Honesty

Your relationship can handle way more honesty than you think it can. In fact, a new study from the University of Rochester found that being brutally honest with your partner benefits both of you.

Most people fear that difficult conversations will damage their relationships, so we avoid tough topics or sugarcoat our feelings. But research shows we’re wrong about the risks of being direct.

Scientists studied 214 couples, together an average of 15 years, and asked them to discuss something they wanted their partner to change. This is a conversation most people dread. Before talking, each person privately wrote down what they wanted to say, then had the conversation while researchers recorded what was actually shared.

The results? When people were more honest about their requests, both partners reported better emotional well-being and higher relationship satisfaction. What mattered more was that people actually were honest and that their partners perceived them as honest.

Three months later, many benefits persisted. People who had been more honest during the initial discussion reported better emotional well-being and were more likely to see positive changes in their partners over time.

You don’t need perfect communication skills or complete agreement about what happened for honesty to help your relationship. You just need willingness to share authentic thoughts and feelings.

Rather than tiptoeing around sensitive topics, couples should lean into honest communication. The truth can set your relationship free, even when it’s hard to hear.

There’s nothing spooky about ghostworking. The newly coined term describes a set of behaviors meant to create a facade of productivity at the office, like walking around carrying a notebook as a prop or typing random words just to generate the sound of a clacking keyboard.

Pretending to be busy at the office is not something workers recently invented, of course, but it appears to be reaching critical mass. According to a new survey, more than half of all U.S. employees now admit to regularly ghostworking.

According to the report, the results show that 58% of employees admit to regularly pretending to work, while another 34% claim they do so from time to time. What might be most striking are some of the elaborate methods workers use to perform productivity. Apparently, 15% of U.S. employees have faked a phone call for a supervisor’s benefit, while 12% have scheduled fake meetings to pad out their calendars, and 22% have used their computer keyboards as pianos to make the music of office ambiance.

As for what these employees are actually doing, in many cases it’s hunting for other jobs. The survey shows that 92% of employees have job searched in some way while on the clock, with 55% admitting they do so regularly.

The ongoing return-to-office resurgence has left many employees feeling like they’re working inside of a fishbowl, performing for the watchful eye of employers. Employees sensing a greater need to broadcast that they’re getting work done. So ghostworking is a performance. It involves actively projecting an appearance of busyness without actually engaging in meaningful work.

Possible Preaching Angles:

1) Diligence; Employees; Sincerity - Scripture encourages believers to work wholeheartedly, not just for human approval, but as if working for God; 2) Hypocrisy - The act of ghostworking is a kind of hypocrisy—projecting an image that does not match reality.

An article in The Wall Street Journal had an interesting title: “The Little Sins We Commit at Work—and the Bosses Who Are Cracking Down.” Here’s how the article started:

Ever used the office printer for your kid’s homework assignment or scrolled Facebook Marketplace during an all-hands Zoom meeting? Fair warning: Your employer may be paying close attention.

Big companies on the hunt for efficiency are deploying perk police to bust employees for seemingly minor infractions that, by the letter of company law, can result in termination. “We have had lots of requests for new controls,” says Katie MacKillop, U.S. director of Payhawk, which administers company credit-card accounts and watches for misuse.

Clients are asking Payhawk to restrict when and where company cards work. For example, a company can limit a lunch allowance to be available only on weekdays from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. and be usable at Chipotle but not at Kroger. In partnership with Visa and Mastercard, Payhawk is developing a feature that sends real-time spending alerts to corporate finance teams and allows them to instantly block suspicious transactions by employees.

MacKillop’s firm doesn’t track what happens to employees who violate company policies, but she says there is little doubt employers are taking codes of conduct more seriously.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Of course, in the Bible, there is no such thing as “little sins.” Every sin is a transgression against the holiness of God.

Does this sound familiar? You’ve read rave online reviews about a restaurant or hotel and made a reservation. Then you show up and wonder if you’re even in the same place the reviewers visited. That’s when you know: They were fake reviews.

Phony reviews make up a big percentage of the total out there—anywhere from 16% to 40%, according to some estimates. Some fakes are raves by employees, artificial-intelligence software, or people hired to wax poetic about the place. Others are negative write-ups by disgruntled ex-employees or competitors.

