Resentment

On a June afternoon in 2018, a man named Mickey Barreto checked into the New Yorker Hotel. He was assigned Room 2565, a double-bed accommodation with a view of Midtown Manhattan almost entirely obscured by an exterior wall. For a one-night stay, he paid $200.57.

But he did not check out the next morning. Instead, he made the once-grand hotel his full-time residence for the next five years, without ever paying another cent.

In a city where every inch of real estate is picked over and priced out, and where affordable apartments are among the rarest of commodities, Mr. Barreto had perhaps the best housing deal in New York City history. Now, that deal could land him in prison.

The story of how Mr. Barreto, a California transplant with a taste for wild conspiracy theories and a sometimes tenuous grip on reality, gained and then lost the rights to Room 2565 might sound implausible. Just another tale from a man who claims without evidence to be the first cousin, 11 times removed, of Christopher Columbus’ oldest son. But it’s true.

In jail before he was released on his own recognizance, Mr. Barreto said he used his one phone call to dial the White House, leaving a message about his whereabouts. There was no reason to believe the White House had any interest in the case or any idea who Mickey Barreto was. But you could never quite tell with Mickey — he’d been right once before.

Whatever his far-fetched beliefs, Mr. Barreto, now 49, was right about one thing: an obscure New York City rent law that provided him with many a New Yorker’s dream.

Possible Preaching Angles:

(1) Satan; Temptation - Like a bad tenant who won’t leave an apartment, we allow sin to overstay it’s welcome in our lives; (2) Resentment or Anger—People in recovery often say, “Don’t let that person live rent free inside your head”—which means don’t hold on to your resentments over people who have hurt you. Let the hurt go.

Why are so many young men so angry online?

Men are trailing women in college and in the workplace, fewer of their relationships are leading to marriage, and many men feel masculinity is under attack. When young men turn to places like YouTube and X (formerly Twitter) seeking male solidarity, they often find more rage. “It may look like we have an epidemic of male anger, but under the anger is loneliness and sadness,” says Justin Baldoni, a filmmaker and actor behind Man Enough, a podcast about masculinity.

Often the result is depression, and sometimes worse. The suicide rate among men is about four times higher than that of women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Approximately 65% of men in the US say they’re hesitant to seek professional help for stress, anxiety, or depression, according to a study this month from Cleveland Clinic. And the respondents who expressed such reluctance were twice as likely as other men to spend several hours a day on social media.

William Muir, a researcher at Purdue University, studies the productivity of chickens. He wants to know how to breed chickens that lay lots of eggs and create environments that foster greater productivity. To research how to make super chickens, he did an experiment.

Muir put chickens into two groups. One group contained normal, healthy chickens. He left them alone for six generations of a chicken’s life. Another, separate group included all the super chickens, those who are proven high producing egg layers. Muir also left them alone for six generations. He provided food, water, and a clean environment, but did nothing to influence the chickens egg laying.

At the end of the experiment, Muir discovered that the group of normal chickens were flourishing: they were laying more eggs per chicken than when the experiment started. In the group of super chickens, only three were left. They had pecked the others to death. The super chickens had laid more eggs through a strategy of suppressing other chickens’ productivity, by killing, or intimidating them, so they were unable to lay eggs.

Possible Preaching Angle

Competition; Leadership; Success - Leadership can fall into the same trap. We believe that if we find the right super chickens we will have success. We look for superstars. In our culture, and in our churches, we often create super chickens, because we desperately want success. We think it can come through one superstar leader.

Garret Keizer was asked by his minister to visit an elderly parishioner, Pete, in a nursing home. Garret finds out that Pete loves bananas, so he starts bringing some on each week’s visit. Garrett said:

I was standing with my Chiquitas in line at the supermarket behind one of those people who seem to think they're at a bank instead of a store. She must have had three checkbooks. I shifted from one foot to the other, sighing, glancing at the clock. I wanted to catch Pete before supper. No doubt I was feeling the tiniest bit righteous because I was about the Lord's business on behalf of my old man, who needed his bananas and was looking forward to my company. And here was this loser buying an armful of trivial odds and ends and taking my precious time to screw around with her appallingly disorganized finances.

