Lust

Sometimes journalism is useful for highlighting important trends in human behavior. Other times, however, journalistic coverage of a topic does more to inflate the popularity of an idea because its novelty is sure to attract attention.

According to Washington Post columnist Shadi Hamid, this is exactly what’s been happening surrounding the topic of polyamory. Hamid asked in a recent article:

Is it really popular? Or are people only saying it is. A self-fulfilling prophecy might be at work: Polyamory becomes more widespread because we think it’s already widespread. Norms around sexuality change because we think they’ve changed — even if they haven’t.

Hamid notes an uptick in interest of polyamory from Gen-Z users of dating apps like Tinder and Hinge, and cites depictions of polyamory on streaming sites like Peacock and Max. But just as in regular relationships, fantasy is much easier to maintain than reality. “In this light, polyamory offers both license and a patina of legitimacy to the exploitative sexual desires of some men.”

He also notes that despite adherents’ insistence on the infinite nature of shared love, time management is also a salient issue:

As lived experience, polyamory is difficult and often unsustainable for most mere mortals. Having one partner requires planning. Having multiple partners requires even more, which is why accounts of “polycules” always seem to involve a lot of work, making shared Google calendars an essential tool in the arsenal of love.

Jealousy, like love, is a natural human emotion: If you love someone, how realistic is it that you will want to “share” that person with someone else?... It is no accident, then, that those who try polyamory often come away disillusioned. Only about 30 percent say they would do it again, with many citing as obstacles possessiveness and “difficult to navigate” emotional aspects.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Though offering some helpful insight, this is obviously the worldly viewpoint on sexual relationships. When preaching on sexual faithfulness in marriage we must add the spiritual consequences of adultery, including Hebrews 13:4, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.”

Earlier in 2024, many of us watched replays of the tragic collision and collapse of the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore. The accident led to the loss of several lives and caused enormous damage and disruption. As footage emerged, it was striking to see how immediately and totally the bridge seemed to come down. It looked like it happened all at once. The bridge had been constructed without any redundant support structures. The tragedy revealed that all of its supports were essential. Knock any one of these out and the whole thing will fall.

We might say something similar about Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 6:9–11, one of the key biblical texts that addresses same-sex sexuality. This is not the sole focus of the text—Paul is talking about various sins—but it nevertheless provides essential foundations for how we should approach this whole issue as Christian believers.

In today’s climate, the church cannot afford to neglect Paul’s words. Paul provides vital teaching in 1 Corinthians 6 about same-sex sexuality. None of his words are wasted. Each facet of his teaching needs to be upheld alongside the others, like vital supports of a bridge. Neglecting any one will destabilize our approach.

As if online dating wasn’t hard enough, now users have to sift through profiles looking for increasingly expansive definitions of what it means to be in a committed relationship. Many people using dating apps are on them looking for “the one.” Increasingly, they’re running into profiles of people looking for a second, third, or fourth.

The monogamists say mainstream dating apps are being inundated with users who are in consensual open relationships, and they’d like them to go find their own app. Others say the apps are for people of all relationship styles and, as long as they’re up front about it, what’s the problem? The profiles clearly state: “ENM.” The letters stand for ethical nonmonogamy and more often than not, aren’t spelled out.

In late 2022, one dating app rolled out the ability for users to designate their “relationship type” at the top of their profile and whether they are monogamous or not, which the company says was a response to the needs of Gen Z.

“Gen Z is the most fluid generation in terms of their sexuality and identity, and they need their relationships—and their dating app as the meeting point—to support their openness to different types of connection,” a Hinge spokesman says.

A 2022 survey of more than 14,000 dating app users globally found that 16% of Americans have recently considered an ethical non-monogamous relationship. And around one-third of Americans describe their ideal relationship as something other than complete monogamy, according to a 2023 YouGov poll.

Melissa Kearney, author of The Two-Parent Privilege offered the following observation on X:

I gave another talk about the Two Parent Privilege to college students today. And again, during the Q&A, a college student asked me why I don’t talk about porn/TikTok/OnlyFans, and how addiction to those sites is affecting young people’s ability to form healthy relationships.

I answered honestly that it wasn’t part of the lens I brought to the topic of family structure when I wrote the book. But it keeps coming up, over and over, in all the conversations I am having outside my usual policy/academic circles about marriage & family formation.

