Peer Pressure

Journalist Simone Ellin, editor of Baltimore Jewish Living magazine Jmore, endured relentless bullying in high school, resulting in “low-grade depression, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy and underachievement that have persisted despite years of therapy.” Decades later, she decided to reconnect with her former classmates—bullies, bystanders, and fellow victims alike.

Through social media, Ellin easily found many of these women, who were surprisingly willing to share their stories. One former bully, reached via Facebook, called and tearfully confessed: “I’m so sorry. I swear I’m not a bad person. I think about what I did to you all the time. I don’t know why I chose you. I had a miserable home life.” Hearing her classmate’s trauma firsthand, Ellin was finally able to forgive her, and hoped the woman could forgive herself, too.

Ellin discovered that even the “popular” girls suffered. “I was surprised to learn that many of the 'popular' girls paid a steep price for maintaining their social standing,” she wrote. One former cheerleader admitted, “The girls in her clique were so mean to each other that she grew up distrusting other women. 'I didn’t have a real female friend until I was 43.'”

Another woman, once bullied, became a bully herself: “I had no way to stand up for myself... I became a bully, and I would kick them with my clogs. I got suspended and I remember thinking, Now I’m the strong one.”

Ellin also reflected on her own actions, regretting times she gossiped or shunned others. “This was crystallized for me when a couple of women I interviewed mentioned that they felt 'invisible' in school.”

Ultimately, Ellin’s project offered healing and perspective: “We can never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives... After decades of hurt and resentment, I now see them as they were—young girls experiencing their own trials and tribulations.”

FOMO, or fear of missing out, isn’t just a painful feeling—it’s also a big phishing vulnerability for young adults on social media.

Two recent studies of Instagram users between the ages of 16 and 29 show that the promise of a social opportunity can be so alluring that it can cause many young people to let down their guard and fall for a phishing scam.

The lead researcher on one of these studies said:

In my study, 82.9% fell for a suspicious link in a message at least once, and particularly for those that appeared to be from a friend or a follower. They interacted without a second thought because they trust the Instagram platform.

Additionally, young adults in particular have an intense fear of missing out on social experiences. One of my studies showed that phishing messages promising social opportunities—like an invite that says, “Check out this private event happening tonight!”—were the most successful. FOMO drives impulsive decision-making, making young adults particularly easy targets for social-engineering attacks.

Every generation has chased trends. But to some members of Gen Z, the objects of teenage yearning feel more plentiful and less durable than ever before.

For the past few years, opening up social media has felt like standing in front of a fire hose of fashion and internet fads and cranking open the nozzle, full blast.
New “it” water bottles are anointed almost quarterly. Influencers urge their viewers to style themselves as coastal grandmothers, ballet dancers, indie sleazers and coquettes — looks that have little in common besides the consumption they require. Specious fads like the “mob wife aesthetic,” recognized by publications including this one, prompted The New Yorker’s humor column to predict what might come next: How about “Supreme Court casual” or “spotted-lanternfly goth”?

To keep up would leave most people broke, not to mention disoriented. And while a majority of these crazes are labeled “Gen Z trends,” members of that generation may be the ones most fatigued by the churn.

Of course, there have always been trends. Lately, though, trends feel more overwhelming. Young people have described an online trend ecosystem that resembles a soupy flood plain of fads — trends that are at once flimsy and a genuine source of stress for young people eager to fit in. The insecurity that young people feel when they don’t have the “it” item is amplified when there’s a new “it” item every week.

In a recent article in The Guardian, Oliver Burkeman describes how to be liberated from people-pleasing:

“Great news! I found the cure for my anxiety!!” the author Sarah Gailey once announced on social media. “All I need is for everyone I know to tell me definitively that they aren’t mad at me, once every 15 seconds, forever.”

I know how she feels. For years, I possessed a remarkable superpower: I could turn almost any work opportunity that came my way into an unpleasant emotional drama, simply by agreeing to do it.

Once I’d accepted a deadline or signed a contract, there was now another person in the world who might be growing impatient that I hadn’t finished yet, or who might end up disappointed in what I produced. And the thought that they might be harboring any negativity towards me felt hugely oppressive. This same overinvestment in other people’s emotions meant I was always saying yes to things I should really have declined, because I flinched internally at the thought of the other person feeling crestfallen.

