Judging Ourselves

A pastor and his family on an early morning flight had been delayed for hours and were feeling sleep-deprived and anxious. As the plane landed, another family behind them attempted to exit quickly, with the teenager rushing ahead. The pastor shares:

I stuck my arm into the aisle to block the rest of the family from passing, like I was Gandalf in Lord of the Rings. “None shall pass.” “We’re all trying to get off this plane,” I said to the family, “Let’s wait our turn!”

They had words with me that I cannot share here and pushed past my arm. I was fuming.

As the passenger disembarked, a flight attendant approached, explaining that the teenage girl had been experiencing a panic attack and needed assistance. The family had been trying to help her. The family was not rude; they were desperate.

How did I, a former chaplain trained to notice physiological signs of stress, miss that this young lady needed help? How did I let my core value of courtesy block my capacity to see what was really going on?

I was operating out of assumption and unable to see reality. Rather than see that this young lady needed help getting off the plane, all I could see was a family rudely skipping the line, and I must intervene.

Whether we move toward self-righteousness or self-protection, the common denominator is self. This is what every follower of God has in common: We get caught up in ourselves, we get triggered, we forget others, and we forget the Lord.

Ah, how the heart is bent towards self-righteousness! Even criminals look down on other criminals. That's what happened in a strange story from Spain. According to the First Thoughts blog a 64-year-old man in the city of Jaén reported a home burglary. The victim, who happened to coach a youth soccer team, listed several electronic appliances as stolen.

Days later, police received an anonymous call from a payphone. It was the burglar, informing them that he had left three videotapes in a brown envelope under a parked car. Apparently, the stolen tapes were evidence that the soccer coach was also a criminal. The thief included a note stating that he wanted the police to do their job and "put that (expletive) in prison for life." Nine days after the burglary, the police arrested the soccer coach.

The article concludes: "There is a well-worn adage that evangelism is one beggar telling another where to find bread. (But) so often, I live out my Christian faith more like a criminal telling the cops where to find the crooks. This should not be. When I find myself picking up the phone to report that others have fallen short, may I instead speak the words of another thief: When you come into your kingdom, remember me (Luke 23:42).

Every year, Christians of various denominations observe Lent, a six-week period ahead of Easter, where participants "give something up" while pursuing a closer relationship with God. Usually, when someone decides what they will be giving up, they will pick a habit, food, or hobby that they enjoy enough that it will be significantly missed throughout the period of Lent. That way, its absence is extremely noticeable (and even a little uncomfortable) as they make such a substantial shift in their typical day-to-day. Then, the yearning for what has been given up works as a reminder to turn to God and recognize how He truly meets all needs.

For those who observe Lent annually, it can be challenging to think of new ideas of what they will give up each winter. Trying to figure out what you'll be giving up for Lent this year? Here are 10 meaningful things to give up for Lent:

1. Complaining – Take the opportunity to choose gratitude over grumbling.

2. Sweet treats – It will help your health and be a reminder that only God truly sustains us.

3, Television – Stop the small screen binge and grow in your spiritual life instead.

4. Screen Time – Spend less time checking friends’ updates and check in with Christ.

5. Gossiping – It’s easy to insult or judge others. Instead, tame your tongue biblically.

6. Video games – Instead of fantasy worlds of adventure, read the real-life stories of the Bible.

7. Shopping – Decide not to store up treasures in your closet, but store them up in heaven.

8. Coffee – Instead of facing the world with caffeine, learn to rely on God.

9. Soda – Every time you think about grabbing that fizzy drink, use it as a reminder to pray.

10. Worrying – You can’t stop worry completely, but choose to go to God with it instead.

Possible Preaching Angles:

This a good way to set up a sermon on Lent or spiritual disciplines.

Here’s how Tim Keller used to explain our sin problem:

Imagine your present self looking at your past self, say 10 years ago. Your present self thinks your past self was a fool. Your present self looks back and says, “Back then, I needed guidance I didn't understand. I was so naive. I was so silly. I was immature. I behaved badly.” So, your present self always thinks of your past self as a jerk. Well, the problem is that your future self will think of your present self as a jerk 10 years from now. You'll look back now and say, “Back then, I thought I needed guidance. I thought I understood, but I was such a fool.”