I have been quite struck by how often young people have brought this issue up to me over the past 7 months, and I don’t quite know what to make of it.

Generation Z isn’t convinced monogamy is the best relationship structure, and more than half of them are considering relationship styles long considered taboo in American culture.

New data from Ashley Madison, the dating website built for affairs, found Gen Z was over represented among new signups to the site, regardless of if they were married or not. In 2022 alone more than 1.8 million Gen Z joined (of which more than one million were from the U.S.) representing 40% of all signups.

More and more Gen Zers, like reddit user r/Marmatus, are sharing their experience of having non-monogamous relationships. Marmatus wrote:

It’s nice having the freedom to explore your sexuality safely and ethically with other people. The thought of going an entire lifetime only ever having one sexual partner is not something I’d choose for myself. There are only so many experiences that one person can give you.

Ashley Madison’s Chief Strategy Officer Paul Keable said he thinks what makes Gen Z different when it comes to non-monogamy is the way this generation understands shame. He mentioned the prevalence of premarital sex–something that’s most Americans feel is no longer morally wrong. Studies have found that premarital sex is practically universal in America with 95% of survey respondents saying they had sex before they were married.

Leanne Yau, a relationship expert said,

What is it about exclusivity that is so precious to society, particularly given that infidelity is extremely common in monogamous relationships? I think the normalization of queer rights and kink becoming more mainstream and people exploring their desires has opened people to the transformative power of exploring your sexuality.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Sin has consequences, as God’s Word so clearly says. Any generation who thinks that it can live in defiance of God’s standards is headed for destruction. Both Sodom and the world of Noah’s day learned this difficult lesson by way of God’s judgment.

Since the 2007 launch of the iPhone, smartphones have granted billions of people customized, password-protected, hand-held access to a near-limitless array of digital stimuli. And this portable, pervasive parallel universe is highly addictive, often by design.

The leading online pornography site, Pornhub, was founded in 2007, a few months before the first iPhone dropped. By 2009, the site was already receiving millions of monthly unique visitors. In November 2022, Pornhub was visited 10.2 billion times, making it the fourth most popular destination on the web, and 97% of that traffic came from mobile devices.

A recent Aperture video on YouTube effectively portrays the harms and dangers of today's dating apps, especially Tinder:

Maybe the most disastrous thing about dating apps is that we're ultimately commodifying love and that can change the way we view and experience it. When we're attracted to someone, our brain releases the chemical dopamine as a reward response. Online dating apps train us to constantly seek this dopamine hit from attraction or lust. Then when we're with someone we're no longer getting that attraction. We know it can easily be found on an app in our pocket. All we have to do is ghost, deceive or abruptly break up with someone in order to get it again.

Even just looking at an attractive person on your app will give you a hit of dopamine, making loyalty to a lover much less appealing. You get hooked into a reward cycle. It becomes addictive. Just as you get a blip of joy from a like on social media, you get a hit of dopamine from a match on Tinder. It keeps you coming back even if you have found someone worth keeping.

Most of us have been with someone we loved and still questioned whether there was someone better out there. Apps like Tinder exploit this feeling. They overwhelm you with choices, making you feel like you're never making the right one. And so you move on. Back to the phone. Back to the dopamine hits so readily available. As you go on dates and start relationships the app is always dangling that shinier object or human being right in front of you.

Because it's so fast and easy to get a new shot of dopamine by simply opening the app on our phones, we don't give ourselves enough time to get to know a person. The problem with this is that we aren't spending enough time in relationships for our brains to produce oxytocin over those warm cuddly feelings which are more common in long-term relationships. If you've ever been in a long-term loving relationship, you notice how at peace you feel. How when you're with this person everything feels all right with the world. Dating apps are weaning us off this feeling. Dating apps are more dangerous than you think.

You can watch the video here (timestamp: 6 min. 04 sec. to 8 min. 04 sec.).

Potbellied pigs are running wild in Delaware, alarming agricultural officials and raising the risk of damage and disease. The problem started when people bought the pigs as pets, but then quickly discovered they couldn’t control them. The Delaware Department of Agriculture said, “Owners who can no longer manage these animals are likely to relinquish ownership and allow them to roam.”

