations! You have a perfect baby boy. Come and see." I went with him, and there he was, yelling his head off, looking just like me--a perfect man-child. Praise God! We thought.

It's true. Never give up hope. Never, ever give up hope.

But two days later our baby was dead. Hope can break your heart.

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on. A book that does nothing to you is dead. A baby, whether it does anything to you, represents life. If a bad fire should break out in this house and I had my choice of saving the library or the babies, I would save what is alive. Never will a time come when the most marvelous recent invention is as marvelous as a newborn baby. The finest of our precision watches, the most supercolossal of our supercargo planes, don't compare with a newborn baby in the number and ingenuity of coils and springs, in the flow and change of chemical solutions, in timing devices and interrelated parts that are irreplaceable. The baby here is very modern. Strictly. Yet it is also the oldest of the ancients.