Motherhood

Fifteen years ago, Sherry Hoppen was a mom of three, a ministry leader in her church, and a volunteer at her local pregnancy center when her younger brother was killed in a drunk driving accident. The tragedy triggered her own slow spiral into alcoholism—one that nearly destroyed her marriage and her life.

Over the next decade, Hoppen evolved from a casual drinker to an addict who barely recognized herself, always secretly drinking or causing scenes at family holidays due to her dependence. Like many who struggle, she thought she could “fix” herself and moderate her drinking, even as she daily hid vodka-filled water bottles inside her purse.

Hoppen said, “I was scared to tell anybody because I knew if I did, my drinking days were over. And I didn’t want people to see [our family] fail.”

Her husband was a church elder, she led the children’s church choir, and they were beloved business-people in their small Michigan community. She said, “I couldn’t imagine letting anybody see what was really going on. I didn’t want to go to rehab because . . . everybody knows if you go to rehab, including my kids.”

It took Hoppen four more years after recognizing her dependence to commit to sobriety. Her story as a churchgoing suburban mom concealing alcohol addiction is increasingly common. In 2023, around 9 percent of adult women in the US struggled with alcoholism—about 11.7 million women. This means that in an average church of 500 people, at least 20 women attending likely struggle with alcohol dependence as well.

Alcohol abuse is rarely discussed with or even known by a woman’s closest friends or spouse. Until recent decades, alcohol brands marketed themselves primarily to men. In the 1990s, however, the industry recognized that women were an under-tapped market. This led to the introduction of sugary drinks for “entry-level drinkers.” A decade later, “skinny” versions of premade cocktails launched for women who wanted low-calorie options. Rates of alcohol use disorder rose by 83% between 2002 and 2013, on par with the rise in feminized alcohol marketing.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Our silent shame robs others of community, solidarity, and support. Churches have an opportunity to meet women in the midst of their brokenness. People ultimately just want to belong, feel seen, and not be judged in their brokenness.

In August of 2024, the outgoing U.S. surgeon general had a warning: Parenting can be harmful to your mental health. An advisory issued by Dr. Vivek Murthy, the nation’s doctor, said parents in particular are under dangerous levels of stress.

The report cites the American Psychological Association, saying nearly half of parents report overwhelming stress most days, compared with 26% of other adults. They’re lonelier, too, according to cited data from health insurer Cigna. In a 2021 survey, 65% of parents said they were lonely, compared with 55% of those without kids.

But who isn’t feeling that way? Elderly people are lonely and stressed. Single men are lonely and stressed. College students are lonely and stressed. Gen X moms are lonely and stressed. There’s an epidemic of loneliness and stress in this country and it’s bad for our mental and physical health, which Murthy pointed out in a previous advisory.

Murthy isn’t suggesting people quit having children. “There are so many joys and benefits that can come with parenting,” he said. “They can coexist with the stress parents feel.”

Instead, he’s issuing a call to action for anyone—especially lawmakers and bosses—with the power to lessen the load on parents. That load has grown heavier with the rising cost of child care, longer working hours and new threats, from school shootings to social media.

The vast majority of American Christians were raised in the faith—and most can point to the influence of their moms. In a 2023 study, the American Bible Society found that a majority of believers remain in the same religious tradition as their mothers.

This agrees with a large body of mainstream social science research dating back to the 1970s that says the active faith of mothers is a strong predictor of religious transmission. Some of this may be attributed to the natural bond children have with their mothers. But there is also research that shows that moms take a more active role in faith formation in America.

For every ­100 Americans raised by Protestant mothers:

99% of Christian teenagers talk about God with their mothers

71% of Christian teenagers read the Bible with their mothers

70% of Christian teenagers pray with their mothers

63% of Christian teenagers say their mothers encourage them to go to church

62% share the same faith tradition as adults

19% have no religion

11% joined another Christian tradition

4% are now Catholic

4% are other

While on my way to dispose of a breakfast of which I only took three bites, I noticed something that has broken my heart: The sixteenth craft I made at preschool this week, stuffed into the garbage beneath a layer of yesterday’s trash as if I wouldn’t find it.