Sellers often mislead buyers by calling the pigs micro pigs, teacup pigs, and mini pig. But potbellied pigs can weigh up to 200 pounds and can live up to 20 years. The pigs can reproduce at a young age. Female potbellied pigs can become pregnant at three months old, and males can breed at eight weeks of age. The wild pigs dig up and destroy crops. Feral swine can also leave fecal material in waterways and wetlands, contaminating water sources and increasing disease risks for humans, wildlife, and livestock.

Possible Preaching Angle:

In a similar way, we think that we can allow small sins into our lives because they are manageable or controllable, only to find out that they are not. They will run wild.

New Pew Research Center data has found that nowadays, 63% of men under 30 are electively single, up from 51% in 2019—and experts blame erotic alone-time online as a major culprit. Psychologist Fred Rabinowitz “[Young men] are watching a lot of social media, they’re watching a lot of porn, and I think they’re getting a lot of their needs met without having to go out. I think that’s starting to be a habit.”

The new, post-COVID numbers would surely back up previous research that the pandemic has made men prefer an evening alone instead of actually meeting a partner. 50% of single men responded that they are “looking for a committed relationship and/or casual dates,” a decrease compared to 61% four years ago.

But these statistics tell a sadder truth about this generation of men, NYU psych professor Niobe Way said. “We’re in a crisis of connection. Disconnection from ourselves and disconnection from each other. And it’s getting worse.”

Another factor at play might be the interests of women are changing—especially as suitors of the same age are becoming apparently less desirable. [Women would] rather go to brunch with friends than have a horrible date.

But perhaps the largest issue now with young men is that they are more lonely than women, a recent study showed. In the early 1990s, 55% of men were reported to have six or more close friends. That percentage dwindled down to 27% in 2021. Now, 15% of men say they have no close personal friendships.

University of Akron professor Ronald Levant said, “Women form friendships with each other that are emotionally intimate, whereas men do not. Even while not dating, [women] have girlfriends they spend time with and gain emotional support from.”

In August of 2022, the University of Michigan Library announced that one of its most prized possessions, a manuscript said to have been written by Galileo around 1610, was in fact a 20th-century fake. This brought renewed attention to the checkered career of the man named as the likely culprit: Tobia Nicotra, a notorious forger from Milan.

Nicotra hoodwinked the U.S. Library of Congress into buying a fake Mozart manuscript in 1928. He wrote an early biography of the conductor Arturo Toscanini that became better known for its fictions than its facts. He traveled under the name of another famous conductor who had recently died. And in 1934 he was convicted of forgery in Milan after the police were tipped off by Toscanini’s son Walter, who had bought a fake Mozart from him.

Here's his explanation of what had motivated his many forgeries, which were said to number in the hundreds: “I did it to support my seven loves.” When the police raided Nicotra’s apartment in Milan, they found a virtual forgery factory, strewn with counterfeit documents that appeared to bear the signatures of Columbus, Mozart, Leonardo da Vinci, George Washington, the Marquis de Lafayette, Martin Luther, Warren G. Harding, and other famous figures.

Investigators had also found a sort of shrine to his seven mistresses, at least according to The American Weekly. The article described a room with black velvet-covered walls, with seven panels featuring paintings, sketches, and photographs of the women with fresh flowers in front of each. “Incidentally,” the publication added, “he had a wife.”

The Atlantic observed, “The United States is in the middle of a ‘sex recession.’ Nowhere has this sex recession proved more consequential than among young adults, especially young men.”

In 2018, the number of American adults who said they hadn’t had sex in the past year rose to an all-time high of 23 percent. The demographic having the least sex is, predictably, those older than 60. But those having the second-least amount of sex are 18 to 29. Today’s young people are having significantly less sex than their parents are.

Of the 20,000 college students surveyed by the Online College Social Life Survey from 2005 to 2011, the median number of hookups over four years was only five—and a majority of students said they wished they had more chances to get into a long-term relationship.

Americans talk a lot about sex. Anyone would think they’re having a lot of it. The behaviors now espoused—free sex, with anyone, at any time (as long as there’s consent)—seem like they’d lead to nonstop, uninhibited hookups. Instead, the opposite has happened. Young people are having less sex—and are less happy—than the married, churchgoing generation before them.