When I finally got through the line, I watched her walk to her vehicle feeling that same uncharitable impulse that makes us glance at the driver of a car we're passing just to “get a look at the jerk.” She got into the driver's seat of a van marked with the name of a local nursing home and filled to capacity with elderly men and women who had no doubt handed her their wish lists and checkbooks as soon as she'd cut the ignition.

Tim Keller, told the following story about a man named Hasheem Garrett, who learned the art of forgiveness. Hashim was a 15-year-old, living with his mother and hanging out on the streets of Brooklyn with a gang, when he was shot six times and was left paralyzed from the waist down.

For most of the next year he lay in a New York City hospital, fantasizing about revenge. He later wrote: “Revenge consumes me. All I could think about was, just wait, till I get better; just wait till I see this kid.”

But when he was lying on the sidewalk immediately after his shooting, he had instinctively called out to God for help, and, to his surprise, he had felt this strange tranquility. Now during his rehabilitation, a new thought, struck him, namely, that if he took revenge on this kid, why should God not pay him back for all his sins? He concluded, “I shot a kid for no reason, except that a friend told me to do it, and I wanted to prove how tough I was. Six months later, I am shot by somebody because his friend told him to do it.”

That thought was electrifying … He could not feel superior to the perpetrator. They were both fellow sinners who deserved a punishment—and needed forgiveness.

Hasheem said, “In the end I decided to forgive. I felt God had saved my life for a reason, and then I had better fulfill that purpose … And I knew I could never go back out there and harm someone. I was done with that mindset and the life that goes with it … I came to see that I had to let go and stop hating.”

On the afternoon of August 4, 1949, a lightning storm started a small fire near the top of the southeast ridge of Mann Gulch, Montana, a slope forested with Douglas fir and ponderosa pine. The fire was spotted the next day; by 2:30 p.m., a C-47 transport plane had flown out of Missoula, carrying 16 smoke jumpers. Fifteen men between 17 and 33-years-old parachuted to the head of the gulch at 4:10p.m. Their radio didn’t make it. Its chute failed to open, and it crashed. They were joined on the ground by a fireguard, who had spotted the fire. Otherwise, the smoke jumpers were isolated from the outside world.

The smoke jumpers were a new organization, barely nine years old in 1949. To them, the Mann Gulch fire, covering 60 acres at the time of the jump, appeared routine. It was what they called a “ten o’clock fire,” meaning that they would have it beaten by ten o’clock in the morning of the day after they jumped.

The rest of the story is long and complex, but only three men survived. Two of them managed to run for their lives and made it to the top of a nearby ridge. The young men at Mann Gulch had been trained to never, under any circumstances, drop their tools.

One of their tools was a Pulaski, a combination axe and pick that is very useful in fighting forest fires. It’s not useful to carry it up a 76 percent slope when a grassfire is racing toward you at 610 feet per minute. And yet, the reconstructed journeys of the victims of the fire show that several carried their Pulaskis a good way up the hill as they raced for their lives.

In short, more of the men may have lived if they had been trained to drop their tools—tools that worked in normal circumstances but became unnecessary baggage in a crisis.

Possible Preaching Angle:

In the race of life, we need to drop the sins that so easily entangles us (Heb. 12:1). Such as: the love of money (1 Tim. 6:10), resentment (Eph. 4:31), envy (1 Cor. 13:4), and pride (Prov. 29:23). We are to take hold of self-denial (Matt. 16:24), what is good (1 Thess. 5:21), our progress (Phil. 3:16), and wholesome teaching (2 Tim. 1:13).

Mara Reinstein writes in Parade Magazine:

We met Steve Martin years ago as a banjo-playing comic with an arrow through his head singing "King Tut." He's now a movie star and serious musician as well. In an interview, he recalled the movie "Father of the Bride" beating every other movie at the box office and thinking, "Oh, this month it's my turn."

The interviewer followed-up, "Does it hurt when it's not your turn?" Steve answered, "Not anymore … you have to remember that there's always going to be somebody better than you and there's room for everybody. I'm also a musician … I work with a lot of bands. I always say, 'Don't be jealous of other bands. You're just going to eat yourself up and waste time and it will get you nowhere. So be inclusive and say, ‘Great job.’ It takes a while to learn to not take it all so seriously."

