Maturity

At the 34-year mark of his marriage, Tim Keller shared the following insight about his marriage:

Neither my wife nor I are particularly gender-stereotyped. Yet you get into marriage, and you find you see the world differently, and you see each other differently. She sees things in me I would never see. But she sees because she’s a different gender and she’s in close, and I see things in her, and I see things in the world.

After 34 years of conflict, of arguing, of head-butting, now every single day when I get out into the world and things happen to me, I have a split second to react. What am I going to say? What am I going to do? What am I going to think? For years, even halfway through my marriage, I only thought like a man, but now, after years and years of head-butting, here’s what happens.

Something happens, and for a split second, I not only know what I would do, what I would think, how I would respond, but I know how Kathy would think, and I know what Kathy would do. For a split second, because it’s so instilled in me, I have a choice. Which of these approaches would probably work better? You see, my wisdom portfolio has been permanently diversified. I’m a different person, and yet I’m me. I haven’t become more feminine. In fact, probably in many ways I’ve become more masculine as time has gone on.

What’s going on? She came into my life, and now I know who I am. I’ve become who I’m supposed to be only through the head-butting, only through having a person who’s like me, not me, opposite to me, in close.

Every year Mount Everest gets a little taller. The peak is already the highest in the world, at roughly 29,029 feet above sea level. But over millennia, it has risen another 50 to 165 feet—and its elevation continues to grow.

New research suggests that in Everest’s region of the Himalayas, the Earth’s crust is rebounding. This is a phenomenon that occurs when a huge weight that has been pressing down on the surface is removed. The relaxing of the crust in this area started thousands of years ago. With a lightened load, the crust bobbed upward, as a boat might after unloading cargo. The rebound adds about 0.2 to 0.5 millimeter to Everest’s height above sea level each year.

Of course, that doesn’t seem like much. But as one of the co-authors of the study, a geologist, said, “[The growth] seems so insignificant, but then you pile it up over [the years] and you get amazing things happening.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

In the same way, our spiritual growth may seem slow and tiny, but over the years, as the geologist put it, “you get amazing things happening.”

In an issue of CT magazine, author Jen Wilkin writes:

Individualism says that I should do what’s best for me regardless of what’s best for others. Instant gratification assures me that waiting is an enemy to eliminate. At every turn, I am told that I can and should have what I want when I want it.

Earlier this year, my husband and I spent two weeks with an apparent narcissist named Charlotte. From the moment we stepped into her space, it was all about her. She demanded our full attention day and night. Forget rational arguments or the needs of others; it was The Charlotte Show 24/7. She thought only of herself and demanded loudly and often that her needs be met. Our schedules bowed to her every whim. She uttered not a word of gratitude during the entire 14 days.

And we didn’t mind one bit. Because all 7 pounds and 15 ounces of her was doing exactly what she should. Our newest grandchild’s age-appropriate focus is to declare, Me, right now! Any time she is tired, hungry, or needs a clean diaper. Babies self-advocate as a survival instinct. They understand only the immediate need.

But what is appropriate in an infant is appalling in an adult. In its obsession with “me, right now,” our culture doesn’t just worship youthfulness; it worships childishness, legitimizing it into adulthood. An adult who demands what he wants when he wants it is a costly presence in any community, prioritizing his own needs above those of others and of the group. He has not learned to “put away childish things,” as the Bible says (1 Cor. 13:11, KJV); he has managed to grow physically from a baby to an adult without shedding the childish mantra of “me, right now.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

As parents, our first challenge is to meet the needs of babies crying out, “Me, right now.” But our greater task over the years is to train our children to mature and outgrow their entitlement, to resist the narcissistic norms of our age. It is our job as Christian parents to move our children from the immaturity of individualism and instant gratification to the maturity of sacrificial service and delayed gratification.

Going to the doctor can seem tedious as a child and even as a teen, but it might surprise you to find out how long it really takes people to actually start taking their health seriously. According to a survey of 2,000 adults in the United Kingdom, people don’t start seriously monitoring their health until the age of 38—and often only after some sort of health scare.

The study found that starting to experience new aches and pains or reaching a milestone birthday were also among the triggers that encouraged them to take better care of themselves. Others were prompted to take action after a loved one passed away or experienced a health issue.

Celebrities also play a part in making people take notice of their health. Around one in 30 admitted that a famous person suffering a medical problem shocked them into taking things more seriously.

Following the announcement that King Charles is undergoing treatment for an enlarged prostate, the U.K. National Health Service’s webpage about the condition received 11 times more visits than the previous day—resulting in one person visiting the site every five seconds.

