Parenthood

The scientist Ali Binazir wrote a paper explaining the probability that you exist. It turns out that when taking into account the astonishing number of possibilities of parents meeting, grandparents meeting before them, and so on going back generations, and then adding the vast number of sperm and ova in possible combinations over decades of the marital act in all those generations, the odds of me existing just as I do are about 1 in 102,685,000. That’s a number so huge it hurts to think about it.

For example, the probability of your father meeting your mother is 1 in 20,000. The chances of them talking to one another is 1 in 10. The chances of that turning into another meeting is about 1 in 10. The chances of that turning into a long-term relationship is about 1 in 10. The chances of that lasting long enough to result in offspring is 1 in 2. So, the combined probability is already only about 1 in 40 million.

Now let’s get down to some of the biological details: each sperm and each egg is genetically unique because of the process of meiosis; you are the result of the fusion of one particular egg with one particular sperm. So, the probability of that one sperm with half your name on it fertilizing that one egg with the other half of your name on it is 1 in (100,000) (4 x 1012) = 1 in 4 x 1017, or 1 in 400 quadrillion.

Getting complicated! You bet! But the probability just keeps getting more unlikely. You are highly improbable!

But, according to the Bible, you are not here by chance. God created and knit you together in your mother’s womb (Ps. 139:13-16). You’re not just one in a million, you’re one in a 102,685,000.

Everybody is surprised and the story goes viral (over 2 million views) as a father of a teen goes the extra mile to show how much he cares for his son. Two news hosts of Fox4 at Dallas-Fort Worth:

"A suburban father is an internet hero for dropping in on his son's high school physics class to teach the kid a lesson. Poor kid. Brad Howard told his son, also known as Brad, if he heard from his teacher at Rockwall Heath High School about him talking too much in class, he would sit through class with him. Sure dad. Oh, last week dad got an email, he kept his promise. Daughter Molly posted a picture online."

Report begins with teen Brad speaking to the camera: "I walked in. I had no idea he was going to come, but I was saying hi to everybody and talking to all of my friends and I was like, 'hey Grant', and I heard 'hey Bradley'. And my dad was sitting in my chair."

Father, sitting next to Brad on a sofa: "As the teacher began to teach, all of the sudden I began to think to myself, what if she calls on me to answer a question?"

Hosts voiceover as father and son toss a football: "Turns out dad Brad was actually more uncomfortable about the whole situation than his son, but the teen said he learned a thing or two. He better take his dad's threats much more seriously from now on. When dad says he's going to do something, he's going to do it. I love that they're both laughing about it."

In an article in Building Church Leaders, Drew Dyck writes:

Hi, my name is Drew and I’m a helicopter parent.

Well, I’m a helicopter parent in recovery. I still get a lump in my throat when I agree to let me 12-year-old son walk to the convenience store on his own. I clench my fists as I see my 10-year-old daughter gliding on her bike through our neighborhood, even with a helmet securely on her head.

Of course it’s OK to shield your kids from harm; that’s just what parents too. But that healthy instinct can go too far. Parents who try to “nerf the world” for their children ironically end up doing more harm than good—producing young adults immobilized by fear because they see danger lurking around every corner.

Helicopter parenting can also be a sin. In a recent article, “An Anxious Generation,” Carrie McKean writes: “What we call caution, God may call sin: a clamoring for control and a refusal to trust God with the children he has entrusted to us…. Jesus told us not to worry, but worry is our culture’s parenting default. It’s harming our kids.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

There is value in giving kids ample unsupervised playtime and just more autonomy in general. We need to pray, “Jesus, help me let go” to get our nervous fear under control and allow our children to experience the spark of accomplishment and confidence. Mamy verses emphasize God's love and care for children, and encourage parents to trust Him with their children's well-being (Matt. 18:10; Matt. 19:14; Mark 10:16; Luke 18:16).