Here's the blunt bad news about our condition: You're always a jerk, but you always think you're just getting over it. We always think that we've just arrived. It's what you thought when you were 15. Then, then you looked back at your 12-year-old self and said, “Now I've arrived. Boy, what a dummy I was when I was 12. I'm ready for the world now.” By the time you're 20, you say that 15-year-old self was so ignorant and flawed and sinful. But you see here’s the point: you’re always ignorant and flawed and sinful, but you continually think you're just getting over it. Sin is deeper in us than we ever imagined.

Amid the increasing number of self-service check-out stations cropping up at grocery stores and other vendors, companies have devised a unique measure to deter potential shoplifters—mirrors.

Initially people assumed it was used to ensure shoppers “look good” before checking out, these reflective devices are actually there to make prospective pilferers feel guilty. This might sound ineffective on its face as robbers would presumably just steal with no one monitoring their actions.

However, mirrors are psychologically proven to make people feel guilty. According to a study in the journal “Letters on Behavioral Evolutionary Science,” people who are in a “self-aware” situation such as in front of a mirror are less likely to engage in “antinormative behavior” like stealing or cheating than those who are not.

The study noted that when participants were subjected to mirrors, their “private self-awareness was activated” and influenced “decision-making” despite the lack of social cues. “These results suggest that socially desirable behavior is influenced by mirrors.”

However, the study authors admit that the mechanism behind self-awareness’ effect on behavior is not well understood—perhaps the mirror makes people “reflect” on the crime before even committing it. Psychology Today postulated that mirrors “allowed people literally to watch over themselves” and therefore “made them more likely to behave in a more upright way.”

In general, experts argue that mirrors aren’t enough to prevent shoplifting at self-checkouts, which are notoriously susceptible to theft due to the lack of personnel. Scams have included weighing meat as fruit, and even scanning bootleg barcodes attached to people’s wrists before walking out without paying.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Bible; Scripture; Word of God - A person can look into a manmade mirror and soon forget what they have seen and go ahead with their sinful plans. However, when we look into the perfect law of God, we see a true and undistorted image of ourselves. God designed this so that our actions will be brought into alignment with his will and so that we will do what is pleasing to him. (Jam. 1:19-25, Heb. 4:12-13)

Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, and other social media sites have recently begun offering high-tech filters. With a few simple clicks these filters will beautify the appearance of teenage girls and young women in their social media profiles. The filters have exploded in popularity as millions of users now get “model-esque looks by sharpening, shrinking, enhancing, and recoloring their faces and bodies.” Researchers have named it “augmented reality” (AR) and are concerned that these girls “are subjects in an experiment that will show how the technology changes the way we form our identities, represent ourselves, and relate to others. And it’s all happening without much oversight.”

Both Facebook and Instagram claim that over 600 million people have used the beautifiers. Facebook reports that about 10,000 employees are working on AR and virtual reality products. More than 400,000 third-party creators have produced a total of over 1.2 million effects on Facebook alone.

Girls say an “Instagram Face” is a “small nose, big eyes, clear skin, and big lips.” Researchers are concerned that many young girls express an interest in real-life plastic surgery to obtain a look similar to their online image. Krista Crotty, a specialist on eating disorders and mental health, sees that a sense of anxiety develops when girls live with the incongruity of their online and in-person selves.

Preteens are also being affected. Claire Pescott, a researcher on preteens and social media, reports that young girls say things like “I put this filter on because I have flawless skin. It takes away my scars and spots.” She is concerned that for young people trying to figure out who they are, it can be harmful: “I don’t think it’s just filtering your actual image. It’s filtering your whole life.”

In his book The Grace Awakening, Charles Swindoll recounts an experience he once had while ministering at a Bible conference. On the first night he had briefly met a couple who seemed to be friendly and quite glad to be at the meetings. However, as the week went by, Swindoll noticed that roughly ten minutes after he would start speaking at every meeting, the husband would be fast asleep!

This experience began to irritate Charles so much that by the time of the final meeting, he was convinced that the man was there only to please his wife, and was "probably a carnal Christian." At the conclusion of the final meeting however, the wife requested to speak to Charles for a few minutes. He figured she wanted to talk to him about her husband's lack of interest in spiritual matters.

Imagine how greatly embarrassed he was when the wife mentioned that her husband had terminal cancer and that they had attended the conference mainly at his request. It was his “final wish” to be at the conference even though the pain medication he was taking made him drowsy. She then said, "He loves the Lord, and you are his favorite Bible teacher. He wanted to be here to meet you and to hear you, no matter what." Charles Swindoll wrote, "I stood there, all alone, as deeply rebuked as I have ever been."