Dr. Elizabeth Rogers says, “It can be very easy to disregard your health – particularly when you are young or you feel that everything is OK. Sometimes it can take a bit of a wake-up call before you start taking your health more seriously, whether that is falling ill yourself or seeing a loved one or even a well-known person experience an issue.”

The study also found that nearly half (45%) of adults didn’t take much notice at a younger age as they felt broadly fine and 25% felt that nothing bad would happen to them. In hindsight, 84% feel they took their health for granted when they were younger, and 39% regret not taking more care of their health before they reached their mid-twenties.

Dr. Rogers adds, “Making even small changes to your exercise regime or diet can make a real difference to both your physical and mental health, as well as helping to prevent future conditions developing.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

At the beginning of the New Year people begin to give attention to their physical health. We might also take this occasion to ask Christians, “When did you start to take your spiritual health seriously?” When you are young it is easy to feel that it really isn’t necessary and that you have plenty of time, but later in life you will certainly regret not developing healthy spiritual habits of Bible reading, prayer, and church attendance.

Over time, your personality can change — in big ways. But psychologists didn’t always think this to be true. While one’s personality might subtly shift at the periphery, scientists considered it to be largely fixed.

But long-term studies measuring movements in peoples’ “big five” personality traits changed psychologists’ minds. As people grew older, these core characteristics shifted. The big five traits are:

(1) Conscientiousness (how impulsive, organized, and disciplined someone is)

(2) Agreeableness (how trusting and caring they are)

(3) Extraversion (whether a person seeks social interaction)

(4) Openness to experience (someone’s desire for routine)

(5) Neuroticism (a person’s overall emotional stability)

But what triggers these personality changes? Researchers focused on ten life events most likely to alter someone’s personality: (1) A new relationship, (2) Marriage, (3) Birth of a child, (4) Separation, (5) Divorce, (6) Widowhood, (7) Graduation, (8) One’s first job, (9) Unemployment, and (10) Retirement.

Of these 10, researchers found that graduation, one’s first job, a new relationship, marriage, and divorce were linked to the greatest personality changes.

Studies have revealed that our personalities often “improve” with age. In what psychologists have dubbed “the maturity principle,” people tend to grow more extraverted, agreeable, and conscientious as they grow older, and less neurotic. The transformation is gradual, essentially unnoticeable to the individual. But after many years, almost everyone can reflect on their past selves and be amazed at the differences.

Possible Preaching Angle:

1) Christlikeness – We can also add to the “life changing events” Salvation, Persecution as a Christian, and Life-threatening illness. These events can also be used by God to refine us and bring us into conformity with the likeness of his Son. 2) Fallen Nature – Of course, we shouldn’t overlook the fact that these same “life changing events” can cause some people to grow bitter, disappointed, and angry. Life changing events have a way of revealing what is truly in our heart.

Researcher and author Rodney Reeves has been studying trends in how men are faring in America. Here’s how he summarizes one of his troubling statistics:

One [statistic] stopped me in my tracks was from a 2018 survey conducted by Pew. The sample size was small, and made use of a word-association methodology, so I haven’t cited it in most of my work. But I still wonder about it. Every single respondent thought that “masculine” was a negative term when applied to women. That’s not surprising.

What was shocking was that most people—four out of five—thought the term “masculine” was negative when applied to men. (The term “feminine” was not mentioned often enough to make it into the analysis.) This finding is consistent with another survey finding that half of men, of all races, think that society “punishes men just for acting like men.”

Do you ever find yourself reminiscing over your favorite childhood toys or memories? A new survey reveals that four in five Americans may be “kidults”—still looking up their childhood favorites for nostalgia.

The poll of 2,000 American Gen Zers and Millennials found that, if given the opportunity, 67 percent would try to buy a replica of something from their childhood and 76 percent feel a sense of nostalgia in the process. This comes as two in three (65%) adults realize they can now buy things for themselves that their parents would never let them have or couldn’t buy for them as a kid.

Commissioned by MGA’s Miniverse, the study found 59 percent of people consider themselves kidults—adults who hold onto their childhood spirit through consumer products like video games, toys, books, movies, fashion, and so on.

Isaac Larian at MGA Entertainment said,

Embracing nostalgia is a big part of being a ‘kidult.’ That feeling gives us the ability to hold onto the imagination and creativity we often associate with childhood. In many ways, holding onto toys and collectibles from our past is both liberating and entertaining, and miniature versions of them makes this experience more accessible. ... (Having) mini toys on display is a constant reminder of being a kid at heart.

