Grumbling

Author and blogger Chris Winfield shares his thoughts on gratitude:

“Why did this have to happen to me?” It didn’t matter if it was something big (my dog gets cancer, good friend dies) or something little (flight is delayed, spilled something on my shirt). I was in a constant state of “poor me.” This all started to change once I began writing a gratitude list every single day for the past 34+ months and it has changed my life profoundly. Here are the 4 most important things I’ve learned on my gratitude journey:

1. It’s Hard at First: My mentor told me to text him three things that I am grateful for every day. Sounds pretty easy right? Well, it wasn’t. When you’ve lived most of your life not focusing on gratitude, it’s not so simple to change that.

2. There Is Always Something to Be Grateful For: No matter what was going on in my life (business problems, I was sick, someone cut me off in traffic) there was always something that I could find to be grateful for (my health, my daughter’s smile, etc.).

3. Gratitude Grows the More You Use It: My gratitude lists started off very basic and I struggled to find things to be grateful for (especially on the really tough days). But once I consistently took action, it became easier and easier.

4. It Can Help Stop Negative Thought Patterns: According to the Laboratory of Neuro Imaging, the average person has about 70,000 thoughts each day! There’s one big problem with this — the vast majority of these thoughts are negative. Gratitude can work to stop these negative thought patterns by replacing it with something positive.

During COVID-19, New York City residents started moving into the country. The 13,000-plus member Facebook group “Into the Unknown” unites people “who have decided or are considering to join the exodus from NYC to greener pastures.” But the grass has not been greener on the other side of the fence. According to one report, “City dwellers, who retreated to rural areas in the pandemic, now see drawbacks, from pests and social isolation to the difficulty of finding day care and health care.”

For instance, Tara Silberberg, 53, moved from Brooklyn to the Hudson Valley and was knocked back by the feeling of alienation. Born in New York, in May 2020 Ms. Silberberg and her husband left the city and moved to the small rural town of Gallatin, New York. She told reporters, “I was not quite prepared for how lonely it was going to be, and I’m very social.” In the first year of her family’s Massachusetts sojourn, the 1930s gravity-fed water system broke “and nobody knew how to fix it and we didn’t have water for a year,” she recalled. “I understood that the country doesn’t mean it’s always picking daisies.”

No wonder, then, that many of these rural dwellers pulled up stakes once again and returned to the city—or are hoping to do so. But that may pose some new problems because New York’s real estate market is once again booming.

Author Christopher de Vinck writes:

Gratitude is the exclamation point after the narration of our lives. Whether we are grateful for big things (life, liberty, love) or grateful for the small things (the flight of the heron, chocolate, the scent of the sea), we are the only creatures on earth who can articulate a sense of appreciation with words … of thanks.

According to a joint study between the World Health Organization and Unicef, one in nine people in the world don’t have access to safe and clean drinking water. I shower every morning, and I wash my car and sprinkle my lawn with water that I can drink.

According to the U.N.’s Food and Agriculture Organization, one in nine people in the world go to bed hungry. I often can’t decide if I want an orange, a banana, a pear, an apple, or other fruit nestled in the bowl at the center of the kitchen table.

Elie Wiesel, the man who lost his family but not his faith during the Holocaust, wrote: “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity.”

In Thornton Wilder’s 1938 play Our Town, the character named Emily, having been given one day to return to the world after her death, calls out:

Goodbye Grover’s Corners—Mama and Papa. Goodbye to clocks ticking—and my butternut tree! —and Mama’s sunflowers—and food and coffee—and new-ironed dresses and hot baths—and sleeping and waking up! Oh, earth, you’re too wonderful for anyone to realize you! Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it—every, every minute?

Research has shown that practicing gratitude boosts the immune system, bolsters resilience to stress, lowers depression, increases feelings of energy, determination, and strength, and even helps you sleep better at night.

In fact, few things have been more repeatedly and empirically vetted than the connection between gratitude and overall happiness and well-being.

In a survey done by Kaplan, she found that while “more than 90% of people think gratitude makes you happier and gives you a more fulfilled life ... less than half regularly express gratitude.”

Headlines rocketed through social media after billionaire Robert F. Smith made an unprecedented announcement during his commencement speech in front of the Morehouse College graduating class of 2019. "My family is going to create a grant to eliminate your student loans," Smith told the senior class. "You great Morehouse men are bound only by the limits of your own conviction and creativity."

The momentous announcement generated plenty of buzz for the historically black, all male college. Plenty of jokes and memes predictably followed. (“’Are you free this time next year?’ asked the Class of 2020.”)

