Kindness

The bouquet of red roses caught my attention. Just before Christmas two women and a little girl found seats near the fireplace in the coffee shop where I hang out. They brought the roses. One of the women, a pastor’s wife, recognized me, and we chatted for a moment. “Who are the roses for?” I asked. “We don’t know yet,” she replied. “We’re going to ask God who we should give them to.”

Later, I had to find out what happened with those roses so I tracked down the woman I’d met. She said this idea of giving away Christmas roses had been passed down to her from her mother-in-law. The year before, she and her 8-year-old daughter, roses at the ready, were in a store when her daughter pointed out a woman. (“My daughter doesn’t have the Holy Spirit, Jr.,” the woman told me. “The Holy Spirit speaks to her!”) When they gave her the roses, the woman was stunned and wept. Turns out her husband had died recently, and the roses were a miraculous love gift from God.

That day after I’d left the coffee shop the three of them prayed and her daughter spotted a woman sitting alone in a corner booth. So, they walked over and told her that God wanted her to have the roses. Of course, she was shocked. She had gotten out of the house for some quiet while her husband stayed with their two sick kids.

My friend said that after they parted she felt like the gift hadn’t been as special as the year before; “kind of a bust,” she said. But then the Lord whispered to her, “Do you think I wouldn’t see a tired mom with two sick kids at home and want her to have roses?”

The verse that prompts my friend’s grace-giving is from 2 Cor 5:14 NLT, “Whatever we do, it is certainly not for our own profit but because Christ’s love controls us now.”

The actor Bill Murray has often struggled to walk down the street without people wanting to get his phot. Sadly, he confessed that he often acted like a jerk. Murray said.

People would say, “Can I take your picture?” And I would be the kind of [jerk] that would say, “It’s ‘May I take your picture?’” Do you know how many times I said that to no avail? Absolutely no avail. But I wasted a whole lot of time that way, doing stuff to make it acceptable on my stupid terms, trying to make life more like I like it. What a screw head. So now what I do for a living is, I take cellphone photographs. I’m not an actor. I am a donkey that is photographed with people who don’t know how to operate their own cellphone camera. That’s what I do all day long. I don’t regret it. I don’t resent it. This is what I do, and it’s so simple, and I’ve realized how much energy I was wasting resisting it. It was just crazy, and when it finally hit me, I went: Oh, my God, what a jerk. How could you have been a jerk for that long?

Then during the interview Murray started tearing up.

Journalist Simone Ellin, editor of Baltimore Jewish Living magazine Jmore, endured relentless bullying in high school, resulting in “low-grade depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and underachievement that have persisted despite years of therapy.” Decades later, she decided to reconnect with her former classmates—bullies, bystanders, and fellow victims alike.

Through social media, Ellin easily found many of these women, who were surprisingly willing to share their stories. One former bully, reached via Facebook, called and tearfully confessed: “I’m so sorry. I swear I’m not a bad person. I think about what I did to you all the time. I don’t know why I chose you. I had a miserable home life.” Hearing her classmate’s trauma firsthand, Ellin was finally able to forgive her, and hoped the woman could forgive herself, too.

Ellin discovered that even the “popular” girls suffered. “I was surprised to learn that many of the 'popular' girls paid a steep price for maintaining their social standing,” she wrote. One former cheerleader admitted, “The girls in her clique were so mean to each other that she grew up distrusting other women. 'I didn’t have a real female friend until I was 43.'”

Another woman, once bullied, became a bully herself: “I had no way to stand up for myself... I became a bully, and I would kick them with my clogs. I got suspended and I remember thinking, Now I’m the strong one.”

Ellin also reflected on her own actions, regretting times she gossiped or shunned others. “This was crystallized for me when a couple of women I interviewed mentioned that they felt 'invisible' in school.”

Ultimately, Ellin’s project offered healing and perspective: “We can never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives... After decades of hurt and resentment, I now see them as they were—young girls experiencing their own trials and tribulations.”

A reporter for Business Insider writes:

Recently, my family group chat buzzed when I asked if we should say "please" and "thank you" to ChatGPT when making requests. My mother, always polite, insisted on using manners with AI to "keep myself human."

As AI like ChatGPT becomes part of daily life, our interactions with these tools are shaping new social norms. Digital etiquette expert Elaine Swann notes that, just as we've adapted to new technology—like knowing not to take phone calls on speaker in public—we're still figuring out how to treat AI bots.

