Positive or Negative Tone

Bad days. We’ve all had them, and for many of us, it doesn’t take much to send a day spiraling into chaos before breakfast is even over.

According to a new survey, the average American knows their day is going to be bad by 8:36 a.m. Additionally, it’s not just a rare occurrence—four times a month, people expect the worst, adding up to an average of 48 bad days every year.

Mornings, it seems, are critical in setting the tone for the day. The survey highlights that common morning mishaps—such as waking up feeling sick (35%), suffering from poor sleep (31%), or starting the day with a headache (29%)—are among the top indicators of a bad day. Even seemingly minor inconveniences, like misplacing keys (26%) or leaving a phone at home (25%), can derail the entire day.

The impact of these morning disruptions is significant. Nearly half of those surveyed (48%) reported canceling plans or calling in sick after a challenging start to the day, opting to return to bed in hopes of salvaging what remains.

Possible Preaching Angle:
We have all been there, but a Christian doesn’t have to let pessimism or emotions rule their day. Beginning this new year, resolve instead, by faith, to put your day into God’s hands – “This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it” (Psa. 118:24)

Research reveals that Gen Z employees aren't fooled by the "compliment sandwich" approach to feedback. While this technique aims to soften criticism with praise, it can often backfire. Young people are more concerned with whether they're perceived as competent than with receiving positive reinforcement. They crave genuine validation and respect, not patronizing compliments.

The compliment sandwich is meant to create an atmosphere of safety and security. But if the praise is for something seemingly unimportant, it won’t address a young person’s fears of unworthiness. Rather, it may be seen as condescending, which can confirm anxieties about being seen as a rube. Studies show that young people are especially hungry for signs of social status and respect, so they are especially insulted when they sense they are being talked down to.

There is, in fact, a simple but effective solution. Instead of the baloney sandwich, consider "wise feedback." This approach involves delivering honest, constructive criticism with an underlying belief in the individual's potential. By framing feedback as a tool for growth, you can help young people overcome their fears of inadequacy and strive for excellence.

Possible Preaching Angle:

The Apostle Paul is a great example of putting this principle into practice in the church. He was honest about both the strengths and weaknesses of the people he addressed without flattery. His criticism is always motivated by love for people. He always offered hope for the future, encouraging them to change and grow.

The Grammy-award winning rock musician Lenny Kravitz was asked, “How do you stay positive?” Kravitz replied:

It’s a choice. I grew up around some very positive people, namely my grandfather. Being a Black man growing up at the beginning of the century and all he went through, he retained a positive outlook regardless of all the roadblocks and mountains in front of him. This man was the man of his family at 9 years of age—his father died and he had a mother who was bedridden and four siblings in the Bahamas on an island with zero electricity. He went out into the world and found work and took care of his family. So, he always taught me this way.

In today's fast-paced world, the constant stream of news can feel like a firehose. Political scandals, partisan squabbles, conspiracy theories, outrage, and sensational headlines dominate the media landscape, leaving many feeling overwhelmed and disoriented. For Christians seeking to be informed citizens, this constant barrage of information can be particularly challenging.

Ryan Burge, an Eastern Illinois University professor said, “We were not designed to drink from a firehose in our lives when it comes to media consumption. Honestly, most days, there’s two or three things you need to pay attention to.”

For Christians who find themselves getting angry after watching cable news or scrolling through social media, several media-savvy Christians advise reading less and using discernment to determine which stories really matter. Jeff Bilbro, a professor at Grove City College, emphasizes the importance of avoiding the outrage cycle and seeking out more substantive news sources. He said:

As fallen creatures, we tend to be drawn toward things that titillate us, that are exciting and interesting and shocking and rile us up. When we give into those cravings, we reinforce and support journalistic models that feed them. Christians should be mindful of their own tendencies toward sensationalism and try to support different kinds of journalism.

In his Hall of Fame speech, Brett Favre told a story that he had never shared publicly:

One more thing about my father, and this is something I've never told anyone. My dad was my high school football coach. He was the head football coach, and he coached me and my two brothers. But I never had a car growing up and I always rode to and from school with my father in his truck. So, he was always the last to leave the building because he had to turn the lights off, lock up, and then we made our way home.

So, it was the last high school football game of my high school career. Although I don't remember how I played in the last game, what I do remember is sitting outside the coach's office, waiting for my father to come out so we could leave. It was dark. And I overheard my father talking to the three other coaches. I heard him -- and I assume I didn't play as well the previous week only because of what he said. He said: ‘I can assure you one thing about my son; he will play better. He will redeem himself. I know my son. He has it in him.’