It bears emphasizing that the people you’re worried might be angry with you, disappointed in you, or bored by you almost never actually are. The liberating truth is that they’ve got their own troubles to worry about…. As the novelist Leila Sales observes, poking fun at this tendency in herself: “It’s weird how when I don’t respond to someone’s email, it’s because I’m busy, but when other people don’t respond to my emails, it’s because they hate me.”

The liberating truth about life as a finite human is that…you’re never going to please everyone, or do everything, or accomplish anything perfectly. So, what would you like to do with your life instead?

Kaylee and Mike Low have four children. When their oldest son, now aged 14, started asking for a cell phone back in the fourth grade, they both said no.

Mrs. Low said, “He was really noticing his peers getting smartphones. But we weren't naïve to the fact that a cell phone would increase the risk of exposure to pornography, and other risks (such as the effects on mental health and the developing brain). So, we just kind of had this gut feeling that it wasn't the right timing."

It became a hot topic of family conversation. Sixth grade was probably the hardest year for him in this process. There were 34 kids, and he was the only one without a smartphone.

At the times when their son grew frustrated, Mr. and Mrs. Low "got better at teaching him" why they wanted to wait and made space for the teen to express his feelings. Mrs. Low said, "I think we just really tried to listen to him, tried to validate his feelings.” They told him, “We're doing it because we love you, and we want what's best for you,” instead of it coming across as being bossy or being told what to do.

However, in 7th grade, the teen quit asking for a cell phone altogether. He'd noticed that some of his classmates, who were often up gaming all night, were more anxious than they used to be, couldn't regulate their emotions, or seemed disengaged from the world around them. Some of them had lost interest in extracurricular activities and "really seemed unhappy."

When his parents asked him where he felt the benefits were, he said that he “doesn't have to carry the world around in his pocket.” He said that kids at school are stressed out about how many likes they get, or what's going on in some random part of the world. So, he feels a sense of freedom. He finds joy in outdoor activities or extracurriculars. He's driven to succeed in life.

Mindful of his future needs, the Lows now plan to introduce their eldest to a cell phone gradually. They are preparing him for adulthood when he doesn’t live with his family.

Now in 9th grade he is thanking his parents, after five years of freedom from screens and the dangers of untethered access to the internet.

New York City Health Commissioner Ashwin Vasan, acting under the authority of mayor Eric Adams, recently issued a public health advisory designating social media as an official public health hazard because of its effects on youth and young adults. Because of this New York became the first major city in the United States to make such an official designation.

Mayor Adams said, “Companies like TikTok, YouTube, and Facebook are fueling a mental health crisis by designing their platforms with addictive and dangerous features. Just as the [U.S.] surgeon general did with tobacco and guns, we are treating social media like other public health hazards and it must stop.”

In the official advisory, Vasal struck a more moderate tone, offering young people guidance on how to engage in social media while taking steps to mitigate its most harmful effects on mental health. Suggestions included having times and places designated as phone-free, monitoring emotions during use, and sharing concerns about social media use with adults.

Ofir Turel is a professor at the University of Melbourne in Australia who studies the behavioral effects of technology. Turel applauded New York for taking steps to curb the excesses of social media without resorting to a futile call for its elimination. He advocates for what he calls the “food regulation model,” which encourages healthy habits by deploying relevant information, like nutrition labels on foods. “Social media is the same,” he said. “We just need knowledge and incentives.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

Because children are such a precious gift from God, we must do all we can to provide mental stability and emotional security for our young people.

October 27, 1962 was the day the world almost ended. One man, Vasily Arkhipov, displayed the virtue of self-control. He was the second in command of the Soviet submarine B-59 during the Cuban Missile Crisis. Located deep underwater near Cuba and unable to receive outside communication due to mandated radio silence, the crew had not heard anything from Moscow in days when they were detected by the US Navy. The Americans released explosives intended to force B-59 to the surface.

The crew was unsure how to proceed. Battery power in the submarine was dwindling, and the extreme heat in the vessel became unbearable. Some members of the crew suspected that war had broken out and wanted to launch nuclear warheads toward the US mainland to aid the Soviet offensive. Of course, if war had not broken out, this action would certainly begin one and likely result in global devastation.