What a dangerous thing it is to judge others. Jesus said, "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" (Matthew 7:2).

There’s a powerful scene in a novel written by the South African writer Alan Paton. The story centers on a young police lieutenant, husband, and father named Pieter. Pieter struggles with depression, he has what we would call “father issues,” and he’s on the verge of an affair with a younger woman. His wife and children are out of town so he goes to see his good friend, a man nicknamed Kappie. Among other things the two friends share an interest in the hobby of stamp collecting.

Pieter shows up intending to humble himself, to repent, and to make a full confession of his struggles, his temptations. As Alan Paton writes, Peiter knows what he should say: “[Kappie], I am here to tell you of the deep misery of my life, and you must help me … before I am destroyed … you must tell me something in God’s name.” But he said none of those things. Instead, Pieter nonchalantly lies about why he really came: “Kappie, I’m sick of the empty house, and I’m wanting to see some stamps.” So they listen to music and look at stamps. Kappie knew that his friend had something deeper on his mind. So when Pieter started to leave Kappie said, “You can come every night if you wish.” But Pieter walks out and does not return. And Alan Paton writes, “Ah, if he could have told … And yet he could not tell.” Pieter wants repentance without risk, without cost, without vulnerability.

Possible Preaching Angles:

Repentance requires vulnerability. To repent means to open my heart to God and to others and say, “I’m in over my head and I need you.”

Until recently, the only way to study how a caterpillar changes into a butterfly was to cut open the chrysalis or x-ray it—both with fatal results. But a recent issue of National Geographic reported on new micro-CT scans that show how metamorphosis takes place.

Metamorphosis is a radical change in form and function. Many animals go through this process (frogs, sea urchins, wasps, beetles), but most of us know about metamorphosis from caterpillars that become butterflies. Yet scientists are only beginning to grasp the miracle of what goes on in a chrysalis. New research shows that the insect’s makeover is a mix of destruction of old ways of being and thinking combined with brand new ways of being and thinking.

The article notes that, “Certain cells die, and body parts atrophy. Meanwhile, other cells, in place since birth, rapidly expand.” The adult emerges “completely remodeled, capable of flight” and possessing a completely rewired brain.

Possible Preaching Angles:

New Birth; Spiritual Growth; Sanctification; Renewal—In the same way, our new birth in Christ causes certain sins and bad habits to die and atrophy while new habits and thoughts emerge. We become “completely remodeled” in Christ. And yet, this doesn’t happen overnight. The process of sanctification takes time.

In an interview in The New York Times, award-winning actor Ben Affleck reflected on the pressure to hide our broken areas. When he watches other movies that strain to make their heroes entirely likable and valiant, Mr. Affleck said: "I find that boring. Instead, I think it's interesting how we manage the best version of ourselves, despite our flaws and our weaknesses and our tendencies to do the wrong thing."

The article noted, "[Affleck] has also realized that for all of his Hollywood success, some part of him will always feel like a relentless striver who must prove, through his work, that he has a right to be there." Affleck put it this way:

That [relentless striving] never goes away. All these habits that we develop, that help us at some point, they have flip sides. In this case, it's hard to turn that feeling off … The urge of making it good and trying to make sure that it works, that you've done the most interesting version that you can—it's like a neurosis that drives me to work every day.

Imagine you are twelve years old again, and you love baseball. All your heroes are baseball players, all your extracurricular time is spent either with a ball glove in hand or watching a game on television, and, regardless of the season, it's been that way as long as you can remember. It's not that you're particularly good or particularly bad at baseball, you just love the game—the smack of the bat after a line drive, the smell of the grass, the feel of sliding headlong into second base. You've never had to defend it or describe it that way, but that's what you feel. And you can imagine one day having a jersey with your name on the back.

Things have begun to feel a little different this season, though, because twelve-year-olds have to try out for JV teams at the end of the year, and you get the feeling that not everyone makes the cut. You suddenly find yourself comparing your fielding skills with the other infielders and with players from other teams, and you start to count the number of times you miss balls that are hit to you. You keep track of how many strikeouts you get in each game.

