Guests

In February 2020, BBC journalist Vicky Baker jumped on the Eurostar to Paris, motivated by a sudden urge to have dinner with a friend. American Jim Haynes had entered his late 80s and his health was declining, yet she knew he would welcome a visit. Jim always welcomed visitors to his home in Paris.

She was far from the only guest wandering into the warm glow of his artist's workroom on a wet winter's night. Inside, people were squeezing, shoulder to shoulder, through the narrow kitchen. Strangers struck up conversations, bunched together in groups, and balancing their dinners on paper plates.

Jim had operated open-house policy at his home every Sunday evening for more than 40 years. Absolutely anyone was welcome to come for an informal dinner, all you had to do was phone or email and he would add your name to the list. No questions asked. Just put a donation in an envelope when you arrive.

There would be a buzz in the air, as people of various nationalities - locals, immigrants, travelers - milled around the small, open-plan space. A pot of hearty food bubbled on the stove and servings would be dished out onto a trestle table, so you could help yourself and continue to mingle. It was for good reason that Jim was nicknamed the "godfather of social networking." He led the way in connecting strangers, long before we outsourced it all to Silicon Valley.

At the dinners' peak, Jim would welcome up to 120 guests, filling his home, and spilling out into the cobbled back garden. An estimated 150,000 people have come over the years.

"The door was always open," says Amanda Morrow, an Australian journalist. "It was a revolving door of guests - some who wanted to stay over, and others who just wanted to say hello. Jim never said no to anyone."

Amid the outpouring of online tributes since his death in his sleep on 6 January 2021, these words from his son Jesper stand out:

The only thing that really got Jim down was people leaving. He struggled with that. He didn't like being on his own... His goal from early on was to introduce the whole world to each other. He almost succeeded.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Fellowship; Home; Outreach – Imagine the results if church members would invite others to share in an informal meal at their home. Neighbors, friends, church members, visitors to church all welcomed to mingle and fellowship in the warm, cozy atmosphere of a home.

Kalina and Shane Pavlovsky planned a beautiful wedding reception at the Barn at Scappoose Creek, Oregon, but were met with disappointment when, out of the 40 guests who RSVP'd, only five showed up.

Kalina told a reporter, “It was a feeling I can’t even describe, having to hold my smile and walk through … the biggest punch that I’ve ever felt.” Of the 40 guests who’d originally responded in the affirmative, Kalina said she’d made direct contact with at least 25 who promised they would come.

The couple’s disappointing reception entrance was caught on video, so she posted it onto TikTok, where it was viewed over 12 million times with more than 20,000 comments. Kalina says she posted it during a lonely moment, but she was also motivated to show off the venue itself, which was tastefully decorated with white lights and draping sheer fabric. She said, “It was just so beautiful, I thought someone has to see it.”

Pavlovsky expressed her feelings about the moment in her TikTok video post. “It just makes me think, like, why? What did we do? Am I that bad of a person? What did my husband ever do to deserve any of this? Why couldn’t we matter enough for people to show up?”

Despite the disappointment, the couple made the best of the situation, but had to cancel planned events like dances and cutting the cake. Despite the hurt caused by the no-shows, Pavlovsky said she's also been touched by the outpouring of support from strangers who saw her story and felt empathy.

“My hope is that people understand how important it is to show up,” she concluded.

Possible Preaching Angle:

1) Faithfulness of God - Unlike some of our flakier friends, God does not ghost us when we need him most. On the contrary, God shows up when we need him most. 2) Promises – When we make a commitment we should keep it. If we have no intention of keeping the commitment, we should be honest to say so.

Hosting friends and family from out of town always sounds good in theory, but it doesn’t come without its challenges. Two-thirds of Americans have told a guest to “make themselves at home” and regretted it later. That’s according to a new survey of 2,000 Americans, which found 72 percent have told a guest to make the space their own—and 91% of those have regretted it afterward.

Some of the reasons respondents have regretted allowing people to make themselves at home include guests expecting more meals than planned (54%), overstaying their welcome (45%), and making a mess (39%).

Results also looked to see who makes the worst guests, with friends (42%), siblings (39%), and in-laws (37%) topping the list. For a third of respondents (35%), the situation has become unpleasant enough that they’ve told someone they’re a “bad guest.”