However, an undercurrent of resentment has been stirred up among other African Americans who saved and sacrificed in order to pay for their children’s college education. Michelle Singletary, a personal finance columnist for The Washington Post, explains:

There’s a common complaint I hear from some parents who have sacrificed and saved for their children to attend college debt-free … Was my labor in vain? Those not on the receiving end of this amazing gift might have thought to themselves, even for just a second: “What about us? What do we get for doing the right thing and saving for our kids to go to college debt-free?”

Still, Singletary has encouraging words for those who did it the hard way.

Your saving and sacrificing doesn’t make you a … loser. It makes you responsible and fortunate. There’s so much reward in living within your means, including setting a good example for your children. Whether it’s a surprise gift from a billionaire or need-based aid given to some other’s person’s child, don’t resent what others get.

Potential Preaching Angles: God’s generosity should not be confused with our human instinct for fairness or equivalence, because God’s extravagant love and grace know no bounds. We miss the mark when we devalue God’s generosity by arguing about fairness.

After three days of unsuccessful attempts to lure her pet parrot, Jessie, off the roof of her home, a London resident called for help, first from an animal welfare agency, and then from firefighters. When the London Fire Brigade arrived on the scene, Jessie gave them a nasty surprise.

"****-off," she reportedly said.

Watch manager Chris Swallow explained the firefighters' protocol for the animal rescue.

"Our crew manager was the willing volunteer who went up the ladder to try and bring Jessie down. We were told that to bond with the parrot, you have to tell her 'I love you', which is exactly what the crew manager did. While Jessie responded 'I love you' back, we then discovered that she had a bit of a foul mouth and kept swearing, much to our amusement."

As it turned out, Jessie was fine. After a few minutes interacting with the crew manager, the Macaw parrot flew off, first to another roof and then onto a tree.

Embarrassed by her parrot's conduct, Jessie's owner uploaded to Twitter a video of her pet saying "Thank you."

Potential Preaching Angle: Ungratefulness can be a habit that spreads, even to those whom we think are not paying attention. Gratitude, on the other hand, is always useful, even when it's late.

The barracks where Corrie ten Boom and her sister, Betsy, were kept in the Nazi concentration camp, Ravensbruck, were terribly overcrowded and flea-infested. They had been able to miraculously smuggle a Bible into the camp, and in that Bible they had read that in all things they were to give thanks and that God can use anything for good.

Betsy decided that this meant thanking God for the fleas. This was too much for Corrie, who said she could do no such thing. Betsy insisted, so Corrie gave in and prayed to God, thanking him even for the fleas.

Over the next several months a wonderful, but curious, thing happened: They found that the guards never entered their barracks.

This meant that the women were not assaulted. It also meant that they were able to do the unthinkable, which was to hold open Bible studies and prayer meetings in the heart of a Nazi concentration camp. Through this, countless numbers of women came to faith in Christ.

Only at the end did they discover why the guards had left them alone and would not enter into their barracks: It was because of the fleas.

This Thanksgiving, give thanks to God for every good and perfect gift (Jam. 1:17), but also thank him for how he will use all things for good in the lives of those who trust him (Rom. 8:28).

In this time of declining home values and rising unemployment, in a time when many are facing physical and emotional challenges, there can be little doubt that such a trusting prayer of gratitude will be challenging to consider.

But when you feel that challenge, take a moment and remember the fleas of Ravensbruck.

And thank God anyway.

In Making Grateful Kids, Jeffey Froh shares how school psychologist Dr. Jeffrey Froh summarizes his team's research on the benefits of gratitude among adolescents:

We've found that grateful young adolescents (ages 11-13), compared to their less grateful counterparts, are happier; are more optimistic; have better social support from friends and family; are more satisfied with their school, family, community, friends, and themselves; and give more emotional support to others. They're also physically healthier and report fewer physical symptoms such as headaches, stomachaches, and runny noses. We've also found that grateful teens (ages 14-19), compared to less grateful teens, are more satisfied with their lives, use their strengths to better their community, are more engaged in their schoolwork and hobbies, have higher grades, and are less envious, depressed, and materialistic.

More and more researchers are finding that gratitude doesn't just make you feel like a better person, it's actually good for your health. Professor and researcher Robert A. Emmons puts it this way: "Clinical trials indicate that the practice of gratitude can have dramatic and lasting effects in a person's life. It can lower blood pressure, improve immune function and facilitate more efficient sleep."