The captain and the third-in-command both wanted to launch the missile, but Soviet protocol required that all three officers make the unanimous decision to strike, and Arkhipov wanted to think about it. He eventually decided that he wouldn't agree to the launch, but instead would wait for orders.

As Arkhipov’s cooler head prevailed, the sub surfaced. The US Navy surrounded them and forced them to return to the Soviet Union in shame. For years, Arkhipov endured taunts in his home country for choosing to surface. However, in 2002, Robert McNamara, the former US Secretary of Defense, publicly acknowledged that Arkhipov's decision prevented a nuclear war at “the most dangerous moment in human history.” Arkhipov is a notable example of someone who displayed self-control and integrity despite direct pressure to do the opposite.

Just when pandemic-related misinformation was started to recede from public awareness, the Food and Drug Administration had to recently issue a warning against a new dangerous trend: misinformation resulting from viral video challenges. The latest concerned something called “NyQuil chicken.”

The FDA said in a press release, “A recent social media video challenge encourages people to cook chicken in NyQuil (acetaminophen, dextromethorphan, and doxylamine) or another similar over-the-counter cough and cold medication, presumably to eat. Social media trends and peer pressure can be a dangerous combination to your children and their friends, especially when involving misusing medicines.”

One of the reasons why the challenge is dangerous is that the chemical properties of NyQuil change when the liquid is heated to a boil, and high levels of the chemicals can be inhaled as vapors. An FDA spokesperson said, “The challenge sounds silly and unappetizing – and it is, Put simply: Someone could take a dangerously high amount of the cough and cold medicine without even realizing it.”

Parents can keep young people safe by following three common-sense practices:

Keep medicines away from children in a safe, inaccessible place.

Speak with children about the dangers of misusing pharmaceuticals.

Use all medications according to the directions given.

Possible Preaching Angle:

As Christians parents we need to protect our children from foolish pranks spread by social medial. Instead, in a supportive and loving way we should encourage our vulnerable children in wise living and thinking before they act on foolish trends.

Wall Street Journal writer Joseph Epstein notes that the opinion poll has been around for more than a century. They gained authority in the 1940s with the polling methods of George Gallup. Now we put way too much stock in opinion polls. Epstein writes, “So endemic is polling that it feels as if what a politician does is less important than whether the public approves or disapproves.”

President Abraham Lincoln is an example of how to seek wise counsel and input from others without letting it run your life. Epstein writes:

Early in his presidency he set aside morning office hours to receive visitors, many seeking favors or attempting to exert influence, or merely wishing to shake the hand of the nation’s leader. … These visits … offered the president the opportunity, in these days before scientific public opinion polling, to get some idea of how ordinary people felt about him and his administration. Yet Lincoln, aware as he was of public sentiment, never allowed it ultimately to alter his policies or principles, which is one of the reasons he was a great man.

For instance, some critics blasted his 272-word Gettysburg Address for being too short. But Lincoln stood by the speech, and as we all know now, it became one of the greatest political speeches of all time.

Former NFL player, Miles McPherson describes his bondage to cocaine and deliverance by Christ:

I was a defensive back playing for the San Diego Chargers and living the life I always wanted. As a rookie arriving at training camp, I was in awe of all the veteran players. I’ll never forget the day I walked into a hotel room occupied by six partying veterans. The pressure to get along, to fit in, was overwhelming. So when the guys pulled out cocaine and passed it around, I knew I had a decision to make: Take part or be left out.

The cocaine that I consumed that night took me by the lapels and forced me into submission. Soon enough, I was completely under its control. There I was, at the top of the sports world, playing on TV every Sunday and enjoying a nice contract. And yet, every chance I got, I drove myself down to the seediest neighborhoods of the city and paid good money to a dealer who sold me poison.

At the time, there were several guys on the team who were Christians, and they were very vocal about Jesus. One guy, in particular, was downright aggressive. One day, on a chartered flight back from a game, he got in my face. Staring me down, he asked, “If you were to die today, would you go to heaven? You know Jesus wants your heart. What are you going to do?” It freaked me out.

One night, one of my teammates drove me down to a ramshackle crack house. I encountered a shriveled-up skeleton of a soul in a dirty white tank top who was busy making a batch. He had given his life over to the drug, and it was killing him. I looked him up and down. I actually felt sorry for him—until I caught myself in the mirror. God said to me, What’s the difference between you and him?