On the flip side, 75% of Americans surveyed believe they’re a good host—with 31% of those saying they’re a “very good” host.

The survey also looked at the lengths that hosts go to, and the steps people can take to ensure their home is inviting. In order to be a good host, over four in 10 have purchased a new bed or new mattress for people to sleep on when they stay the night (49%) or purchased new furniture to ensure guests are comfortable (45%).

In CT magazine, author and podcaster Jen Wilkins writes:

It was a typical Friday night at the Wilkin house. A spontaneous dinner had collected a growing number of neighbors and friends. As the kitchen swelled with people and chatter, I leaned over to each of my kids and whispered the code they were probably expecting: “FHB.”

Family hold back. Maybe you know this strategy, too. Surveying the food relative to the guests, it became apparent that we needed a non-miraculous solution for our five loaves and two fishes. My husband prayed over the meal and then, quietly, the Wilkins slipped to the back of the line, serving themselves minimal portions to stretch the food. They knew they wouldn’t go without; it was not a matter of if they would eat but when. Worst case, we’d order a pizza once the guests had gone home.

Nobody wants to be at the end of the line. Given the choice, we want to go first, to get the full portion, to sit in the most comfortable chair. But Christ-followers understand that life is about more than doing what we want. It’s about doing what we wish. Let me explain.

We can all imagine times when we wanted to be treated better, when we longed for more care, recognition, and grace than we received from others. We are not wrong to hold these wishes. They illustrate the basic human need to be known, loved, and accepted. And what we do with how we feel about our wishes, met and unmet, will shape the course of our lives. To that end, Jesus invites us to live lives directed by wishful thinking, though not in the way we might anticipate: “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matt. 7:12, ESV).

Put simply, Jesus tells us to do what we wish. Thinking about our own wish list, we then act accordingly toward others. We give the encouragement we wish we had received…and serve as we wish to be served. We step to the end of the line. We move to the least comfortable chair. We defer what we wish for ourselves and instead secure it for others.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Every day we look for ways to do what we wish others would do for us. It’s easier to take the smaller portion when you know the lack is only temporary. This world is flat-out starving for kindness and decency. It is ravenous for meaning and purpose, and we are just the family to invite them to the table. Do it as Christ did for you.

Traveling from Niagara Falls to Washington D.C., a tour group of 10 South Koreans got stuck driving in a blizzard near Buffalo. Two of the group went to a local house to ask for a shovel to dislodge their vehicle.

It was Christmas Eve when Alex Campagna heard their frantic knocking on his door. Outside was “the worst blizzard I’ve experienced - it was the Darth Vader of storms.” Knowing the folly of trying to carry on, he invited them all inside, putting them up on couches, air mattresses, and sleeping bags.

Eager to repay his kindness, the guests cooked several South Korean meals like stir-fried pork, and dakdori tang, a spicy chicken stew. As it turns out Campagna and his wife really like Korean food and actually happened to have some of the more extravagant ingredients on hand.

The Times reports they waited out the blizzard and stayed Friday and Saturday. They swapped stories, and even enjoyed some American football matches on Christmas Eve. On Christmas day drivers came to pick up the tour group and took them to New York for some impromptu flights.

“We have enjoyed this so much,” said Choi Yoseob, a member of the group who described the experience as unforgettable and a “unique blessing.”

The Christmas season is not only one of the most stressful times of the year; it's also one of the most dangerous times of the year. A recent article summarized some of the research from Great Britain on Christmas stress and accidents:

• Almost 20 percent of people find the experience of hosting guests and preparing for Christmas meals and festivities "completely overwhelming." A third of women feel more stressed throughout December than any other month across the year.
• Three percent of people suffer an electric shock due to badly wired Christmas lighting and one in 50 fall out of the attic trying to get the tinsel and decorations down.
• Some 2.6 million people have even fallen off a stool or ladder while hanging up the decorations.
• A mammoth 700,000 people have been injured in a sales rush, while trying to snag a bargain.

Russell Atkinson, CEO of Great Britain's National Accident Helpline said:

Unfortunately the festive and winter season can bring with it hazards for your health, from the cold weather and long, dark nights to unsafe electric decorations around the home. As such, we urge people to pause and take steps to keep themselves, their friends and family safe, in order to ensure they have a relaxed and cheerful holiday season.