M. Robert Mulholland, Jr., writes in “Invitation to a Journey”:

I once heard a woman tell of her struggle with this reality. Her mother was a prostitute, and she was the accidental byproduct of her mother's occupation. Her life's pilgrimage had brought her to faith in Christ, blessed her with a deeply Christian husband and beautiful children, and given her a life of love and stability. But she was obsessed with the need to find out who her father was. This obsession was affecting her marriage, her family, and her life.

She told how one day she was standing at the kitchen sink, washing the dishes, with tears of anguish and frustration running down her face into the dishwater. In her agony, she cried out, "Oh, God, who is my father?" Then, she said, she heard a voice saying to her, "I am your father."

The voice was so real she turned to see who had come into the kitchen, but there was no one there. Again, the voice came, "I am your father, and I have always been your father."

In that moment she knew a profound scriptural reality. She came to know that deeper than the "accident" of her conception was the eternal purpose of a loving God, who had spoken her forth into being before the foundation of the world.

Read through the Bible and you will find a positive attitude about having and raising children. Attitudes among our culture today are trending in the opposite direction due to attitudes about careers and individualism as cited by the authors of the book, "What Are Children For?"

Having children is but another possible project, with its own emotional experiences, social obligations, and financial responsibilities. According to a 2023 Pew Research report, only 26 percent of Americans today say having children is important for living a fulfilling life. Whereas 71 percent consider “having a job or career they enjoy to be essential and 61 percent say the same for “having close friends.” As the demographers found in an overview of the forces affecting fertility patterns today.

Increasingly, people justified childbearing in terms of its impact on their personal well-being, satisfaction, and happiness.” When children are seen in this light, it’s understandable that many people, certainly those whose lives feel uncertain and precarious, dread giving up their time, energy, resources, highest ambitions, and—perhaps above all—freedom to the task of raising another human being. When you compare having children—a resource guzzling enterprise that comes with no guarantee of mental or material satisfaction—to all those other possible attractive ends, how could it ever measure up?

Editor’s Note: When using this illustration, let’s be mindful of the single women who long to be married, but are not yet, and the husbands and wives who would love to have children but have not been able to conceive and those who have lost children through miscarriage.

In August of 2024, the outgoing U.S. surgeon general had a warning: Parenting can be harmful to your mental health. An advisory issued by Dr. Vivek Murthy, the nation’s doctor, said parents in particular are under dangerous levels of stress.

The report cites the American Psychological Association, saying nearly half of parents report overwhelming stress most days, compared with 26% of other adults. They’re lonelier, too, according to cited data from health insurer Cigna. In a 2021 survey, 65% of parents said they were lonely, compared with 55% of those without kids.

But who isn’t feeling that way? Elderly people are lonely and stressed. Single men are lonely and stressed. College students are lonely and stressed. Gen X moms are lonely and stressed. There’s an epidemic of loneliness and stress in this country and it’s bad for our mental and physical health, which Murthy pointed out in a previous advisory.

Murthy isn’t suggesting people quit having children. “There are so many joys and benefits that can come with parenting,” he said. “They can coexist with the stress parents feel.”

Instead, he’s issuing a call to action for anyone—especially lawmakers and bosses—with the power to lessen the load on parents. That load has grown heavier with the rising cost of child care, longer working hours and new threats, from school shootings to social media.

The vast majority of American Christians were raised in the faith—and most can point to the influence of their moms. In a 2023 study, the American Bible Society found that a majority of believers remain in the same religious tradition as their mothers.

This agrees with a large body of mainstream social science research dating back to the 1970s that says the active faith of mothers is a strong predictor of religious transmission. Some of this may be attributed to the natural bond children have with their mothers. But there is also research that shows that moms take a more active role in faith formation in America.