Kelsey Vlamis, another Business Insider reporter, noticed this shift personally. While vacationing in Italy, her husband had to stop himself from interrupting their tour guide with rapid-fire questions, realizing that’s how he interacts with ChatGPT but not with people. "That is not, in fact, how we talk to human beings," Vlamis said.

Swann emphasizes that maintaining respect in all interactions—human or digital—is important. After OpenAI CEO Sam Altman revealed on X that it costs "tens of millions of dollars" to process polite phrases like "please" and "thank you" sent to ChatGPT, Swann argued that it’s up to companies to make this more efficient, not for users to drop politeness.

"This is the world that we create for ourselves," Swann said. "And AI should also understand that this is how we speak to one another, because we're teaching it to give that back to us."

Altman, for his part, believes the expense is justified, saying the money spent on polite requests to ChatGPT is money "well spent."

As we navigate this new era, how we interact with AI may shape not just our technology, but our humanity as well.

Possible Preaching Angle:

This story about politeness toward AI can be used to illustrate several Biblical themes, such as human dignity, respectful communication, and ethical responsibility. 1) Kindness – Making kindness a habit reflects the nature of God (Eph. 4:32); 2) Human nature – The mother’s desire to “keep myself human” through politeness reflects the imperative of Col. 3:12 “Clothe yourself with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.” 3) Respect for others - The husband’s struggle to avoid ChatGPT-style interruptions with his tour guide highlights the tension between efficiency and humility (Phil. 2:3-4).

Research suggests that when we make acts of kindness a habit, it's also good for our health. Whether it's volunteering at a local food bank, or taking soup to a sick neighbor, there's lots of evidence that when we help others, it can boost our own happiness and psychological well-being. But there's also growing research that it boosts our physical health too, says Tara Gruenewald, a psychologist at Chapman University.

Perhaps the most striking evidence comes from the Baltimore Experience Corps trial, a large experiment in which adults age 60 and older were randomly assigned to either volunteer at elementary schools or be put on a waiting list. The volunteers spent at least 15 hours a week tutoring underprivileged kids. After two years, the researchers found that the volunteers had measurable changes in their brain health.

One of the researchers said, "They didn't experience declines in memory and executive function like we saw in our control participants. And there were even changes in brain volume in areas of the brain that support these different cognitive processes.” Volunteers were also more physically active, "which is important for maintaining both cognitive and physical health as folks age.”

Another researcher added, "Volunteering or doing an act of kindness can distract you from some of the problems that you might be having, so you might be a little bit less reactive yourself. And "it may help to give you more perspective on what your own problems are." Also, when you go out to help others, it also makes you more physically active and less lonely. Social isolation is a known risk factor for physical and mental health problems, especially as we age.

At the very least, volunteering will make the world a little bit better place for many others. And we might just make it a little bit better for ourselves.

Every real-life love story has a beginning of how they met, but the important part is when you realize that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Gifts and memorable dates are nice, but when you hear about that moment, it's usually when your significant other shows their kindness. These things aren't usually romantic, but it gives you a glimpse into their character.

A question was posed on the subreddit Ask Women: “What's the moment with your partner that confirmed that you're gonna spend your life with them?” These stories will brighten your day, and maybe raise your standards for finding a partner (or appreciating the one you have).

#1: We had just started dating in college and were driving on the interstate when we saw two old ladies and an old man who had run out of gas on the side of the road. My now-husband drove to a gas station, filled up a container and got them back on the road. I didn’t realize until then that the quality I was looking for in a partner was kindness. We’ve been together 50 years.

#2: When he learned my native language to be able to communicate with my parents.

#3: I worked an extremely stressful job. I had what felt like no free time at all and my car needed some things done. I felt so stressed about it. One day he offered to drive me to work and I happily agreed. While I was at work, he changed my taillight, changed the wipers, and detailed the car. I was at a point in my life where multiple compounded stressors made me numb to emotion. I cried when he picked me up in my car, and I saw all the things he'd done. I knew that moment that he was my forever partner.

#4: We had a long distance for most of our relationship. I had a really bad day at work. He called me when I was finished and told me to walk to a place 5 minutes away. I was confused. I went anyway out of curiosity. I called him back and said what am I meant to be looking for? He told me to turn around and he was standing behind me. Unbeknown to me he had spoken to his boss and taken the afternoon off work. He drove three hours just to come and give me a hug. We had dinner together and then he had to drive home. I was so overwhelmed by how thoughtful it was I cried. I knew from that day that I wanted to marry him.

One can never truly predict the ways in which an act of kindness can reverberate.