Possible Preaching Angle:

The world may not call jealousy and envy "sins" but it recognizes they create issues. He's right, isn't he? It does take a while to learn to let others be praised.

When Rose Wakefield pulled into a gas station in a Portland suburb to purchase some gas nearly three years ago, she left feeling that she had been racially discriminated against. In late-January, 2023, a jury agreed in her favor. After successfully suing the corporations involved, Wakefield was awarded one million dollars in damages.

The damages were so high because the behavior Wakefield encountered was so egregious. This was not only from the gas station attendant who refused to pump her gas because he said he doesn’t serve Black people, but also from the representatives at the corporate complaint line who failed to take her report seriously.

During closing arguments, Wakefield’s attorney Greg Kafoury convinced the jury that a large judgment would force the corporate defendants to explain their failure to respond appropriately. This included failing to record Wakefield’s initial phone call (and subsequently deleting a follow up voicemail), and doctoring the employee personnel file to make it appear as though he was fired for different, unrelated conduct.

Her attorney added, “A cop who erased evidence would go to jail for it.”

A speeding car can be a deadly weapon all by itself, but a new survey finds many Americans make sure they’re armed when they get behind the wheel. A poll of 1,000 U.S. residents finds that a staggering 65 percent of drivers keep a weapon in their vehicle in case they need to defend themselves during a road rage incident.

The most common weapon drivers keep hidden is a knife (50%), followed by pepper spray (45%). However, 40 percent admit that they carry a gun with them while on the road. Other weapons American drivers have on hand include tire irons (39%), baseball bats (38%), hockey sticks (31%), tasers (31%), and lacrosse sticks (14%).

As for which cars you may want to stay away from if things get heated on the road, the poll finds BMW, Hyundai, and Mercedes drivers are the most likely to keep a dangerous weapon in their car.

So, what do we mean when we’re talking about “road rage”? These actions include everything from:

Speeding 40%

Honking (28%)

Brake checking another driver (26%)

Angry hand gestures (24%)

Yelling (23%)

However, things can get out of control quickly, leading some drivers to:

Chase or race other cars (20%)

Cut off vehicles on purpose (16%)

Tailgate (16%)

Point a weapon at a fellow driver (4%)

Possible Preaching Angle:

Some advice from AAA for avoiding road rage matches nicely with Scripture: Avoid honking and irritating other drivers (“Judge not, that you be not judged” Matt. 7:1). Being kind - imagine that the person ahead of you lost their job today, (“Be kind and compassionate to one another” Eph. 4:32). Don’t engage with angry motorists (“a soft answer turns away wrath” Prov. 15.1).

There is a powerful scene near the end of Wendell Berry’s novel Hannah Coulter. Hannah, the main character of the book, experienced profound mistreatment from her stepmother, Ivy. Hannah held onto the resentment for years until one day she encounters Ivy as an older woman in a grocery store. Wendell Berry writes:

Ivy was wearing a head scarf and a dress that hung on her as it would’ve hung on a chair. She was shrunken and twisted by arthritis and was leaning on two canes. Her hands were so knotted they hardly looked like hands. She was smiling at me. She said, “You don’t know me, do you?”

I knew her then, and almost instantly there were tears on my face. I started feeling in my purse for a handkerchief and tried to be able to say something. All kinds of knowledge came to me, all in a sort of flare in my mind. I knew for one thing that she was more simple-minded than I had ever thought. She had perfectly forgot, or had never known, how much and how justly I had resented her. But I knew in the same instant that my resentment was gone, just gone. And the fear of her that was once so big in me, where was it?

“Yes, Ivy, I know you,” I said, and I sounded kind.

I didn’t understand exactly what had happened until the thought of her woke me up in the middle of that night, and I was saying to myself, “You have forgiven her.” I had. My old hatred and contempt and fear that I kept so carefully so long, we’re gone, and I was free.

Marcus Doe used to dream of revenge against his father’s killer. Then he came to faith in Christ. He writes:

We had heard the distant gunshots for a few weeks. But that morning they were close. By mid-morning we were all lying face down in the house, listening as bullets whizzed through the air. In the lull between bursts of gunfire, we could hear voices shouting instructions. If they found out my name, they would kill me.