One study from the University of California San Diego's School of Medicine found that people who were more grateful actually had better heart health, specifically less inflammation and healthier heart rhythms. They showed a better well-being, a less depressed mood, less fatigue, and they slept better. Gratitude has the opposite effect of stress.

Another study found that gratitude can boost your immune system. Stressed-out law students who characterized themselves as optimistic actually had more disease-fighting cells in their bodies. And in another study people who keep a gratitude journal have a reduced dietary fat intake—as much as 25 percent lower. Stress hormones like cortisol are 23 percent lower in grateful people. And having a daily gratitude practice could actually reduce the effects of aging to the brain.

In his article "The Structure of Gratitude," New York Times columnist David Brooks notes what he's learning about thankfulness:

I'm sometimes grumpier when I stay at a nice hotel. I have certain expectations about the service that's going to be provided. I get impatient if I have to crawl around looking for a power outlet, if the shower controls are unfathomable, if the place considers itself too fancy to put a coffee machine in each room. I'm sometimes happier at a budget motel, where my expectations are lower, and where a functioning iron is a bonus and the waffle maker in the breakfast area is a treat.

This little phenomenon shows how powerfully expectations structure our moods and emotions, none more so than the beautiful emotion of gratitude. Gratitude happens when some kindness exceeds expectations, when it is undeserved. Gratitude is a sort of laughter of the heart that comes about after some surprising kindness.

The bigger our sense of entitlement, the smaller our sense of gratitude …. [Our entitlement mindset] has led to a proliferation of lawsuits: when we don't get something we really want, we sue somebody.

For example, the San Francisco Giants were once sued for passing out Father's Day gifts to men only. A psychology professor sued for sexual harassment because of the presence of mistletoe at a Christmas party. A psychic was awarded $986,000 when a doctor's CAT scan impaired her psychic abilities. You have to wonder about this third one: If she really was a psychic, shouldn't she have known not to go to that doctor in the first place?

A growing body of research has tied an attitude of gratitude with a number of positive emotional and physical health benefits. An article in The Wall Street Journal summarized the research:

Adults who frequently feel grateful have more energy, more optimism, more social connections and more happiness than those who do not, according to studies conducted over the past decade. They're also less likely to be depressed, envious, greedy, or alcoholics. They earn more money, sleep more soundly, exercise more regularly, and have greater resistance to viral infections.

Now, researchers are finding that gratitude brings similar benefits in children and adolescents. [Studies also show that] kids who feel and act grateful tend to be less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches, and feel more satisfied with their friends, families, and schools than those who don't.

The researchers concluded, "A lot of these findings are things we learned in kindergarten or our grandmothers told us, but now we have scientific evidence to prove them …. The key is not to leave it on the Thanksgiving table."

Editor's Note: The video for this illustration contains some objectionable words. This edited transcript has deleted or revised any offensive content.

The sometimes vulgar comedian known as Louis C.K. did a routine that starts with the line, "Everything's amazing right now, but nobody's happy." It obviously struck a chord with people—as of November 2011 the clip had over 4 million views. Here's what he said to poke fun at our ingratitude and impatience:

In my lifetime the changes in the world have been incredible. When I was a kid, we had a rotary phone. We had a phone you had to stand next to, and you had to dial it. Do you realize how primitive that was? You were making sparks. And you would actually hate people who had zeroes in their number because it was more [work]. And then if you called and they weren't home, the phone would just ring lonely by itself.

And then if you wanted money you had to go in the bank—and it was open for like three hours, and you'd stand in line and write a check. And then if you ran out of money, you'd just say, "Well, I just can't do any more things now."

Now we live in an amazing, amazing world, and it's wasted on [a] generation of spoiled [people] that don't care. This is what people are like now: they've got their phone, and they go, "Ugh, it won't [work fast enough]."

Give it a second! It's going to space. Will you give it a second to get back from space? Is the speed of light too slow for you?

I was on an airplane, and there was high-speed internet …. And I'm sitting on the plane, and they say, "Open up your laptop, you can go on the internet." It's fast … it's amazing …. And then the thing breaks down. They apologize, "The internet's not working." And the guy next to me says, "[O, great] this [stinks]." Like how quickly the world owes him something he knew existed only ten seconds ago.

People come back from flights, and they tell you their story, and it's a horror story …. [They say], "It was the worst day of my life. First of all, we didn't board for twenty minutes. And then we get on the plane, and they made us sit there on the runway for forty minutes." [And I say,] "O, really, and what happened next? Did you fly in the air, incredibly, like a bird? Did you partake in the miracle of human flight?" Everybody on every plane should be constantly [screaming], "WOW!" You're flying. You're sitting in a chair in the sky!