And I never let him know that I heard that. I never said that to anyone else. But I thought to myself: That's a pretty good compliment, you know? My chest kind of swelled up. But I never forgot that statement and that comment that he made to those other coaches. And I want you to know, Dad, I spent the rest of my career trying to redeem myself.

I'm working on it. I'm trying to get through it. But I spent the rest of my career trying to redeem myself and make him proud, and I hope I succeeded.

Possible Preaching Angle:

For better or for worse, our words are self-fulfilling prophecies. Are you giving people, especially your children, something to live up to or something to live down to? Are your words life-giving? Or do they suck the life out of others? Are your words encouraging or discouraging?

I’ve noticed along the way of life that some people are much better at seeing people than others are. In any collection of humans, there are diminishers and there are illuminators.

Diminishers … make others feel insignificant. They stereotype and label. If they learn one thing about you, they proceed to make a series of assumptions about who you must be.

Illuminators, on the other hand, have a persistent curiosity about other people. They have been trained or have trained themselves in the craft of understanding others. They know how to ask the right questions at the right times—so that they can see things, at least a bit, from another’s point of view. They shine the brightness of their care on people and make them feel bigger, respected, lit up.

Illuminators are a joy to be around. A biographer of the novelist E.M. Forster wrote, “To speak with him [gave you] a sense of being listened to with such intensity that you had to be your most honest, sharpest, and best self.” Imagine how good it would be to offer people that kind of hospitality.

Researcher and author Rodney Reeves has been studying trends in how men are faring in America. Here’s how he summarizes one of his troubling statistics:

One [statistic] stopped me in my tracks was from a 2018 survey conducted by Pew. The sample size was small, and made use of a word-association methodology, so I haven’t cited it in most of my work. But I still wonder about it. Every single respondent thought that “masculine” was a negative term when applied to women. That’s not surprising.

What was shocking was that most people—four out of five—thought the term “masculine” was negative when applied to men. (The term “feminine” was not mentioned often enough to make it into the analysis.) This finding is consistent with another survey finding that half of men, of all races, think that society “punishes men just for acting like men.”

In his book Of Boys and Men, researcher Richard Reeves notes that until around 2015, the phrase “toxic masculinity” was just mentioned a few times in academic articles. But by 2017, there were thousands of mentions, mostly in the mainstream media.

The term is almost never defined, and is instead used to simply signal disapproval. Lacking a consistent definition, the phrase now refers to any male behavior that the user disapproves of, from the tragic to the trivial. It has been blamed, among other things, for mass shootings, gang violence, online trolling, climate change, the financial crisis, and an unwillingness to wear a mask during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Lumping together terrorists and delinquents, the phrase ultimately poisons the very idea of masculinity itself. The book contains interviews from dozens of adolescent boys about what they like about being a boy. Most boys couldn’t even answer the question. One college sophomore told the author, “That’s interesting. I never thought about that. You hear a lot more about what is wrong with guys.”

In the early days of World War II, the stress of the war began to take its toll on Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of England. His wife Clementine grew alarmed. A member of Churchill’s inner circle told her that Churchill’s sarcastic and over-bearing manner was starting to discourage his inner circle of leaders. Clementine decided to speak the truth in love.

“My darling Winston,” she began in a letter, “I must confess that I have noticed a deterioration in your manner; and you are not so kind as you used to be.” She cautioned that in possessing the power to give orders and to sack anyone and everyone, “he was obliged to maintain a high standard of behavior—to combine kindness and if possible Olympic calm.” She reminded him that in the past he had been fond of quoting a French maximum, meaning, essentially, “one leads by calm.”

She continued: “I cannot bear that those who serve the country and yourself should not love you as well as admire and respect you.” But she warned, “You won’t get the best results by irascibility and rudeness. It will breed either dislike or a slave mentality.” She closed the letter with these words: “Please forgive your loving, devoted and watchful Clementine.”

Apparently, the letter got through to Winston. The next day people reported that he seemed remarkably at ease. He lay in bed, propped up by his bed rest as he gazed adoringly at his cat, Nelson, sprawled out peacefully at the foot of the bed.