Possible Preaching Angle:

It can be enjoyable to relive childish memories and even collect childhood toys. But it can also become a snare for some who never grow to maturity, especially spiritually. Some are content to remain a spiritual babe and never grow to adulthood in their faith (1 Cor. 3:1-3; Heb. 5:12-14).

At one point, U.S. Men’s Soccer Team star Christian Pulisic was dropped from the starting lineup by head coach Gregg Berhalter. Pulisic said, “There were moments when he benched me and I wanted to kill the guy — I hated him, I was so angry. But then the next game comes along, and then I find myself in a better place. The way he handled a lot of situations, I have to give him a lot of credit.”

Pulisic said that he developed an understanding for Berhalter’s coaching methods during his first camp under the coach. In that camp, Pulisc suffered a slight injury. After getting a scan on the injury, Berhalter summoned Pulisic for a meeting. The coach suggested that the injuries may have happened because Pulisic wasn’t training with the intensity at which he played in games. Pulisic was taken aback at first, but eventually he took in the advice. He said:

It changed the way I look at training, even today. ... Listen, it wasn’t easy, and it took me a little while, but I said “Let me take this onboard,” and since then I’ve been in a much better place. It’s things like that. The way that he deals with players, you can tell he is passionate, and he cares about his players. He’s not going to tell you it easy, or what you want to hear, he is going to tell you what he feels is going to improve you.

In his book Hinge Moments, college president D. Michael Lindsay shares about the birth of his oldest daughter, Elizabeth. They quickly knew something wasn’t quite right with her developmentally. When she was four months old, their pediatrician said, “Well, I don’t know what to say, but something is definitely wrong with your little girl.” Lindsay says, “I found it difficult to breathe. Grief overtook us and made it hard to get out even basic words. We prayed hard that our worst fears wouldn’t live themselves out, but we dreaded they would.”

After three years of tests and specialists, Elizabeth was diagnosed with an extremely rare genetic disorder. She is only one of 500 people or so known cases in the world. There is no cure. It involves profound cognitive disability, legal blindness, and many challenges with internal organs.

Lindsay says that parenting Elisabeth has been what he calls a “heavy joy”—filled with profound challenges but also lots of happy moments. It has also taught him and his wife key lessons about being transformed by Christ. Lindsay writes:

Elizabeth is not drawn to fame or self-advancement. She reflects a more authentic way of Christian living, one that is less interested in appearances or achievement. She takes pleasure in simple things—the taste of vanilla ice cream, the thrill of reaching heights in the backyard swing, the delight of listening to songs with a good beat and familiar melody. And Elizabeth is genuinely happy when she pleases her father, clapping for herself when she hears my affirmations.

Having Elizabeth in our family has helped us see the importance of vulnerability and simple obedience to Christ. More importantly, she has demonstrated that “walking in a manner worthy of the Lord” (Col. 1:10) doesn’t rely on superior [knowledge or performance]. Instead, it is a way of being that opens us up to fully pleasing the Lord in our respective callings.

A Glamour magazinevideo asked a number of girls and women on advice they would want from an older person in their life. Here are some of the questions these young women asked:

How do you become who you are today?

What should I not stress about at 14-years-old?

What is the best way to make a decision?

Looking back on your life what did you find most valuable?

What do you do when you realize that your dreams are not actually going to happen?

How do you manage having kids, being married, and having a career?

What is the secret to living a happy life?

Is having children really worth it?

(What are the) secrets to a long and happy marriage?

You can watch the entire 2:30 minute video here.

Possible Preaching Angle:

It is important for mature women to be accessible to answer questions and serve as role models to the young women in our churches. “Older women, likewise, are to be …. teachers of good. In this way they can train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, managers of their households, kind, and submissive to their own husbands …” (Titus 2:3-5).

Eight in ten Americans agree society puts too much value on appearing youthful. A survey examined perspectives around aging and found that most agree that in today’s world there’s a negative bias around aging or the perception of being old—so much so that six in ten avoid sharing their age for fear of being “judged.”

But a new poll also identified the benefits of getting older. 75% of the respondents agreed that age is not something to fight or fear, but rather an opportunity to live a more fulfilling and emotionally healthy life. Two-thirds of respondents actually feel younger than they are—nearly a decade younger, on average.

The survey found that three in four people want to spend less time fighting aging and more time doing things they love. Jim Burkett, president of Great Lakes Wellness said, “While ‘anti-aging’ has become the norm for quite some time, we’re starting to see a shift among Americans who realize aging is living.”