No, not the one with the blue crayon circles. Also, no, not the paint handprints that mysteriously had some other kid’s name spelled backward on it. I’m talking about the one with the eight star stickers, a singular macaroni noodle glued to the top, wrinkled from when I shoved it in my backpack. Yes, there’s a hole in the middle from where I pressed the marker down too hard, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to dispose of it without my permission.

I am aware the refrigerator already displays five similar drawings, and, yeah, you have four noodle necklaces hanging on the lamp by your desk. But when I came home excitedly holding this latest presentation of my blossoming creativity, I thought the look of pride you had on your face was sincere. Now, I’m not sure what to believe.

Do you not appreciate the six minutes of uninterrupted focus required for me to produce such masterpieces? Is there no true love for the wilting dandelions I harvest from our yard three times a week that I demand you find a new vase for every time? Does this prove you’re not planning on treasuring the rocks I collected for you in my pocket that I forgot to take out until it was too late, which were rattling around in the dryer during the third load of laundry you were doing today?

My future therapy bills are already increasing over the denial of genius presented through this unforgivable act of parental neglect.

But trauma creates great art, and with that, I’m prepared to unveil my greatest work yet: a rainbow mural of permanent markers all over the bathroom on every surface I could reach. The sink. The baseboards. The shower curtain. The mirror. The light switch. The door. The fancy tile you had installed during a remodel before I was born.

I’m hopeful the tears I see forming in your eyes represent how moved you are by my magnum opus. It feels great to finally have my work be respected the way it should.

Now Hiring! Work From Home! Position requires strong ability to multitask. The successful applicant will be able to plan and prepare nutritious meals, while maintaining mountains of clean laundry. She can provide tutoring, nursing, counseling, and therapy sessions on an as-needed basis. In addition, applicants should be available for various event-planning activities, including birthday parties. The position involves staying up-to-date on all recommended practices of child development, including, but not limited to temper tantrums and adolescent awkwardness. Sleeping and eating not guaranteed for employees. Applicant must expect to work an average of 97 hours per week for 52 weeks per year. Pay range: $0 to $0 DOQ (Depending on Qualifications). Fringe benefits: priceless.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the life of a modern American mom.

Yes, motherhood entails a list of responsibilities that could go on and on. According to a survey of 2,000 mothers raising school-aged children (ages 5 to 18), moms spend nearly 100 hours a week on parenting tasks — even if it means sacrificing sleep and “me time.” The poll found no fewer than 15 different hats a mom wears, from chef to financial advisor. It’s no wonder the job goes well beyond a 40-hour workweek!

Where do moms carve out the extra time for this massive job? 53% of those surveyed reported sacrificing sleep for their children, while 47% regularly give up date nights, hobbies, and time with friends.

The survey also found that mothers often zero in on their children’s needs more than on their own. 62% of mothers say they often eat on the run, 53% admit they struggle to eat nutritious foods because of the demands of their schedule.

Researchers found such a job would pay a handsome six-figure salary: a whopping $100,460 per year if moms were paid for their work as parents. And that’s despite the fact that 70% of the mothers surveyed still work a full- or part-time job to boot.

After the immeasurable amount of selflessness shown by the typical mom, the survey found she’s left with less than an hour a day of “me time.” For 88% of moms surveyed, this time is often stolen from hours of shuteye, be it getting up early, staying up late, or both.

And yet despite the number of sacrifices they make, more than two-thirds (69%) of mothers say they want to spend even more time tending to their children.

But it is an impossible job that mothers somehow pull off. After all, how many jobs can claim to have fringe benefits that include cuddles, hugs, and the sense of satisfaction that comes from raising a healthy, happy human?