Thousands of workers now identify as their company’s “Chief Happiness Officer” or CHO. What does a CHO do every day? For Erika Conklin, CHO of a digital marketing startup, this month’s duties, included procuring beer and Jet Skis for a company retreat to Sarasota, Florida. She still deals with employee benefits and payroll. But she also works late signing contracts for company events or listening when co-workers need to vent about whatever makes them unhappy.

McDonald’s started the trend by “promoting” Ronald McDonald to chief happiness officer in 2003 as a joke. Then tech companies like Google joined the CHO bandwagon. The late Zappos Chief Executive Tony Hsieh was famously committed to a fun working environment. His book, Delivering Happiness, prompted other business leaders to give priority to workers’ emotional well-being.

But being responsible for others’ high spirits comes with a lot of pressure. There’s the expectation to always appear cheerful. And if morale sinks or the retention rate slips, the person with “happiness” in their title is likely to get some of the blame. CHOs often stress about their colleagues’ levels of happiness.

One CHO said, “Generally, I am very positive—my husband and my immediate family are the only ones who see the not-so-great side.” Another CHO polls her roughly 100 co-workers weekly so that she always knows the collective mood. “If there’s a dip, we ask, ‘Why?’” she says. “If it soars, we’re like, ‘What are we doing? How can we keep repeating this?’”

When it comes to countering negative messages about women from social media influencers like former kickboxer Andrew Tate, young men are tapping into underutilized resource--each other.

In an interview with CNN, Ted Bunch affirms that relational conversations are key elements that help neutralize harmful messages linking masculinity with violence. Bunch is the founder of the anti-violence organization A Call to Men.

Bunch says, “(Misogyny) teaches men that aggression, violence, and the domination of others is somehow embedded in their DNA. It’s not. ... Part of the problem is, these men don’t listen to or respect the experiences of women. But they listen to each other. If men speak up, other men will respond to that.”

Bunch also acknowledges that positive messages from influential male celebrities also helps make a difference, citing helpful comments and campaigns from actors Benedict Cumberbatch (equal pay for women) and Justin Baldoni (healthy fatherhood).

“There are more and more men doing this, because men are realizing this way of thinking doesn’t work for us,” Bunch says. “It doesn’t feel good.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

As Christians we are called to treat each other with respect and kindness. When men in our community fall short of that standard, we can help call them to a higher standard.

The late pastor and writer Eugene Peterson once told a story about walking in Yellowstone Park with his wife and three children. Peterson wrote:

As my family and I were walking in a mountain meadow in Yellowstone Park, there was a little boy of four or five about 30 yards out in the meadow picking exquisite alpine flowers. It is against the rules to pick flowers in national parks. I was outraged. I yelled at him, “Don’t pick the flowers.” He just stood wide-eyed, innocent and terrified. He dropped the flowers and started crying.

You can imagine what happened next. My wife and children, my children especially, were all over me. “Daddy, what you did was far worse than what he did! He was just picking a few flowers and you yelled, you scared him. You ruined him. He is probably going to have to go for counseling when he’s 40 years old.” My children were right. You cannot yell people into holiness. You cannot terrify people into the sacred. My yelling was a far worse violation of the holy place than his picking a few flowers. Later I had plenty of opportunity to reflect on this, reminded, as I frequently was, by my children.

I do that a lot, bluster and yell on behalf of God‘s holy presence, instead of taking off my shoes myself, kneeling on holy ground, and inviting whoever happens to be around to join with me.

He added, “If we begin by formulating a problem, by identifying a need, by tackling a necessary job, by launching a program, we reduce the reality that is before us to what we can do or get others to do.” Peterson concludes that everything we do in the Christian life must begin with adoration, with a sense of wonder, and with worship.

“Don’t worry, be happy,” is more than just a song lyric. A growing body of evidence supports an association between optimism and healthy aging. A new study has found that being more optimistic appears to promote emotional well-being.

Studies have increasingly supported the idea of optimism as a resource that may promote good health and longevity. An 11-year study measured the optimism and pessimism of 2,267 men and women over 52 as they aged and found that those who died from coronary heart disease were more pessimistic than average. A Harvard study looking at nearly 7,000 older adults counted the most optimistic people as having a 73% reduced risk of heart failure over the follow-up period.

One researcher said, “Stress is known to have a negative impact on our health. So, by looking at whether optimistic people handle day-to-day stressors differently, our findings add to how optimism may promote good health.”