For every ­100 Americans raised by Protestant mothers:

99% of Christian teenagers talk about God with their mothers

71% of Christian teenagers read the Bible with their mothers

70% of Christian teenagers pray with their mothers

63% of Christian teenagers say their mothers encourage them to go to church

62% share the same faith tradition as adults

19% have no religion

11% joined another Christian tradition

4% are now Catholic

4% are other

While on my way to dispose of a breakfast of which I only took three bites, I noticed something that has broken my heart: The sixteenth craft I made at preschool this week, stuffed into the garbage beneath a layer of yesterday’s trash as if I wouldn’t find it.

No, not the one with the blue crayon circles. Also, no, not the paint handprints that mysteriously had some other kid’s name spelled backward on it. I’m talking about the one with the eight star stickers, a singular macaroni noodle glued to the top, wrinkled from when I shoved it in my backpack. Yes, there’s a hole in the middle from where I pressed the marker down too hard, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to dispose of it without my permission.

I am aware the refrigerator already displays five similar drawings, and, yeah, you have four noodle necklaces hanging on the lamp by your desk. But when I came home excitedly holding this latest presentation of my blossoming creativity, I thought the look of pride you had on your face was sincere. Now, I’m not sure what to believe.

Do you not appreciate the six minutes of uninterrupted focus required for me to produce such masterpieces? Is there no true love for the wilting dandelions I harvest from our yard three times a week that I demand you find a new vase for every time? Does this prove you’re not planning on treasuring the rocks I collected for you in my pocket that I forgot to take out until it was too late, which were rattling around in the dryer during the third load of laundry you were doing today?

My future therapy bills are already increasing over the denial of genius presented through this unforgivable act of parental neglect.

But trauma creates great art, and with that, I’m prepared to unveil my greatest work yet: a rainbow mural of permanent markers all over the bathroom on every surface I could reach. The sink. The baseboards. The shower curtain. The mirror. The light switch. The door. The fancy tile you had installed during a remodel before I was born.

I’m hopeful the tears I see forming in your eyes represent how moved you are by my magnum opus. It feels great to finally have my work be respected the way it should.

Now Hiring! Work From Home! Position requires strong ability to multitask. The successful applicant will be able to plan and prepare nutritious meals, while maintaining mountains of clean laundry. She can provide tutoring, nursing, counseling, and therapy sessions on an as-needed basis. In addition, applicants should be available for various event-planning activities, including birthday parties. The position involves staying up-to-date on all recommended practices of child development, including, but not limited to temper tantrums and adolescent awkwardness. Sleeping and eating not guaranteed for employees. Applicant must expect to work an average of 97 hours per week for 52 weeks per year. Pay range: $0 to $0 DOQ (Depending on Qualifications). Fringe benefits: priceless.

Sound familiar? Welcome to the life of a modern American mom.

Yes, motherhood entails a list of responsibilities that could go on and on. According to a survey of 2,000 mothers raising school-aged children (ages 5 to 18), moms spend nearly 100 hours a week on parenting tasks — even if it means sacrificing sleep and “me time.” The poll found no fewer than 15 different hats a mom wears, from chef to financial advisor. It’s no wonder the job goes well beyond a 40-hour workweek!

Where do moms carve out the extra time for this massive job? 53% of those surveyed reported sacrificing sleep for their children, while 47% regularly give up date nights, hobbies, and time with friends.

The survey also found that mothers often zero in on their children’s needs more than on their own. 62% of mothers say they often eat on the run, 53% admit they struggle to eat nutritious foods because of the demands of their schedule.

Researchers found such a job would pay a handsome six-figure salary: a whopping $100,460 per year if moms were paid for their work as parents. And that’s despite the fact that 70% of the mothers surveyed still work a full- or part-time job to boot.

After the immeasurable amount of selflessness shown by the typical mom, the survey found she’s left with less than an hour a day of “me time.” For 88% of moms surveyed, this time is often stolen from hours of shuteye, be it getting up early, staying up late, or both.

And yet despite the number of sacrifices they make, more than two-thirds (69%) of mothers say they want to spend even more time tending to their children.