A javelina, also known as a peccary or a skunk-pig, was found stuck inside a car. According to an Arizona Sheriff's Office, a deputy responded to a call and found the animal inside a Subaru wagon. According to local residents, the hatchback of the car had been left open overnight, and the javelina jumped inside in an attempt to eat a bag of Cheetos. Once inside, however, the hatch closed.

The sheriff’s office was sympathetic to the animal’s plight, according the agency’s statement. “Can you blame him? Who doesn’t love a midnight Cheeto snack?”

Unfortunately, the closing of the hatchback frightened the animal, and caused it to tear through part of the dashboard and passenger seat in an attempt to escape. It also inadvertently shifted the car into neutral, which then rolled down the driveway and into the street.

Upon arriving on the scene, the deputy released the animal, confirming that there were no injuries. Eventually, the agency issued a reminder to the general public. "As a reminder, if you’re in the Southwest, you probably already know it’s best not to feed javelina. Yes, it’s tempting, but when wild animals are fed by people it draws them into neighborhoods and can create unnecessary conflicts."

Possible Preaching Angle:

Temptation comes in different forms, but we must maintain self-awareness and trust God to lead us, otherwise we might lead ourselves into a trap.

A shocking new poll claims that 30% of American women under 25 identify as homosexual, bisexual, or transgender. There is a continuing of “singledom”—a preference for non-married life—among young women in the United States.

Neither the societal shift away from traditional gender roles nor the downstream cultural consequences of that shift are anywhere near complete. Beginning in 2009, for the first time in history, there were more unmarried women in the United States than married ones.

Rod Dreher, writing at The American Conservative says,

We have become a society that no longer values the natural family. And now we have 30 percent of Gen Z women claiming to be sexually uninterested in men. There is nothing remotely normal about that number. It is a sign of a deeply decadent culture — that is, a culture that lacks the wherewithal to survive. The most important thing that a generation can do is produce the next generation. No families, no children, no future.

Andrew Sullivan, a popular mainstream political and societal commentator who identifies as homosexual, isn’t buying the stats. He seems to think they are way out of line and suggestive of openness to “female sexual fluidity.” Sullivan tweeted, “Wild guess: 25 percent bi - meaning female sexual fluidity; 3 percent exclusively lesbian; 1.9 percent trendy trans; 0.1 percent actually trans.”

While the reported statistics about female sexuality are shocking, the rise of “singlehood” is by itself cause for great alarm. Stella Morabito, a senior editor at The Federalist noted, “Any way you look at it, the United States has undergone a seismic shift in marriage culture over the past few decades.”

"There's an app for that"--yes, even if "that" means each one of the Seven Deadly Sins, the classic vices of Christian moral teaching.

Lust: Tinder

Gluttony: Yelp

Greed: LinkedIn

Sloth: Netflix

Wrath: Twitter

Envy: Facebook

Pride: Instagram

You can view the slide shared at the Mockingbird Festival here.

When three-year-old Kali Porter decided she wanted a bouncy ball from the claw machine, she first tried the direct approach, attempting to grab it on her own. But when she couldn’t fit inside the machine herself, she called for backup. That’s how Alivia “Tinky” Porter, Kali’s two-year-old cousin, ended up getting stuck in the claw machine at the Billy Beez fun center in the Destiny USA mall in Syracuse.

Grandmother Jackie Perez said, “Seeing the balls inside the machine was like a trigger for them. It only took one second and they were gone. My grandkids are very adventurous.”

When Kali came to report Alivia’s predicament, Perez was almost impressed. “I thought she might be like halfway stuck. But when we got there her whole body was in it. If someone put a quarter in the machine, they could have used the claw to pick her up.”

Eventually first responders were dispatched, and within ten minutes of arriving on scene, firefighters had pried open the door, retrieved Alivia, and deposited her into her grandmother’s waiting arms. Perez said, “They worked so fast. Everyone was in great spirits. I wasn’t scared at all. When they got Tinky out it was like the firemen won a prize.”

After spending almost fifteen minutes inside the glass claw machine, Perez said that her granddaughter Alivia was still in good spirits. “She hasn’t had any bad reactions. I actually think she enjoyed it.”