Just then, my teammate entered the bathroom, and the cook handed him a crack pipe. He stood right in front of me, put that filthy thing in his mouth, and took a hit. I watched his eyes roll back in his head and his body go limp. I thought he was going to die. He asked me, “You want to try it?” I gulped, “Nah.” “You’re strong,” he said. I replied, “Not strong. Just scared.”

I began begging myself not to do it anymore. I was throwing away my dream, the best opportunity I ever could have hoped for. But no matter how furiously I pleaded with the man in the mirror, I just couldn’t stop. “Just one more day,” a voice from the dark side of my soul would say. “Just one more party.”

Finally, the moment of truth arrived. I began a cocaine binge in the evening, and when 5 a.m. rolled around, I still hadn’t gone to sleep. I was shackled by my habit and utterly helpless against it—I fully believed it would kill me. If anything was going to free me, it had to be mightier than my addiction. I recalled what my Christian teammates had said about the power of Jesus. And so I called out to Jesus to save me. Who else was going to do it?

When I got up off my knees, everything was different. I felt as if I had been delivered—that all the desire to use had fallen away. By God’s grace, from that point forward, I would never do drugs again.

Editor’s Note: Miles McPherson is the senior pastor of Rock Church in San Diego, CA.

Demi Lovato and the Australian singer/songwriter Sam Fisher recently collaborated on a piece titled “What Other People Say” that reveals this generation's realization that living for the affirmation of others cannot fill the void in our heart.

Some of the lyrics from the radio edit of the song:

Thought when I grew up

I would be the same as the ones who gave me my last name

I would not give in, I would not partake

In the same old drugs everyone else takes

I'm better than that, I'm better than that

I'm living my life so I go to heaven and never come back

But look where I'm at, look where I'm at

I'm living the life that I said I wouldn't, I wanna go back

I used to call my mom every Sunday

So she knew her love wasn't far away

But now I'm all messed up out in LA

'Cause I care more about what other people say

I used to not take chances with God's name

But it's been so long since I last prayed

And now I'm all messed up and my heart's changed

'Cause I care more about what other people say

The song so resonated with Lovato she shared, "When I first heard this song, I cried. These lyrics resonate so much with me and are super meaningful. This song is a reflection on what it's like to lose who you truly are in an effort to please other people and society."

Fischer added, "'What Other People Say' is a confession, realizing how far away you can get from who you are in an effort to be liked. It’s about the pressures of society and how getting caught up with the wrong things can change you."

A tattoo parlor in Kentucky is using ink to unite communities across the country by offering free appointments to anyone who wants to cover up their hate or gang symbol tattoos. Tattoo artists Jeremiah Swift and Ryun King said they decided to offer this service as a way to take a stance amid the protests calling for an end to racial injustice.

King told CNN, “It's definitely a long overdue change. Having anything hate related is completely unacceptable. A lot of people when they were younger just didn't know any better and were left with mistakes on their bodies. We just want to make sure everybody has a chance to change.”

King's first client was Jennifer Tucker, a 36-year-old mother of two who wanted to cover up a small Confederate flag she got tattooed on her ankle when she was 18 years old. Tucker said, “I went to a school where there wasn't a single black person. ... Everyone in my school flew rebel flags and had rebel flag tattoos and I bandwagoned and got the tattoo. It was a horrible thing to do.”

After high school, Tucker became involved in various solidarity movements and peaceful protests aimed at uniting the community and fighting racial injustice against black people. A friend of Tucker's sent her the tattoo shop's Facebook post offering the free coverups, and she immediately messaged the shop asking for an appointment.

On Tuesday, after nearly 20 years of “looking down at the tattoo regretting it,” King covered up the flag with a character from the cartoon Rick and Morty. “It feels so amazing, it's life changing. I knew I had to do it, to be an example for other people who were in the same position. There's not a whole lot I can do, but this is something I can do to spread love, not hate.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

The fresh start that God offers not only changes our outward appearance but goes to the heart of our need by creating a new person within. We are then able to show love and respect to others instead of racism and hate.

Fair or not, young adults have become a scapegoat of sorts for a myriad of societal problems and changes. What seems to be lost in this conversation is the effect this is having on many Millennials’ mental health and self-confidence.