Possible Preaching Angle:

God tells us that we will have negative, sometimes devastating, experiences in life (John 16:33). However, Scripture also promises that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Rom. 8:38), that trouble is not random but refines us spiritually (2 Cor. 7:10; 1 Pet. 1:7), and that the peace of God can guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:4).

Singer-songwriter Sandra McCracken shares insight of how an early morning flight changed her perspective on her problems:

One morning I boarded an early flight to Florida for a music gig. My mind scrolled through the usual anxieties, like old tapes on repeat. From a west-facing window I found myself ruminating over some troubling circumstances that were pending resolution.

It was dark as we ascended through heavy clouds. Most of the window shades were closed in the cabin. A little time passed, then someone on the left side of the plane opened their shade across the aisle from me. The morning sun shot a blaze of pink light across my face. The sunlight lifted my spirits.

I looked back to see the view out the west-side window. It remained predominately dark. I had been so wrapped up in my tiny scope of vision that I hadn’t realized the sun had crept over the horizon. While one side of the aircraft was glowing with light, the other was still in the shadows. Perspective has a way of shifting our experience.

On any given day, I could make a list of my anxieties, but the morning light shining on the east side of that airplane reminds me that I could just as easily make a list of the good gifts that God has given me. Sometimes I choose to look out the dark side of the plane, into the shadows, and I focus on what is broken or needs repair. This is essential to know and consider the reality of our world. But I can get stuck there.

But no matter which window I looked out, all the while I was strapped safely in the window seat of that airplane. And all the while the pilot continued to steer the plane toward our destination. In spite of our shifting perspectives, we have a destination. God has gone before us to lay out a good plan for our lives (Jer. 29:11, Isa. 30:21). Even as we keep ourselves on the trajectory that God has purposed for us, he holds us and guides us along the way.

At 101-years-old, Eddie Jaku has over a century of wisdom and life experience to draw from—and he's trying to use it to help others see the world in a more positive light. The self-described "happiest man in the world" has given a TED Talk and written a book about his philosophy.

Jaku is also a Holocaust survivor. He was born in Germany and said that “I thought I lived in the most civilized, most cultured and certainly the most educated country in Europe. And I was German first, and German second, and Jewish at home.”

On November 9, 1938, after Nazi forces burned synagogues and destroyed Jewish homes, stores and other property, Jaku returned home from boarding school to an empty home. In the morning, he was taken to Buchenwald concentration camp. Over the course of years, Jaku and his family reunited, escaped and lived in hiding. But in 1943, they were arrested again and sent to Auschwitz.

Jaku said, "I was finally transported to my hell on Earth, Auschwitz. My parents and my sister were also transported to Auschwitz, and I was never to see my parents again." More than 6six million Jewish people were killed in the Holocaust. In 1945, Jaku was sent on a "death march" but escaped into the wilderness. He was rescued in June of that year.

Jaku said that after the war, he was miserable—until he met his wife, Flore, and started a family. He said, “Eighty years ago, I didn't think I (would) have a wife and children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. This is a blessing."

Jaku said that despite his experiences, he does not hate anyone. "Hate is a disease that may destroy your enemy, but will also destroy you in the process. Where there is life is hope. If there's no more hope, you're finished.”

He added, “Family and friends are key to that hope. Friendship is priceless. Shared sorrow is half sorrow, but shared pleasure is double.” He said that he hopes his story inspires others to make positive choices every day. “I want to make this world a better place for everyone. I want everyone to take a step back and say ‘We are here for all of us.’”

You can watch his TED talk here.

Eighty-three-year-old actor Anthony Hopkins won the Oscar for Best Actor at the 2021 Academy Awards. In an interview soon after, he was asked about being happy:

The irredeemable past—we can never go back. The sadness of life is that we go on—we're born in this world, and at the end we leave, and you think, ‘What was that all about?' My life ... at the end of it all, I don't know what is … what's it all about? Is there meaning in it? So what makes me really happy is—what makes me free—is the feeling that nothing is of that much importance. We're pretty insignificant little dots in our vast universe.

Life is important only because we choose to make it so. And that's the freedom I have. Free from worrying about this, that and the other. You know, being significant, all that stuff. But there's finally nothing to prove, nothing to win, nothing to lose, no sweat, no big deal. And that's my philosophy. Ask nothing, expect nothing and accept everything. That's it.

He told a struggling young actor: “Enjoy it. Just do it. You can either do it or you can't. If you can't, it doesn't matter. Who cares, finally, in the end?”