The problem is so widespread that the Federal Trade Commission just created a new rule that will seek civil penalties for violators who pay for fake reviews or testimonials. Meanwhile, review platforms and online travel agencies are stepping up their efforts to weed out fake reviews before they ever show up online.

Possible Preaching Angle:

The article in The Wall Street Journal continued by listing six ways to check the validity of online reviews to distinguish a fake review from a true review (such as, “look for a picture,” or “avoid extremes,” and “check the timing of the review”). But how about us? How do we tell the difference between truth and falsehood, good doctrine from bad doctrine?

One of the most potentially lucrative new technologies is the advent of generative artificial intelligence programs. The race to perfect AI has prompted companies large and small to invest huge sums of time and money to corner the market on this emerging technology.

One important issue is the lack of a regulatory framework to enforce the intellectual property rights of companies and creative people. Their work is used to train the AIs, which need millions of examples of creative work to properly learn how to replicate similar works.

Microsoft Corp. and OpenAI are investigating whether data output from OpenAI’s technology was obtained in an unauthorized manner by a group linked to Chinese artificial intelligence startup DeepSeek. They believe that this is a sign that DeepSeek operatives might be stealing a large amount of proprietary data and using it for their own purposes

Ironically, OpenAI itself has been sued by individuals and entities, including The New York Times, alleging "massive copyright infringement" for using copyrighted materials to train its AI models without permission or compensation. So, it looks supremely hypocritical to complain about DeepSeek stealing their proprietary data, when most of OpenAI’s proprietary data was made by stealing the data of others. In the race to perfect AI, it seems there is no honor among thieves.

Possible Preaching Angle:

This is a classic case of “the pot calling the kettle black,” and a blatant display of “he who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.” It is the very nature of a Pharisee to condemn the very flaws they themselves embody, oblivious to the transparent vulnerability of their own character.

The U.S. Center for SafeSport fired an investigator, Jason Krasley, after discovering he had been previously arrested for stealing money confiscated after a drug bust during his previous job as a police officer. Krasley had been hired by the Denver-based SafeSport center to investigate sex abuse and harassment cases after leaving the police department in 2021.

One of Krasley's cases involved Sean McDowell, a recreational rugby player who reported stalking and harassment from another player. McDowell stated that after initial contact, Krasley stopped responding, and McDowell was later informed of Krasley's termination. When McDowell discovered news reports of Krasley's arrest for theft and receiving stolen property, to say he was shocked would be an understatement.

“I’m still struggling to wrap my mind around it,” said McDowell. “It just seems so off from what their stated mission is.”

The firing and arrest of Jason Krasley has exposed vulnerabilities in the U.S. Center for SafeSport's hiring process, undermining trust in its mission to protect athletes from abuse. Despite claims of robust background checks, Krasley was hired despite past misconduct. The CEO of SafeSport has acknowledged the need for improvement, including audits of Krasley's cases. However, victims like Sean McDowell remain frustrated by delays, highlighting the center's urgent need to restore credibility and ensure its investigators meet high ethical standards.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Those entrusted with leadership roles must be carefully vetted in order to serve with integrity, as failing to do so may lead to potential abuses of the authority entrusted to them.

When Sarah Darling dropped some change into a homeless man's cup, she didn't notice anything amiss. But she quickly realized that her diamond engagement ring was missing. Turns out, panhandler Billy Ray Harris noticed it in his cup right away, and held onto it. When Sarah came back the next day, he had it waiting for her.

As a reward for his honesty, Sarah gave him all the cash she had on her, and then set up a site for receiving donations from strangers wanting to help reward Harris' honesty. The site has received an overwhelming response. Along with the money, Harris is getting legal and financial counsel to help him use it well.

And that’s not all: After he made a TV appearance about the incident, his family members, who had not been able to find him for 16 years and had heard rumors that he was dead, were able to track him down. They were happily reunited, and Harris is now working on his relationship with them.

Harris said, “When I think of the past, I think, thank God it’s over. I mean, I feel human now.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Sometimes, honesty pays off, but sometimes our honesty may only be for our "Father who sees in secret." (Matt. 6:1-4)

Actress Angelina Jolie claims, “I don’t really have … a social life.” Instead, she admits, “I realized my closest friends are refugees. Maybe four out of six of the women that I am close to are from war and conflict.”