But it is an impossible job that mothers somehow pull off. After all, how many jobs can claim to have fringe benefits that include cuddles, hugs, and the sense of satisfaction that comes from raising a healthy, happy human?

The US is battling an epidemic of sad, anxious young women. Despite the surge in women’s opportunities and freedoms over the past 50 years, it appears they are more depressed than ever. According to Harvard University research, this is particularly apparent in the 18-25 age group, 41% of which are said to suffer anxiety. In addition, the number of women reporting depression increased from 26% in 2017 to over 36% in 2023, according to a Gallup poll.

Dr. Wendy Wang at The Institute for Family Studies, says, “With 20 years under my belt as a sociologist…I believe I have stumbled on one possible explanation for this sea of sadness. It might appear a controversial take: too few women are getting married.”

According to US census data, only 47% of women ages 18 to 55 were married in the US in 2022, compared to 72% in 1970.

Despite the scientific data, social media is doing its part to malign marriage. On TikTok, videos that jokingly depict marriage as a fast route to domestic chores like washing dishes, caring for a newborn baby, and cleaning the house, go viral. As a result, only 24% of women under 30 believe that women who get married and have kids live fuller and happier lives than those who don’t.

But the uncomfortable truth is women who aren't married are worse off, health-wise, compared to their married counterparts. Proven scientific studies have shown that married women are less likely to die from heart disease and have longer lifespans than non-married women.

Marriage is not a cure-it-all magic wand, but the data tell us that the average American woman who is married with children is markedly less lonely and living a more meaningful and joyful life. Surveys show that 40% of married mothers aged under 55 reported that they were 'very happy' with their lives, compared with 22% of single, childfree women.

Admittedly, taking care of children is an exhausting job. But extensive research has shown that the rewards outweigh the negatives.

Editor’s Note: When using this illustration, let’s be mindful of the single women who long to be married, but are not yet, and the wives who would love to have children but have not been able to conceive, and those who have lost children through miscarriage.

Governments around the developing world are worried that the birth rate is declining at a troubling rate. Birth rates in the United States have been trending down for nearly two decades, and other wealthy countries are experiencing the same. Among those proposing solutions to reverse the trend, the conventional wisdom goes that if only the government were to offer more financial support to parents, birth rates would start ticking up again.

But writing in The Atlantic, writer Christine Emba notices the need for something deeper, something governments cannot provide—meaning. Emba writes:

That need is for meaning. In trying to solve the fertility puzzle, thinkers have cited people’s concerns over finances, climate change, political instability, or even potential war. But in listening closely to people’s stories, I’ve detected a broader thread of uncertainty—about the value of life and a reason for being. Many in the current generation of young adults don’t seem totally convinced of their own purpose or the purpose of humanity at large, let alone that of a child. It may be that for many people, absent a clear sense of meaning, the perceived challenges of having children outweigh any subsidy the government might offer.

The influence of Christianity has declined in the United States. Yet in maternity wards across the country, when newborns scrunch up their tiny faces and fill their lungs with their first breaths of air, parents regularly turn to Scripture. They give their children biblical names.

Some Bible names are more popular than ever. One hundred years ago, for example, Noah was the 400th most common newborn name in America. But in the early 1990s, the number of babies named after the ark-building patriarch rose rapidly. By 1996, Noah was the 50th most popular baby name for boys, and by 2009, it was in the top 10. For the past decade, Noah has been the No. 1 or No. 2 name for boys.

A few names, such as Mary and Martha, have become less popular, but other Bible names appear resistant to cultural change. A girl born in America today is about as likely to be named Elizabeth as she would have been a century ago. David was the 28th most popular boy name in 1920. It was 25th in 2020. Other popular names include Eden, Grace, Elijah, and John.

America has changed a lot in 100 years. But when it comes to naming babies, plenty of people still go back to the Bible.

Former Oregon Ducks star Greg Bell remembers a pivotal moment that changed his relationship with his daughter Sofia.