When Emelia Epstein heard that her sister Helena was nervous as she prepared to take the Graduate Record Examination (GRE), she knew what she had to do. Emelia had taken the same test three years prior, and wanted to offer to Helena the same words that had given her comfort, calm, and determination back then.

Emilia had received a standard voicemail reminder from the testing agency, “Come confident and well prepared. Miss Emilia, this is what you studied for, this is what you worked hard for.” But the woman didn’t stop there:

Bring your best girl confidence. Bring your best girl magic. It’s called girl power. Girl power is the best power, ain’t nothing better than that! So, put in your head that this is what you want. Don’t come nervous. Because when you have to do something for work, you’re not nervous. ... So just come the same way as if you were coming for work. And just tell yourself, ‘I worked hard for this.’ Other than that, honey, I will see you tomorrow in the afternoon. And come with a smile because I’ll have one already. Have a great evening.

That voicemail had been such a great balm of encouragement for Emelia, that she’d kept it for three years. So, when Helena called her feeling nervous, Emelia shared them with her sister over FaceTime.

Helena said, “I’m not a good test taker. I was feeling stressed and under a lot of pressure. I thought [the voice mail] was so sweet.”

The next morning, Helena decided to share the message of encouragement with her followers on TikTok. Not only did it end up amassing over six million views and 14,000 comments, but sparked an effort to locate the woman who offered those encouraging words, who identified herself only by her first name, Tameka.

Before long, Tameka Rooks heard from a colleague about the viral video. She initially thought she was being pranked, but when she saw the video, she was shocked. “It was just unbelievable,” said Tameka. “And to see that so many people had already seen it by the time I found out! The world knew before I did.”

Helena eventually got Tameka’s contact info, and called her directly to share her appreciation for the encouragement. As part of their conversation, Tameka shared her motivation for sharing those words, which were typical in all her reminder calls, “The goal is to not be nervous. It’s a lot of money [to take the exams]. So, I’m just trying to push you. You might be my next doctor. I might need your help one day.”

Kindness can be addictive and one small gesture can start a chain reaction of kindness according to readers of The Wall Street Journal who have written to the newspaper to tell their story.

Theresa Gale was locking up her church recently after a long day of volunteering when a young woman approached her, asking for water and bus fare. It was late and Gale was alone. But she gave the woman a bottle of water and $15 and offered her a ride to the bus stop.

In the car, the woman asked about the church, and Gale explained that the members believe that they have a duty to help those in need. “Well, you are God to me today,” Gale says the woman responded. “I was touched,” says Gaile said. “It was as if I, too, had received a blessing.”

Possible Preaching Angl e:

“When we act kindly, the systems in our brain associated with reward light up, the same ones active when we eat chocolate. They make us want to do that same awesome thing again.” -Jamil Zaki, associate professor of psychology at Stanford University

A young woman named Trieste Belmont was struggling with depression. Her grandmother had just passed, and she was going through a dramatic break-up. She was teaching a dance class at this time, but without a driver’s license, she relied on a friend to drive her to and from work every week. One day however the friend didn’t show, and Belmont waited for hours before being forced to walk home.

The route she used went over a high bridge. And when she got there, she stopped for a moment. She said:

I was just having one of the worst days of my life. And I was looking down at all the cars, just feeling so useless and like such a burden to everyone in my life that I decided that this was the time and I needed to end my life. I was sobbing and crying and working up the courage to just go through with it, because I knew at that moment that it was going to make everyone’s lives better.

At that moment, a driver, whose face Belmont didn’t see, and whose hand she would never shake, passed over the bridge and hollered out of the window. “Don’t jump,” they said.

It immediately clicked a lightbulb went on in her head; that if a stranger could care enough to speak up, then suicide was not the answer. She enrolled in therapy, and with the help of her friends, family, and therapist, she is far down the road indeed from that dark and fateful day.

Belmont uses the incident as an example to teach others to be kind to people, as it’s never obvious what they’re going through. The smallest kindness is multiplied by the distance, socially, between two strangers.

When Jake and Kelly Levine boarded their flight, they were hoping their five-month-old daughter Romey would be able to behave appropriately. Kelly said, “Before the flight I was very anxious. You never know if the people around you are going to be bothered by a baby.” It was only Romey’s second flight; the family was returning to their home from a vacation in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.

According to Kelly, however, Romey was transfixed for the majority of the five-hour flight by the passenger sitting next to her who was crocheting a sweater. Kelly said, “Entranced is the perfect word. Romey is a very curious baby; she loves to just watch people and observe.”