She explained what refugees have to offer that the shallowness of Hollywood does not offer:

There’s a reason people who have been through hardship are also much more honest and much more connected, and I am more relaxed with them. Why do I like spending time with people who’ve survived and are refugees? They’ve confronted so much in life that it brings forward not just strength, but humanity.

Possible Preaching Angles:

Angelina Jolie may not be a follower of Jesus, but she does have some biblical truth here—suffering can make us deeper and more compassionate people.

In January 2024 a wave of violence and looting broke out in Port Moresby, the capital of the country of Papua New Guinea (north of Australia). An unconfirmed number of people were killed and dozens injured, as emergency services struggled to respond to the scale of the disturbance.

Video footage showed looters in the capital dashing into stores through smashed glass windows, stuffing stolen goods into cardboard boxes, plastic buckets, and shopping carts. One man was seen lugging an entire chest freezer away on his shoulders.

But then about five days after the looting started, a local pastor in Papua New Guinea gave the following report:

These days a curious phenomenon is taking place: the people who participated in the looting of recent days in Port Moresby are returning the looted goods. The appeals from the police and also from some [church leaders] are having a certain effect. Some parishes of Christian churches of different denominations got involved and declared: “Our doors are open for those who want to return stolen goods.” It is a kind of collective repentance, appealing to the Christian conscience of each citizen. I must say that something is moving, it is a sign of hope, a sign that the individual conscience is, in some way, illuminated by faith.

Editor’s Note: As you use this illustration keep in mind that although this story is true, there was not a massive movement to return looted items. The same is true in relationship with God, all have a conscience which at some point convicts them of sin, but only a few repent and turn to God.

A chorus of discontent is emerging from the users of several popular dating apps like Hinge, Match, and Bumble. The consensus is that the experience has been gradually declining. Dating apps are not as fun, as easy, or as enjoyable as they used to be.

Which is not to say that they’re not still popular. According to a recent Pew Research Center survey, 10% of people in committed romantic partnerships say they met their partner on a dating app or website.

“Our goal is to make meaningful connections for every single person on our platforms," according to a spokesperson for Match.com. "Our business model is driven by providing users with great experiences, so they champion our brands and their power to form life-changing relationships.”

That statement notwithstanding, it’s hard for an app to develop a dedicated customer base when the most satisfied customers, finding a loving relationship, leave the app behind. Each successful outcome results in the loss of two paying customers.

On the contrary, most apps gain financial success by generating repeat users and maximize their time spent on the platform. This dynamic creates a situation described as “adverse selection,” where the people who spend the most time on dating apps are beset with suspicion from prior bad experiences on the app, making it harder to find meaningful connections. Anyone who remains must either lower their standards or risk engaging with people who are less-than-truthful in their behavior. What results is a less enjoyable experience all around.

Economist George Akerlof says there are solutions to the problem, which often revolve around providing more truthful information to counter dishonest actors. But that would require users on dating apps to share potentially embarrassing details of how or why their previous attempts at relational connection failed.

Alas, when it comes to honest self-reflection and authentic disclosure, there appears to be no app for that.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Long lasting relationships are built on the time-tested biblical principles of honesty, trust, and openness. Any other basis for a relationship will lead to suspicion and heartache.

Author Brené Brown was at a book signing where a woman and her husband approached her with books to get autographed. After Brown signed the books, the wife turned to leave and said, “Come on, hon” to her husband. “No,” he replied, “I want to talk with her for a second.”

Uncomfortable, Brown just waited. The man then looked at her and said, “I really love all this stuff you're talking about, this shame, and being perfect, and having to be someone we're not, and having to reach out. It is really powerful. But I never heard you mention anything about men.”

She felt relieved and said: “I don't study men.” He immediately responded, “That's convenient.” Nervously, she asked, “Why convenient?”

“It's convenient you don't talk about men,” he said, “Because when we reach out, when we tell our stories, when we share our shame experiences, we get the emotional s____ beat out of us.”

Brown was about to reply when he added, “Before you say anything about those dads, and those coaches, or about those bosses and mean bully friends, let me explain this to you. My wife and my three daughters, you just signed books for, they would rather see me die on top of my White Horse than see me fall off.” And then he just left.