Greg had just finished watching Sofia, then eleven, cross the finish line at a track meet. When he went over to congratulate her on her finish, she had a question for him. She asked, “Dad, why are you and everyone yelling at me while I’m running?” Greg laughed. “Sweetie, we’re just trying to help you run faster.” Sofia looked around and tersely replied: “What do you think I’m trying to do?”

Sofia is now a sophomore at the University of Oregon, and a star ball player in her own right. She won a national championship in a Nike invitational tournament with her AAU team, and was named a McDonalds All-American in 2023. And she credits both of her parents for their encouragement, especially her dad.

Sofia said of her dad, “He definitely gave me a lot of guidance and still does. He is pretty consistent with his texts and his little stuff.”

Reflecting on how he changed his own parenting style, Greg said, “(For) most kids, I think, the worst part of sports is the ride home. We didn’t want sports to be a negative for her. She’s already going to be self-critical.”

Greg is convinced that Sofia chose the same path he did, playing the same sport at the same school, because he gave her the space to express her own personality. By allowing her this freedom, he believes she was able to find her own way and make her own decisions. He says parents can help their kids the best when they’re not lurking or overbearing with parental interference. Greg told a reporter:

So much of it is just having a strong relationship with her. What’s the relationship going to look like when the ball stops bouncing? If I’m a jerk to her while we’re in the gym, what’s that going to look like in five years?... I shot all the baskets I’m going to shoot… It’s her legacy. Not mine.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Like a loving parent guiding a teen into adulthood or a coach guiding a star player into a successful athletic campaign, God walks with us every day and gives us what we need to become the people we were created to be.

After celebrating his national championship as the head football coach for the Michigan Wolverines, Jim Harbaugh made a surprise appearance at the March for Life in Washington D.C. Harbaugh truly lives out his pro-life convictions. In 2022, he told ESPN about encouraging his players to come to him if they ever dealt with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy with a partner. He said he wanted them to know that he’d be happy to raise the baby with his wife.

I’ve told (them) the same thing I tell my kids, boys, the girls, same thing I tell our players, our staff members. I encourage them — if they have a pregnancy that wasn’t planned, to go through with it, go through with it. Let that unborn child be born, and if at that time, you don’t feel like you can care for it, you don’t have the means or the wherewithal, then Sarah and I will take that baby. … We got a big house. We’ll raise that baby.

When asked by the media if it was appropriate for him to share his views on the issue, Harbaugh replied:

We need to talk about it. It’s too big an issue to not give real serious consideration to. What kind of person would you be if you didn’t stand up for what you believe in and didn’t fight tooth and nail for it? I believe in letting the unborn be born.

Ashley Class was initially unconcerned when her oldest child complained about monsters in her room. Ashley said, “She was saying she heard monsters in her bedroom wall, but we'd been watching Monster's Inc. She was a little speech delayed, so when she tried explaining it, we thought she meant there were monsters in her closet." So, she and her husband downplayed her fears, in the hopes that it was just a phase.

“We told her, ‘Nobody is in that closet.’ We made jokes about fighting the monster. We gave her a spray bottle full of water that was her monster spray.” But after the little girl’s fear intensified into night terrors, Ashley and her husband began having second thoughts. So, the following month, when they noticed a few bees going into the attic of their 100-year-old farmhouse, they decided to call a pest control company.

The pest control people told her that she likely had honeybees in her attic, which means that they couldn’t just spray pesticides like they would for other insects. They assured her that the problem was likely minimal. But one beekeeper brought a thermal camera to conduct an infrared scan on the house, and was shocked at what he found.

Ashley said, “At first, I thought it was a body,” referring to the reddish glow behind one of the walls in her daughter’s bedroom. “I was like, ‘What is that?’ And he says he thinks it's a hive. He didn't even have his bee gear on yet, but he took a hammer and knocked into the wall. Bees came swarming out like a horror movie.” The beekeeper estimated that there were over 50,000 bees in the wall.