I was born in Liberia, West Africa, where my father served in the Special Security Service of President Samuel Doe (no relation), who had come to power through a violent military coup. The “freedom fighters” had come to remove him, and killing anyone who worked in Doe’s government.

At that time, Marcus was only 11-years-old. He had already lost his mother to illness and now his father’s life was in danger. The rebels were ruthless, murdering innocent people on the barest of suspicions. So, his father sent him to live with his brother, Roosevelt, and his wife.

Later that year, Marcus and his brother left on a ship for neighboring Ghana. He felt that life was just returning to normal when he received word that his father had been killed. He was now an orphan.

My life’s goal was to find the soldier or soldiers who made me an orphan and make them pay. Then my brother and his wife came to America as refugees, and in 1993 we arrived. In quiet times, I daydreamed of revenge. I cried myself to sleep most nights.

After Marcus graduated from high school, Roosevelt had a sudden heart attack at age 38. Marcus said, “In that darkness, I turned to God. I had one question: ‘Why?’ I listed all the things that I blamed him for: Ma, Pa, the war, separation from family, their suffering — and now my beloved brother. I blamed God. Why?”

Guilt overwhelmed me. I had chosen to nurse my desire for vengeance. I realized that I could relinquish them once and for all. I begged God to forgive me. I would let go of revenge and rage. I asked God, from the sincerest and deepest part of my heart, to save my brother.

Four days later, he got the news that Roosevelt would recover. That answered prayer was the first step in his journey to faith. He says, “I began truly walking the road of forgiveness. I decided that I wanted to find my father’s killer. I practiced saying, ‘I forgive you.’”

In 2010, almost 20 years after I had left, I made my way back to Liberia. But I did not meet my father’s killer. He had died in the fighting. Even so, I forgave him. Today, I hope to share this hard-won peace and hope with fellow Liberians, so many of whom suffered greatly during our country’s brutal civil wars. But more important, I’ll strive to bring gospel healing. Because wherever Jesus’ words of forgiveness are spoken, the future is bright with hope.

Louie Anderson had a career that included a slew of small but memorable roles in seminal 1980’s films, such as Flashdance, Quicksilver, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and Coming to America. Anderson was always open about his upbringing--a childhood that was marred by his father's alcoholism. He once shared: "One time my dad goes, ‘I hate that guy.’ I go, ‘You don’t even know him.’ He goes, ‘I don’t need to know someone to hate them, Louie.'”

His childhood left him embittered towards his dad, until he learned about his father's life struggles. Louie grew up in a St. Paul housing project as one of 11 children. He said: “My dad had a 10 times harder life than mine." Anderson went on to reveal that when his father was around 10 years old, he and his sister were taken out of their home and placed for adoption. He said “[They were] split up and never saw each other for 50 years. Because ‘put up for adoption’ meant that you were put up in front of a church congregation and families picked you and took you. Imagine being with your sister and having her go one place and you go another.”

This helped Louie understand why his father acted the way he did: "So, I go, I’m sorry, Dad.' Forgiveness was easy for me when I found that out."

Possible Preaching Angle:

Instead of dwelling on what "they" did to you, maybe we should spend time understanding what life struggles led them to act the way they did. Scripture teaches us that living apart from Christ is difficult. We should never be surprised when an unsaved person acts unsaved. Pause and just imagine being in their shoes, going through what they are enduring apart from Christ. Afterwards, we may just find that forgiveness will come.

The old adage tells us to “forgive and forget,” but does that line up with the church’s understanding of forgiveness? Does showing mercy really require that we no longer remember the wrongdoing?

Pastors are half as likely as their congregations to say that real forgiveness requires forgetting. Pastors are also more likely than those in the pews to say it’s about “restoring a relationship but not forgetting.” Either way, forgiveness can be di­fficult for us to extend—around a quarter of practicing Christians know someone they can’t or don’t want to forgive.

Percent of practicing Christians who identify with each experience:

Received unconditional forgiveness from someone – 55%

Have not received unconditional forgiveness – 38%

Know someone they don’t want to forgive – 27%

Know someone they can’t forgive – 23%

Have not offered unconditional forgiveness – 15%

Wendy Wein visited the website RentAHitman.com to attempt to arrange the murder of her ex-husband. But she wasn’t corresponding with “Guido Fanelli,” the sites ostensible owner, but a man named Bob Innes, a California man who works in internet security.