Meegan Rubin was Romey’s seatmate, and enjoyed the attention from Romey. Rubin said, “She started staring at me so inquisitively.”

Once Rubin finished her sweater, she looked at the curious baby and she decided she had just enough time—and just enough yarn—to pivot to a new project: a beanie for the baby. She was hopeful she could pull it together in about an hour. “I just had to,” she said, adding that she makes an effort to surprise strangers with handmade gifts whenever she can.

A few minutes after the plane landed, Rubin turned to the couple, handed them a tiny cream-colored hat, and declared: “Okay, it’s done!”

“We were totally shocked, as were the other passengers around us,” said Kelly. “I was near tears.” Kelly placed the hat on Romey’s head, and it fit perfectly. Everyone in the vicinity smiled and applauded. She was so overwhelmed with joy that afterward she shared the video on TikTok, where it was viewed over seven million times.

Kelly said, “I will make sure Romey knows for the rest of her life that people can be nice to each other for no reason, and that this story inspired others to do so. She add that she and Rubin are staying in touch and hope to get together soon. “We want her to be a part of our life forever.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

God also loves it when his people use their gifts to bless each other, especially innocent children.

Hosting friends and family from out of town always sounds good in theory, but it doesn’t come without its challenges. Two-thirds of Americans have told a guest to “make themselves at home” and regretted it later. That’s according to a new survey of 2,000 Americans, which found 72 percent have told a guest to make the space their own—and 91% of those have regretted it afterward.

Some of the reasons respondents have regretted allowing people to make themselves at home include guests expecting more meals than planned (54%), overstaying their welcome (45%), and making a mess (39%).

Results also looked to see who makes the worst guests, with friends (42%), siblings (39%), and in-laws (37%) topping the list. For a third of respondents (35%), the situation has become unpleasant enough that they’ve told someone they’re a “bad guest.”

On the flip side, 75% of Americans surveyed believe they’re a good host—with 31% of those saying they’re a “very good” host.

The survey also looked at the lengths that hosts go to, and the steps people can take to ensure their home is inviting. In order to be a good host, over four in 10 have purchased a new bed or new mattress for people to sleep on when they stay the night (49%) or purchased new furniture to ensure guests are comfortable (45%).

Ride sharing apps (like Uber and Lyft) ratings have become almost meaningless. A recent report says, “Confusion over what constitutes 5-star behavior for certain services, combined with the guilt of potentially hurting someone’s livelihood, has people defaulting to perfect scores. Ratings padding is particularly rampant for services involving personal interactions. Everyone is ‘above average’ on some apps—way, way above.”

A customer named Mike Johnson has endured some awkward Uber rides. He once held his nose throughout a trip because the driver was carrying chopped-up Durian—the world’s smelliest fruit. Another time, he was stuck in the back seat while a driver bickered with her boyfriend. Yet another driver tried to sell him a Ponzi scheme. He rated each one five out of five stars.

Johnson explained: “They all seemed like nice people. I didn’t want them to be kicked off the app over my bad rating,” the 33-year-old New Yorker said. “Isn’t 5 stars, like, the norm?”

Ratings are so inflated that Lyft drivers whose scores dip below 4.8 out of 5 stars are asked to boost their performance. Drivers under 4.6 risk getting deactivated.

Possible Preaching Angles:

1) God is not afraid to tell us the truth about our sin. 2) Christians should resist this rating inflation and be willing to speak the truth in love to one another.

In her book Atheists Finding God: Unlikely Stories of Conversions to Christianity in the Contemporary West, Jana Harmon explored why atheists came to faith in Christ. One big factor included the kindness of Christians. Harmon writes:

Nearly two-thirds of the former atheists I spoke with thought they would never leave their atheistic identity and perspective. They were not looking for God or interested in spiritual conversations. So, what breached their walls of resistance? ... Something [disrupted their] status quo.

She shares one story about how some Christians became the catalyst that disrupted the atheistic worldview by Christlike kindness:

Jeffrey became an atheist following a childhood tragedy where he lost two brothers in a house fire. His deep pain fueled a vitriolic hatred against God and instability in his own life. During the next 20 years, he developed strong arguments to support his emotional resistance to belief. When his wife unexpectedly became a Christian, his anger against God only grew.

One evening his wife called and asked him to pick her up at the home of the Christians who had led her to Christ. Jeffrey was expecting a heated exchange, but instead received warm hospitality. Feeling valued, he was drawn back again and again toward meaningful conversation. Over time, his walls of resistance began to melt, friendship and trust developed, and intellectual questions were answered. Eventually, he lost his resistance to God and found the peace and joy that had long eluded him.