The Top Four Benefits of Aging:

–Learning new things about themselves or the world every year

–Having more life experience

–Gaining wisdom

–Being more confident

What, then, is the secret to living well in your advancing years? 80% will tell you that a better attitude leads to more graceful aging. 70% said they’re embracing their age, believing that getting older is not as bad as they thought it would be.

Stuart Briscoe preached his first sermon at age 17. He didn’t know much about the topic assigned him by an elder. But he researched the church of Ephesus until he had a pile of notes and three points, as seemed proper for a sermon. Then he stood before the Brethren in a British Gospel Hall and preached.

And preached. And preached. He kept going until he used up more than his allotted time just to reach the end of the first point and still kept going, until finally he looked up from his notes and made a confession.

“I’m terribly sorry,” he said. “I don’t know how to stop.” Briscoe recalled in his memoir that a man from the back shouted out, “Just shut up and sit down.” That might have been the end of his preaching career. But he was invited to preach again the next week. And he continued preaching for seven more decades.

In the process Briscoe became a better preacher, discovered he had a gift, and was encouraged to develop it. He ultimately preached in more than 100 countries around the world and to a growing and multiplying church in America.

When Briscoe died on August 3, 2022, at the age of 91, he was known as a great preacher who spoke with clarity, loved the people he preached to, and a had deep trust in the work of the Holy Spirit.

He once wrote,

My primary concern in preaching is to glorify God through his Son. I’ve worked hard to preach effectively. But I’ve also learned to trust as well. Farmers plow their lands, plant their seed, and then go home to bed, awaiting God’s germinating laws to work. Surgeons only cut; God heals. I must give my full energy to doing my part in the pulpit, but the ultimate success of my preaching rests in God.

How do trees grow the strongest? Surprisingly, too much sunlight and too much easy, fast growth does not produce healthy trees. Most young tree saplings spend their early decades under the shade of their mother’s canopy. Limited sunlight means they grow slowly. Slow growth leads to dense, hard wood.

In contrast, something interesting happens if you plant a tree in an open field: Free from the shade of bigger trees, the sapling gorges on sunlight and grows too fast and too easily. Fast, easy growth leads to soft, airy wood that didn’t have time to densify. And soft, airy wood is a breeding ground for fungus, disease, and ultimately a short life.

As the acclaimed nature writer Peter Wohlleben (author of The Hidden Life of Trees) writes, “A tree that grows quickly rots quickly and therefore never has a chance to grow old.”

In a recent issue of CT magazine, Jen Wilkin writes:

When the first ATM was installed in my hometown in the 1980s, it felt like magic: Insert your card, take out cash. Since then, we’ve learned to love not having to wait in just about every area of our lives. Products arrive at our doors within a day. Meals in a matter of minutes. Movies, books, and music appear on our devices instantly.

It’s wonderful. And it’s also worth weighing carefully. Rapid delivery teaches us that waiting is an enemy to be eliminated, standing between us and what we desire. With each quicker, more convenient development, we are attenuating our ability to wait.

But being able to wait is distinctly Christian. In fact, it is a mark of Christian maturity. The Bible speaks of waiting on the Lord, of being steadfast, and of bearing the spiritual fruit of patience. While most of us recognize that instant gratification is the habitat we inhabit, few have assessed how “waitlessness” may be forming us spiritually—specifically, how it may be shaping our approach to the Bible.

Around fourth grade, I was taught the spiritual discipline of spending “time in the Word.” Like many, I was encouraged to have a “quiet time,” 15 or 20 minutes in Scripture, preferably in the morning (because, you know, Jesus rose early in the morning). This practice was supposed to calibrate my day, to fill my spiritual tank for whatever the rest of that day may hold.

When we think of quiet time as transactional, we treat Scripture as a debit account that offers us meaning or feeling on our timetable. Each day we insert our debit cards and withdraw 15 minutes of inspiration. Instead, we should take a savings account perspective, where we make faithful deposits, investing ourselves over days and weeks and years without expecting immediate emotional or intellectual yield.

In nature, red skin signals that a tomato is ripe. But this is not necessarily true of tomatoes that have been forced to turn red. It is entirely possible, and likely, that we are purchasing and consuming unripe fruit. And there would be little way of knowing it until we take the first bite.

To be fair, part of the reason that growers gas tomatoes with ethylene is because this is what the market demands. As consumers, we want to walk into our local grocery store any time of the day, any day of the week, and pick up a red tomato.

In much the same way, we want the certainty of knowing that the answers to life’s questions are always within reach. But humility teaches us to wait for God for answers. Humility teaches us to let knowledge ripen on the vine.