The US is battling an epidemic of sad, anxious young women. Despite the surge in women’s opportunities and freedoms over the past 50 years, it appears they are more depressed than ever. According to Harvard University research, this is particularly apparent in the 18-25 age group, 41% of which are said to suffer anxiety. In addition, the number of women reporting depression increased from 26% in 2017 to over 36% in 2023, according to a Gallup poll.

Dr. Wendy Wang at The Institute for Family Studies, says, “With 20 years under my belt as a sociologist…I believe I have stumbled on one possible explanation for this sea of sadness. It might appear a controversial take: too few women are getting married.”

According to US census data, only 47% of women ages 18 to 55 were married in the US in 2022, compared to 72% in 1970.

Despite the scientific data, social media is doing its part to malign marriage. On TikTok, videos that jokingly depict marriage as a fast route to domestic chores like washing dishes, caring for a newborn baby, and cleaning the house, go viral. As a result, only 24% of women under 30 believe that women who get married and have kids live fuller and happier lives than those who don’t.

But the uncomfortable truth is women who aren't married are worse off, health-wise, compared to their married counterparts. Proven scientific studies have shown that married women are less likely to die from heart disease and have longer lifespans than non-married women.

Marriage is not a cure-it-all magic wand, but the data tell us that the average American woman who is married with children is markedly less lonely and living a more meaningful and joyful life. Surveys show that 40% of married mothers aged under 55 reported that they were 'very happy' with their lives, compared with 22% of single, childfree women.

Admittedly, taking care of children is an exhausting job. But extensive research has shown that the rewards outweigh the negatives.

Editor’s Note: When using this illustration, let’s be mindful of the single women who long to be married, but are not yet, and the wives who would love to have children but have not been able to conceive, and those who have lost children through miscarriage.

American Protestants are keeping their children in the faith at a higher rate than Catholics or the una­ffiliated. The biggest influence: mothers.

Children Of Two Protestant Parents:

80% are still Protestant

13% are now unaffiliated

2% are now Catholic

Children Of Two Catholic Parents:

62% are still Catholic

19% are now unaffiliated

16% are now Protestant

Children Of Two Unaffiliated Parents:

63% are still unaffiliated

29% are now Protestant

7% are now Catholic

Children Of A Protestant Mother And Catholic Father:

49% are now Protestant

25% are now unaffiliated

14% are now Catholic

Children Of A Protestant Mother And Unaffiliated Father:

61% are now Protestant

29% are now unaffiliated

2% are now Catholic

After celebrating his national championship as the head football coach for the Michigan Wolverines, Jim Harbaugh made a surprise appearance at the March for Life in Washington D.C. Harbaugh truly lives out his pro-life convictions. In 2022, he told ESPN about encouraging his players to come to him if they ever dealt with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy with a partner. He said he wanted them to know that he’d be happy to raise the baby with his wife.

I’ve told (them) the same thing I tell my kids, boys, the girls, same thing I tell our players, our staff members. I encourage them — if they have a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, to go through with it, go through with it. Let that unborn child be born, and if at that time, you don’t feel like you can care for it, you don’t have the means or the wherewithal, then Sarah and I will take that baby. … We got a big house. We’ll raise that baby.

When asked by the media if it was appropriate for him to share his views on the issue, Harbaugh replied:

We need to talk about it. It’s too big an issue to not give real serious consideration to. What kind of person would you be if you didn’t stand up for what you believe in and didn’t fight tooth and nail for it? I believe in letting the unborn be born.

Leader, author, and evangelist Leighton Ford wrote the following as he remembered his wife, Jean Graham Ford, and her brother, Billy.

“Don’t forget the evangelists.” That’s what my Jeanie would say every time we headed off to help young leaders to spread the gospel. “Don’t forget the evangelists.”