Now, a survey consisting of 2,000 Millennials (ages 22-38) has revealed some troubling statistics regarding how young adults see themselves. An astounding 80% believe they are not “good enough” in virtually all areas of their lives. Furthermore, 75% of the survey’s respondents admit that they constantly feel “overwhelmed” by pressure to succeed in their careers, find a meaningful romantic relationship, meet others’ expectations, and maintain a presence on social media. In all, 80% of respondents even say these worries have negatively impacted their sleep and admit that their overall mental health has suffered.

So, where is all this pressure coming from? 25% of respondents say their number one source of pressure is their parents, followed by 20% of respondents who cite social media, and 17% say their peers and friends cause them the most pressure. A lot of pressure also comes directly from within, though, with about 50% saying they routinely place an unfair amount of pressure on themselves to succeed.

Possible Preaching Angle:

It is only in Christ that anyone will find true peace of heart, satisfaction, and fulfillment (Matt. 11:28-29; John 10:10). The message “For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things” (Ps. 107:9) needs to be shared by the church with all who despair.

On August 10, 1948, a pioneering television producer named Allen Funt debuted a hidden-camera reality TV show called Candid Camera. The genius of the show is that it caught people in the act of being themselves. It produced lots of laughs, but it also offered a fascinating look into the human psyche.

In one episode titled "Face the Rear," an unsuspecting person boarded an elevator and naturally turned around to face the front of the elevator. That's when three actors entered the elevator and faced the rear. A hidden camera in the elevator captured the angst of the prankee. To turn or not to turn? Finally, a fourth actor entered the elevator and faced the rear. Without exception, the person facing the front would turn around and face the rear. The social influence exerted by those facing the rear was too overwhelming for that person to remain the only one facing the front.

After his 15 year career in pro basketball, Rick Barry had hit a remarkable 89.9% of his shots from the free throw line. But Barry also had one of the weirdest free throw shots—an underhand shot known as the "granny style" shot.

The stats don't lie—Barry's style seems to work better than the more familiar (and cooler looking) traditional free throw shot. As Barry said, "From the physics standpoint, it's a much better way to shoot. Less things that can go wrong, less things that you have to worry about repeating properly in order for it to be successful." In 2008, when Discover magazine asked a physics professor who agreed: the 45-degree arc angle and the natural backspin both increase the odds of the ball going into the net, relative to the more common method.

Wilt Chamberlain, a former NBA great who holds the record for the most points scored in one game (100), once tried it out. Over his career, Chamberlain made a pathetic 54% of his free throws. But on March 2, 1962, when he scored his 100 points, Chamberlain used the granny style approach and hit 28 of his 32 free throws.

So chances are, for many players shooting underhand is a much better strategy. So, why don't more players use this free throw style? (And why did Chamberlain give it up?) Rick Barry and Malcolm Gladwell propose a simple answer: because players are too embarrassed or too proud—or both. It looks silly, and most players would rather miss shots than look like a "granny" and score more points.

Football referees are unbiased, right? They would never be influenced by fans or football players, right? Well, according to a study football refs are often swayed by their surroundings. Michael Lopez, a researcher and statistician at Skidmore College in New York, led a study that referees are much more likely to make calls that favor the team whose coaches and players are on the sideline closest to the potential penalty.

Lopez analyzed five years of NFL games, including 1,400 penalty calls where the action happened close to one team's sideline or the other. One of the files he examined was whether referees called a late hit on a player. If one player is tackling another, you're allowed to do it while the opposing player is within bounds but not if he's out of bounds. But the bodies are usually flying into one another near a sideline. It's what's called a bang-bang play: it all happens so quickly and the refs have to make a judgment call.

Lopez measured how often these kinds of judgment calls go in favor of the team whose coaches are on the sideline closest to where the potential penalty is taking place. He found referees are much more likely to make calls that comply with what people nearest to them are demanding. In short, intimidation works. Pressure the refs, get in their face, and they will often cave into social pressure.

Oregon state officials have confirmed reports of several attacks on government workers outside its state capitol building, but have not recorded any arrests. Why? The attacker is an owl. "It's silent," says city parks spokeswoman Tibby Larson. "You're just walking along, minding your own business, and an owl comes silently at you from behind."