Innes initially built the site for his internet security business back in 2005, but over the years, he’s received several inquiries from people who take its name literally and think he’s offering murder-for-hire. To engage, site visitors are asked to fill out a service request form with a name, email address, and phone number. Each time it happens, Innes turns over the contact information to local law enforcement.

Thus, when Wein was contacted for a sit-down at a local café, it was not with a shadowy assassin, but rather, an undercover police detective. Wein repeatedly told the detective she wanted her ex-husband murdered, and paid $200 as a cash down payment on a $5,000 fee. As a result, Wein was arrested several days later, and charged with using a computer to commit a crime, which carries a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison, and solicitation of murder, which has the potential for a life sentence.

Possible Preaching Angle:

1) Evil deeds committed in darkness will eventually be brought to light, and evildoers will face judgment; 2) We may not be guilty of attempted murder, but many of us have harbored anger towards another. The Lord said that this is also a sin (Matt. 5:22).

Stephen Olford tells the story of Peter Miller, a Baptist pastor during the American Revolution. Miller, lived in Ephrata, Pennsylvania, and one of his dearest friends was General George Washington. In the town of Ephrata there also lived a spiteful troublemaker named Michael Wittman who did all he could to oppose and humiliate Miller.

One day, Wittman was arrested for treason and sentenced to death. When he heard the news, Miller set out to Philadelphia to plead for the life of his enemy. After walking seventy miles—on foot—Miller petitioned his friend, General Washington, to spare Wittman’s life.

“No, Peter,” General Washington said. “I cannot grant you the life of your friend.”

“My friend?” exclaimed the old preacher. “He’s not my friend. In fact, he is the bitterest enemy I have.”

“What?” cried Washington. “You’ve walked seventy miles to save the life of an enemy? That puts the matter in different light. I’ll grant your pardon.” And he did.

That day, Miller and Wittman walked back home to Ephrata together. When they arrived home, they were no longer enemies. They were friends.

Revenge really is a dish best served cold--as people who feel wronged by someone else can take up to a year to exact retribution, according to new research. Instant retaliation is uncommon, say Dutch psychologists, who found that only about one person in ten strikes back immediately after being offended.

Study co-author Maartje Elshout said, “Our results show that revenge takes place after some time. Real-life revenge is not so much focused on deterrence, but on restoring self-esteem or a sense of power. The act of revenge does not need to be instantaneous nor proportional.”

In the study, Dr. Elshout and her team quizzed nearly 2,000 people aged 16 to 89 about their experience of revenge. Results show that 14 percent took revenge immediately, within a minute. About 36 per cent took up to a week, with 23 percent striking one to four weeks later. Some 21 percent hit back between one month and a year later, and around five percent took more than a year to get their own back. Dr. Elshout said, “Our findings suggest that revenge is typically delayed.”

Revenge acts admitted by participants in the study include infidelity, damaging a car, disclosing secrets, making false accusations, and trying to get someone fired. Other ways of taking revenge included humiliating someone, gossiping, lying, and breaking a promise.

Eva Kor and her sister Miriam were the subjects of horrific experiments at the hands of Josef Mengele at the Auschwitz concentration camp during World War II. In 1995, Eva returned to Auschwitz for the 50th anniversary of their liberation. She asked Dr. Hans Munch (who signed death certificates at the camp) to join them and sign an affidavit acknowledging what happened. Dr. Munch agreed.

Eva explains what happened afterwards:

I was so glad that I would have an original document witnessed and signed by a Nazi … to add to the historical collection of information we were preserving for ourselves and for future generations. I was so grateful that Dr. Munch was willing to come with me to Auschwitz and sign that document about the operation of the gas chambers, and I wanted to thank him. But how can one thank a Nazi doctor?

For ten months I pondered this question. All kinds of ideas popped into my head until I finally thought, how about a simple letter of forgiveness from me to him? Forgiving him for all that he has done? I knew immediately that he would appreciate it, but what I discovered once I made the decision was that forgiveness is not so much for the perpetrator, but for the victim. I had the power to forgive. No one could give me this power, and no one could take it away. That made me feel powerful. It made me feel good to have any power over my life as a survivor.