Hopkins enjoys happiness in life’s meaninglessness:

That's to me happiness: to acknowledge that I know nothing. I'm insignificant. It's all meaningless to me. And it's a bit of fun to have a little bit of acclaim and be successful or achieve things—it's fine. ... Enjoy it while it lasts. We know nothing. And that comes back to me. I know nothing. I don't know anything.

In a recent Bloomberg Business article, Mark Ellwood confronts what he calls the "cult of positivity.” He titled his article “Trying to Stay Optimistic Is Doing More Harm Than Good.” The push to be upbeat in the workplace, as well as at home, has resulted in an experience he calls FONO. That's the fear of negative outlook:

You see it on Instagram, where the affective filter is always upbeat, usually followed by the hashtag #blessed. You might even recognize it in the boss who insists that colleagues start every Zoom meeting by sharing a piece of good news to help keep moods buoyant amid the gloom.

Think of this mindset as one that responds to all human anxiety with uncompromising optimism. It can be found in sentences that start with those negating words “At least,” which are followed by a suggestion that however bad you’re feeling, at least you’ve got plenty else that should offset it.

Ellwood explains the origin of this cult:

For the current generation, the origins of this emotional cure-all lie in the 1990s, when Martin Seligman, president of the American Psychological Association, suggested that pessimism is a learned behavior. Therefore, it both could and should be avoided.

That observation snowballed into bestsellers such as Rhonda Byrne’s, The Secret. It was popularized after Oprah Winfrey championed its ethos. That breakout bunkum bible was essentially built on claims that the power of positive thinking would provide whatever you want, be it a baby or a Mercedes-Benz.

Possible Preaching Angle:

The Bible alone is supremely honest and realistic. God tells us that we will have negative, sometimes devastating, experiences in life (John 16:33). However, Scripture also promises that nothing can separate us from the love of God (Rom. 8:38), that trouble refines us spiritually (2 Cor. 7:10; 1 Pet. 1:7), and that God works all things together for our good (Rom. 8:28).

Why are so many people reluctant to give unsolicited praise to others? It may simply be that we underestimate how well a compliment will be received and overestimate the cost of giving it.

In a study published in the Psychology Bulletin, researchers asked people to approach a same-gender stranger and offer a sincere compliment. The compliment-givers felt anxious prior to the interaction because they predicted their compliment would be negatively received. But their predictions weren’t accurate. Overall, they significantly underestimated how flattered, happy, and pleased people would feel about being complimented. They also significantly overestimated how awkward or annoyed the recipients would feel.

Psychologist Erica Boothby suggests, “We should think about how we would feel if we received a compliment--and remember that others will feel the same. … A few kind words go a long way.”

During his days as President, Thomas Jefferson and a group of his companions were traveling across the country on horseback and they came upon this flooded river which had washed the bridge away. Each rider was forced to ford the river on horseback, fighting against deadly currents.

One traveler, not part of the group, was watching from a distance. After seeing several people cross the river safely, the stranger wandered up to the President, tapped his boot, and said, “Can I have a ride across the river?” President Jefferson agreed with hesitation and the man climbed onto Jefferson’s horse and the two of them made it safely to the other side.

As the stranger slid off the back of the horse to dry ground, a man in the group looked at him with incredulity, and said, “Why on earth would you ask the President of the United States for a ride across the river? Why didn’t you ask one of us?” And the man was shocked, and said, “I had no idea that he was the President of the United States. All I knew is that written upon some of your faces was the word ‘no’, but written upon his face was the word ‘yes’ – and I needed a ‘yes’ face today.”

Most know that the coronavirus pandemic had a significant negative effect on mental health. United States adults were three times more likely to experience mental distress, anxiety, and depression than adults in 2018 or 2019.

But teenagers tell a different story. Researchers surveyed teenagers in the summer of 2020 about their mental health and compared the results to a similar survey in 2018. They found that the percentage of teens who were depressed or lonely actually fell in 2020. The percentage of teens who were unhappy or dissatisfied was only slightly higher in 2020 than 2018.

What explains it? Researchers attribute positive mental health outcomes in teenagers to two things: more sleep and more time with family. Positive family relationships are linked with better mental health outcomes, and most teenagers reported spending significantly more time with their parents and siblings. In fact, 68% of teenagers reported that their families grew closer during the pandemic, and less than 1 in 20 of those reported feeling depressed.