Owl attacks, believe it or not, are a relatively frequent phenomenon across the country. Although it may seem humorous that government workers have seemed to be the most frequent targets in this case, Larson noted that the owl is most likely more concerned with impressing potential mates than making a political statement.

Possible Preaching Angle:

Sure, it's strange animal antics to impress a potential mate, but you have to ask about the strange stuff we do to impress and please other people.

In 1927, the famous English poet and essayist T.S. Eliot became a Christian and was baptized and confirmed. Prior to his conversion, Eliot belonged to London's Bloomsbury Group, a small, informal association of artists and intellectuals who lived and worked in the Bloomsbury area of central London. But when news of Eliot's conversion hit the news, the Bloomsbury Group responded with shock and even disgust. The writer Virginia Woolf, the de facto leader of the group, penned the following letter to one of her peers:

I have had a most shameful and distressing interview with dear Tom Eliot, who may be called dead to us all from this day forward. He has become a [believer] in God and immortality, and he goes to church. I was shocked. A corpse would seem more credible than he is. I mean, there's something obscene in a living person sitting by the fire and believing in God.

Retired minister and author Bob Russell told the following account to illustrate how Christians today often go along with the moral pace of those around us, and that by comparison we feel safe since "Everyone is doing it," therefore, we're okay. Russell writes:

Two months ago my wife and I were visiting our son Rusty and his family. One day Rusty was test-driving a foreign-made car and was frustrated because he couldn't figure out how to change the speedometer reading from kilometers to miles.

That evening he suggested we take the kids and all go out for ice cream. "We'll need to take two cars," he insisted, "so you and mom just follow me." I followed him … and was surprised when a policeman whizzed up behind us with his lights flashing. I couldn't imagine he was after me because it didn't feel like I was speeding. And besides, I was going the exact same speed as the guy in front of me.

The officer came up to my window and said, "Sir, you were going 58 miles per hour in a 45 miles per hour zone. But wait right here, I'm going to deal with the car in front of you, and I'll be right back." When he went to my son's car, Rusty quivered, "Officer, I know this is going to sound like a line, but this is the first day I've driven this car, and I can't figure out how to change it from kilometers to miles, so I had no idea how fast I was going. The guy behind me is my dad, and he doesn't know what he's doing either!"

Possible Preaching Angles: (1) Conformity; Disobedience; (2) Discipleship; Lordship of Christ—We're all following someone or something, even if we aren't thinking about it. Who are you following?

In the mid-'70s, an unknown editor named Gary Dahl was talking with his friends, who were complaining about all the work involved in caring for pets—feeding them, walking them, cleaning up after them. Dahl kidded that he had a pet that never caused him any trouble—a pet rock.

Surprisingly, the joke started to take off. Dahl recruited two colleagues as investors, visited a building-supply store and bought a load of smooth Mexican beach stones at about a penny apiece. The Pet Rock hit the marketplace in time for Christmas 1975. In a matter of months, some 1.5 million rocks were sold. It was a craze to rival the Hula-Hoop. For a mere three dollars and 95 cents, a consumer could buy … a rock—a plain, ordinary, egg-shaped rock of the kind one could dig up in almost any backyard.

For a few frenzied months in 1975, more than a million consumers did, becoming the proud—if slightly abashed—owners of Pet Rocks, the fad that Newsweek later called "one of the most ridiculously successful marketing schemes ever." When Dahl died in March 2015, his New York Times obituary claimed "the concept of a 'pet' that required no actual work and no real commitment resonated with the self-indulgent '70s, and before long a cultural phenomenon was born."

Pet Rocks made Dahl a millionaire practically overnight, but despite the boon Pet Rocks brought him he came to regret his success. The Pet Rock craze went the way of all fads—it died out and was replaced by the next fad. After his sudden wealth, he went through three marriages, a law suit, and failed attempts to match his previous success. At one point he said, "Sometimes I look back and wonder if my life wouldn't have been simpler if I hadn't done it."

Possible Preaching Angles: (1) Success; Ambition; Achievement; Emptiness—all of the success in the world can't satisfy our heart's need for Jesus Christ. (2) Conformity; Worldliness—It's amazing how a silly fad—a Pet Rock—can take off and become a worldwide craze.