She and her brother Billy were two of a kind. Both raised on a red clay dairy farm in North Carolina with a strict mother, who taught them the Bible and a kind father who guided them with his prayers. They both became Christ sharers who felt called to let others know this God who loved and could save them.

He traveled across the world preaching to millions and millions. She stayed close to home for the most part living that good news with her three children and her husband. He raised his powerful and strong voice like a thunder. She spoke like a quiet stream with a voice made quiet by her childhood polio.

He opened his arms wide with an invitation to come to the cross. She held her arms open closely hugging others with a touch that took away tears and fears. He preached about sin and judgment and forgiveness. She showed grace in her face. He used stadiums as his pulpit. She taught in a spacious room in a friend’s home.

Now that they are both with the Lord they loved, I can see them standing side-by-side, and imagine him saying: “You are two of the very best evangelists I’ve ever had.” So – may we never forget the evangelists!

A Florida mother has sued artificial intelligence chatbot startup Character.AI accusing it of causing her 14-year-old son's suicide in February of 2024. She said he became addicted to the company's service and deeply attached to a chatbot it created.

Megan Garcia is on a mission to raise awareness about the dangers of AI. Garcia maintains that the site’s protocols to protect children are woefully inadequate, and wants to spare other parents from the pain she’s had to endure.

In an interview, Garcia said, “I want them to understand that this is a platform that the designers chose to put out without proper guardrails, safety measures or testing, and it is a product that is designed to keep our kids addicted and to manipulate them.”

Garcia maintains that her son, Sewell Setzer III, had been chatting with an AI chatbot on the platform for months, and that as a result, he’d become more withdrawn and sullen. Sewell eventually quit the JV basketball team during this time.

It was only after confiscating his phone as punishment for misbehavior that Garcia discovered that many of the chatbot’s conversations with her son were sexually explicit. “I don’t think any parent would approve of that,” said Garcia, adding that the discovery was “gut wrenching.”

In the lawsuit, Garcia says that her son had been specifically chatting with it in the moments before he died. In the exchange, Sewell had mentioned considering self-harm, and the chatbot seemed to encourage that desire. Sewell then shot himself with his stepfather's pistol "seconds" later, the lawsuit said.

Garcia said, “There were no suicide pop-up boxes that said, ‘If you need help, please call the suicide crisis hotline.’ None of that. I don’t understand how a product could allow that, where a bot is not only continuing a conversation about self-harm but also prompting it and kind of directing it.”

After the lawsuit was announced, Character.AI announced a sweeping set of changes designed to protect its younger users, a move that Garcia derided as “too little, too late.”

In a nod to the adage about family life that parenting is the hardest job in the world, most parents (62%) say being a parent has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it’s been a lot harder. This is especially true of mothers, 30% of whom say being a parent has been a lot harder than they expected (compared with 20% of fathers).

With a love for cultivating an “old-fashioned” life and returning to what truly matters, a mom of three encouraged her kids to adopt a “TV fast” for three months. Jill Winger lives on a 67-acre family homestead in Wyoming with her husband, Christian Winger, and their three kids: Mesa(13), Bridger (10), and Sage (7).

We didn’t really watch a ton of TV, we just had Netflix and Hulu. My kids would watch shows an hour and a half in the afternoons. Then because we have long winters in Wyoming, our family would kind of default to the TV in the evenings after supper.

Mrs. Winger began asking herself, “What other activities is the TV displacing?” She posed the question to her husband and kids, and together they made a decision: They would go on a TV fast. “Three months, from December 1, 2022, to March 1, 2023, we would not watch any TV. We just said, ‘Let’s experiment with what happens.’”

Shockingly, I expected more pushback; the kids were not super upset. I think they knew that they were turning on the TV kind of mindlessly, without really enjoying it. So, when we told them our plan, they were kind of like, “OK, we’ll try it!”

Together, the family discussed what to do with the time freed up by quitting TV. One of the first ideas to emerge was reading books together. Another impulse that emerged was to learn new hobbies. The three kids together taught themselves chess, started cooking more, and became more engaged in homesteading activities.