Here's the thing: People say there are "delays" on flights. Delays, really? New York to California in five hours! It used to take thirty years to do that, and a bunch of you would die on the way.

In her book The Gift of Thanks, Margaret Visser uses three concrete images to convey the power of gratitude—gratitude as soil, lubricant, and glue. She writes:

[Soil] refers to the disposition of the person to be grateful, and his freedom to choose not to be. He is able to "cultivate" in himself a grateful disposition …. An ungrateful disposition, by contrast, is hard and dry, not easily moved by kindness, unwilling to be kind in return …. In European languages people often talk of poor soil as "ungrateful."

Gratitude is [also] a social "lubricant" …. It makes things move smoothly; after all, giving and giving back are movements back and forth …. When there is no gratitude, there is no meaningful movement; [relationships] become rocky, painful, coldly indifferent, unpleasant, and finally break off altogether. The social "machinery" grinds to a halt.

[Finally] … gratitude is "glue." The image points again to the social cohesion that gratitude supplies. Modern society is experienced as fragmented, in danger of flying apart … Gratitude is "a kind of plastic filler," "an all-purpose moral cement," a sort of magic paste that is amazingly malleable, squeezing itself into the cracks and then solidifying and strengthening the social structure.

Richard Stearns, the president of World Vision, reflected on his visit to a church in Port-au-Prince, Haiti nearly a year after the devastating earthquake. The church's building consisted of a tent made from white tarps and duct tape, pitched in the midst of a sprawling camp for thousands of people still homeless from the earthquake. This is how he describes the church and the lesson he learned in Haiti:

In the front row sat six amputees ranging in age from 6 to 60. They were clapping and smiling as they sang song after song and lifted their prayers to God. The worship was full of hope … [and] with thanksgiving to the Lord.

No one was singing louder or praying more fervently than Demosi Louphine, a 32-year-old unemployed single mother of two. During the earthquake, a collapsed building crushed her right arm and left leg. After four days both limbs had to be amputated.

She was leading the choir, leading prayers, standing on her prosthesis and lifting her one hand high in praise to God .… Following the service, I met Demosi's two daughters, ages eight and ten. The three of them now live in a tent five feet tall and perhaps eight feet wide. Despite losing her job, her home, and two limbs, she is deeply grateful because God spared her life on January 12th last year … "He brought me back like Lazarus, giving me the gift of life," says Demosi … [who] believes she survived the devastating quake for two reasons: to raise her girls and to serve her Lord for a few more years.

It makes no sense to me as an "entitled American" who grouses at the smallest inconveniences—a clogged drain or a slow wi-fi connection in my home. Yet here in this place, many people who had lost everything … expressed nothing but praise.

I find my own sense of charity for people like Demosi inadequate. They have so much more to offer me than I to them. I feel pity and sadness for them, but it is they who might better pity me for the shallowness of my own walk with Christ.

"Envy is resenting God's goodness to others and ignoring God's goodness to me."

The heart drifts toward complaint as if by gravitational pull—after all, complaint seems a reasonable response to a sequence of disappointing events. Generally, you don't have to extend an invitation for complaint to show up. It arrives as an uninvited guest. You return home from yet another frustrating day to discover that complaint has moved into your guest room, unpacked its luggage, started a load of laundry, and is rooting through your fridge. Even as you seek to dislodge complaint—as you move its bags to the curb and change the locks—it crawls back through the guest room window. Complaint resists eviction.

Before we know it, complaint feels right because it is familiar. With every struggle, we become the Israelites murmuring in the desert. We miss the faith lessons. God desires to prepare us and build things into us, but we are hunkered down in our pattern of response. We need to wake up and notice what is happening! How do we evict that spirit of complaint?

We have heard it said that "bad movement pushes out good movement" and "good movement pushes out bad movement." We can discourage complaint's residency in our lives by inviting another guest to move in with us. That new guest is trust. When we choose to trust in the face of deep disappointment, complaint has less space to maneuver. While attempting to unpack for an extended stay, it discovers that trust has taken all the drawers in the guest room and already occupies the empty seat at the table. Trust evicts complaint. Trust and complaint are incompatible roommates. One inevitably pushes the other one out.

I miss being around people that don't complain. I'm in the drama business, and there are a lot of dramatic people that seem to be not very happy with where they are.

—U.S. actor Ashton Kutcher, when asked what he missed about growing up and living in the Midwest (Iowa)

Source:

"10 Questions for Ashton Kutcher," TIME magazine (8-13-09)