Possible Preaching Angle:

This story reveals the stresses men face today—the pressure to stay on your “white horse,” to maintain your image of strength and invulnerability, rather than to trust in God’s grace and be vulnerable in Christian community.

Ride sharing apps (like Uber and Lyft) ratings have become almost meaningless. A recent report says, “Confusion over what constitutes 5-star behavior for certain services, combined with the guilt of potentially hurting someone’s livelihood, has people defaulting to perfect scores. Ratings padding is particularly rampant for services involving personal interactions. Everyone is ‘above average’ on some apps—way, way above.”

A customer named Mike Johnson has endured some awkward Uber rides. He once held his nose throughout a trip because the driver was carrying chopped-up Durian—the world’s smelliest fruit. Another time, he was stuck in the back seat while a driver bickered with her boyfriend. Yet another driver tried to sell him a Ponzi scheme. He rated each one five out of five stars.

Johnson explained: “They all seemed like nice people. I didn’t want them to be kicked off the app over my bad rating,” the 33-year-old New Yorker said. “Isn’t 5 stars, like, the norm?”

Ratings are so inflated that Lyft drivers whose scores dip below 4.8 out of 5 stars are asked to boost their performance. Drivers under 4.6 risk getting deactivated.

Possible Preaching Angles:

1) God is not afraid to tell us the truth about our sin. 2) Christians should resist this rating inflation and be willing to speak the truth in love to one another.

Francesca Gino of Harvard Business School, a leader in the field of behavioral science, and co-author of dozens of papers in peer-reviewed journals, has been charged with falsifying data.

In a 2012 paper Gino and her collaborators reported that "asking people who fill out tax or insurance documents to attest to the truth of their responses at the top of the document, rather than at the bottom, significantly increased the accuracy of the information they provided." The paper has been cited hundreds of times by other scholars.

But recently, three behavioral scientists, analyzing data that Dr. Gino and her co-authors had posted online, cited a digital record contained within an Excel file to demonstrate that some of the data points had been tampered with, and that the tampering helped drive the result.

Harvard has placed Gino on administrative leave.

Possible Preaching Angles:

1) Employees; Students - We must all be careful of claiming another’s work as our own (especially in the age of AI) or of modifying the facts to prove our point. 2) Pastor; Preacher - The preacher must also beware of dishonesty when preaching. Using someone else’s sermon or personal illustration as your own is a temptation many fall into.

Claiming that courts need to adapt to new modes of communication, a judge in Saskatchewan ruled in favor of a grain buyer suing a farmer for backing out of a business deal.

According to court documents, grain buyer Kent Mickleborough sent a mass text message to a variety of potential vendors expressing a willingness to purchase a certain tonnage of flax at a set price. Chris Achter, a local grain farmer, responded in the affirmative. Mickleborough says he spoke to Achter over the phone, then texted a photo of a contract, asking in a text to “please confirm flax contract.”

Achter responded to that text with a thumbs-up emoji. He ended up not delivering the flax by the agreed-upon date, however, because the market price of the flax had increased and he was looking for a better deal. In the lawsuit, Mickleborough claimed that the thumbs-up emoji indicated a willingness to adopt the terms of the contract; Achter, however, disputes that claim, saying that he intended only to confirm receipt of the document, not a commitment to sign it.

Justice Timothy Keene wrote in his ruling,

This court readily acknowledges that a (thumbs-up) emoji is a non-traditional means to “sign” a document. But nevertheless, under these circumstances this was a valid way to convey the two purposes of a signature … This appears to be the new reality in Canadian society. Courts will have to be ready to meet the new challenges that may arise from the use of emojis and the like.

Possible Preaching Angle:

God desires honesty in all business transactions and financial commitments. Operating with integrity means honoring business commitments.

For five years in a row, Finland has ranked No. 1 as the happiest country in the world, according to the World Happiness Report. A Finnish philosopher and psychology researcher who studies the fundamentals of happiness, was asked: What exactly makes people in Finland so exceptionally satisfied with their lives? He answered, “To maintain a high quality of life, here are three things we never do”:

1. We Don’t Compare Ourselves to Our Neighbors.

There’s a famous line by a Finnish poet: “Don’t compare or brag about your happiness.” Finns really take this to heart, especially when it comes to material things and overt displays of wealth. I once ran into one of the wealthiest man in Finland. He was pushing his toddler in a stroller towards the tram station. He could have bought himself an expensive car or hire a driver, but he opted for public transportation. That’s what success looks like in Finland: Just like everyone else.