And Ashley had to go back to her daughter to “fess up.” “We told her, ‘We found the monsters, you were right.’ Then we introduced her to the beekeeper and she was like, ‘No, he's a monster hunter.’ So, she called him Mr. Monster Hunter for the rest of the day, which was awesome.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Children need adult guidance, but sometimes their innocence enables them to see the truths that adults miss. “From the lips of children and infants you, Lord, have called forth your praise?” (Ps. 8:2; Matt. 21:16).

In a nod to the adage about family life that parenting is the hardest job in the world, most parents (62%) say being a parent has been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with about a quarter (26%) saying it’s been a lot harder. This is especially true of mothers, 30% of whom say being a parent has been a lot harder than they expected (compared with 20% of fathers).

If you’re a young parent, you’re probably used to hearing “Why?” a lot! With that in mind, a new survey finds moms and dads field an average of 11 questions from their young children each day.

A new poll of 2,000 parents of kids under six finds that between being asked “What?” (37%), “When?” (22%), and “Why?” (11%), parents are always on call when their kids get curious.

Children most commonly ask questions to better understand the world around them, such as asking about animals, nature, current events, and home experiences. When asked about the most interesting question their child has ever asked, parents mentioned “Why is the sky so high?” and “Why can fish keep their eyes open in water?”

Children’s questions may be frequent, but they aren’t always easy, as parents admit they can confidently answer an average of only 42% of their child’s questions. Poll results also reveal that 81% of parents learn just as much from their child as their child learns from them. The average parent learns something new from their child about five times per week, and four in five parents are surprised by their child’s knowledge of certain topics.

The Pew Research Center released a new survey on parenting in America today (2023). Here are some highlights:

In the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic and amid reports of a growing youth mental health crisis, four-in-ten U.S. parents with children younger than 18 say they are extremely or very worried that their children might struggle with anxiety or depression at some point. In fact, mental health concerns top the list of parental worries, followed by 35% who are similarly concerned about their children being bullied.

When asked about their aspirations for their children when they reach adulthood, parents prioritize financial independence and career satisfaction. Roughly nine-in-ten parents say it’s extremely or very important to them that their children be financially independent when they are adults, and the same share say it’s equally important that their children have jobs or careers they enjoy. About four-in-ten (41%) say it’s extremely or very important to them that their children earn a college degree, while smaller shares place a lot of importance on their children eventually becoming parents (20%) and getting married (21%).

It’s no secret that many college students spend much of their four years at school drinking way more than they probably should. Now, a new study is actually putting a number on the plethora of unfortunate consequences that comes from a wild night of college drinking.

Over four years, researchers say the average college student deals with 102 alcohol-related consequences the morning after. These range from blacking out, suffering a hangover, being pressured to have sex with someone, or having to miss work or class because they drank too much the night before.

However, the team found one major factor keeps many students from overdoing it at a college party—strict, disapproving parents. Researchers say college students who thought their parents would disapprove of their alcohol-related dilemmas ended up reporting fewer negative incidents after drinking than their peers who partied harder.

Research professor Kimberly Mallet said, “Kids really look to their parents for guidance in a lot of ways even if they don’t outwardly say it. It’s empowering for parents to know that they can make a difference. We often think of peers as having an influence on drinking behaviors, but we found that parents can make a difference, even after their child has left home.”

Pastor Bryan Chapell writes in his recent book Grace at Work:

My musician wife, Kathy, talks about a time that she was chang­ing a particularly yucky diaper of one of our children. She said to a friend standing beside her, "These hands have played Mozart." The friend replied, "Maybe these hands are diapering the next Mozart!"

Possible Preaching Angle:

Undeniably, what those hands were doing was nurturing an eternal soul. When we are working to fulfill responsibilities God gives us, no matter how difficult or onerous the task, the Bible helps us to avoid thinking, “I'm just not doing something very important.”