Less enthused was Kali. Upon Alivia’s release from the claw machine, Kali had only one question for her cousin: “Where is the ball?”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Sin is attractive and can lure us into embarrassing or dangerous situations if we yield to it. Before we know it, we are trapped. Nevertheless, God is faithful to save and can deliver us from temptations, even those of our own making.

Hearing your phone’s notification sound can trigger a rush of dopamine. “Who’s calling me?” you wonder. It could be a friend, a partner, or even your boss saying you can take the day off.

You think the possibilities are endless—then you see it’s just junk, and the smile slips from your face. The average American gets about 15 spammy text messages per month, according to research from Statista.

Scams (calls, texts, emails, and all the rest) are never-ending … because it works. Scam calls alone lost Americans $19.7 billion in 2020, up from $9.2 billion in 2019. If you’ve just given up on answering, you’re not alone. A new survey from antispam company Hiya says 94% of unknown calls go unanswered.

Some other numbers:

• Americans received an average of 144 spam calls in 2020. Of those, 58% were some form of fraud.
• Scam call victims lost an average of $182 last year.
• Texas was the most targeted state. Dallas, Houston, Austin, San Antonio, and Fort Worth all rank in the top 10.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Satan is also unrelenting in sending temptation our way. He never stops or takes a day off. While we can’t prevent it, we can refuse to answer his call, and “not give the devil an opportunity” (Eph. 4:27).

Of the hundreds of men I’ve counseled about their sexual addictions, not one has told me that after masturbating he felt stronger, more confident, and more vitally connected to the deep part of his soul. Debates over whether or not masturbation is a sin totally miss the point. The crucial question is not whether masturbation is right or wrong. The question is, as it is with any thought or behavior, does it hinder our spiritual, emotional, and social maturity? Does it stand in the way of love?

In a series of online messages, Brooklyn Nine-Nine actor Terry Crews opened up about his addiction to pornography, which he says "really, really messed up my life."

Some people say, “Hey, man ... you can't really be addicted to pornography.” But I'm gonna tell you something: If day turns into night and you are still watching, you probably have got a problem. It changes the way you think about people. People become objects. People become body parts; they become things to be used rather than people to be loved. ... Every time I watched it, I was walled off. It was like another brick that came between me and my wife. And the truth is, everything you need for intimacy is in your (partner).

We spend four billion hours a year watching porn. Sorry. I've just understated the problem. We dedicated well over four and a half billion hours to watching porn on one porn site in 2016. Humanity spent twice as much time viewing porn in a year as it has spent existing on planet Earth. It all adds up to over 500 thousand years worth of porn consumed in the span of 12 months. Since 2015, human beings have spent one million years watching porn.

One million years.

I'm telling you this not only because it's an interesting bit of trivia … but because these figures are serious. More than serious: staggering, incomprehensible, unthinkable, apocalyptic. All the more so for Americans, because we watch more porn than anybody else on Earth.

Porn is obviously America's favorite pastime. According to surveys, almost 80% of American men between the ages of 18 and 30 admit to watching porn regularly. Nearly 70% of men between 31 and 49 admit to it. Half of men from 50 to senior citizen age also confess to regular porn viewing. 30% of younger men say they watch porn every day. Porn viewership is not quite as common among women, but it's far more common today than it was 10 years ago. Remember, too, this is just what people will admit to doing.

Today, porn grosses more in a year than Hollywood. It also brings in more money than the NFL, NBA, and MLB combined.

Possible Preaching Angles: This illustration functions like the Law—it exposes the sin in our hearts. But it should also point to the availability of Christ’s grace and the support of Christian community.

Debra Hirsch experienced a dramatic conversion to faith in Jesus after drug abuse and sex with both men and women. She now holds a Traditional view of sexuality, but has invested herself in ministry to people on the margins of the Christian faith, including those who are gay. Hirsch writes:

I am thankful that Jesus was a single man ... because in him we find the redemption of celibacy, and therefore of singleness. And as many of my dear friends (both gay and straight) are walking the celibate path, this gives them a deeper insight and appreciation of what Jesus experienced.

Stephen R. Holmes says, "To prove that sexual activity is not necessary to a well-lived life, we need to say only one word, 'Jesus.'"