When the family reached the end of their TV fast on March 1, they sat down to discuss the experience and came to a surprising conclusion: They wanted to continue. They decided to set aside special time once or twice a month to watch a movie as a family and preserve their newfound free time for hobbies and creative pursuits. She insists that it’s not crucial to live on a homestead; even in the city, there are free resources, such as outdoor play, board games, and local libraries.

A TV “fast,” by definition, is finite. “It could be a week, it could be a month ... pick your time,” Mrs. Winger said. “Then I think it’s really important to have a conversation with the whole family, to get everybody on board and help them understand why you’re doing this.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

While we all may not live on a 67-acre homestead or have three children, we can learn a lot from this family. Whether we are adults or youth, we all spend too much time on our screens and waste many hours that could be put to better use, whether learning a new skill or hobby, in fellowship with others, or in serving the Lord.

It’s no secret that many college students spend much of their four years at school drinking way more than they probably should. Now, a new study is actually putting a number on the plethora of unfortunate consequences that comes from a wild night of college drinking.

Over four years, researchers say the average college student deals with 102 alcohol-related consequences the morning after. These range from blacking out, suffering a hangover, being pressured to have sex with someone, or having to miss work or class because they drank too much the night before.

However, the team found one major factor keeps many students from overdoing it at a college party—strict, disapproving parents. Researchers say college students who thought their parents would disapprove of their alcohol-related dilemmas ended up reporting fewer negative incidents after drinking than their peers who partied harder.

Research professor Kimberly Mallet said, “Kids really look to their parents for guidance in a lot of ways even if they don’t outwardly say it. It’s empowering for parents to know that they can make a difference. We often think of peers as having an influence on drinking behaviors, but we found that parents can make a difference, even after their child has left home.”

Writing in the New Yorker, Lucy Huber and Joanna Davis have some advice for new mothers:

Hello! I see you are a young mother caring for your young children, and for some reason you seem a little stressed. Perhaps it’s because your three-year-old just shattered a jar of enchilada sauce. Now you are now kneeling on the floor of Aisle 3, frantically trying to pick up the shards of glass before your toddler puts glass shards in his mouth, all while wearing your three-month-old.

Well, I am here to tell you, as a parent of adult children, that I was like you once. Worried about every tiny thing that happened with my children, be it missing a violin lesson, omitting half the white sequins on my daughter’s homemade “Swan Lake” ballet costume, or letting my kids go in the ocean before teaching them to swim. But I want to impart to you the most important lesson that I learned in motherhood: just relax.

Relax, instead of calling for a grocery-store employee to help you wipe up this oozing green liquid which your child is licking off the floor while screaming, “Too spicy!” Relax, and just let it go. Let it all go. The fact that school is once again cancelled because Lucas R. got COVID and you have no child care and have to attend a meeting this afternoon seated next to your child who will be watching “Bubble Guppies” on the couch. But you’ll pretend that you are alone in your home office so that you don’t get fired. Cherish this moment! Cherish it now! These moments are fleeting, so you must enjoy them all. Also, while you’re at it, you should really take a moment to enjoy people telling you to relax and enjoy these moments.

Mama, don’t listen to other people’s parenting advice. Ignore them! Except me. I’m correct in saying that you’re a good parent only if you’re putting in absolutely no effort but standing in silent awe as your three-year-old turns on the stove burners, using a Barbie camper van as a stool, because what creativity he has! Life is too short to stress about these things.

Pastor Bryan Chapell writes in his recent book Grace at Work:

My musician wife, Kathy, talks about a time that she was chang­ing a particularly yucky diaper of one of our children. She said to a friend standing beside her, "These hands have played Mozart." The friend replied, "Maybe these hands are diapering the next Mozart!"