Your coach has a way of calling you out, too. In one particularly bad stretch of the season, your coach calls across the field after you make yet another missed fielding play, "That's four times this game! Keep your head down!" You don't keep your head down, though, and after the fifth ground ball makes its way between your legs, your coach demotes you to the outfield. You replay his voice in your head. At your next at-bat, you strike out quickly, and you wonder if baseball is your sport after all.

Possible Preaching Angles: The authors note: "The Law is shorthand here for an accusing standard of performance. As we have noted, whenever the Law is coming, condemnation follows close behind. Whenever an expectation stands before us—from our coach, from ourselves, from God himself—we are either condemned by our failure before it, or made to be condemners in our fulfillment of it. The Law is the unfeeling voice of The Coach—it tolerates no excuses, it accepts no shortcuts. The Law is good, in that it proffers good fundamentals ('Keep your head down when fielding a groundball,' 'You shouldn't smoke,' 'Spend only the money you have,' etc.), but the failure which pursues it always creates a reaction. When we are criticized, we must defend."

A study by a couple of researchers at the University of Toronto and at James Madison University in Virginia proved something that we may already know. The study, provocatively called "Cognitive Sophistication Does Not Attenuate the Bias Blind Spot," concluded that we cut ourselves more slack than we give to others. No surprise there, right. But writing about this study in the New Yorker, Jonah Lehrer explains why we do this. He claims that we all have "bias blind spots" because there's a mismatch between how we evaluate others and how we evaluate ourselves. Lehrer writes:

When considering the irrational choices of a stranger, for instance, we are forced to rely on [how they behave]; we see their biases from the outside, which allows us to glimpse their [errors]. However, when assessing our own bad choices, we tend to engage in elaborate introspection. We [study] our motivations and search for relevant reasons; we lament our mistakes to therapists and ruminate on the beliefs that led us astray.

As an example, if we drive crazy through traffic it's because we have an important meeting or we don't do it that often, and so forth. But if someone else cuts us off in traffic there's one simple, observable explanation: he's a jerk. Lehrer concludes "[our bias blind spots] are largely unconscious, which means they remain invisible to self-analysis and [resistant] to intelligence." In other words, being smarter won't help you see your own junk. As a matter of fact, more intelligence may add to the problem.

Peter Falk (1927-2011) was an actor who spent his career playing a wide range of roles in comedy and drama. Most notably, he played an eccentric, rumpled but always triumphant detective in the hit show "Columbo." In real life Falk had a glass eye, resulting from an operation to remove a cancerous tumor when he was 3. In spite of his missing eye, he was a high school athlete. In one story he liked to tell, after being called out at third base during a baseball game, he removed his eye and handed it to the umpire.

"You'll do better with this," he said.

The story goes that at a COMDEX computer expo, Microsoft's Bill Gates compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles per gallon."

General Motors responded to Gates by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"

In many ways, it doesn't make sense to compare ourselves with others.

At bedtime I tell our two grandsons a Bible story. One night I said, "Tonight we're going to talk about sin. Do you know what the word sin means?"

Seven-year-old Keith spoke up. "It's when you do something bad."

Four-year-old Aaron's eyes widened. "I know a big sin Keith did today."

Annoyed, Keith turned to Aaron. "You take care of your sins, and I'll take care of mine."

For the most part, the areas in which we expect others to be consistent are those areas in which we have no trouble with being consistent. If certain sins are no problem for us, we cannot understand how in the world they could be a problem for anyone else. Of course, the sins with which we struggle are sins which require the utmost patience and understanding from our brothers and sisters (either that, or we take the easy way out by simply hiding our sins and praying that no one ever finds them out).

Do not be too quick to assume that your enemy is a savage just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy because he thinks you are a savage. Or perhaps he is afraid of you because he feels you are afraid of him. And perhaps if he believed you were capable of loving him he would no longer be your enemy.

Do not be too quick to assume that your enemy is an enemy of God just because he is your enemy. Perhaps he is your enemy precisely because he can find nothing in you that gives glory to God. Perhaps he fears you because he can find nothing in you of God's love and God's kindness and God's patience and mercy and understanding of the weakness of men.

Do not be too quick to condemn the man who no longer believes in God. For it is perhaps your own coldness and avarice and mediocrity and materialism and sensuality and selfishness that have killed his faith.

To sensible men, every day is a day of reckoning.

Sometimes we are moved by compassion and think it zeal. We blame small things in others, and pass over greater things in ourselves. Quickly enough we feel and weigh up what we endure from others; but how much others bear from us we do not notice.