In an interview before her death, Eva shared: “If I had discovered forgiveness sooner, I would have had that 50 years of my life back. Forgive. See the miracle that can happen.”

It was late at night and a group of Jewish teenagers were on a walk around the Chestnut Hill Reservoir in Massachusetts. Boston College Police Officer Carl Mascioli was on patrol on May 17, that night. "As I approached them, two of them ran up to my car," said the patrolman. They said, "There was a body in the water."

Mascioli ran down the embankment and found a man partially submerged and not moving. He said, “While I was pulling him out of the water, I observed that he had a swastika on his hand ... It turned out the man the Jewish boys helped save had a tattoo of the Nazi symbol. I … let the gentlemen know sometimes some deeds have a funny way of turning around. Their good deed had a little bit of a twist to it.”

The students, who study at a nearby Yeshiva high school in Brighton, were not permitted to speak with reporters about the incident. But they had a message for the officer to share with the man they helped rescue. Mascioli recalled, “They wanted just to let him know that it was four young Jewish boys that helped save his life.” He said the students had no regrets about helping a man with an anti-Semitic tattoo. “A good deed is a good deed and that's part of life. We should be helping everybody out.”

It's unknown how the man ended up in the water. But police say he didn't have much time left, and if it hadn't been for the teenagers, the patrolman likely wouldn't have seen him. The man is expected to recover.

One-third of Americans say they lie awake at least a few nights a week. You can try meditation or medication, but according to a study published in the Journal of Psychology and Health, there’s another practice you could consider instead: forgiveness.

Researchers asked 1,423 American adults to rate themselves on how likely they were to forgive themselves for the things they did wrong and forgive others for hurting them. They also answered questions about how they had slept in the past 30 days.

The results suggest people who were more forgiving were more likely to sleep better and for longer, and, in turn, have better physical health. Forgiveness may help individuals leave the day’s regrets and offenses in the past and promote sound sleep. Otherwise, as many troubled sleepers have experienced, we might have too much on our minds to get any rest.

People who don’t forgive, researchers explain, tend to linger on unpleasant thoughts and feelings, such as anger, blame, and regret. This can involve painful rumination—repetitive thoughts about distress. That resentment or bitterness could be detracting from sleep quality and well-being, the study suggests.

Possible Preaching Angles: This study offers a new perspective on forgiveness as a key factor in achieving healthy sleep. So while it isn’t guaranteed to resolve your sleeping issues, forgiveness could be something to try out. Letting go of lingering difficult thoughts and feelings may help you not only avoid that stare-down with your clock tonight, but also feel better tomorrow.

Bill Buckner, spent 22 years as a first baseman and outfielder in the major leagues. He passed away at the age of 69 in 2019. Buckner led the league in doubles twice and finished in the top 10 for stolen bases twice as well. Buckner was the National League batting champion in 1980 and was an All-Star in 1981. Yet there is perhaps no player in MLB history whose career was defined more by one mistake than Buckner.

It was the fall of 1986. The Red Sox had a 3-2 series lead over the New York Mets. But in the top half of the 10th inning of Game 6 the Mets’ Mookie Wilson hit a roller to Buckner at first base that trickled through his legs and into the outfield.

The Mets scored on the play to win Game 6, and then won Game 7, as well to win the World Series. Buckner’s error at a clutch moment catapulted him atop the list of sports’ worst-ever blunders. After his playing days, he even had to move away from the Boston area to Idaho due to the explosive rage of those around him.

Hard feelings between Buckner and Boston fans lasted for decades, but things began to change when the Red Sox finally won the World Series in 2004 and 2007. The power of forgiveness was on full display in 2008 when Buckner returned to Fenway Park to throw out the first pitch of the home opener. He received a standing ovation that lasted nearly two minutes and brought tears to his eyes.

Buckner leaned on his strong Christian faith to help him overcome the past he couldn’t avoid. Buckner said, “I’m a person of faith. It’s life, and everybody has to deal with something. You’re talking about cancers and those things that are much more important than baseball. Spiritually that helped me. I’ve had a lot of people call me and thank me for giving them directions to make it through.” His family said, “Our hearts are broken but we are at peace knowing he is in the arms of his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”