The San Diego City Council has unanimously voted to restrict public access to Point La Jolla and Boomer Beach, a popular sea lion rookery, in an effort to protect the marine mammals from harassment. The decision follows increasing incidents of visitors crossing barriers and engaging in risky behavior with the sea lions.

Phillip Musegaas, the executive director for the San Diego Coastkeeper, highlighted the potential dangers of human-sea lion interactions, particularly during the pupping season. According to him, such interactions can lead to aggressive behavior from the sea lions or the abandonment of their young. The Council's decision aims to maintain a balance between public access and wildlife protection, allowing recreational ocean activities while preventing disturbances to the sea lions like petting or posing for photos.

City Council member Joe LaCava stressed the significance of preserving the unique coastal experience for visitors while safeguarding the natural environment. The decision to restrict access is not only aimed at protecting the sea lions but also ensuring the safety of visitors. With concerns about the rocky terrain and the potential risks of falling, the commission aims to prevent accidents. With the new mandate empowering rangers to enforce violations, there is a collective recognition of the need to protect both the sea lions and visitors alike.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Creation; Stewardship; Environmentalism — The God of the universe has given us the great task of caring for our planet. We have an operating manual for our planet right in front of us in the Bible, and we must allow that manual to change our thinking and behavior. How are we taking care of the earth that God put in our care?

Kathryn Buchanan was driving to work when she heard horrific news on the radio: Twenty-two people were killed in a suicide bombing at an Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England. Tears immediately streamed down her face and Buchanan later said, “That was really heartbreaking.”

Amid the deluge of devastating headlines about the event in May 2017, Buchanan noticed that “there was some coverage around all of the kindness that followed in the aftermath.” It gave her some sense of relief. For instance, people offered shelter, food, and rides to total strangers. Locals lined the streets to donate blood after the deadly attack. Cabdrivers handed out food and offered free rides.

Buchanan is a psychology professor at the University of Essex. She said, “I became very emotional and grateful that there was still goodness out there against the backdrop of horror.” Reading stories of kindness instilled a sense of hope in her that had been lost after hearing about the attack.

She began to contemplate whether being exposed to heartwarming content could counteract the known negative impacts of consuming harrowing news stories. Common symptoms include heightened stress, hopelessness, anger, anxiety, and depression. So, she started a years-long study in 2017, which was published in May of 2023.

Repeatedly throughout the research, Buchanan saw that uplifting news can provide an emotional buffer against distressing news. Buchanan also found that “there’s something special about kindness in particular.” She noted that while amusing stories diminished the effects of upsetting news, stories about acts of kindness were even more powerful.

Buchanan said, that the solution is not to avoid negative news, because “actually ignoring news all together can leave you feeling disconnected from the world you’re living in …. Following news stories that feature others’ kindness has a real set of emotional and cognitive benefits for people. It serves as a kind of reset button that allows us to have this faith in humanity.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

In a world focused on the latest disaster, despair, and the universal feeling that our nation is headed in the wrong direction, imagine the positive effects of telling people of the kindness, goodness, grace, and love of God for them. Thanksgiving would be an excellent opportunity for this kind of witness to people in despair.

Mike Huddleston was traveling for a training. He had flown from Maryland to San Francisco and needed to get to a rental car agency. But because of a degenerative neuromuscular condition that weakens his muscles, he wouldn't be able to climb the stairs of the shuttle bus. Instead, the car agency sent someone to pick him up.

But as he was walking outside to meet them, he fell. And due to his condition, he couldn't get up. "I remember sitting there in the middle of the sidewalk in front of San Francisco Airport, thinking, 'What in the world am I going to do?'"

"[Then] out of nowhere I heard, 'What can I do to help?'" Huddleston turned his head to see a man in his late thirties standing behind him. "I said, 'Are you kidding?' He said, 'No. What can I do to help you, man?'"

Huddleston described what the man could do to help him get off the ground. Once he got him up, the man fetched Huddleston's baggage, which had rolled a few feet away when he fell. "He asked me if I was good and I said, 'I am because of you. So, thank you very much.' He just said, 'No problem,' and turned and walked away."

This encounter struck Huddleston. Not just because of the man's kindness, but also because of the way he offered that kindness. His unsung hero didn't step in and start helping when he saw Huddleston on the ground. He took a moment to ask Huddleston how he could help.