In the hours immediately before his death, Jesus spends time teaching and praying with his disciples, reminding them that they must abide in him in order to bear fruit. He also promises to send the Helper, or the Holy Spirit, to enable them to learn and grow. Jesus promises them, “I still have many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all truth.”

While Jesus is concerned that his disciples grow in their understanding, he is also comfortable with them not knowing all things—in part because they aren’t ready for more knowledge yet. Jesus is also confident in the Holy Spirit’s ability to take them through the process. But this can only happen as they are connected to him, the Vine.

Proverbs 3 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” In God’s wisdom, the very process of learning binds us to him in a way that simply knowing answers cannot. And so he asks you to trust him. He asks you to humble yourself to wait for him.

When Christopher Columbus reached the Caribbean in 1492, he named the inhabitants "Indians." He thought he had reached what Europeans of the time referred to as "the Indies" (China, Japan, and India). In fact, he was nowhere close to South or East Asia. In his path were vast regions of land, unexplored and uncharted, of which Columbus knew nothing. He assumed the world was smaller than it was.

Have we made a similar mistake with regard to Jesus Christ? Are there vast tracts of who he is, according to biblical revelation, that are unexplored? Have we unintentionally reduced him to manageable, predictable proportions? Have we been looking at a junior varsity, decaffeinated, one-dimensional Jesus of our own making, thinking we're looking at the real Jesus? Have we snorkeled in the shallows, thinking we've now hit bottom on the Pacific?

I’m in the express-lane at Wal-Mart. I have two items, and I’m in a hurry. That makes no difference in my situation unfortunately. There is a lady in front of me with a cart full of groceries. Why didn’t the checkout lady tell her that this was the express lane? Oh well, I am a patient person, right? This is okay. I’ll be out of here and speeding on my way in a few minutes.

Oh good, the checker is done scanning her abundant mass of provisions. It’s almost my turn. Hold on a second … the lady is pulling out her wallet, and she isn’t grabbing a debit card. She is grabbing a handful of legal tender and they are not large bills. Ones. She is going to pay for her $70 tab with one-dollar bills! I almost faint from the rapid rush of blood to my head. This is a nightmare.

You know exactly how I felt at that moment because we live in a culture of urgency. We are constantly in a hurry. We always need to be someplace other than where we are, and we need to be there right now.

Let me impart to you what has become an obscured truth in our culture: Activity is not better than rest. We get home from a long day’s work, and we might as well punch an extra-curricular activity timecard because we don’t pause from the bustle until our head hits the pillow. The only problem then is that we stare at the ceiling with blood-shot eyes, wondering what it’s like to sleep.

Here are a few phrases from the Psalms that have been catching my eye lately. “Wait for the Lord.” “Wait patiently for Him.” “I wait for you, Oh Lord.” “For you I will wait all day.” “I wait for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning.” “I wait patiently for the Lord.” “I wait in silence for God.” “Those who wait for the Lord will inherit the land.” (Psalms 27, 37, 25, 25, 130, 40, 62, 37 respectively.) And from Isaiah: “Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength” (40:31).

Possible Preaching Angle:

The next time you feel rushed or overwhelmed, remind yourself of God’s words which tell us to rest in him. We most affectively feel the power of God in us when we patiently sit in silence before his throne. Turn off your electronic devices or whatever distraction is before you just now, and spend some real time in silence, waiting on the Lord. “It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones” (Psalm 127:2).

On August 11, 2017, the world's oldest man passed away, just a month short of his 114th birthday—making him one of the 10 longest lived men since modern record keeping began. If you knew nothing else about him than this, you might expect to discover that he had led a peaceful life, free of fear, grief, and danger.

The truth is the opposite. The man in question was Yisrael Krystal, a Holocaust survivor. Born in Poland in 1903, he survived for years in the Lodz Ghetto, and was then transported to Auschwitz. In this ghetto, his two children died. In Auschwitz, his wife was killed. When Auschwitz was liberated, he was a walking skeleton weighing a mere 82 pounds. He was the only member of his family to survive.

He was raised as a religious Jew and stayed so all his life. When the war was over, with his entire world destroyed, he married again, this time to another holocaust survivor. They had children. They moved to Israel and centered in Haifa, there he began again, setting up in the confectionary business, as he had done in Poland before the war. He made sweets and chocolate. He became an innovator. If you have ever had Israeli orange peel covered in chocolate, liqueur chocolates shaped like little bottles, and covered with silver foil, you are enjoying one of the products he originated. Those who knew him said he was a man with no bitterness in his soul. He wanted people to taste sweetness.