Possible Preaching Angles: Of course this illustration highlights the need for joy and peace at Christmas, but it also highlights what Christ did in the Incarnation—he did not play it safe. He entered into a world of accidents and hardships and injustice and profound unsafety and suffering.

The first thing many smartphone users do when they sit down at a restaurant is connect to the local Wi-Fi network. Ordinarily free, establishments often have a simple password for the network posted on the wall to prevent non-customers from logging in. One Thai restaurant, however, decided to break the norm and give its customers a not-so-simple password to access the internet. The sign on the wall of the Texas restaurant did not contain a standard string of digits, but an elaborate calculus equation (the kind of math that contains more letters and Greek symbols than actual numbers).

A curious and determined patron of the restaurant posted a photo of the equation on social media with the caption "Where are the math wizards at?" He eventually found some help, receiving hopeful suggestions such as "I wouldn't be surprised if the password is something like 'DependsOnN,'" and "[maybe] some variation of 'One', '1' 'One Hundred Percent' or '100%'" and several assertions that it must be a trick question. At the time the story was reported, the original user who had posted the photo had tried every single suggestion and was still coming up empty. A sympathizing social media user commented, "I am sorry that we have failed you," to which he earned the noble and inspiring response: "We haven't failed, we just haven't found the correct PW yet … we will eventually."

Potential Preaching Angles: Similar to the exclusivity of a closed Wi-Fi network, guests or visitors to a church can often be wondering what the "secret password" is to fitting in or being accepted. They can often view the church as a place for perfect people, without room for brokenness or doubt. Of course, this apparent exclusivity is actually the opposite of the Gospel, where we are assured that "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved" (Romans 10:13). We believers must ensure that our churches are not full of cliques and secret passwords, but honesty and warmth.

In Time Magazine's issue in which it identified "240 Reasons to Celebrate America Right Now," number 77 was none other than the lowly, but always open Waffle House. According to writer Ben Goldberger, "it's so dependable that FEMA has a so-called Waffle House Index for disasters; if the locations are closed, you know things are bad."

Those who sing its praises do so not because of the food but, according to one customer, "There's no ego, no pretension … it's welcoming to all." Daniel Humm, the proprietor of the high-end New York restaurant, Eleven Madison Park reported from his visit, "It was a reminder of how important hospitality is. We just felt so taken care of."

Possible Preaching Angles: In our day when there is so much focus on and written about making the church bigger, let us not forget the power of simple Christ-centered hospitality. The church should be a place where there is no ego, no pretense; a place where people can say "we just felt so taken care of."

The Rule of St. Benedict, written by Saint Benedict of Nursia 1,500 years ago, has instructions for a very specific role in the monastery—the porter in charge of answering the door. The porter's job is to open the door to the monastery when someone knocks. Not much of a role, you say? Ah, but there's so much to it. One contemporary Benedictine author notes, "The way we answer doors is the way we deal with the world."

The porter is given very specific instructions. He is to sleep near the entrance to the monastery so he can hear and respond in a timely way when someone knocks. The porter is to offer a welcome, in Benedict's words, "with all the gentleness that comes from reverence of God," and "with the warmth of love." As soon as anyone knocks, the porter is to reply, "Thanks be to God. Your blessing, please." He is to say this before he even knows who's on the other side of the door. And then the porter is to make sure that the other monks know of the presence of a visitor in their midst so that they can join in extending a welcome.

In contrast, the 20th century writer Dorothy Parker used to answer her telephone with this greeting: "What fresh hell is this?" How do you respond when someone knocks on the door of your church or home or life? Is it closer to "What fresh hell is this?" or "Thanks be to God"?

Sanderson Jones, a former stand-up comedian who leads the Sunday Assembly—also known as the "atheist church"—spent Sunday attending three London churches and tweeting about his experience. His observations are surprising and an encouraging reminder for all churches. "I think churches should recognize that they are already doing so much right," Jones says, referring to the idea of having people welcoming on the front door, and people knowing where and when to set up for coffee after church. "I went to the American Humanist Association and they had a special lecture on why it's important to be welcoming. It's just the most basic things which you'll take for granted in 'Churchland,' which are in fact really powerful."