2. We Don’t Overlook the Benefits of Nature.

According to a 2021 survey, 87% of Finns feel that nature is important to them because it provides them with peace of mind, energy, and relaxation. In Finland, employees are entitled to four weeks of summer holiday. Many of them use that time to hit the countryside and immerse themselves in nature. Spending time in nature increases vitality, well-being, and a gives a sense of personal growth.

3. We Don’t Break the Community Circle of Trust.

Research shows that the higher the levels of trust within a country, the happier its citizens are. Finnish people tend to trust each other and value honesty. If you forget your laptop in a library or lost your phone on the train, you can be quite confident you’ll get it back. Kids also often take a public bus home from school and play outside without supervision.

Possible Preaching Angles:

This illustration could also be titled, “3 Things People in the Happiest Churches Do.” It is instructive that each of the three points matches with scriptural values for relationships between church members: 1. We don’t compare ourselves to our neighbors: (Matt. 7:1-5; 2 Cor. 10:12, Gal. 5:26; Gal. 6:4); 2. We don’t overlook the benefits of nature: (Psa. 1:2; Mark 6:31; Phil. 4:8; Heb. 4:9-10); 3. We don’t break the community circle of trust: (Acts 2:42, 1 Tim. 5:13; Heb. 10:24-25; Jam. 1:26; 1 Pet. 2:1, 2 Cor 12:20)

From 2015 through mid-2022, Jeffrey Kriv received 51 tickets, but paid only two. Kriv had become adept at beating his tickets in court by telling a particular story explaining his behavior. An investigation by Pro Publica found three specific recent examples:

• “Well, that morning, I broke up with my girlfriend and she stole my car,” said Kriv in January 2021, after being spotted running a red light.
• “Yeah, I broke up with my girlfriend earlier that morning, had a knock-down, drag-out fight, verbally, of course. She took my car without my knowledge,” he told a different judge when fighting a speeding ticket in August 2021.
• “I broke up with my girlfriend that day and she took my car without my knowledge,” said Kriv again in May 2022 while contesting another speeding ticket. “I didn’t get my car back for like three days. But it was her driving the car.”

Pro Publica found that he told a version of this story on at least 44 different occasions, without letting on that he himself worked as an officer for the Chicago Police Department. Kriv was repeatedly reprimanded for misconduct while on the job, including complaints filed by fellow officers. Prosecutors have charged Kriv with four counts of perjury and five counts of forgery. All counts are felonies and are for allegedly lying to judges under oath and providing fictitious police reports.

Possible Preaching Angle:

When we deceive others over a long period, we also deceive ourselves into thinking there will be no consequences for our behavior. But that too is a lie. Deeds done in darkness will eventually be exposed to light.

Sixty-five-year-old Dianne Gordon had a job at VC’s Marketplace in Waterford Township, but she lived in White Lake Township. After her Jeep Liberty broke down, she was forced to commute by foot, a trip that took an hour each way. Gordon, who lives alone, said, “I didn’t have a choice. I had to have a positive attitude.”

Walking home in late January, Gordon spotted a plastic bag with almost $15,000 in cash—more than enough to purchase a replacement vehicle. But again, she felt she had no choice. “I just looked at it, and I knew it wasn’t mine,” Gordon said. “I knew what I needed to do.”

After contacting police, Gordon was informed that the money belonged to a couple who’d gotten married earlier that day. And police were understandably moved by her honesty—so much so, the spouse of one of the responding officers set up a GoFundMe account for Gordon.

Stacy Connell said, “As a police officer’s wife, I typically hear the bad things, so this was obviously heartwarming. I was hoping we could help her get a car, since she could have walked into any dealership and used that money.” In less than a week, the account swelled to over $60,000.

Gordon said she is stunned by the outpouring of generosity. She said, “I never expected anything like this. I am overwhelmed. I was just doing what I was taught to do.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Acting with integrity is its own reward; God delights in providing for those who put their trust in him and not in money.