Possible Preaching Angle:

Undeniably, what those hands were doing was nurturing an eternal soul. When we are working to fulfill responsibilities God gives us, no matter how difficult or onerous the task, the Bible helps us to avoid thinking, “I'm just not doing something very important.”

Did you drop the ball this Mother’s Day and forget to pick up a gift for your mom? You’re not alone. A new survey has found that one in six Americans hasn’t sent their mother a single present in over a year. A survey found that 67 percent know their mom’s favorite flower. However, 37 percent admit they haven’t bought their mother flowers of any kind over the last year.

Another 57 percent know exactly what movie their mom would love to watch. But one in three people haven’t sat down to watch a movie with her in more than a year. Another 81 percent know their mom’s favorite hobby, but only half the poll say they’ve joined their mother to do that activity within the last six months. Even though 81% know their mom’s favorite way to pamper herself, 51% haven’t treated their mom in the last month.

A study found that mothers spend a staggering 97 hours a week doing something related to parenting—the same amount of time most people with a six-figure salary spend on their job.

Celebrating Mother’s Day is an easy way to show appreciation to the hard work, dedication, and care moms provide. They may not be sending flowers or taking mom out to dinner, but at least Americans are picking up the phone. More than 80 percent of the poll say they speak to their mother at least once a month.

So, if there’s a lesson coming out of this survey, maybe it’s that Americans need to spend a little quality time with their mom. With Mother’s Day being a day to do whatever our mother’s love to do, this day in May allows many kids a chance to play “catch-up.” After all, everyday can be Mother’s Day if you try.

When children have questions about their heavenly Father, their first instinct is to ask their mothers. Christian women tend to be more devout than men, and they’re often tasked with the bulk of parenting duties. But findings from Barna Research detail the gap between moms and dads when it comes to many aspects of faith formation:

Practicing Christians were asked, “Whose faith influenced you?”

Mother – 68%

Father – 46%

Practicing Christian teens were asked, “Which parent offers spiritual guidance?”

Prayer together: Mother 63%, Father 53%

Discussing God: Mother 70%, Father 56%

Discussing the Bible: Mother 71%, Father 50%

Responding to faith questions: Mother 72%, Father 56%

Encouraging church attendance: Mother 79%, Father 64%

Stephanie is a young mother with four children. Her typical day includes waking up at dawn, diapering and feeding one child while clothing another, preparing lunches for the rest, doing a couple loads of laundry, cooking dinner, and putting the kids to bed—all before falling into bed herself, exhausted. The exhaustion runs deep. Aren’t there more important things I should be doing? she asks, lamenting that she doesn’t have the energy for prayer and study. Many days, she suffers quietly and alone.

For all of us who struggle to find spiritual meaning in our daily work, Stephanie’s story resonates. And the longer we stay rutted in our routines, the more pressing our questions become: How is this work shaping my heart and mind? Is it strengthening my relationship with God and others? Does it even matter in the world?

Author Bradley Nassif writes:

Mundane duties (are) like God’s heavenly sandpaper. They (can) mold character, cleanse away impurity, and transfigure a person to reflect the beauty of Christ. Where we labor is where our character is formed and we are made Christlike. Much of our work, especially the more menial tasks, teaches us to repent and die daily to our sins. Our highest vocation is not the kind of work we do, but the kind of people we become doing it.

In his extensive writing and speaking on the impact of technology, Andy Crouch frequently hears from parents who assume he’s going to talk about how to set screen time limits for children. Crouch claims that his research shows something surprising. When he asks kids what they think, they have strong opinions about their parents’ use of technology.

Crouch and his daughter Amy asked 13 to 21-year-olds: “If you could change one thing in your relationship with your parents what would it be?” There was one answer that clearly came up more than any other. The teenagers and young adults said, “I wish my parents would spend less time on their devices and more time talking to me.” That’s what the children said they wanted. Crouch concludes, “Issues of screen time and the use of devices is not a kids’ issue. It is a human issue.”