Different people who need assistance may need it in different ways. So, asking them how you can help them is amazingly helpful. It allows the individual who's in need of assistance to maintain a sense of self, to maybe feel a little less helpless, and maybe even a little less vulnerable.

It's been more than 20 years since Huddleston was helped up, but he continues to think about it to this day. "His willingness to help me — and the compassion he showed in a very challenging situation — for me is something I will never forget."

Editor’s Note: This story is part of the “My Unsung Hero” series on NPR, from the Hidden Brain team, about people whose kindness left a lasting impression on someone else.

Possible Preaching Angle:

This story sheds new light on the question that Jesus often asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Matt. 20:32; Mark 10:51; Luke 18:41). On reading the accounts, it might seem obvious what the person needed, but now we have better insight into why Jesus would ask this question. It is not only to allow the person to express faith, but to give them a “sense of self.”

Near the end of the Civil War, there was a touching scene that showed the gentleness and tenderness of President Abraham Lincoln. While he was visiting near the battle lines, Lincoln noticed three kittens, who had lost their mother. Moved by their mewing, he picked them up to comfort them.

Lincoln said, “Poor little creatures, don’t cry; you’ll be taken good care of.” To an officer, the President added, “Colonel, I hope you will see that these poor little motherless waifs are given plenty of milk and treated kindly.” The colonel replied “I will see, Mr. President, that they are taken in charge by the cook of our mess and are well cared for.”

One of the officers on the scene said, “It was a curious sight at an army headquarters, upon the eve of a great military crisis, in the nation’s history, to see the hand which had affixed the signature to the Emancipation Proclamation, and had signed the commissions of all the army men who served in the cause of the Union … tenderly caressing three stray kittens.”

Lincoln’s biographer, John Meacham adds, “It was not only curious—it was revealing. In the midst of carnage, fresh from a battlefield strewn with the corpses of those he had ordered in the battle, Lincoln was seeking some kind of affirmation of life, some evidence of innocence, some sense of kindliness amid cruelty. The orphaned kittens were a small thing, but they were there, and his focus on their welfare was a passing human moment in a vast drama.”

Tim Keller, told the following story about a man named Hasheem Garrett, who learned the art of forgiveness. Hashim was a 15-year-old, living with his mother and hanging out on the streets of Brooklyn with a gang, when he was shot six times and was left paralyzed from the waist down.

For most of the next year he lay in a New York City hospital, fantasizing about revenge. He later wrote: “Revenge consumes me. All I could think about was, just wait, till I get better; just wait till I see this kid.”

But when he was lying on the sidewalk immediately after his shooting, he had instinctively called out to God for help, and, to his surprise, he had felt this strange tranquility. Now during his rehabilitation, a new thought, struck him, namely, that if he took revenge on this kid, why should God not pay him back for all his sins? He concluded, “I shot a kid for no reason, except that a friend told me to do it, and I wanted to prove how tough I was. Six months later, I am shot by somebody because his friend told him to do it.”

That thought was electrifying … He could not feel superior to the perpetrator. They were both fellow sinners who deserved a punishment—and needed forgiveness.

Hasheem said, “In the end I decided to forgive. I felt God had saved my life for a reason, and then I had better fulfill that purpose … And I knew I could never go back out there and harm someone. I was done with that mindset and the life that goes with it … I came to see that I had to let go and stop hating.”

In the early days of World War II, the stress of the war began to take its toll on Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of England. His wife Clementine grew alarmed. A member of Churchill’s inner circle told her that Churchill’s sarcastic and over-bearing manner was starting to discourage his inner circle of leaders. Clementine decided to speak the truth in love.

“My darling Winston,” she began in a letter, “I must confess that I have noticed a deterioration in your manner; and you are not so kind as you used to be.” She cautioned that in possessing the power to give orders and to sack anyone and everyone, “he was obliged to maintain a high standard of behavior—to combine kindness and if possible Olympic calm.” She reminded him that in the past he had been fond of quoting a French maximum, meaning, essentially, “one leads by calm.”

She continued: “I cannot bear that those who serve the country and yourself should not love you as well as admire and respect you.” But she warned, “You won’t get the best results by irascibility and rudeness. It will breed either dislike or a slave mentality.” She closed the letter with these words: “Please forgive your loving, devoted and watchful Clementine.”

Apparently, the letter got through to Winston. The next day people reported that he seemed remarkably at ease. He lay in bed, propped up by his bed rest as he gazed adoringly at his cat, Nelson, sprawled out peacefully at the foot of the bed.